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Dribbles and Grits to Crumpets and Bollocks: March 2013

Dribbles and Grits to Crumpets and Bollocks

Dribbles and Grits to Crumpets and Bollocks: March 2013

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter or Hump Day Preachy Keen Soapbox

Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about the Easter bunny, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about Spring.... Yeah I'm dancing as I type. I am the sexiest nerd with this right now let me tell you. Don't let this silliness fool you because this is a very serious topic, a religious one, or a spiritual one, you decide whatever role this shall play in your life, and if you aren't religious, that's okay. You can get something from this too.

So I started off writing this as a profile status on my facebook, and then I decided it was too risque for my profile, so I put it on my friend's page that was designed to post things we wouldn't post on our profile. It's called "Oh No! Did I Offend You?" No, I'm not asking you if you are offended yet. That's the name of the page. But I'm realizing a lot of Christians reading it totally missed the point I was trying to make in between the lines. I don't know why I keep trying to do this metaphorical coded Shakespearean Classic Literature attempt because the minds of today misses some obvious shit without Cliff's Notes. I bet you many will still miss it. It's because we are spiders. I'll get to that in a minute.

Anyway, the status...

So basically, Easter/Spring time was a Pagan deal about fertility. That time of year where we plant seeds outside like carrots and inside like loin fruits. It's the humping time of year, a holiday following one about love (Valentine's Day, which also had roots in fertility stuff), with symbols like eggs, bunnies, baby chickens, chocolate (aphrodisiac)… And then we got the Passover where we celebrate how God killed the first born of the Egyptians, then the Crucifixion where we celebrate how we killed God's first born, and then the Resurrection where God's first born was like haha, can't touch this, and came back to life… conveniently forgiving all our sins in the process, and by conveniently, I mean well played Christians. Some of you may act all holier-than-thou, but I see through it now. The timing of Jesus related celebrations was no coincidence. Y'all needed Jesus to forgive you for all the foul acts you did in the name of the Fertility gods, so that you may hump away guilt free. And for that. Thank. You. Thumbs up. You rock.

Let me spell out some things I mistakenly thought was obvious with this...

First of all, this really is a time of year where people naturally believe in new, birth, fertility, LIFE. After the cold harsh deaths of winter, we are followed with a resurrection of Spring, and yes I'm using these choice words on purpose, Resurrection meaning Jesus came back from the dead and this is a time of year where natural cycles show a new beginning, like the trees resurrected from winter, and getting knocked up. Research it. Every freaking folklore legend of the pagan beliefs that existed before Christianity are about fertility and fucking.

Second, there's a lot of coincidences going on here. Or are they? God didn't proclaim these holidays. These dates where we celebrate them are not anniversaries of the events. We chose these dates. It's just weird how it worked out, and I can't tell if it was a Freudian thing or an intentional one, and by Freudian, I don't mean sex or the psychosexual stages, I mean was this an Id deal? or a super ego one?

What is strange coincidental...

1. The story line of killing the first borns. Out of all the stories of the Old Testament, why the Passover during this time? I know the Jewish people celebrated it around spring? But why? The OT is full of stories where some awful suffering was going on, God intervened, people died, and then boom, new happy life, like Egyptians slaving Hebrews, God intervened with Moses, kids died, and slaves were freed, and it was followed with another tale where the slaves were travelling and starving, suffering, for a very long time (another winter) before hitting the promised land (another Spring). We have oodles of stories to pull from for that Winter/Spring theme to celebrate during this time of year, but why the one story where God killed the first born? So that we can then also follow it days later with the Crucifixion where karma comes back and we kill God's first born... Basically the same story, people being redeemed by the blood of a lamb... Note: New Testament dictates we turn the Passover celebrations, I guess, into eating bread and drinking wine and maybe washing feet depending on who translated the English translation for you, but me personally, I like bread and wine and try to incorporate that into my daily life regardless :)

2. Resurrection and Spring's renewal are very common themes. Out of all the stories in the Bible, nothing says Renewal and new birth and new beginnings better than the story of Jesus Resurrecting. This one has to have be intentional timing, much like fertility festivals were very common this time of year before the onset of Christianity. It all goes in line with Nature.

3. But even better than resurrection, with that story comes the concept of Grace. By Jesus Christ, we are forgiven. Just funny timing when we hit a new beginning, fresh start of Spring with a clean slate by grace during a time where procreation and the acts involved in procreating are at their peak. Many Christians of today seem to think they are immune to sin. That because they didn't have homosexual anal sex anytime recently that their sex is somehow less sinful than everyone else's where I'm sure it's not, and I mean this metaphorically. The sex can be metaphorical to any act where sin is possible and probable. I just don't think it's a coincidence where we celebrate grace at the same time of year we celebrate sex.

To continue my preaching... it's not a high horse thank you, this is my unicorn. 

A lot of Christians have fucked up this Easter story. At least as it's told in the Bible. Nothing in the Bible was intended to be literal without a metaphorical value while soaking up the context. Again, I think it's a Freudian thing, the ego this time, making sense of the super ego and the id. Anyway, the real story... We killed Christ. Our ancestors did. He died in the hands of human beings, and that would be us, unless you don't think you are human, and if you are not human, well then you must be an alien or a dog or some animal which all would be super awesome interesting, whether you are intelligent life people claim does not exist or you are a dog capable of reading a blog. Either way, the fact that maybe we aren't Roman or wasn't alive during the time does not mean we didn't do it. When you are talking 3 main forces in this world from a Biblical standpoint, God, Satan, and man, the one force that killed Christ was Man. Not Satan. Not fallen angels. We did it. Satan actually warned God about that which started the whole fight according to Catholic sources. When we crucified that man (which is a huge step beyond just killing someone), we proved Satan right for a second. God knew we would. He planned for it.

But Jesus didn't die for our sins. No our sins killed him. And on the brink of death, his dying words were, "Forgive them for they know not what they do," which that dying wish is what started the Grace process. That dying wish followed by coming back from the dead, resurrecting, that is what He did for us. And not only did we kill the man, we not only tortured him, we not only crucified his beliefs that were different than our own, we not only feared him because he loved us all and his idea of charity and communism would interfere with personal gain, not only are we closed minded murderers, but we are also stupid closed minded murderers. We are that lower life form, and Jesus is the guy who doesn't blame the poisonous spider for biting him because the spider is a stupid creature acting on instinct.

Should that concept insult you? Not if you have Jesus in your life. With Jesus in your life, you are SUPPOSED to be humbled.

And that's the point of the story. Our sins are our venom. We bit the Messiah out of fear and stupidity. He resurrected so we wouldn't suffer consequences beyond our understanding. This didn't just happen a bunch of years ago. This is a cycle, much like winter and spring, and it repeats itself perpetually. Like the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland, we killed Time. We Killed Christ, and we are sentenced to a perpetual tea party with a broken watch. If you are unfamiliar with that part of Alice in Wonderland, there's Cliff's Notes on the subject. But the point is, we still crucify Christ every day when we crucify a man for his beliefs. When we decide we hate homosexuals, we are crucifying Christ. When we decide atheists suck, we crucify Christ. When we decide we are holier than thou to every being who walks in your church, we are crucifying Christ. When we deny starving people food, we are crucifying Christ. When we picket funerals of soldiers, we are crucifying Christ. I could go on and on. But we all do it, somewhere, someway, somehow. All of us including myself. We all crucify him still, and we are forgiven still.

BUT, while Grace saves our asses, part of the Grace deal is what? Accepting Christ in your life. Now when the Bible says that, or maybe I should say when Christ said that, He wasn't referring to walking into a man-made structure called a Church and saying, "hey, I accept Jesus in my life" and then go there every Sunday and put on your Puritan costume living in a delusion that you are saved giving you every right to judge people and damn them to hell. How the hell people get that from that is beyond me and totally proves the stupidity point even further. Jesus Christ is a dead guy who came back from the grave. How do you accept a dead guy in your life? You accept His spirit, what he stood for, his beliefs, his LOVE for humanity. That acceptance doesn't siphon out the poison of sin from your body. You are still full of sin and possibly shit. There is no way to make a turd clean to touch. Nope, you are still a product of both good and evil, and by working with your goodness every day to overcome evil, to over come temptations, to LOVE instead of hate (both of which are passions), you are accepting Christ in your life. You are allowing him in your heart. You are permitting him to dictate what you do without fear. And the more you do it, the more you will recognize him upon your death because I assure you he will not look like the white guy with facial hair in all the paintings. You will have to recognize Him by what he stood for. Noah Webster once said the righteous will see God, and he's right. They will. But by how they actually live, not the facade they present.

So when I say, "Accept Christ in your life," I mean anyone could be doing that. Just because they don't go to your church and live exactly the way you live and believe exactly what you believe doesn't mean they don't. I have seen atheists live a life more in line with Christ's teachings than some Christians, and I would say those atheists in that case know Christ better, and have accepted Him more so, than the Christians. Christ is not a label. It doesn't matter what you call Him. If He's there, He's there. And just because they sin doesn't mean they are not allowed Christ or have to change to your ways. You sin all the damn time. Everyone does. It's unavoidable because we are stupid. We are equally flawed. Of course, we all try to reduce sin as much as possible, but the process of that is something between the sinner and God (trinity) and is nobody else's business.

Now I am reading a lot about Easter and it's history. Here's some of the comments from that status...

Tim says, " Truth...Easter is the season of Easter/Oaestre, the Greek goddess of fertility. This is the season when the Greeks had large orgies while dressing in pastel colors. The symbols used to celebrate were fertility ones such as:
Rabbits (multiply voraciously)
Eggs (symbol of the womb)
Chocolate (aphrodisiac)
Where the Christ resurrection comes into play is the Celestial cross...
During December 22-25th the SUN OF GOD stops moving forward and starts to move backwards for 3 Days, then starts to move forward again on the 25th. The location of this occurrence and the location of the planet's form a celestial CROSS. Thus, the SUN OF GOD DIES ON THE CROSS AND RISES AGAIN IN 3 DAYS. This is also how the LIE of a Jesus was born on December 25th occurred. The SUN OF GOD was born when the SUN moved forward on the 25th.
A CRAZY ASS CRUSADER (CHRISTIAN WHO KILLS IN THE NAME OF HIS RELIGION AND TAKES OVER LANDS TO SPREAD THE WORD -BS!) named Constantine(Sp?) AND THE KNIGHTS OF TEMPLAR (Modern day KKK) was commissioned by the Pimp, oh I mean Pope, to spread the word and the papacy indoctrinated these pagan rituals into its religion for financial gain and to spread the MYTH of EUROPEAN Jesus (which was really a MASTER MASON NAMED CAESAR BORNINE (Sp?), Son of the POPE.)
The fable get more entertaining...
Look it up, do not BE-LIE-EVE anyone."

Theresa gave this link: http://rcg.org/books/ttooe.html

Susan says, "Actually, Easter is another of the many pagan holidays adopted by Christianity. It's a celebration of rebirth. It was a time when the days began to grow longer and plants began to grow again, it was also the time when fields were planted, animals were born and the time of the New Year celebration before the Gregorian calendar was adopted. It's a celebration of fertility and hope for prosperity. The egg has long been a symbol of fertility. When Christianity began spreading, the people were hard put to discard their celebrations, so they were adapted to Christianity. Christmas is another celebration adopted by the Christians. Jesus had nothing to do with either of them."

Basically, in a nut shell, Easter is a tradition based on tribal tales where we can't differentiate between fact and fiction of what little of the story is left. We have no idea where the fuck (punny) this holiday came from or what it means. I can't tell you if you are going to burn in hell for celebrating it, even with the focus on Jesus Christ, or not. I can't speak for God. I can't speak for you. All I can say is Christ taught Love. That's the gist of the Bible. It says God is Love. Jesus did nothing but show an example of Love. Even when Jesus disagreed, He was still all about Love.

So analyze what you want to analyze, but the important thing is it's Easter. Go love your lover in ways that justify Christ's resurrection. Happy Hump Day, I mean Happy Easter. Frolic and don't forget the bread and wine WINE WINE did I mention WINE.

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

MOM Syndrome: How to treat a crazy that defies medicine and freudian stuff

I suffer from what I call MOM Syndrome. The crazy. Coping with that life long sentence of insanity you get the moment the pregnancy test comes out positive… I actually want a t-shirt for it, which is funny because I have these cafepress stores, and I have yet, at the time of writing this, made one. I will soon, and the reason? Not one of those, "I pooped out 3 kids and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" deal. No...  You know how they have those little cards you can print up, and some people do, that say something like, "Sorry my kid has autism" and you hand them to strangers when your kid starts acting autistic (meltdowns) in public? It's like that. When I start acting all MOM in public, like a person who probably needs a straight jacket and padded walls, it would be nice to direct people to a simple explanation for it, you know, before they start admitting me into the funny farm. Now you are thinking, "Who gives a fuck what people think?" I really don't when I'm at Walmart, but when I'm at a doctor's office or my kid's school, okay I do give a fuck, like they need to know that I'm crazy because I try to be a good mom, and the fact that they are not crazy is a sign they either don't have children or they have a lot of help with it. 

But the coping with this crazy? How do we do it? It's not like we get a shrink for it, and most of us self medicate. Those of us who do get prescribed help, it usually only curbs the anxiety, which I'm sure makes a little dent into the insanity, you know, like washing a dish or two in a hot mess disaster kitchen. 

I know some moms like my grandmother and my mother in law, both of which are/were in environments where the women did ALL the work and their men were completely useless when it came to the household, they turned to alcohol. I should probably say ABUSE of self medicated drugs... My grandmother started drinking at noon. My mother in law usually waits until 3PM. I don't know how they did/do it because like I couldn't function if you took away my ability to drive. And for those who are curious why I keep referring to my grandmother in past tense, she passed away Christmas of 1998, liver failure. 

Mary Tyler Mom beatme to a little of this subject. She says it well. For her mother, it was valium. It was not something she abused like my grandmother did alcohol, but it was her coping strategy for those really crazy days. Moms today, many of us turn to Facebook. It's our valium. And we probably abuse it more than the 70's moms ever considered trying with valium.

I don't think it's just Facebook. I think a lot of us moms are looking for a healthy outlet for our crazy, and the internet becomes it.

It's convenient. You don't have to get everyone dressed and load up a car and fuck with sadistic car seats in order to go talk to someone. Even better, chat and messaging allows for the kids to be screaming in the background and the taking a break to run and change a diaper and scream "STOP FIGHTING" mid conversation, something that is a horrible distraction to communicating via the phone. 

It becomes therapy. I have learned that it truly helps to realize you are not alone with whatever crazy ails you. I have learned that with autism, PTSD, and now, MOM Syndrome.

It becomes your friend. When your friends who don't have kids or have kids who are more independent can't find time to come see you or you them because they don't want to deal with your kids, you find people online who are caged to their houses and families looking for someone to talk to just like you. I probably have about 50 Facebook friends of females I met online who are better friends than most of my relationships offline, especially when I need that moral support.

It becomes a place to vent about how your children just spent $150 on Kick the Buddy app for the iPad, or how they took all the clean clothes out of the drawers, piled them with the dirty clothes and sprinkled cheese and juice all over it putting you at square one with that room and laundry all in the matter of minutes. We need to vent this shit because nine times out of ten, our men don't give a shit. If they listen to you, IF, they have little sympathy because they just totally saved the world in Call of Duty, like your day wasn't shit compared to theirs. Plus you have to let it out somewhere. I have learned, don't do this on your normal Facebook profile. Save it for a secret group of friends somewhere confidential. Why? Your haters are also on your Facebook, and they like to see you down like that. Who else is on Facebook? People who actually do worry about you, people who might hire you someday, and most important, people who do not understand at all and take it as bitching. 

It becomes your guide. There are no parenting manuals. It's a lot like Adobe products, like Photoshop, in this aspect at least. No manual comes with the program, BUT there are various tutorials online to help you navigate the program. We as moms have that resource too. We have Pinterest with recipe and craft ideas. We have Facebook sharing the crap they put on Pinterest. We have blogs about sanity and deep subjects that are parenting related like school bullying and rape. We have medical information at our fingertips. Some people suck at that kind of research and could diagnose their kid's common cold with some rare infectious disease from the planet Mars courtesy of Web MD. But some of us find it very helpful for home remedies, disinfection advice, identifying a rash (don't image search that while eating)… We get cleaning advice, cooking advice, gardening advice… Motherhood covers such a wide range of subjects that only the internet could hold all that in one place.

It becomes your shopping. Yes we women need to shop, and the internet too has that convenience. We also get packages in the mail which adds to the excitement of it. You can even buy normal stuff online like diapers and shampoo, in addition to our girly stuff like clothes and accessories, but also hard to find stuff, which is great when your kid needs something like hypoallergenic diapers and emu oil, or they have to have a Mario Backpack for school or Dora on their shoes…

It becomes your entertainment. This is the best of the internet. The funniest moms are online, and Facebook and blogs are full of humorous memes (funny pictures). Laughter is the best medicine, and us moms need to laugh. We need to learn how to laugh at the crazy in our lives offline, and we need to laugh at other people's crazy online. Insane in the Mombrain often gets emails from people serving overseas or dying of cancer who thank her for making them laugh in the darkest of times. Mom bloggers like her are that scene in the Lord of the Rings where Frodo falls down and the witch elf appears out of nowhere like a hallucination and helps him up. Patti at Insane in the Mom-brain, Nikki at Moms who Drink and Swear, and Sheila at Mary Tyler Mom are my elf witches. They have been for years now. 

It becomes your drama. This can be the worst of the internet. Anytime you put a bunch of women together, online or offline, for long periods of time, there will be drama. There will be the PMSy bitch. There will be the overly sensitive butthurt. There will be arguments and cheap tactics like spying and gossip and straight girl world bullying. People will call you fat and ugly, even though they have no idea what you look like. It will always be over something stupid.  I guarantee you there is someone on your facebook friends list (if you Facebook) where you had a falling out and you have no idea what the fuck it was about. You knew then, but not so much now. I'll tell you what it was about. Drama. Stupid girl world drama. Don't be embarrassed you were part of that. You are a woman. This is part of the package. We know drama. We know it more than TNT. And for some strange sick reason, we enjoy it, no matter how much we play it off like we don't. 

It becomes your addiction. It's really okay to be on Facebook a lot. It's okay to get sucked into the internets to where you have no idea what the weather is like outside. What's not okay? What I'm doing now. I'm sitting here typing this blog surrounded by filth I call home. I'm procrastinating cleaning up my childrens' destruction because A, I don't want to clean it. I just did that. I should get at least 12 hours in between catastrophic messes to myself. B, I want to write this blog. It's been on the to do list for over a week. I need to finish what I start. C, I have a sprained ankle. Who in their right mind wants to clean on a sprained ankle? My foot and leg are still purple and the baseball sticking out of my ankle has turned into a golf ball. Great it's healing. It's still a golf ball hanging out the side of my ankle and it hurts like a bitch when I step on it wrong. And A, B, and C are my excuse to be online, to escape my reality. To forget my house is a mess for a minute, and that minute turns into hours.

It becomes your tool. Kids math homework? Google it. How many cups are in a gallon? Google it. There's a calculator somewhere. To Do List/email/calendar/horoscope reading/dream interpretation/school closings and delays/weather forecast/stock market... The internet is full of information and tools we moms use regularly. 

It contributes to your growth/development. That's the important part. When a toddler is learning to walk, he will use whatever resources are available to him as a tool to help him learn. Naturally we do this. If there's a table, he'll use that to help him stand. It can be a table, a chair, a pack n play, a house plant, a stool, a vacuum cleaner… If it has wheels, he'll use that to help him move. We as moms do that, and the internet becomes our vacuum cleaner table stool that holds us up for a second before we pitter patter across the room to another vacuum cleaner table stool. While finding our balance with parenting via online tools of humor, shopping, calculators, recipes, research, we also nurture whatever we are trying to learn with support, advice, wisdom, and feelings. We share more than just funny internet memes. We share each others lives, whether it be to our friends in a closed Facebook group, or to complete strangers on a comment on a blog post. Some of my best lessons I learned came from some random person's comment. A plant needs water, dirt, and sunshine to grow, and the internet provides all of that for us moms. The water is the advice and wisdom. The sunshine is the humor, and the dirt is the comfort of friendship (or being anonymous in many cases).

It becomes your fantasy. We human beings love characters. We read books, watch movies, soap operas, prime time soap operas, reality television... whatever. We like characters. We like getting to know someone or a personality who isn't real in our lives and letting our imaginations run with it. We like falling in love with them. We like hating them. We like learning from them. The blogs online provide that. Each blogger is a character who pours their life online and you get to love and hate them. ... My friend is obsessed with Grey's Anatomy and has been making me watch all the seasons with her on Netflix. I never quite understood the character love deal (human fanaticism) until this show. Izzie is my lesbian lover, McDreamy is my husband who I cheated on with Henry who just died in whatever season I'm on, Arizona is my best friend and mentor and I am Yang. None of these characters interact like that on the show, but they do in my head, much like I am Insane in the Mom Brain's wife who cheated on her with The Bloggess and Moms Who Drink and Swear is my mentor (who I argue with a lot, but she teaches me so much with it) and People I want to Punch in the Throat is one of my main personalities I've been repressing for years. Mary Tyler Mom, she is my best friend I want to hug every day. Bitches in the Burbs is the Army of Bad Asses I call on when I need back up in a fight, you know, my posse (in reality, they give great fashion advice). The Zookeepers Wife is my therapist (she really is an astrologist), and I am Counting Caballeros' crazy cousin (she's the practical wise grounded one, even though she has more children than I do, and we really are probably related even though I met her online). Holdin Holden is my career oriented friend that makes me feel like I'm in a scene of Sex in the City except it's about booze and motherhood more so than sex. I Want a Dumpster Baby is the woman in the rap video I'm trying to mimic the butt shaking in the mirror nekkid, and I am Honey Badger Press (I'm not really her, just in my mind I am, I really am Dribbles and Grits). 

Of all possible addictions one could have to cope with MOM Syndrome, I think the internet is the healthiest approach. I also turn to Diet Coke, energy drinks, chocolate cake batter, and other cheap methods that do nothing for me but hurt me in the long run, but the internet, it entails good and bad, and it's my choice how I use it.

One thing I want to say to you, the person reading this, sometimes we have bad days as moms. I don't care if you forgot your mommy childhood (the early years of the motherhood struggle), you can at least admit you had bad days. You had crazy days where the shit you said made no sense and sometimes you were hurtful only because you hurt. Remember that other moms do that too. If you see them doing that anywhere, online or offline, don't be an ass about it. Ignore it and move on, or reach out and touch someone with some love. Some of us need tough love, real talk, yes, but when we are emotionally ready for it. A stranger trying to give the tough love talk, or the mocking (I tend to mock), that might just send them into a downward spiral and that shit is not cool for their kids. When you mock a mom losing her mind on Facebook, you are fucking with her kids indirectly. I'm not saying she's going to beat them to an oblivion or abuse or neglect them, but she is NOT going to handle her kids in her best mindframe if you provoke her, especially if she's on the brink of completely losing her shit to begin with. Don't be the flying monkey that pushes people over the edge. Reach out and reel them back to a safer ground.

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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Love and Marriage... and dirty dirty sex

For those who don't realize it, a lot of people on Facebook are changing their profile pics to a symbol similar to this. The original can be found at the Human Rights Facebook page here. What does it mean? Today is day 1 of the Supreme Court Hearings, today on Prop. 8 and tomorrow on DOMA. You too can show support for equal rights by changing your profile picture. I made this one sparkle. 

Now I personally am trying very hard to avoid politics with this blog, but I've said it before in a previous blog, it's really an unavoidable topic because it's about our lives and future. 

If one of my children grow up and discover they are attracted to their own gender, I don't want them to be denied the same rights I have just because of that. I'm all about equal rights. And that's what this is about more so than anything, providing equal rights to people. 

Marriage, however, is a difficult subject because it's based on religion, but we have evolved where marriage is also a government contract between two people, one that we use to define a lot of what goes on in every day life. Marriage means something. Even if you don't believe in religion at all, marriage still means something. This tradition has evolved in of itself, going well beyond the boundaries of religion. So from a government contract perspective, I'm all about it.

I'm all about helping people save money on their tax returns, and we all know married filing jointly helps, a lot. I am also all about helping people get healthcare, and you have to be married to get on your spouse's insurance. I'm also all about helping children stay with their other parent after one dies, and that's like impossible for a same sex couple to have that right without a marital contract (and obviously by parent, I mean person raising and caring for child, not person who donated sperm or womb).

Now, I may not be a religious person, but I am a very spiritual one who believes in God, Jesus Christ, and the Bible. Maybe I was brainwashed as a child growing up in the Born Again religion, but I would think converting to Baptism and having a church do me really dirty would undo most of that. Either way, from a religious standpoint, I know most Christian based religions consider homosexuality a sin and therefore are not only against homosexuality at all, but they definitely oppose homosexuality in the "sacred" nature of marriage. Some Christian fanatics go even farther into the realm of hate, which to me is because they are also assholes, and that's what assholes do, hate people for stupid reasons. 

I don't think the Bible says homosexuality is a sin. I think it says freaky sex is a sin, and I think it's a sin almost everyone commits regularly, whether they are homosexual or not. But I DO (haha punny) love it when someone gets all "homosexuality is a sin," and that someone is someone I know for a fact has no room to talk about sin in the bedroom (either because I was with them when they committed the sin, or because they brag about their awesome sex). It just amazes me people who themselves engage in oral sex, anal sex, masturbation as foreplay, dildo's, nipple clips, butt plugs... will lecture people about the sanctity of sex. Even more hypocrisy when they commit ADULTERY (that is a commandment breaker whereas being homosexual is not), lie to their spouses, divorce... lecturing us about the sanctity of marriage. Jesus did say something about casting stones once didn't He? 

I just believe God is Love and where there is love, there is God, and if two people want to get married, that has to be love because marriage is a sacrifice, a very big sacrifice, a bigger sacrifice than death, and if love isn't a good enough reason to do something, then God isn't either, so if you love God at all, you'll love love, no matter what. 

Whatever happens with this Supreme Court stuff, I do have faith that love will conquer all, eventually, and by the time my children are old enough to be allowed to get married at all, that they will have the option to marry any person they wish to marry, outside of incest.

The sad thing is, when I talk about homosexual marriage, the only time I really need to censor what I say is when it comes to the Bible, ironically. I'm telling you people, that book should be rated R with a parental advisory sticker for violence and sex. 

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Thursday, March 21, 2013

Mommy Developmental Markers: The kids are not the only thing growing

Just about every major milestone a woman can encounter in life involves vagina goo. We come into this world covered in it. Our first step into womenhood isn't a Bar Mitzvah party, no, it's our period. Losing our virginity is next. Getting knocked up for the first time, now that's life changing.  It is the circle of life we are talking about here, our vaginas are the circle of life. I don't understand why God isn't a woman, like you'd think all these savage men writing the Bible would be awe struck over our vaginal awesome, especially since we know which head they do most of their harder thinking with. I know. So much pun in one sentence. 

And with every milestone, every life altering event, follows a series of developmental phases… It's kind of like trees, where every year we drop some leaves, lay dead for a few months and resurrect with new green healthy leaves, except it's more like when a guy turns into a werewolf with the screaming and twitching and then the new him is covered in extra hairs he has no idea where they came from and it scares the ever living piss out of people, but now he can run faster and has super strength… And our growth too usually involves large quantities of goo, whether it be snot and tears, or toddler gifts.

So from that moment the goo covered pregnancy test comes out positive, growth takes on a new form.

While pregnant, we women experience the best PMS has to offer, for 9 months. Fits of rage, plots of murder, spontaneous sadness, incredible urges to eat everything, sporadic vomiting, waterfalls of tears over things like Oprah and Hallmark commercials, inappropriate joy... Through all that internal chaos, we are also coming to grips with the idea that we are going to be a mom. We have moments where we are excited about it, fearful, insecure, arrogant, at peace, worried… Like all the stages of grief except instead of it being about losing someone you love, it's about gaining someone you love. Some of us prepare like the ants in that story about the grasshopper, and we feel very confident we are ready for this baby. The money has been saved. The nursery has been painted. The bottles are in the cabinet. The diaper genie sits patiently by the changing table… Some of us don't prepare because life is not that easy where we can just shit money out of our vaginas like we can the expense… So we worry about it. We can't have this baby yet because there is no changing table to set the nonexistent diaper genie next to… Now if you are already a mom, you are laughing at this. Why? Because the next stage…

The Newborn Years

When I gave birth, I experienced all the emotions. It was like the PMS of pregnancy squashed into a matter of 4 hours. I think all women go through that, whether they opt for the epidural or not. I fully suggest the epidural if not for the awesome memory alone, but the memory will compete with holding the baby for the first time, because it is that awesome. Anyway, the developmental process doesn't happen at the hospital. That's just a vagina goo moment.

No, the newborn months of crazy is where the phases of growth hit you yet again. First you realize NOTHING can prepare you for motherhood. That's why mothers were laughing at the pregnancy stuff. The diaper genie collects dust. You end up changing diaper on the bed or something so you can sit down too for it. Why? Because your balance is way off from the sleep deprivation. The crazy of pregnancy is nothing compared to this. This is the craziest it's going to get… right? LOL. You realize your best friends, your husband, your family, useless. Nobody knows you anymore. The outside world is completely non-existent. It's just you and baby, like it's just you doing all the real work.  Everybody else is just telling you how to do it and you would do anything to shut them up, like your baby crying is a step up from everybody else's mouth. You are tired, worn out, and trying to heal on top of it. You look forward to that age where your kid sleeps all night like you are looking at the clock at a minimum wage job for the work day to end. You need a break. You need a friend. You need a shoulder to cry on. You need someone to take care of you while you take care of your baby.

The Toddler Years

If you are fortunate, by now you should be sleeping all night every night. Some parents, like myself, are not that lucky. You are finally excited that your kid is getting a little older to where he's not as needy. LOL wrong. The more your kid learns, the crazier it gets. Now they can do more than roll over and hold up their own bottle. Now they can get into things, all the things, and destroy things, all the things. The heirloom vase from your great grandmother, your favorite book, the furniture, any concept of organization… gone. GONE! Your sanity, even more gone. This is harder than the newborn years. It has to be the craziest things get. Right? So then you count down the time until we leave the terrible twos and find out there's the treacherous threes and fuck me sideways fours.

Meanwhile, you start teaching your kid the ABC's, the 123's, the circles, the squares, the color red… You as mom start doing that. You are no longer the crying newborn but a toddler figuring out the basics. You start to talk by learning to listen to your intuition and trusting your own judgment. You start to walk by figuring out how to keep the house clean enough and keep up with your child. You start to explore the world around you for what feels like the first time. You go outside once in a while and feel sunlight, and as you watch your child experience these joys, you have a new found appreciation for them. You realize what is red in your world and what is green, like the diet your family is going to eat, and how much tv you are going to let your child watch… You can read about that stuff all you want and make decisions before you have your child, but nothing is more decisive than the trial and error of experience.

During these years, you are actually crazy. You qualify for insanity under just about every criteria out there. It shows with your relationships. You think you found your real friends. The people who matter the most because they are the only people in your life. Your crazy has scared away everyone else. It's not really that you are crazy but your life is. It's actually normal to have hallucinations and an award winning bad personality when you haven't slept for 3 days. It's normal to get confused when you are distracted by kids. It's normal to put the dirty clothes in the toilet because it does have a lid like your hamper when your brain is tired. It's totally normal to forget you haven't showered in 3 days and put on a tank top on a hot day and showcase your armpit hairs to the world oblivious to your smell, when you are using all the hot water 24/7 to do laundry, dishes and keep your kids clean. Now you have decided it gets easier when they are in school…

The Grade School Years

The crazy just yet gets crazier, but by now, you are much stronger and it does get easier for that reason alone: you are getting stronger.  By now, you don't just walk, you can run and do cartwheels, metaphorically speaking. You have mastered telling people off, and you are now learning how to do it with grace as you deal with the school system. You have mastered cleaning and organizing toys (well you might, I have a learning disability when it comes to that part), and now you are learning how to organize a backpack, more specifically, the spelling words, the homework, the fundraiser papers, the party invites, the poorly written parenting magazines and nutrition articles… You got promoted from scheduling doctor appointments to scheduling after school activities.

You are now at the point where you join cliques like your children, like you can be June Cleaver popular mom who shows up with makeup and the expensive handbag bragging about how your kid pooped in the potty when he was 6 months old (no he was actually 2 but go ahead and brag away, people will fake believe you just as you fake believe their stories). Or you can be the rebel outcast mom who rocks the sweatpants and flicks your kid's booger you found on your shoulder onto the popular moms when they aren't looking. Or you could be healthnut mom discussing gluten free options for your kids and how vaccinations are destroying everyone… They are all cliques. It's not that one is wrong and the other right. They are just cliques like high school.

You also encounter playground bullying among the parents. This is when the other moms are telling you how you are doing it wrong, or how their life is harder than yours, and you back to them. The nicer ones do it in back handed compliments.  This is when you realize the schools hate you more as a parent than they ever did as a student, and you discover administrative bullying, especially if you got a kid with special needs. You are no longer alone. You are surrounded by frienemies. The wrong move could send your playground paradise packing to a new location. The queens of the slide monkey bars jungle gym rotate and some days, you are up there with them, and others you are in the sandbox playing with cat turds by yourself.

Meanwhile at home, you are still just as overwhelmed as you were with a newborn. We have replaced wiping asses with daily homework. We have replaced trying to figure out what your child's cry means with arguing with your child about what to wear to school. We have replaced folding the 7 onesies your baby went through in one day to folding the 7 princess outfits your child sported in dress up in one hour. Now, the kids don't nap, but they get hyper tired just the same, and school makes it worse, much worse. You know, the cracked out kid who found sugary pixie dust and is literally climbing the walls like a bad scene out of the exorcist. Yes. Yes that happens daily in this world. Your child still depends on you for entertainment and amusement. You have to now schedule in ACTIVE activities, even in the winter months when it's too cold to play outside, because if you don't, the house becomes the jungle gym and your cleaning becomes a much more active activity.

The Older Years

My oldest is 6. I'm not sure what to expect from the later years, but I will say this. I do know it gets harder. I know the crazy is going to get crazier. I hear parents of teens all the time say the toddler years were a breeze compared to the teenage ones.  I remember my tween years being the hardest of my childhood. Puberty definitely sounds like it's going to suck… And beyond the teenage years, I've seen parents of adults go crazy. Their kids moved out, and they are still losing their minds as parents.  So I definitely think the pregnancy equates a life sentence of insanity, one that is well worth it. 

I also have noticed with parents of older kids… the growth… we regress at some point… You know how when you were a baby and you came into this world? You remember it don't you? It was the biggest most important thing to happen to you in this life. You can't tell me you forgot? Yeah, it's like that. You will probably remember your baby coming into this world, but all the developmental shit you did during that time in your life, you will totally forget. It has to be true or women are bitches because I find it very hard to find parents whose kids are adults to empathize with parents like me whose kids are young. Only the ones who had more than 3 kids seem to remember enough to feel some sympathy. The consensus is still pretty much fuck you. So someday, I will be that woman. I will be chilling at a coffee house with my iced coffee sipping it out of a straw, and a woman is going to walk by with her 3 screaming insane toddlers, and I am going to be annoyed. I am going to jump on my high horse and be like, "I don't understand why you can't control your kids. I mean, it's not that hard. Everyone has kids and does it. You really should have just stayed home until they are not monsters like I did. I did it all. I cleaned and cooked and controlled my kids singlehandedly with zero problems, zero despair, zero depression..." Something I would never say at this point in my life. I'm sure I will be stupid and embarrass the me of now in the future. I'm sure I'll feel entitled to it as someone with seniority. All humans do this. There is such thing as selective forgetting, and I believe in selective memory just the same. We decide to our convenience what we remember to some point. In some people, it's more fairy tale than others, and in others, it's more accurate than fairy tale, but none of us remember with precision of reality.

In other moms, I have noticed they get a lot of things I would kill to have right now. A good night's rest. Naps, home alone with the kids and they get a nap. They get pissed if they have to tell their kids again not to bother them unless it's an emergency. I. Wish. They get to watch movies, with the kids, and the kids are quiet through the movie not asking them for juice every 5 seconds. They get dates with their kids, where they can go to restaurants and movie theaters. They can safely take their kids in public. They get manicures, and their nails don't turn to shit in one load of dishes because the kids did the dishes, sort of, last night. You would think with all those luxuries, they would have their sanity back. They don't.

I think the learning and stress on our "muscles" at this point become more spiritual and psychological, just like what our kids are facing as teens and young adults. They start off developing on a highly physical standpoint, and those years are highly physical on us moms. But as they mature, the developing takes on a new form, an abstract form, and as moms, so do ours. Now we have to deal with things like, "I hate you. I don't ever want to speak to you again." Now, instead of worrying about a kid falling from the top of a bookshelf or playing with knives, we worry about them running away or using drugs. Now, instead of worrying about them getting a boo boo from a bully like kid, we worry about their self esteems. Right now, I want to prepare for it. I want to read books. But I already know, it's impossible to prepare for parenting, no matter where you are with it.

I think we as moms are born again when we give birth, and we often take our new found childhood for granted. We can't wait to grow up, again. And we wonder again, what the hell were we thinking? Don't take this, wherever you are at, for granted. Embrace the learning process. Take comfort in knowing this is probably easier than what is coming. Don't let that scare you. Find comfort in the present. 

With that, very important side note, we see other moms in different phases of this development, and some of us expect them to be on our level, whether they are older or younger. It's really easy for a mom of a teen to have zero empathy for a mom of toddlers. It's just as easy for the mom of toddlers to have zero empathy for the mom of teens. We have to learn to respect each other's learning process no different than we respect the fact that some kids pee in the potty at an earlier age than others. Mom on mom bullying is a big subject now. It has to end. 

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Monday, March 11, 2013

Run Forrest Run: Playlist to run.

I'm not one to run because I'm too lazy for that shit, but I got friends obsessed with doing 5K's here and there, so this is for them. If I were to run like you crazy friends of mine do, this would be my playlist...

1.  Rocky Theme Song

2. Eye of the Tiger

3.  Chariots of Fire

4.  Running with the Devil, Van Halen

5.  Flash Gordon Theme Song

6.  Top Gun Danger Zone

7.  Thundercats Theme Song

8.  Rudy Theme Song

9.  Superman Theme Song

10.  Mission Impossible Theme Song

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Saturday, March 9, 2013

Non-PTA Queen Bitch: Excuse Note from Hell

I tell people I'm a bitch in my school system. I am. I'm  not a bitch to people. I'm a bitch about advocating for my kids' best interest, something the schools really don't seem to give two shits about. Once i realized the schools have their own agenda, separate from us, I realized I am my child's social worker -- another hat us moms wear.

But as mom, I have limited power. The schools are arrogant. They want to dictate everything we should be doing as parents with extreme prejudice, yet they have the lowest of expectations for themselves imaginable. What's okay for the schools to do would get CPS called by the schools on a parent. The hypocrisy is sickening. On top of it, education neglect, my favorite subject. I find it odd that the schools can't make AYP while they have things like Bad Kid Forts and are quick to suspend and expel children for bull shit, and they want to charge us for education neglect when our kids are too sick to go to school. Even worse, most of us accept this logic as sound. 

I've had an issue in the past with education neglect. I might tell the back story in more detail some day, but basically back when my oldest was in Kindergarten (last school year), the nurse told me my kid wasn't welcomed at school until she got her vaccinations caught up (again, long story you are missing details), so my kid missed 5 days to wait on the appointment. Then I bitched about the nurse's fabulous people skills on my Facebook, and it got back to her, so she retaliated by obsessively pushing education neglect charges against me for the 5 days she made my kid miss. The only reason I came out on top is the guy in charge of any and all education neglect charges is a great guy, great at his job, and he's not out to get people like me, and he already knew my story because he and I chat frequently. Not to mention, she started Kindergarten a year early, like technically, by law, she wasn't required to be in school yet. 

But I think the school still holds some animosity because every report card since then says, "Absences are interfering with her work." This year, so far we only have 2 unexcused absences, which are for days that were doctor ordered. I guess he can only write an excuse note for 3 days at a time, and he wanted her home for 5.

So, besides the fact that I'm trying to advocate for my daughter's needs and I refuse to be bullied about it, I also have a lot on my plate as mom and the bull shit the schools add to it pisses me the fuck off. I just don't have time and energy for their Jerry Springer shit, but if they are going to force me to play their games, they are getting me raw. Tired, cranky frustrated annoyed as fuck, resentful raw. 

This is how I'm a bitch, well it's one of the many examples. When my daughter got sick with this horrific cold that's out, I wrote this excuse note. I purposely let myself keep it long just to annoy the ever living piss out of the school. Next time, I think I'm going to copy and paste articles from scholarly journals who use large medical terms. I also keep a copy in the computer, and I make a copy for the teacher, and a copy for the secretary to process. When I handed the secretary her copy, I explained, "You know, if you guys, the school, don't like her missing school because she's sick, then stop making her sick. Every ailment she has caught this year, she caught from here."


To whom it may concern:

Please excuse [my daughter] from the following days of school:

Wed.  February 20, 2013
Thurs. February 21, 2013

She was sick.

Thank you.


Educational Reference NOTE:
In case someone doesn't believe me, or thinks I'm not qualified to determine if my child is sick (I know it sounds rude, but it's XXX County policy, not mine, that I am only qualified to excuse 5 absences a semester)…

There's that thing going around that looks like strep throat at the beginning, but then it turns into something that becomes more obvious that it's viral (common cold). It's even tricked some nurse friends of mine (the symptoms tricked them; Strep you can test for).

[my daughter] and my middle kid woke up Wednesday morning with a sore throat and mild fever.  I know most people generally don't send their kids to school with a fever at all, usual rule of thumb being 24 hours no fever with no fever reducing meds, so I had that going with my decision to keep them home. Plus I worried it might be strep, even though I knew it probably wasn't. Because I knew it probably wasn't, I watched it instead of rushing them to doctors.

Thursday rolled along and they still just looked sick. No fever that day, but it wasn't quite 24 hours no fever without fever reducing meds. They also started to develop the cough by the end of Thursday, and the sore throat got better.

Friday, fortunately, was a snow day or she probably would have missed that day too. It was one of those where she could have probably gone, but it was probably in her best interest to take that day and the weekend to get better before going back to an environment of a swarm of children and their germs, for her sake and the other kids.

Subjects that should not be open for debate:

I would think most people in their right mind can agree, don't send your kids to school sick and get everyone else sick. Right? Some parents feel so strong about that, that they verbally threaten and insult parents who send their kids to school sick. The problem is, when you are dealing with the common cold, the policy pretty much determines your kid to go to school contagious and sick.

Contagious period of a cold:

"First, scientists involved with common cold research do not know exactly how long a person with a cold is contagious. Based on previous studies, their best guess is that a person becomes contagious about two to three days before developing the usual symptoms of a cold. Second, this contagious period can last until the person no longer shows any symptoms. So in theory, a person is contagious for about two weeks."

"When Am I Most Contagious?
Let's assume you're the one with the cold. During the two-week period when you're contagious, research indicates that you'll be most likely to transmit the cold virus when you're experiencing cold symptoms. The period when you're most contagious is when your symptoms are at their worst -- day 2 to day 4 of the cold. You'll become less contagious as the cold symptoms improve."

So I shall be sending my kid to school contagious. She's not as contagious as she was on the days she missed, but she's still probably contagious for another week average.  This is why viral activities in the schools become small, localized epidemics. "It's going around…" Yes it's going around because we send our kids to school contagious. We don't have a choice. Then on top of it, I don't think the cleaners the schools use kill (so to speak) viruses, though whatever you use seems to be very effective on bacteria.  So my daughter is going to sneeze or cough on Monday, touch something, and that virus is going to sit there on that hard surface ready to infect people for at least 2 days unless intercepted with an EPA approved pesticide (disinfectant) for that specific virus.  Fortunately, I'm sure every kid in her classroom already has had this and built an immunity for it because that's probably where she got it from to begin with.

Doctor's Note:

Now, the doctor issue. I know these absences can be excused with a doctor's note because they are at least more qualified than I am to determine if my kid is too sick to miss school, well at least for 3 days at a time without getting under some strange radar. According to Pub Med, cold symptoms…

"Calling your health care provider
Try treating your cold at home first. Call your doctor if:
  • Breathing becomes difficult
  • Your symptoms get worse or do not improve after 7 to 10 days"

I did not need to call my doctor in this case just like most cases. While we do thankfully have insurance, they don't seem to cover the costs too well. Even when it was 100% insurance coverage, I still had a 10 to 20 dollar copay plus the insurance just refuses to pay some of the doctors for whatever reason. I am not racking up any more future collection letters from doctors who can't get paid from the insurance and instead of calling me about it, turns me over to collections 6 months after the appointment. I will do that when my kids need to see a doctor. Otherwise, taking them to a doctor just to retrieve a note for XXX County Schools to make you guys happy:

1. I can't afford it
2. I don't have time for it
3. Immune systems weaken a bit while fighting off colds. It's dangerous to put kids in a germ infested environment like the doctor's office, hospitals and schools when they are sick. I wouldn't let them visit a nursing home even while sick, not even to see their favorite family member had we had one in a nursing home.

I would apologize my child's best interest interferes with the school's convenience, but I won't because the apology is owed to me. The schools should not be placing their convenience of paperwork and policy over the health and well being of the child. I am well aware most people reading this, whether you agree with me or not, have no control over XXX County policy. I'm merely adding this information in the case there ever is a debate about negligence as a child's health trumps education, and for the record, we did read, add, and learned a new animal at home, among other things. Completely unrelated, but I also taught some adults, over the weekend, including a secondary education math teacher, the basics of division and fractions, which is sad like who's really neglecting education in this world? You guys really need to remove the old fashioned divide by symbol completely from the curriculum. It just confuses people.

If the absences are interfering with her work, my suggestion is to find a better EPA approved pesticide for the classroom because that's where she's catching everything. Chlorox offers some fabulous wipes for the healthcare setting (not the kind you get at Walmart). I also suggest upping hygiene in the school entirely. I believe her teacher is on it to the best possible paradigm of classroom hygiene, but they often leave the classroom. In addition, if people would stop sending their kids to school sick to conform to policy, you'd greatly reduce absences overall. On my end, we are doing what we can. We up the Vitamin C and Zinc during the school season, though I have yet to really find a product that bypasses the digestive system to intake those vitamins on a regular basis (as they are often killed in the intestines before absorbed).  We wash hands, and I germ chase (controlling the unwanted pests of the viral and bacterial world).

For more information: Jump on Google. Avoid WebMD and stick to CDC, WHO, EPA (pesticides, like instead of killing roaches and rats, you are killing viruses), and PubMed (my favorite), as well as the American Academy of Pediatrics and other places doctors with an IQ over 140 might bookmark.


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Friday, March 8, 2013

10 Things I learned so far today, before 10AM...

1. Zip ties are awesome. It's like the new duct tape.

2. If you are looking under your hood and see your car battery in a place that makes you think, "These engineers are so stupid to put a car battery there," it's very possible the engineers aren't stupid and the car battery slid out of place.

3. People who know how to jump cars don't always know when to jump cars. This woman was offering a thousand times to give me a jump, while my car was running, just because I had the hood up. I. love. her.

4. When wires are sparking from hitting the belt in the car, the burning smell resembles that of a single cell organism in a petri dish.

5. My mechanic is a little OCD

6. I might drive a little crazy, like it's not normal for kids to go "weee!" while driving on the interstate is it? I also realized, like an epiphany, they do that frequently when I drive, the "Weeeee!" and only when I drive.

7. Pre-school wasn't cancelled on Wednesday. Oops.

8. All carbs turn into sugar. I didn't know that.

9. Billie Jean is not Michael Jackson's Lover.

10. I have awesome cleavage.

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

Fuck Bad Words, and the R-word it rode in on

I guess people are blogging about the R-word, and I had this in my notes as a blog to do eventually, so I guess now is a good time. I haven't read other people's blogs about the R-word because it usually pisses me off on many different levels.


Notice I call it the R-word? That's because things like the R-word, the N-word, and the homosexual slurs are disrespectful to a lot of people. I prefer not to use them out of respect. If I were to use those words, I wouldn't be using them to piss people off. I'd be using them to communicate or try to be funny, and since there are people who lose the point when one of those words are used, or they lose all humor if one of those words are used, it would totally be anti-productive for my purpose to use those words. The purpose of language is to communicate, and that purpose is lost when certain words are used. If I did want to offend people, I really prefer my point I'm making offend them than my vocabulary, though I do use the fuck word a lot because it's fun to do. That's a different fucking blog post.

Anyway, I do believe in bad words, but differently than most people. You know how there's a difference between truth and the norm (majority rules)? For example, the earth is round. That's a truth. For many years, the fact is the earth was flat because that was the common belief. It was wrong, but it was right because everyone all agreed. 

To me, words are words. They have no soul, so they can't be good or bad. It's not the words, it's how you use them. That's the fact truth part. Then there's the part where the majority has decided otherwise on a somewhat ignorant level, but at least they usually have good intentions. Anyway, the majority has decided fuck is a bad word. Words like that, fuck shit ass… those are not bad words to me. They are naughty words, like farts. It's bad etiquette to use them in certain places at certain times. But now, because of this majority thing, there are words that are bad words. They are only used to demean people, like there isn't a good way to use those words because of the history of their use locked them in. At least fuck can be used as a good thing. I can say, "Mother fucker" to insult someone, but I can say, "Motherfucking awesome" to compliment someone.

There is no way to compliment someone when you use the following words…
Any racial slurs
Any homosexual slurs
The R-word


But, that whole concept is a double edged sword. Now, I may offend some people and for that I'm not sorry. Part of communicating is speaking, and I just discussed that. The other half of communication is listening. So how do you handle when someone else uses the R-word? Or any bad word for that matter?

Me, I look at their intentions. The context. Why?

A lot of times, people's definitions of the word is different than what it is, or what you think it is. For example, the n-bomb. It's a racial slur. A very bad one. Probably the worst word ever invented in the history of man. Look it up in the dictionary and it means ignorant. So some people use it to mean ignorant, which that's irony for you. Some subcultures have decided that it means trashy people of any race. They call white people the n-bomb, and they will point to a black man and say he is NOT the n-bomb in the same sentence. There are some people who use it as a way to take back the power, mainly black people (and white posers). Do I think they should be using that word? No, not in this world with that word's history. On another planet where it has no history, maybe, depending on the definition you give it.

But am I going to ostracize and criticize them for it's use? Depends, the intention. I do believe in God, and it's about what's in our hearts. Gotta look at the spirit and soul. Nothing physical can define morality. People try to. They try to make it tangible, and they lose a lot of the point of it in the process… The only black and white is in our hearts, not in our words or actions like most people believe (again truth vs fact).

What pisses me off with the r-word specifically… A,
if you call a special needs person an R-word as a way to belittle or demean them, I'm going to be really pissed and I will hurt you one way or the other, whether it's your physical self or psychological self depending on how far you are from my reach. B, now the complicated part.

I have autism. My child has autism. We are both high functioning, which I hate that term, but anyway, that's us. People have called me the R-word because I'm weird. But I'm not an idiot. I know most of the population who uses the R-word use it to mean really stupid, low IQ that can result even with no diagnosis, and it generally has nothing to do with special needs or autism. I do not get offended when someone says, "That woman was so r-worded because she forgot the mayo." That has nothing to do with me or my autism.

What pisses me off is when people hide behind people like me to be mean to a stranger. I'm talking those situations where you are talking about the price of tea in China and someone says, "Wow, your husband did what with the tea? That is so r-word." Then out of the blue, Susie McJudgerson is on there clutching pearls damning someone to hell because they called my husband the r-word and somehow, with that, insulted Susie's kid, every special needs child, and all these people who were never part of the conversation or a subject in the conversation. It's like saying, "Fuck the man who was insulted, fuck his wife who is special needs. This is about me and my kid." I guess it's okay to call someone with autism an asshole as your means to advocate autism. See, that is DEFINITELY stupid and illogical and selfish.

Some of them then take it to the next step. They play the pity card. I mean we are talking a good cause here, and anyone who disagrees is insensitive, heartless and against the cause.
Criticizing people for shit they didn't actually mean is bullying. What happens is the social herding instinct comes into play with low attention spans and poor reading comprehension skills, and some level of laziness. If you criticize someone for insulting kids with special needs, everyone assumes that person just insulted someone with special needs, and the wolf pack preys on someone who never said anything about special needs.

Here's an EXTREME example to show how it works…

Erica: So I was thinking, now that Duke is dead, I have all this left over dog food. The humane society might take it. They could always use some extra food.

Susie: That is so fucked up Erica. How dare you? Do you know what the Humane Society does to these animals? They kill them, and that's after they torture them by putting them in these cages all day long. Sometimes the animals are actually abused beyond the regular neglect. That's just fucked up you'd donate to them.

Erica: Actually, I know someone at the Humane Society who is really good with animals, and they really do try to find homes for the animals so they don't have to euthanize them.

Susie: I can't believe you. Enabling that is the same as abuse. You are a dog abuser. I can't believe you don't care how they kill all those puppies with sad puppy faces. What did those dogs ever do to you?

Mildred: Hi guys. I'm too lazy to read all the comments, but wow. Erica really? You can go to hell and suck Satan's dick. The world would be a better place without animal abusers like you. You deserve ass fucked with a pitchfork fuck you. You are such an idiot. I'm going to punch you in the face if I ever see you.

Erica: Mildred really? Because I want to donate to the humane society. I miss my dead dog. I want to do something good for them. And Susie? You are insane. I don't enable dog abuse. I love dogs.

Mildred: So you killed your own dog? You are so fucked up.

Beatrice: Who killed their dog?

Mildred: Erica did. She is pro dog death. She's trying to say she's a good person because she donates to the humane society. Like that makes it okay.

Susie: Wow, Erica you are a real piece of work. Calling me insane after everything you just said. Look again hun. You are the insane one.

Mildred: She's fucked up is what she is.

In addition, the r-word doesn't refer to your kid or to me unless someone is calling us that word directly. To associate us to the r-word as a way to defend us is calling us the r-word. I don't think anyone realizes that when they do it, but seriously, how would you feel if every time someone used the word "idiot" I jumped them in how it insults all the mothers of special needs people. The parents of special needs people within an ear shot of that would be insulted if I did such a thing.  Same thing follows with the r-word. Unless they are talking about your kid, to make it about your kid is calling your kid the r-word. It's insulting.

I am a firm believer that criticism is a person not calling someone else out on something, but projecting their own insecurities, worries and fears (some valid and some not so valid)… Parents of special needs who insult people for using the r-word I think are insecure about their child's special needs, in a way they probably don't even notice. They worry so much about their child being called names for their situation...  It's common. It's natural. I know. I too am a parent of a kid with special needs. You don't think I don't do the same thing? 

I am probably most guilty with this over the word fat. Every time someone belittles a person for their weight, I see my child getting belittled, and all the sudden I'm holding her feelings right there in the palm of my hands and this person is spitting on them. To steal Insane in the Mom-brain's concept, it makes me sporky. But that's my issue. It's in my head, and it haunts me even when people don't insult people for their weight. And my issue is, I have to get over the fact that my daughter is a little overweight, and yes some people are going to call her fat, just like people call me fat. Anorexic people get called fat. Everybody gets called fat. Just because I worry it might be true for one of my kids doesn't make it about her every time someone talks about fat. This is my issue. It's my fears. It's my worries. 

So I don't ask you guys to just remove the R-word from your vocabulary, but remove it from communication. If someone uses it in a way to demean, have at it. Tear them a new one. I'll be cheering you on. But demeaning people for using the word who wasn't trying to demean anyone is using the word to demean. Reread that one slower, and then try to say it real fast five times. But it's true. If you are demeaning people, you are demeaning people. I don't care whose name you do it in, whether it's autism or God. If you want to help, if you want to advocate, uplift people. Promote acceptance and understanding when you see it lacking. Save the insults for people who are actually insulting and deserve it. 

I don't expect you to be Jesus Christ and approach everything with love. I'm just saying, don't use autism or any "disorder" to hate people on our behalf. Don't use us to call someone an idiot on our behalf. You are not doing us any service with that, not at all. Autism is not the R-word. SPECIAL NEEDS IS NOT THE R-WORD. Quit telling people we are on our behalf.

And if you are a parent of a child with special needs, go find yourself a therapist. It's a tough gig. You need a place to vent. The stress, the anxiety, the lack of time for yourself, the lack of sleep, the lack of any idea of decent hygiene.... shoot all parents should go see a therapist. I never felt like I had any special needs until I became a parent. 


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