Things I would Ask Jesus

I posted this on my Facebook with a long description I realized could be a blog post, so I'm posting it here for two reasons.

1. It's worthy of bookmarking to come back to in the future.
2. I linked someone to my blog, and I don't want the first article they see to be about how I dreamt I had a penis once. Not my best look.

So who I would I sit with on a bench and chat for an hour. Anyone from past or present. Who would it be?

I know you are all thinking, "She'd so pick her dad," and while I'd love to chat with my father (may he rest in peace) on that bench, as well as my mother (she's more fun, sorry dad, but she'd bring cocktails, and she's alive and well), I would have to say Jesus. Not Rafael's cousin, Hey Zeus, no, the one who's mom was a virgin. Wait, all moms were a virgin once. You know which Jesus I mean. Jee Zuss. That Jesus.

And questions I'd ask where I can hear the answers and there's no confusing things... 

1. Is Mary Magdalene your baby's mama? The world is freaking out about it ever since Tom Hanks. 

2. Do you and God get into arguments? If so, about what? 

3. Why on earth would you want to forgive all of us? Like what gave you the idea for Grace?

I am starting to sound like Oprah and Barbara Walters. Maybe I do have a future in television show hosting...

4. Why did your dad make us? 

5. How old is the earth? 

6. Did your dad make dinosaurs? 

7. Do you happen to have an Uncle Gosh? 

8. How do you feel about homosexuals? I might charge people to hear your answer on this one is that OK? 

9. Where am I going when I die? 

10. Where do atheists go when they die? This is important. I love some atheists and I haven't been reaming them about their soul yet. Should I be? 

11. Where is Westboro going when they die? 

12. Why do males have nipples? 

Even male dogs have nipples. That is truly one of the most mysterious things about the universe. Did they use to have babies? Or were they made in a woman's image? And if men were made first, while I know babies gender are formed at conception, they all still start off with female sex organs and males organs form from the chemical stimulation of the female organs, so men were made in our image were they not? And that's why they have nipples isn't it? Why does the Bible spin this to the man's favor like they were first when Eve plainly means BEFORE? 

13. Is there a way to reduce the pain of period cramps and child birth naturally? Like what do we women have to do to make up for Eve? Is there a correlation between Eve's fruit picking and the fact that women make more pies than men?

14. Why did the fallen fall? Do you still love them? Will there be redemption for them some day? This is actually the one I am most curious about besides the males having nipples.

I got more but this is long I'm done. I only get an hour, so I think I covered the important ones.

On the serious, I'd love to get into a discussion about Love and Eternity, and there'd be a lot of me kissing his scars and hugging him. An hour would not be enough.

If for whatever reason you never wondered about nipples on males and like my blog, you know, you can subscribe to it.

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Blogs who I think sent me traffic to my blog that you should check out if you haven't...  I do read all of these blogs regularly.

The Bloggess

Insane in the Mom Brain

More than Cheese and Beer

Finding Ninee

Ooops I Said Vagina Again

Janine's Confessions of a Mommyaholic

15 Preposterous Reasons To Believe in God

1. The aliens do. Most abductees state that not only do the aliens believe in a higher power, but they are closer to the "God Head" than we are, like messengers (or angels). People abducted by aliens cannot be wrong.

2. Have you ever seen me drive? My kids frequently yell, "Wee,"when I'm driving through town. Divine Intervention is the ONLY reason I'm able to write this blog.

3. Tenacious D met the devil (shiny demon) once hitchhiking on the long and lonesome road. The devil told them to "Play, the best song, in the world..." and they did. They totally forget the best song in the world, but they do have a tribute. Anyway, if the devil exists, the opposite must exist.

4. Jesus turned water into wine. When you figure out how to do that with the snap of your fingers, let me know. Seriously, let me know, I'll invite you to every party.

5. Carl Jung. He was some guy who studied a bunch of different cultures/tribes and all seemed to have some depiction of good vs evil, like it's an inherent truth given to us all at birth. He also did a lot of research on dream symbols. To dream of the devil means, according to Betty Bethards who based her dream dictionary on a log of Jung's research, "Lower ignorant side of self that tempts you not to accept self responsibility, to blame others, procrastinate, dwell in negative thoughts and actions."

6. The Bible is the best selling book of all time. Bet you didn't know that. I think it's because of all the sex and violence, but you know, if the stories were completely fictional, then why is it still selling like hotcakes? And if God was created to control the population, then why do we have laws?

7. Prayer helps. No matter what's going on in my life, I feel better after I pray.

8. There's a reason people call His name when climaxing under some sheets. 

9. Basic Mathematics Proves it. The Bible says God is Love. Well I do know Love exists so if God is Love, and Love exists, then God exists. If a = b and b = c, then a = c. And Love conquers all. So if God is love, and love conquers all, then God conquers all. But a square is a rectangle and a rectangle isn't a square. However if a square is a rectangle, and rectangles exist, then squares must exist too. Something like that.

10. Noah Webster believed in God. He was the guy who started schools and compiled the dictionary. He's like America's best teacher, from Yale, so we have expert credibility here.

11. You have to either believe God exists or intelligent aliens who love people and want to help us do because someone invented the cell phone, and we know humans can't do such things on their own volition.

12. God is the light, and the speed of light scientifically happens to be constant, meaning space and time are relative. So God's existence, scientifically, shouldn't be in question. It's your existence, scientifically, that's questionable.

13. The Catholic Church claims more gold than National Geographic has configured to ever be dug from the earth. Bet you didn't know that fun fact. I got it from some British Parliament guy on the British version of C-Span. Or maybe it was the Ancient Alien guy... Anyway, money talks and bull shit walks.

14. Do you really think marijuana was an accident? Someone had to invent that, someone who can invent life. Same with sex. Not only is the invention of sex too genius for coincidence, but the notion that it makes life, wait God is Love and God created Life... Ah, now you are starting to figure out why people call His name in the bedroom.

15. And you know what? God is all about love. Jesus preached about love, wine and eating when hungry. They are about a love that is deeper than lust, a love that is kind, never envies or boasts, a selfless love where no greater love is a man who lays down his life for a friend. A man who did lay down his life and tormented in endless suffering just so you can sin. Like what the fuck exactly is wrong with this story? If you can't believe such a love exists in this world, maybe you need some wine in your life. It's the Blood of Christ, drink it up.
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It also happens to be World Autism Day

This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

To sum it up... The overwhelm defensiveness has to be handled before you can tackle the other things like social skills. Period.

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Hot Mess Mom's UnderBoobapalooza

I'm totally pimping this out. Donate pictures of random things being held by your boob, aka underboob pics here.You can like that page too if you want to see pics of boobs.



 Donate MONEY here. 

Stuff that happened In between blog posts last month you missed. I will periodically slip this at the bottom of some blog posts, but it will be random because I don't do schedules. 

On the Facebook page, we have confirmed non-scholarly empirical evidence that men prefer the right boob over the left one for no obvious reason. It's not like the left one is in front of the heart or anything.

Some guy found this blog via the search term, "dribble it down my face college girl." I offered to drool on his face for an Outback Steak dinner and two cocktails.

I hate spring break. The kids turned off the main breaker and had a food fight, and they performed reverse graffiti where you use soap to clean a picture on something.

I was thinking that I could totally pull off I'm Bringing Sexy Back on stage in drag. I would be the prettiest drag queen. We just won't tell them I'm a woman.

I found out I'm not the only one who gets her big toe caught in her pant leg and trips.

I invented the White Rushinmoose. It's vodka, Kahlua, Redi-whip and Chocolate Syrup.

Head and Shoulders should come up with a body wash called Knees and Toes

This was an awesome blog post about being comfortable being big. 

This was an awesome blog post about a woman who is finishing the bucket list of the person who gave her her new heart.

This is who I stole my in-betweens from 

This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

This is a great shirt from my store. 

If for whatever reason your cool whips have nipples and you like my blog, you know, you can subscribe to it.

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Dear Phil Robertsons of America:

I thought I was done blogging about you, but I forgot something. See, I have been blogging about your right to religion. It is your right. A right I swore an oath to protect. But I also swore to protect the entire constitution, emphasis on All Men are Created Equal.

Phil speaks about how our nation's immoral acts of sex are creating and spreading disease. If we'd just get married and keep it down to one partner, we keep ourselves safer from that spread. That is very true. It's very true also for homosexuals. This is why we must let them marry each other.

When I was a kid, I remember being in a hotel room watching the movie Tank with my parents. In the movie, a man strips naked. I was on a trundle bed, so my mom could not cover my eyes like she did my sister's eyes. She instead told me to cover my own eyes, and because I assumed the scene was a violent scene and I was old enough to handle some ketchup and bad acting, I peeped. I saw a penis. A man's penis for the first time in my life. Not a boy penis, a man penis. That was the scariest thing I ever saw as a child. I had nightmares for months.

Then years later, my mother explained sex to me. That too gave me nightmares.

The fact of the matter is, sex between a man and a woman is NOT beautiful. It's the most disgusting act we pull on this earth. As a child, it no where seemed natural to me at all to insert a penis into my vagina. Not at all. And when I lost my virginity, it didn't feel natural. I felt more violated than anything. It was something I had to do over and over again before my body could adjust to it enough for me to enjoy it. Some women never adjust to it. Some women have never felt an orgasm. Some women find it incredibly painful to make love to their husbands yet.

Homosexuals on the other hand do not seem natural because they cannot procreate their way. But the issue is, many straight people can't adjust to the concept of homosexual sex. You are that kid who saw a penis for her first time, or who first heard about sex. You probably have some confusion with it. You are definitely afraid of it. The whole thing may gross you out. Like a kid just learning about sex for the first time.

I know most of you Phil Robertsons don't want to adjust to that monstrosity of a sin, homosexual sex. I'm not going to ask you to get used to it. I do ask you acknowledge that fear and confusion. Acknowledge that the fear might blind you a little.

I'm going to tell you some quick facts about homosexuals... They aren't gross. It's ok to read it.

• For most, it is NOT a choice. 
• Many are still virgins. 
• Many are also very sexually immoral. In fact, immorality doesn't discriminate. It can equally affect homosexuals and straight people alike, regardless of a person's sexual orientation. 
• Some people who claim to be gay are not actually gay. That doesn't mean all of them are that way. Some people are very sexually immoral at heart, and they use anything they can to justify it, even trying to claim to be homosexual. That's how they sleep at night. That doesn't mean they committed those acts because they are homosexual. In other words, you don't know. Only God knows their hearts. 
• Just because you are gay doesn't mean you will sin. Now being human generally means you will sin. 
• Gay sex in of itself isn't anymore sexually immoral than a husband and a wife spicing up their sex life
• They are all still people who bleed the same blood, created by the same God who all will meet up with Him in the end just the same. 
• After years of tormenting bullying, many gay people have committed suicide. Now that is a straight trip to hell. There is no grace for it like there is for homosexuality, not according to religions anyway. If you care about their soul at all, you would do anything to avoid making someone feel they don't deserve to live. You would lift them up to higher ground. Some are very sensitive right now because of the way the world treats them, and simply saying, "You are a sinner," adds to their pain. Simply saying, "Homosexuality is a sin," that makes people think, "God messed up when he made me." Remember, God doesn't make mistakes. Remember that. God made them and God doesn't make mistakes. Throw that into every sermon on homosexuality. 

On to marriage,

If a homosexual cannot marry another homosexual, the person they love, they are forced into the sexual wilderness. When you are dating, there's a good chance it will end. The marriage contract, the vows made between two lovers, keeps people together. It keeps you from leaving so quick over petty arguments and really big obstacles that would break apart any dating couple in a heartbeat... mainly because divorce is not cheap. It costs more than the wedding day. All people deserve that contract that says, "Hey I want to be with only you" and that would reduce disease. It would reduce multiple partners. It would reduce use of prostitution. It may not make their sex completely moral in your eyes, but it would help moralize what's out there.

You may think marriage is sacred, but we let guys marry seven wives, we let them commit adultery, we let them do all these sins that taint marriage, and to me, a little anal sex between lovers is much more preferred than adultery as adultery can bring home disease. Adultery is a commandment breaker.

Newsflash, many married males and females have anal. Straight people like it too. A lot of them do. It's actually a direct hit to the prostate or the g-spot. I'm just saying if married people are already performing oral sex and anal sex, adding gay marriage isn't going to change marriage.

I have a lesbian friend (who I haven't really seen in years) who is "married" to her wife. I say "married" in quotations because they don't have an actual contract with the state. They said their own vows to each other. They believe their vows were made to each other and God. I have never seen so much discipline these two ladies have shown in keeping those vows. They have remained true and faithful to each other through some of the craziest times, and even though they have bouts of separation, they still fall back into each others arms. Their relationship as I could observe was a lot like my own marriage, except they were more in love. They were closer. They communicated better.

The fact of the matter is we are a country that allows freedom of religion. The right that protects Phil from really getting suspended for his religious beliefs also protects Muslims, atheists, even homosexuals. I do believe in keeping God in our government, trusting in God the way our country was found (for you liberals, try Of Plymouth Plantation), but I believe in our basic principles, that all men are created equal. That all men deserve equal opportunity. I don't believe that just because Phil's a Christian, he doesn't deserve his liberties like some people have suggested to me. In the same breath, I don't believe that just because some guy is a homosexual that he doesn't deserve his liberties either. If I can get married to whoever I want, so can some gay guy.

And keep in mind, when you see a military vet writing a blog like this, we have no choice. We swore to defend that constitution. We swore it to God.

Signed Dribbles



Dear EVERYONE:
Remember ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. That means even the people you hate. People say, "You can't let your religious beliefs dictate law," but really, if most of you were in office, most of you who make fun of our guys in office for not doing their jobs, you would be no different because most people I see allow their feelings to dictate what they think should be law, whether they use religion as their justification or science, or the role as the victim. All of us will always burn someone at the stake, and for the least virtuous of reasons. Ego. 

Duck Dynasty Guy and Homosexuality Stuff

You know how the duck dynasty guy said something about gay people? And now he's getting suspended from the show? I just wanted to share I like gay people, I support gay marriage, I support love, and I don't care what he said. He wasn't trying to bash anyone. He was simply telling you how he feels about sin. 

READ MORE ABOUT IT HERE

Mainstream translation of the Bible is the one who put homosexuality in context with things like beastiality, not the guy from Duck Dynasty. I still don't think the Bible had homosexual in there as much as the word probably better translates to whore, like I don't think the Bible ever referred to homosexuality in the context we use that term today (remember it wasn't written in English, and even our own words evolve into a different meaning). I believe Love is not a sin because God is love; however, irresponsible hollow sex is a different story, and you don't have to be gay to involve yourself with that. We all sin. We all get grace. We are allowed to be stupid thanks to Jesus. But we should all still try to do what we feel is right because what we feel is God talking to us. It really is a leap of faith that I feel the way I feel about what the Bible means. Mainstream religion disagrees with me. I cannot judge someone who is trying to do the right thing. He is trying to do the right thing. Just because his belief is in line with A belief the condemning bashing fanatic Bible Thumpers use doesn't mean he is full of the same hate. 

I don't watch all the episodes of Duck Dynasty, but I do like the show. I'm from West Virginia. That's how we do here too. My landlord is wealthy enough for the area that the bank kisses his ass, and he dresses in jeans and flannel and is just really humble. It's beautiful to see people like that. To see people that money just can't touch. You can call it white trash, but I call it keeping it real. 

It doesn't take much watching of the show to get to know Phil. He's my favorite because he's belligerently honest. He's the Dr. Phil of the Duck Dynasty. He is so full of shit, he annoys his own kin. He knows it. He knows his role is humor. He knows it's from speaking his mind. Bluntly. Somewhat incoherently. That's his character. Of course he's going to think homosexuality is a sin. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Of course he's not going to fuck with someone just because they are gay. He was raised better than that. He's the type, very obvious type, if he thinks you are going to hell for any reason, he'll sit you down and discuss your soul, but he would still be your friend and let you make your own decisions. That's what we are looking for from the religious community. That is called tolerance. Or better yet, a compromise to coexist. 

"I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." Definitely sounds like a hateful asshole to me... sarcasm sigh

A&E is just freaking out because of perceived ratings. They don't give a damn about gay people beyond their target market. And they screwed up because Phil was the best character on it. He made it popular. Though this whole thing might be their own publicity stunt... But if you really think something as high in the ivory towers as A&E really cares about your feelings, you are naive. They care about money. Advertising dollars. Ratings. You are a demographic and nothing more to them. That's what makes the gay movement successful. You now have the winning numbers, not the winning argument (well your argument is a good valid one, but that's not why A&E supports you). 

And no offense to my gay male friends, but he is dead right. My vagina is definitely better than anyone's anus. I'm sorry, but it is. I can prove it too. I got three beautiful children who came out of that hole. 

And seriously, if i was interviewing Phil, I would have asked, "So lesbians are ok then right?" We should be shaming the interviewer for not asking that question.

Really, condemning this man for his feelings on a subject is really only going to make that gap between the religious community and the homosexual community larger. Tolerance goes both ways. Religion says it's a sin. You are sinning just like the rest of us. Big deal. 

BEFORE you argue this argument anywhere, read this
http://theboeskool.com/2013/12/19/5-things-to-remember-when-discussing-this-duck-dynasty-mess/

Where are you God? My soul. My Mind. Lost.

I think that everyone has free will to believe whatever the fuck they want to believe, and pushing your standards and beliefs on others is distasteful and annoying. With that said, I'm not trying to push beliefs down your throat here. In fact, you don't have to read this. It really goes out to the Christians out there who like me, love God but can't find sanctuary in a church.

Do you ever wonder in the middle of the chaos of your life, "Where are you God? If you love me, why aren't you here helping me? Where are you?"

Do you remember the part of the Bible where Jesus said, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you."

Basically I'm saying there was this time where I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and I didn't fear evil, but I wondered where God was because he promised in writing he'd be with me. Well through the months of that, the months leading up to my vacation at the funny farm, these two old bitty women knocked on my door and invited me to a Baptist Church in town. Their names were also Laverne (something that sounded like it) and Shirley.

That was God. That's where He was trying to walk with me. I'm a dumbass who ignored it. I bet if I went to that church, I'd not have gotten as bad as I did. I'm planning to go this Sunday with the kids. Their children's church has puppets. I kind of want to go to that one.

I'm just taking a minute to say to you, if you wonder where God is in your life, you have to seek Him. Heaven is a place where the way in is the Homeboy Hookup. You gotta know Jesus/God. You have to know Him well enough for Him to say He knows you. God doesn't know my kids beyond my prayers at this point... And me? Remember that tree Eve ate from? Yeah, I ate the whole thing. I even made pies. I'm hopeless.

But the point is, if you want to know where God is in your life, don't ask God where He is. Ask yourself where you are.

On a side note: I'm going to start taking the kids to church. Their soul is their decision, but as a mom, I need to let them know their options. Plus it would be nice for someone to be like, "Listen to your mom when she talks or you are going to hell."

Happy Easter or Hump Day Preachy Keen Soapbox

Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about the Easter bunny, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about Spring.... Yeah I'm dancing as I type. I am the sexiest nerd with this right now let me tell you. Don't let this silliness fool you because this is a very serious topic, a religious one, or a spiritual one, you decide whatever role this shall play in your life, and if you aren't religious, that's okay. You can get something from this too.

So I started off writing this as a profile status on my facebook, and then I decided it was too risque for my profile, so I put it on my friend's page that was designed to post things we wouldn't post on our profile. It's called "Oh No! Did I Offend You?" No, I'm not asking you if you are offended yet. That's the name of the page. But I'm realizing a lot of Christians reading it totally missed the point I was trying to make in between the lines. I don't know why I keep trying to do this metaphorical coded Shakespearean Classic Literature attempt because the minds of today misses some obvious shit without Cliff's Notes. I bet you many will still miss it. It's because we are spiders. I'll get to that in a minute.

Anyway, the status...

So basically, Easter/Spring time was a Pagan deal about fertility. That time of year where we plant seeds outside like carrots and inside like loin fruits. It's the humping time of year, a holiday following one about love (Valentine's Day, which also had roots in fertility stuff), with symbols like eggs, bunnies, baby chickens, chocolate (aphrodisiac)… And then we got the Passover where we celebrate how God killed the first born of the Egyptians, then the Crucifixion where we celebrate how we killed God's first born, and then the Resurrection where God's first born was like haha, can't touch this, and came back to life… conveniently forgiving all our sins in the process, and by conveniently, I mean well played Christians. Some of you may act all holier-than-thou, but I see through it now. The timing of Jesus related celebrations was no coincidence. Y'all needed Jesus to forgive you for all the foul acts you did in the name of the Fertility gods, so that you may hump away guilt free. And for that. Thank. You. Thumbs up. You rock.

Let me spell out some things I mistakenly thought was obvious with this...

First of all, this really is a time of year where people naturally believe in new, birth, fertility, LIFE. After the cold harsh deaths of winter, we are followed with a resurrection of Spring, and yes I'm using these choice words on purpose, Resurrection meaning Jesus came back from the dead and this is a time of year where natural cycles show a new beginning, like the trees resurrected from winter, and getting knocked up. Research it. Every freaking folklore legend of the pagan beliefs that existed before Christianity are about fertility and fucking.

Second, there's a lot of coincidences going on here. Or are they? God didn't proclaim these holidays. These dates where we celebrate them are not anniversaries of the events. We chose these dates. It's just weird how it worked out, and I can't tell if it was a Freudian thing or an intentional one, and by Freudian, I don't mean sex or the psychosexual stages, I mean was this an Id deal? or a super ego one?

What is strange coincidental...

1. The story line of killing the first borns. Out of all the stories of the Old Testament, why the Passover during this time? I know the Jewish people celebrated it around spring? But why? The OT is full of stories where some awful suffering was going on, God intervened, people died, and then boom, new happy life, like Egyptians slaving Hebrews, God intervened with Moses, kids died, and slaves were freed, and it was followed with another tale where the slaves were travelling and starving, suffering, for a very long time (another winter) before hitting the promised land (another Spring). We have oodles of stories to pull from for that Winter/Spring theme to celebrate during this time of year, but why the one story where God killed the first born? So that we can then also follow it days later with the Crucifixion where karma comes back and we kill God's first born... Basically the same story, people being redeemed by the blood of a lamb... Note: New Testament dictates we turn the Passover celebrations, I guess, into eating bread and drinking wine and maybe washing feet depending on who translated the English translation for you, but me personally, I like bread and wine and try to incorporate that into my daily life regardless :)

2. Resurrection and Spring's renewal are very common themes. Out of all the stories in the Bible, nothing says Renewal and new birth and new beginnings better than the story of Jesus Resurrecting. This one has to have be intentional timing, much like fertility festivals were very common this time of year before the onset of Christianity. It all goes in line with Nature.

3. But even better than resurrection, with that story comes the concept of Grace. By Jesus Christ, we are forgiven. Just funny timing when we hit a new beginning, fresh start of Spring with a clean slate by grace during a time where procreation and the acts involved in procreating are at their peak. Many Christians of today seem to think they are immune to sin. That because they didn't have homosexual anal sex anytime recently that their sex is somehow less sinful than everyone else's where I'm sure it's not, and I mean this metaphorically. The sex can be metaphorical to any act where sin is possible and probable. I just don't think it's a coincidence where we celebrate grace at the same time of year we celebrate sex.

To continue my preaching... it's not a high horse thank you, this is my unicorn. 

A lot of Christians have fucked up this Easter story. At least as it's told in the Bible. Nothing in the Bible was intended to be literal without a metaphorical value while soaking up the context. Again, I think it's a Freudian thing, the ego this time, making sense of the super ego and the id. Anyway, the real story... We killed Christ. Our ancestors did. He died in the hands of human beings, and that would be us, unless you don't think you are human, and if you are not human, well then you must be an alien or a dog or some animal which all would be super awesome interesting, whether you are intelligent life people claim does not exist or you are a dog capable of reading a blog. Either way, the fact that maybe we aren't Roman or wasn't alive during the time does not mean we didn't do it. When you are talking 3 main forces in this world from a Biblical standpoint, God, Satan, and man, the one force that killed Christ was Man. Not Satan. Not fallen angels. We did it. Satan actually warned God about that which started the whole fight according to Catholic sources. When we crucified that man (which is a huge step beyond just killing someone), we proved Satan right for a second. God knew we would. He planned for it.

But Jesus didn't die for our sins. No our sins killed him. And on the brink of death, his dying words were, "Forgive them for they know not what they do," which that dying wish is what started the Grace process. That dying wish followed by coming back from the dead, resurrecting, that is what He did for us. And not only did we kill the man, we not only tortured him, we not only crucified his beliefs that were different than our own, we not only feared him because he loved us all and his idea of charity and communism would interfere with personal gain, not only are we closed minded murderers, but we are also stupid closed minded murderers. We are that lower life form, and Jesus is the guy who doesn't blame the poisonous spider for biting him because the spider is a stupid creature acting on instinct.

Should that concept insult you? Not if you have Jesus in your life. With Jesus in your life, you are SUPPOSED to be humbled.

And that's the point of the story. Our sins are our venom. We bit the Messiah out of fear and stupidity. He resurrected so we wouldn't suffer consequences beyond our understanding. This didn't just happen a bunch of years ago. This is a cycle, much like winter and spring, and it repeats itself perpetually. Like the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland, we killed Time. We Killed Christ, and we are sentenced to a perpetual tea party with a broken watch. If you are unfamiliar with that part of Alice in Wonderland, there's Cliff's Notes on the subject. But the point is, we still crucify Christ every day when we crucify a man for his beliefs. When we decide we hate homosexuals, we are crucifying Christ. When we decide atheists suck, we crucify Christ. When we decide we are holier than thou to every being who walks in your church, we are crucifying Christ. When we deny starving people food, we are crucifying Christ. When we picket funerals of soldiers, we are crucifying Christ. I could go on and on. But we all do it, somewhere, someway, somehow. All of us including myself. We all crucify him still, and we are forgiven still.

BUT, while Grace saves our asses, part of the Grace deal is what? Accepting Christ in your life. Now when the Bible says that, or maybe I should say when Christ said that, He wasn't referring to walking into a man-made structure called a Church and saying, "hey, I accept Jesus in my life" and then go there every Sunday and put on your Puritan costume living in a delusion that you are saved giving you every right to judge people and damn them to hell. How the hell people get that from that is beyond me and totally proves the stupidity point even further. Jesus Christ is a dead guy who came back from the grave. How do you accept a dead guy in your life? You accept His spirit, what he stood for, his beliefs, his LOVE for humanity. That acceptance doesn't siphon out the poison of sin from your body. You are still full of sin and possibly shit. There is no way to make a turd clean to touch. Nope, you are still a product of both good and evil, and by working with your goodness every day to overcome evil, to over come temptations, to LOVE instead of hate (both of which are passions), you are accepting Christ in your life. You are allowing him in your heart. You are permitting him to dictate what you do without fear. And the more you do it, the more you will recognize him upon your death because I assure you he will not look like the white guy with facial hair in all the paintings. You will have to recognize Him by what he stood for. Noah Webster once said the righteous will see God, and he's right. They will. But by how they actually live, not the facade they present.

So when I say, "Accept Christ in your life," I mean anyone could be doing that. Just because they don't go to your church and live exactly the way you live and believe exactly what you believe doesn't mean they don't. I have seen atheists live a life more in line with Christ's teachings than some Christians, and I would say those atheists in that case know Christ better, and have accepted Him more so, than the Christians. Christ is not a label. It doesn't matter what you call Him. If He's there, He's there. And just because they sin doesn't mean they are not allowed Christ or have to change to your ways. You sin all the damn time. Everyone does. It's unavoidable because we are stupid. We are equally flawed. Of course, we all try to reduce sin as much as possible, but the process of that is something between the sinner and God (trinity) and is nobody else's business.

Now I am reading a lot about Easter and it's history. Here's some of the comments from that status...


Tim says, " Truth...Easter is the season of Easter/Oaestre, the Greek goddess of fertility. This is the season when the Greeks had large orgies while dressing in pastel colors. The symbols used to celebrate were fertility ones such as:
Rabbits (multiply voraciously)
Eggs (symbol of the womb)
Chocolate (aphrodisiac)
Where the Christ resurrection comes into play is the Celestial cross...
During December 22-25th the SUN OF GOD stops moving forward and starts to move backwards for 3 Days, then starts to move forward again on the 25th. The location of this occurrence and the location of the planet's form a celestial CROSS. Thus, the SUN OF GOD DIES ON THE CROSS AND RISES AGAIN IN 3 DAYS. This is also how the LIE of a Jesus was born on December 25th occurred. The SUN OF GOD was born when the SUN moved forward on the 25th.
A CRAZY ASS CRUSADER (CHRISTIAN WHO KILLS IN THE NAME OF HIS RELIGION AND TAKES OVER LANDS TO SPREAD THE WORD -BS!) named Constantine(Sp?) AND THE KNIGHTS OF TEMPLAR (Modern day KKK) was commissioned by the Pimp, oh I mean Pope, to spread the word and the papacy indoctrinated these pagan rituals into its religion for financial gain and to spread the MYTH of EUROPEAN Jesus (which was really a MASTER MASON NAMED CAESAR BORNINE (Sp?), Son of the POPE.)
The fable get more entertaining...
Look it up, do not BE-LIE-EVE anyone."

Theresa gave this link: http://rcg.org/books/ttooe.html

Susan says, "Actually, Easter is another of the many pagan holidays adopted by Christianity. It's a celebration of rebirth. It was a time when the days began to grow longer and plants began to grow again, it was also the time when fields were planted, animals were born and the time of the New Year celebration before the Gregorian calendar was adopted. It's a celebration of fertility and hope for prosperity. The egg has long been a symbol of fertility. When Christianity began spreading, the people were hard put to discard their celebrations, so they were adapted to Christianity. Christmas is another celebration adopted by the Christians. Jesus had nothing to do with either of them."

Basically, in a nut shell, Easter is a tradition based on tribal tales where we can't differentiate between fact and fiction of what little of the story is left. We have no idea where the fuck (punny) this holiday came from or what it means. I can't tell you if you are going to burn in hell for celebrating it, even with the focus on Jesus Christ, or not. I can't speak for God. I can't speak for you. All I can say is Christ taught Love. That's the gist of the Bible. It says God is Love. Jesus did nothing but show an example of Love. Even when Jesus disagreed, He was still all about Love.

So analyze what you want to analyze, but the important thing is it's Easter. Go love your lover in ways that justify Christ's resurrection. Happy Hump Day, I mean Happy Easter. Frolic and don't forget the bread and wine WINE WINE did I mention WINE.

Love and Marriage... and dirty dirty sex

For those who don't realize it, a lot of people on Facebook are changing their profile pics to a symbol similar to this. The original can be found at the Human Rights Facebook page here. What does it mean? Today is day 1 of the Supreme Court Hearings, today on Prop. 8 and tomorrow on DOMA. You too can show support for equal rights by changing your profile picture. I made this one sparkle. 

Now I personally am trying very hard to avoid politics with this blog, but I've said it before in a previous blog, it's really an unavoidable topic because it's about our lives and future. 

If one of my children grow up and discover they are attracted to their own gender, I don't want them to be denied the same rights I have just because of that. I'm all about equal rights. And that's what this is about more so than anything, providing equal rights to people. 

Marriage, however, is a difficult subject because it's based on religion, but we have evolved where marriage is also a government contract between two people, one that we use to define a lot of what goes on in every day life. Marriage means something. Even if you don't believe in religion at all, marriage still means something. This tradition has evolved in of itself, going well beyond the boundaries of religion. So from a government contract perspective, I'm all about it.

I'm all about helping people save money on their tax returns, and we all know married filing jointly helps, a lot. I am also all about helping people get healthcare, and you have to be married to get on your spouse's insurance. I'm also all about helping children stay with their other parent after one dies, and that's like impossible for a same sex couple to have that right without a marital contract (and obviously by parent, I mean person raising and caring for child, not person who donated sperm or womb).

Now, I may not be a religious person, but I am a very spiritual one who believes in God, Jesus Christ, and the Bible. Maybe I was brainwashed as a child growing up in the Born Again religion, but I would think converting to Baptism and having a church do me really dirty would undo most of that. Either way, from a religious standpoint, I know most Christian based religions consider homosexuality a sin and therefore are not only against homosexuality at all, but they definitely oppose homosexuality in the "sacred" nature of marriage. Some Christian fanatics go even farther into the realm of hate, which to me is because they are also assholes, and that's what assholes do, hate people for stupid reasons. 

I don't think the Bible says homosexuality is a sin. I think it says freaky sex is a sin, and I think it's a sin almost everyone commits regularly, whether they are homosexual or not. But I DO (haha punny) love it when someone gets all "homosexuality is a sin," and that someone is someone I know for a fact has no room to talk about sin in the bedroom (either because I was with them when they committed the sin, or because they brag about their awesome sex). It just amazes me people who themselves engage in oral sex, anal sex, masturbation as foreplay, dildo's, nipple clips, butt plugs... will lecture people about the sanctity of sex. Even more hypocrisy when they commit ADULTERY (that is a commandment breaker whereas being homosexual is not), lie to their spouses, divorce... lecturing us about the sanctity of marriage. Jesus did say something about casting stones once didn't He? 

I just believe God is Love and where there is love, there is God, and if two people want to get married, that has to be love because marriage is a sacrifice, a very big sacrifice, a bigger sacrifice than death, and if love isn't a good enough reason to do something, then God isn't either, so if you love God at all, you'll love love, no matter what. 

Whatever happens with this Supreme Court stuff, I do have faith that love will conquer all, eventually, and by the time my children are old enough to be allowed to get married at all, that they will have the option to marry any person they wish to marry, outside of incest.

The sad thing is, when I talk about homosexual marriage, the only time I really need to censor what I say is when it comes to the Bible, ironically. I'm telling you people, that book should be rated R with a parental advisory sticker for violence and sex.