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Crumpets and Bollocks: August 2013

Crumpets and Bollocks

Crumpets and Bollocks: August 2013

Monday, August 26, 2013

Message to young women, the musical

I noticed a new trend with the younger female generation, especially the Disney stars. Whore is in. The fuck is wrong with you. Do you know how much shit we women put up with trying to step outside the stereotype? The get in the kitchen and make me a sammich. The drop on your knees like a bitch.

When I was young and free, I used to make fun of whores. The girl who went down on every guy at the party. The crack head on the dance floor dancing to her own rhythm showing boobs and meat drapes without knowing it. The low self esteem trying to make out with her crack head friend for attention they obviously couldn't get otherwise. The short skirts. The bikini like tops.

These women think they want attention. Let me tell you what women want. We want...


And you ain't gettin us any of that with all that half naked twerkin.

I just watched Miley Cyrus segment of the VMA 2013, and she cray. Girl be trippin.


THIS USED TO BE THE SPOT WHERE I POSTED THE VIDEO OF VMA. They keep disappearing off youtube. I give up. I can't even begin to describe it for you. If you didn't see it you didn't see. I'm not sorry for you. Enjoy watching Hannah Montana stuff. Do not keep reading. Ignorance IS bliss. Enjoy the bliss.


I just watched the girl molest a foam fan finger. The little girl my 6 year old idolizes was on television molesting a toy my kid also wanted (Steelers actually). I'm really thinking of telling my kids Hannah Montana was killed by crack. Butt crack and crank crack. And don't you think Miley I don't recognize someone on some sort of illegal narcotic. You had a high, my guess cocaine or ecstasy. What happened? The stage got boring? You got used to that high and you needed an extra boost? I ain't judging you. Some of our pillars of society including previous presidents enjoyed that shit. Me, I won't try it because I know me. I'll get hooked with the freebie alone. Shit, I have a Diet Coke, Motrin, Vodka problem. They don't even have rehabs for that.

But this isn't about the drugs. It's about the whoreism. Never go full whore, unless you are in drag. Miley, you went full whore. You're not the first. I know you are surrounded by other celebrities, and people who will obviously do anything for you, and that includes telling you what you want to hear. Beautiful women do whatever the fuck they want to do. Nobody has the balls to tell them otherwise. When you say, "Am I twerking right?" to one of your dancers, and they be all like, "Girl you look hot," they gonna say that no matter what you look like because you are Miley Cyrus. But girl you did not look hot tonight. You looked like every girl I see at the club. Whoring. Off rhythm. Actually, you looked like a 14 year old girl whoring at the club for the first time. That actually gives me hope that you are still that naive...

Fact of the matter is, Miley looked like a lot of girls in America. The new generation of girls. The I need attention watch me whore myself for it. They could be virgins, but you will never know the way they straddle the bar stool or pole on the dance floor. And poorly at that. My girl Nikki offline (not Moms who Drink and Swear LOL she will love it though if you confuse them I'm sure), my girl Nikki, AKA Tricky Nikki, I've seen that girl twerk a pole on the dance floor ass cheeks clapping the damn thing. Now that ain't twerkin. That's workin. She didn't do it for attention or to get guys. No, we were involved in a dance territory issue. That night. Before that night, she used to be a stripper. Don't knock it. She fed her kids with that.

Let me tell you how it's done. Let me tell you how I do. I had my party days. I used to go out to the club at least twice a week if not more. Ladies night, Friday night, and Saturday night. Whatever I could afford, time and money because my job always came first.

First the clothes. I had friends who frequently wore mini skirts, low cleavage tops, hooker boots... the whole nine yards. Me, I was determined to make whatever I had look good. I like the dude look. Dudes know how to dress. They know how to act. They always look chill. I can switch that up to my style easy. So back in the day, the dudes wore stuff like this over there.

I took that outfit look and put on a spaghetti strap tank underneath, unzipped the zipper right below my boobs, and boom, I was pimping. Every week after that, girls were wearing my style.

The other thing I did, black pants and a nice dress shirt, usually sleeveless. Um, you can't go to the club now without seeing half the people dressed like that. You're welcome. I did it because jeans, like all my friends were wearing, gave me gas. I needed elastic pant tops.

But that's my thing. I'm the trendsetter whores follow. I can pull off class in a way the weaker women want to mimic. Some of them over whorify the look, but the thing is I pull it off. Now let me tell what that difference is.

Confidence.

See I don't need to mimic someone else's style. I do my own thing. I don't want to look like every girl in the club. I like all eyes on me, even if I'm camera shy with stage fright, I still like all eyes on me when I walk into a club, and I'm not going to get that being like everyone else. I get that being me, even if I'm covered up more than other women, even if my dress was 7 dollars at Walmart, even if I'm an old fat mom.

Why? Because...


I think the problem is role models. See, most women look up to train wrecks like Britney Spears. Even children like my daughters look up to people like that when it comes to determining what to wear to school. Whatever is pop. I never wanted to be a peasant girl like that. I always looked for royalty. People I look up to for fashion, style, swag, milk shake...

The two reigning queens of R&B and Hip Hop are Mary J. Blige and Erykah Badu. They are royalty. They are the best female vocalists you can find when it comes to beauty, talent, class and badass. They are the phenomenal women poets like Maya Angelou write about. They empower women with their song. They are icons to what it means to be a woman. You won't see them twerking it with some non-kosher sausage on the dance floor. You find them kicking ass, inspiring people to think deeper and feel deeply. These are the women I want my daughters to look up to.

And someone like Miley Cyrus comes close (not that close), but she's still a baby. The more she tries to prove she's grown up, the more she shows her youth. It was awesome how she cut her hair flipping off the gender paradigm of the expectations regarding a woman's hair. But she destroyed it by going full whore, by following everyone else, by trying to be Rhianna, even if it was merely for entertainment purposes. I'm sure she had fun. I'd have fun doing all that. Maybe if she looked more like me trying to do all those moves she could pull it off as humor. Girl, and all you girls out there, if you are sick of being treated like a child, you need to act like a woman.

What does that even mean?

My girl Koko will tell you what it means...


And don't forget Peg from Lady and the Tramp... She can tell you what that means...




You can twerk it, you can work it, get drunk, get crunk, but you ain't grown until you shown what it means to be a woman.

Again, never go full whore unless you are in drag. Tell yourself, "I'm better than that."

Still shake that ass once in a while. I can't mop my floor without shaking it. And it takes skill to shake it the way I shake it. Twerkin ain't got shit on me. Like for real, if all you can do is hump things...


Edited to add, due to the sufficient amount of vodka that was drank during the writing of this blog (it's the only thing breaking my PMS fever), I might of forgotten one very important video. Ladies, this is how you are supposed to dance. Don't get me wrong, you are fine, but that means you are fine enough you don't need to twerk it for attention.




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Saturday, August 17, 2013

Steelers Training Camp Pictures

Taken Monday August 12, 2013

To View as a slideshow, click on a picture. Then click on a picture to get to the next one.

Troy Polamalu

Troy Polamalu


Troy Polamalu
Troy Polamalu


Troy Polamalu
Troy Polamalu





Ben Roethlisberger


Ben Roethlisberger

Ben Roethlisberger

Ben Roethlisberger

Ben Roethlisberger

Ben Roethlisberger





Brett Keisel

Brett Keisel


Brett Keisel


Brett Keisel




Isaac Redman
Isaac Redman


Coach Tomlin

Coach Tomlin

Coach Tomlin

One Play

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice Ben


Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice



Random Practice Shots

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice

Steelers 2013 Practice





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Zoo Pictures

I took a little day vacation with the family. The actual story of events are in other posts. This is just pictures of the zoo without the family for those needing a picture of an animal and googled it.

These pictures in THIS POST are free for commercial or personal use. Not the whole blog. Just this post. In the rest of the blog, I frequently use images of trademarked products, movies, actors etc. that fall under fair use. You don't want to use those for commercial purposes. But this post, you should be okay to where you won't need to double check with some attorney or anything.

These pictures were taken from The Pittsburgh Zoo.


Aquarium

Aquarium

Aquarium Sponges
What? No pineapple? Where are these sponges supposed to live?

Dory Fish Real
Dory, also known as a Regal Blue Tang, primarily eats Plankton
Plankton will NOT rule the world with Dory around in the case spongebob fails.
Dory, Regal Blue Tang
More Dory

Octopus
I think this is an octopus because squids have penis
shaped heads.

fish
fish
sea horse

Catfish
Electric Eel
Electric Eel
Japanese Fish




























Jellyfish

Jellyfish
Star Fish


Star Fish
Patrick Star and some family members.


Goldfish

Gold Fish




Gold Fish


Gold Fish









Gold Fish
Gold Fish












goldfish



Because you can't go to the zoo without taking a bunch of freakin pictures of freakin goldfish right?









Cats

Leopard






Leopard


Snow Leopard

Lioness sleeping with legs sprawled out
Lioness
tiger
Tiger Cub


Elephants

Elephant
Elephant


Elephant

Elephants



Giraffe

This one has a story. This giraffe eyeballed a misbehaving kid and gave the family a dirty look once kid was safe. She walked as far front as she could to look. Eyeballed kid. Then walked off like, "Control your brat."


Giraffe

Giraffe
Giraffe

Giraffe



Rhino / Unicorn


Rhinoceros


Rhinoceros

Rhinoceros



Safari Fast Food

GazellesGazelles

Gazelles
























Monkeyish Aminals related to Humans
I apologize. The quality sucks because A, my husband took pictures and is not a photographer and the camera made them look better than what they were on its screen. and B, the hairy humans were, for the most part, behind dirty glass (probably to cover the smell, which makes sense, humans would be mostly related to the stinkiest of all the animal options).

Silverback GorillasSilverback Gorillas


Baby Silverback Gorilla
Silverback Gorillas

Silverback Gorillas
Before
Silverback Gorillas Peeing
Peeing


ring tailed lemursring tailed lemurs







Random MonkeyRandom Monkey



Random Monkey

Random Monkey
Random Monkey



Random MonkeyRandom Monkey




Birds

Peacock

Peacock

Penguins


Random Bird

Random Bird



FlamingosFlamingosFlamingos



Bears


Red Haired PandaRed Haired Panda





Black Bear








Black Bear




Komodo Dragon


Komodo Dragon
This is a Komodo Dragon. KOMODO. Not Kimono. Not that I'd be stupid enough to think it's a Kimono Dragon.



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