Fuck Bad Words, and the R-word it rode in on

I guess people are blogging about the R-word, and I had this in my notes as a blog to do eventually, so I guess now is a good time. I haven't read other people's blogs about the R-word because it usually pisses me off on many different levels.

Speaking

Notice I call it the R-word? That's because things like the R-word, the N-word, and the homosexual slurs are disrespectful to a lot of people. I prefer not to use them out of respect. If I were to use those words, I wouldn't be using them to piss people off. I'd be using them to communicate or try to be funny, and since there are people who lose the point when one of those words are used, or they lose all humor if one of those words are used, it would totally be anti-productive for my purpose to use those words. The purpose of language is to communicate, and that purpose is lost when certain words are used. If I did want to offend people, I really prefer my point I'm making offend them than my vocabulary, though I do use the fuck word a lot because it's fun to do. That's a different fucking blog post.

Anyway, I do believe in bad words, but differently than most people. You know how there's a difference between truth and the norm (majority rules)? For example, the earth is round. That's a truth. For many years, the fact is the earth was flat because that was the common belief. It was wrong, but it was right because everyone all agreed. 

To me, words are words. They have no soul, so they can't be good or bad. It's not the words, it's how you use them. That's the fact truth part. Then there's the part where the majority has decided otherwise on a somewhat ignorant level, but at least they usually have good intentions. Anyway, the majority has decided fuck is a bad word. Words like that, fuck shit ass… those are not bad words to me. They are naughty words, like farts. It's bad etiquette to use them in certain places at certain times. But now, because of this majority thing, there are words that are bad words. They are only used to demean people, like there isn't a good way to use those words because of the history of their use locked them in. At least fuck can be used as a good thing. I can say, "Mother fucker" to insult someone, but I can say, "Motherfucking awesome" to compliment someone.

There is no way to compliment someone when you use the following words…
 

Any racial slurs

Any homosexual slurs

The R-word
Fat

Listening

But, that whole concept is a double edged sword. Now, I may offend some people and for that I'm not sorry. Part of communicating is speaking, and I just discussed that. The other half of communication is listening. So how do you handle when someone else uses the R-word? Or any bad word for that matter?

Me, I look at their intentions. The context. Why?

A lot of times, people's definitions of the word is different than what it is, or what you think it is. For example, the n-bomb. It's a racial slur. A very bad one. Probably the worst word ever invented in the history of man. Look it up in the dictionary and it means ignorant. So some people use it to mean ignorant, which that's irony for you. Some subcultures have decided that it means trashy people of any race. They call white people the n-bomb, and they will point to a black man and say he is NOT the n-bomb in the same sentence. There are some people who use it as a way to take back the power, mainly black people (and white posers). Do I think they should be using that word? No, not in this world with that word's history. On another planet where it has no history, maybe, depending on the definition you give it.

But am I going to ostracize and criticize them for it's use? Depends, the intention. I do believe in God, and it's about what's in our hearts. Gotta look at the spirit and soul. Nothing physical can define morality. People try to. They try to make it tangible, and they lose a lot of the point of it in the process… The only black and white is in our hearts, not in our words or actions like most people believe (again truth vs fact).

What pisses me off with the r-word specifically… A, if you call a special needs person an R-word as a way to belittle or demean them, I'm going to be really pissed and I will hurt you one way or the other, whether it's your physical self or psychological self depending on how far you are from my reach. B, now the complicated part.

I have autism. My child has autism. We are both high functioning, which I hate that term, but anyway, that's us. People have called me the R-word because I'm weird. But I'm not an idiot. I know most of the population who uses the R-word use it to mean really stupid, low IQ that can result even with no diagnosis, and it generally has nothing to do with special needs or autism. I do not get offended when someone says, "That woman was so r-worded because she forgot the mayo." That has nothing to do with me or my autism.

What pisses me off is when people hide behind people like me to be mean to a stranger. I'm talking those situations where you are talking about the price of tea in China and someone says, "Wow, your husband did what with the tea? That is so r-word." Then out of the blue, Susie McJudgerson is on there clutching pearls damning someone to hell because they called my husband the r-word and somehow, with that, insulted Susie's kid, every special needs child, and all these people who were never part of the conversation or a subject in the conversation. It's like saying, "Fuck the man who was insulted, fuck his wife who is special needs. This is about me and my kid." I guess it's okay to call someone with autism an asshole as your means to advocate autism. See, that is DEFINITELY stupid and illogical and selfish.

Some of them then take it to the next step. They play the pity card. I mean we are talking a good cause here, and anyone who disagrees is insensitive, heartless and against the cause.
  

Criticizing people for shit they didn't actually mean is bullying. What happens is the social herding instinct comes into play with low attention spans and poor reading comprehension skills, and some level of laziness. If you criticize someone for insulting kids with special needs, everyone assumes that person just insulted someone with special needs, and the wolf pack preys on someone who never said anything about special needs.

Here's an EXTREME example to show how it works…

Erica: So I was thinking, now that Duke is dead, I have all this left over dog food. The humane society might take it. They could always use some extra food.

Susie: That is so fucked up Erica. How dare you? Do you know what the Humane Society does to these animals? They kill them, and that's after they torture them by putting them in these cages all day long. Sometimes the animals are actually abused beyond the regular neglect. That's just fucked up you'd donate to them.

Erica: Actually, I know someone at the Humane Society who is really good with animals, and they really do try to find homes for the animals so they don't have to euthanize them.

Susie: I can't believe you. Enabling that is the same as abuse. You are a dog abuser. I can't believe you don't care how they kill all those puppies with sad puppy faces. What did those dogs ever do to you?

Mildred: Hi guys. I'm too lazy to read all the comments, but wow. Erica really? You can go to hell and suck Satan's dick. The world would be a better place without animal abusers like you. You deserve ass fucked with a pitchfork fuck you. You are such an idiot. I'm going to punch you in the face if I ever see you.

Erica: Mildred really? Because I want to donate to the humane society. I miss my dead dog. I want to do something good for them. And Susie? You are insane. I don't enable dog abuse. I love dogs.

Mildred: So you killed your own dog? You are so fucked up.

Beatrice: Who killed their dog?

Mildred: Erica did. She is pro dog death. She's trying to say she's a good person because she donates to the humane society. Like that makes it okay.

Susie: Wow, Erica you are a real piece of work. Calling me insane after everything you just said. Look again hun. You are the insane one.

Mildred: She's fucked up is what she is.

In addition, the r-word doesn't refer to your kid or to me unless someone is calling us that word directly. To associate us to the r-word as a way to defend us is calling us the r-word. I don't think anyone realizes that when they do it, but seriously, how would you feel if every time someone used the word "idiot" I jumped them in how it insults all the mothers of special needs people. The parents of special needs people within an ear shot of that would be insulted if I did such a thing.  Same thing follows with the r-word. Unless they are talking about your kid, to make it about your kid is calling your kid the r-word. It's insulting.

I am a firm believer that criticism is a person not calling someone else out on something, but projecting their own insecurities, worries and fears (some valid and some not so valid)… Parents of special needs who insult people for using the r-word I think are insecure about their child's special needs, in a way they probably don't even notice. They worry so much about their child being called names for their situation...  It's common. It's natural. I know. I too am a parent of a kid with special needs. You don't think I don't do the same thing? 

I am probably most guilty with this over the word fat. Every time someone belittles a person for their weight, I see my child getting belittled, and all the sudden I'm holding her feelings right there in the palm of my hands and this person is spitting on them. To steal Insane in the Mom-brain's concept, it makes me sporky. But that's my issue. It's in my head, and it haunts me even when people don't insult people for their weight. And my issue is, I have to get over the fact that my daughter is a little overweight, and yes some people are going to call her fat, just like people call me fat. Anorexic people get called fat. Everybody gets called fat. Just because I worry it might be true for one of my kids doesn't make it about her every time someone talks about fat. This is my issue. It's my fears. It's my worries. 

So I don't ask you guys to just remove the R-word from your vocabulary, but remove it from communication. If someone uses it in a way to demean, have at it. Tear them a new one. I'll be cheering you on. But demeaning people for using the word who wasn't trying to demean anyone is using the word to demean. Reread that one slower, and then try to say it real fast five times. But it's true. If you are demeaning people, you are demeaning people. I don't care whose name you do it in, whether it's autism or God. If you want to help, if you want to advocate, uplift people. Promote acceptance and understanding when you see it lacking. Save the insults for people who are actually insulting and deserve it. 

I don't expect you to be Jesus Christ and approach everything with love. I'm just saying, don't use autism or any "disorder" to hate people on our behalf. Don't use us to call someone an idiot on our behalf. You are not doing us any service with that, not at all. Autism is not the R-word. SPECIAL NEEDS IS NOT THE R-WORD. Quit telling people we are on our behalf.

And if you are a parent of a child with special needs, go find yourself a therapist. It's a tough gig. You need a place to vent. The stress, the anxiety, the lack of time for yourself, the lack of sleep, the lack of any idea of decent hygiene.... shoot all parents should go see a therapist. I never felt like I had any special needs until I became a parent. 

 

A random little rant...

All right everyone, give me 3 dollars. For what you ask? No reason. Just give it to me. It's just 3 dollars. It's not like it's a whole lot of money. Will it go to charity? Nope. I'll probably buy me some luxuries I want, though I do raise money for charity so if you want to donate to that too, go for it. Why should you just give me 3 dollars? Well, isn't that normal?

Confession: I'm obsessed with the breakfast burrito (add tomato, you have to add tomato) at McDonalds. Today I go through for my addiction, and I decide, since the hubs is home for once during breakfast, to get him a sausage egg mcmuffin ($2.75 before tax). When the woman handed me my bag with a half-assed fake smile, I knew right then she fucked up the order some how. People like that always fuck up the order.

So on my way out, I check the bag making people behind me honk at me because nobody stops in a parking lot. Sure enough, no Mcmuffin. So I then took my time clogging up the parking lot because people honked at me (never piss me off behind the wheel), and then I turned around, U-turn, off-roading a bit in the grass (which if you don't want me to drive crazy, don't honk at me), and I go back through. Yes, I could have parked and gotten out of the car and skipped the line inside because fuck ups do entitle you to skip the line, but then that defeats the purpose of driving through. You can't really skip line driving thru, so I wait for 3 cars. Pain in the ass right? Only if you have a life that day, and today I don't.

So I get up to the window (after explaining through the talker thingy), and the fake smile lady hands me a bag with another fake smile thanking me (she didn't recognize me from 5 minutes ago), and I look in the bag, and it's another breakfast burrito, with sauce, probably the guy behind me's order. I hand her back the bag and said, "It's supposed to be a sausage egg mcmuffin." She closes the window, fusses with other employees, like, "Where the fuck does she come up with a sausage egg mcmuffin?" Throwing things around like she gives up (thank God she didn't choose a career disarming bombs). Someone informs her that she forgot it earlier.

The thought of them giving the bag they just handed me that I just went through to the guy behind me was kind of grossing me out and pissing me off. Anyway, she hands me a bag with a McMuffin, finally, and this time, no smile. Grumpy face. "Sorry." Like her mommy made her apologize to a kid she doesn't like.

Now, I forget things. You can call me Ms. Forgetfulson. I forget almost everything. I totally get that other people do. I totally get that maybe she was up all night with a sick kid or arguing with an asshole boyfriend and work just wasn't something she really wanted to do today. I get all that. I don't care if she forgets. I don't care if they fuck up. We are all entitled to that. But own it.

How hard is it to sincerely apologize? Eye contact with that little, "I'm so sorry," with that sound in your voice that you truly are because you are aware I just had to take an extra few minutes from my day to help remedy your fuck up, minutes you get paid for that I don't... No, instead, I'm treated like I'm Satan walking in on sacred ground, like I'm the one who fucked up, like I'm the pain the ass, and McDonalds is totally entitled to my money without supplying the promised goods. You would think at their wages they would know the value of a dollar and why some people are not really wanting to donate to a for-profit organization.

Had McDonalds said, "Okay guys, we are taking 3 dollars out of each of your pay checks just because we forgot to give it to you," the same people who expect us to just give them 3 bucks for the hell of it, who probably make up only a small percentage of the McDonald workforce, would be pissed. Some would probably quit. Others might start a movement to Occupy McDonalds. It would make national news.

It would be one thing if this was the only time that's ever happened to me. No, this story is pretty much one that repeats itself, and I'm in a small town where the fuckups are less often than they are in the major cities. I would fucking lose my shit Joe Pesci style on a daily basis if I lived in a city.

So the fact that I did not just bitch slap some fake smiled bitch with a breakfast burrito through the drive through window this morning, seriously, McDonalds should give me a cookie, a chocolate chip cookie.

Happy Pills for all the Assholes! Make it happen!

So yesterday, I had a horrific migraine most of the day. I suffered through it at the kids' school Valentine's Day Party (that's suffrage people), but once the kids were laying down... I had plans to hang with a friend last night, so I couldn't over medicate. I really swore this migraine was tension related, even if most of them anymore are not, and I was tense. I tried to make the husband rub my back and all it did was make his hands hurt.

So I took half of a Flexeril, muscle relaxer. Now these usually make me loopy, like imagine if the blond from all the dumb blond jokes were real and dyed her hair brown, that would be me on muscle relaxers. But they killed the migraine within 20 minutes, and every time I'm in a lot of pain like that and it goes away that fast, I get a buzz from that alone. The epidural gave me a huge buzz because we are talking a huge pain that just went away. Aleve will sometimes give me a buzz if my period cramps are bad enough. It's one of those buzzes that's like being high as a kite mixed with having a couple drinks. I just become one fucking happy bitch, like a severe case of the happy and wonderfuls.

One thing I swear all that did to me last night... I would almost swear everyone was on drugs, at least the nice people were.

Before heading over to my friend's house, I had some other errands to run. I took that muscle relaxer, went to BP (for the blue zombie drinks) and talked to a girl who I would swear was high. I go to Walmart (diapers and beer), and I talked to a woman who was suffering from MOM, but I think she was on some sort of prescribed happy pill or antianxiety med. Then I talked to a dude who was definitely on some sort of speed, like energy drinks, diet pills and cocaine. Like he didn't have the attention span to listen to himself finish what he was saying. Regardless, all those people were the nicest people.

Then I left my wallet at the counter because I do stuff like that with a pain be gone buzz, so some guy chases me out the door screaming at me to give me back my wallet, and he stopped me right next to these people socializing at Walmart because that's where you go to mingle. It was a cluster of women, the ones who inspired that guy to write the "you think you're cooler than me" song, high maintenance, low IQ... If they were moms, they'd be June Cleavers because they think they are cooler than me. The one dude in that group was looking at me like I was on crack "you forgot your wallet?" and I smiled and was like, "Migraine." He smiled and nodded like, "Awww," like he totally got it. The girls then looked at me like I was Satan walking in their church. How dare I speak to their really cool super awesome guy (who I think might of had a couple drinks), and one said something nasty that I totally ignored as I walked off, and all I could think was, "I bet they'd be nicer if they were medicated. Like we should make it law to force assholes into taking happy pills."

I really think I'm on to something, like a cure for asshattery.

On a more serious note, ladies... Why would a man surrounded by "beautiful" women ignore them to pay attention to the girl in black pants and a dark blue MedExpress t-shirt with a black leopard print jacket? My hair was crazy too, and I had makeup under my eyes. Why? Because women need to understand, you can't cover ugly with make-up and fashion. If your personality is the reason people created words like cunt, and a guy is with you at all, he probably cheats on you to get a break from you. I mean really, if the best thing you have to offer people about yourself is what anyone can buy from a cheap whore, you have nothing to offer. That is why men with women like that stop to pay attention to women like me. It's because I'm not an asshole. Men, while they really do like boobs and ass, deep down inside, they like women who are confident. I don't have to tear people down to make myself appear taller.

Rumor Has It...

I'm probably one of the very few people who really enjoy listening to rumors about myself. I really do, and the more negative it is, the funnier it is. I really find it amusing. Now in my Darth Vader voice, I do find the lack of creativity disturbing. While sleeping with the entire College I attended football team was pretty creative, as if that many men really want to sleep with me, I haven't seen that level of creativity since 1997.

Actually, instead, I've heard the stuff I list first here. Most of the time, the rumors aren't worded so nicely, but since I'm not a fan of racial slurs, I'll translate into non-asshole. 

Distinguishing fact from fiction...

Whore -- False
Slut, maybe.
Porn star... there you go.

Is a bad parent -- False
Neglects and Abuses her children -- VERY FUCKING FALSE
Sold her children to the Lollipop Guild for 2 Hershey Kisses... There you go.

Smokes crack -- False
Dyes her crack green for St. Paddy's Day, hmmm, that was actually someone else and trying to claim it would infringe on that girl's intellectual property.
Married into the Mexican Drug Cartel and is now the new Godfather... there you go.

Loves black people --- True
Will only sleep with black people, ummm I really don't care what color you are.
Is black and has applied 27 times to be Obama's "intern"... there you go.

Loves gay people --- True
Is gay, doubt it.
Slept with the entire college cheerleading squad taking away the virginity of 5 chipper blond girls and is the reason Ellen now likes women and inspired the song, "I kissed a girl and I liked it."... there you go.

Quick to fly off the handle -- True
Gets into a lot of bar fights, debatable.
Interned with the CIA as an assassin and retired to be a mercenary after taking out Jason Bourne... there you go.

Is crazy-- True.
Is psychotically dangerous, probably not.
Was kidnapped by science and became a subject for what was later known as Experiment 626 where brain surgery was involved and then was abducted by aliens and formed an emotional bond with the alien sociopath (Bob) completely responsible for 90% of our earthly conspiracy theories... there you go.

Is a broke ass bitch -- Depends on the day.
Never had a job and always depended on the system -- Sorry, very wrong. Actually I have a better resume than all the people who came up with this one, which is actually very sad on their part.
Used so much welfare that it knocked the American Economy into one of the biggest recessions ever and then got elected into Congress... there you go.

Don't forget to lie through your teeth and tell everyone I look fabulous.

BTW, these are all things I was thinking about telling people I did for a living at my High School reunion had we actually had one, except I was going to say that I interned with Bill Clinton and Monica was my scapegoat for that scenario had I gone with it, but I probably would have gone with the assassin one.

Road Rage Stupid People

I posted this as a status on my friend's Facebook page (where I admin) called, "Oh No! Did I Offend You?" Anyway, I realized it was long enough to be a blog post, so I decided to post it here too.

I know there are people who drive when they shouldn't be driving and they have no choice because shit has to get done, no excuses. There have been times where I drove after not sleeping for a few days with a migraine that will knock you on your ass harder than labor pains, and, while I know some of you may argue this, but if you were to witness my superb driving skills under those conditions with

kids screaming and fighting in the back seat, the fact that I haven't gotten into an accident would be enough to make an atheist believe in some higher, unseen power. I don't usually get road rage anymore because of it. I just assume people are too medicated or too tired or just having a shitty day when they drive like shit. But there are just some things that people do that defy all forms of logic.

Today, I was turning left. The green arrow lights up. 5 cars decide to run the red light in my way. I yielded like any normal person would do. Well the bitch behind me wasn't normal. She kept honking at me to go, like I'm supposed to drive into people just because the fucking traffic light gods said it's our right of way. Now that, pisses me off, like I think about how people like her are the reason car insurance rates are high, and then I get into a union "They took our jobs" mentality. I took forever to make my left hand turn out of spite, and I should have kept my happy ass sitting through another cycle of lights making everyone behind me wait because of one cunt-hole bitch.

But then, later, I'm driving through road work, and I see this car on the wrong side of the cones coming at me, like I, and 4 other people, had to drive into the shoulder to let her through, and we were on a bridge. The car, first I see the handicapped thing in the mirror, and then I see the old gray-haired woman driving hunched over all up in her windshield looking pissed that we are in her way like we are all doing something wrong. Now that, it didn't piss me off. Old people, as shitty as they drive, they don't wreck as often, and when they do, the damage is usually pretty minimal, especially in comparison to my age group. Yes she was driving on the wrong side of the road, but she was going so freaking slow, we all had time to prevent an accident.

Either way, the whole experience...To quote the great Patrick Star, "Dumb people are blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are."