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Crumpets and Bollocks: October 2013

Crumpets and Bollocks

Crumpets and Bollocks: October 2013

Monday, October 28, 2013

The not so funny part of farming children

I know I joke about the crazy of parenting, a lot. A. Lot. I refer to it as Mom Syndrome, one where the symptoms include having a dirty sippy cup or bottle under your bed and you hear babies cry when there are no babies around. One where you talk like you have Tourettes because you are interrupted that many times by your kids and thoughts of your kids. Did the 3 year old just go into the bathroom? Shit hold on for a minute while I check. Or is that the sound of running water? What was I saying?

Oh yes, motherhood is a crazy ass roller coaster. The humor is sometimes the only thing to get me through some stressful moments, but it isn't really all humor. There's a serious underlying tone to it all...

We push ourselves beyond the limits our bodies can handle. The Marine Corps says that pain is weakness exiting the body, and all 4 branches will tell you that your body can handle more than you think if you push yourself enough. 


We moms put that to the test. Every day we do. And there is a breaking point. Yes, it can break you. It broke me.

I hate to admit this in a blog publicly, like this is a deep dark secret that should just go into the closet and stay there, but I am going to admit it. Why? So to help people. I also want to just fucking say it somewhere just because I suck at keeping secrets. I went crazy. Not a haha take your meds crazy. More of a crisis 2 week vacation at the funny farm in the hospital. That's where I've been, and I am so grateful for the other admin on my Facebook page for keeping it going in my absence. 

The thing is, there was a point in July where things started to get bad. There was no obvious trigger for it though. That's because I'm pretty sure the trigger was I over did it. 

  • Years of sleep deprivation
  • Zero ME Time
  • Anxiety from trying to get the kids to school on time to trying to get them to fall asleep
  • Guilt from being late to allowing the kids sleep in the living room
  • Pushing myself too hard to be this June Cleaver paradigm that I openly admit does not exist
  • Constant self criticism like I am never good enough for me. 

They have medication for this, so it's ok if you go there. If you ever do feel suicidal or homicidal, please utilize the funny farm. It's a break. It's a place to heal. To jump start you becoming a better, healthier version of you. I shit you not, I left the hospital today, and I feel like I'm looking at things for the first time ever. I was mentally sick longer than I thought. A lot of buildings and reconstruction occurred in my absence, and 2 weeks just seems rather short for it, so I was gone a long time before I went.

To every mom out there, the purpose of this post, this is the message I want to say to you. The message straight from the lips of my Doctor...

SLOW DOWN

You are missing out on the best things of life rushing through it, and you will make yourself sick. That's right. You will make yourself sick if you go too fast. 

Your ME TIME IS VERY IMPORTANT. 

It is more important than most people think. It's more important than dinner. Your time away from your family is necessary. You need to relax and rejuvenate from time to time, regularly.  And like my doctor said, what kind of mother are you if you aren't there at all? Taking an hour or two here and there is better for the kids and less of an abandonment than being gone forever. 

I know it's not easy because I'm the one in the world where I get no help for anything, but being out of commission for 2 weeks, my family stepped up and did help. If they can do it for those two weeks, they can do it a couple hours a week on the regular. If not, I'm going to have to find a way.

I think in my case, I'm going to create a regular Girls night out. Why? The funny farm doesn't offer adult beverages (though the pills are really hot there). I think I want an adult beverage. Simple. I know.

To all of you reading this, best of luck to you and yours. Please drink responsibly if you do that sort of thing, and please mother responsibly. You CAN OD on motherhood. And end up ....


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Saturday, October 12, 2013

Vaccines and Autism: Why I vaccinate

I suppose I should tackle this subject at some point because autism seems to bring the most readers to my blog. I guess I should start off by saying all of my kids are vaccinated. I even went so far as to get the flu shot for myself this year. I did it without hesitation. I did it out of desperation.

This subject is not something where I want to tell you what to do. It was a long process for me to get to the point where I made the decision I made. This is my little bloggity do on why I did it. I hope the information helps you on your journey to a decision.

The AUTISM part...

The debate seems to be focused on autism. Here are some points I'd like to point out in that debate...

1. Vaccines most likely do not cause autism. No study DISPROVES the link between the two. They just can't prove a correlation exists between the two, and the studies that did were debunked. That doesn't mean vaccines do not cause autism; they still could, but it's highly unlikely. To add, most evidence supports more of a genetic cause, but there seems to be an overwhelming population of kids on the spectrum being born to families who have no other family member with signs of autism. I would like to see a study done on that portion of the population.

2. Autism is not bad. Stop acting like it is. You are insulting autistic people when you treat autism like the kiss of death.

Here's a good article for reading. Again I want to clarify that the studies do not disprove a link between autism and vaccination, nor does it DISPROVE a link between autism and MMR. All it does is suggest the link is unlikely because it does not prove a link. There's a huge difference between saying, "THIS IS PROVEN FALSE" and "THIS ISN'T PROVEN TRUE." If you find that fascinating, or confusing, I totally suggest taking a college course in Research Methods. I think some doctors may need a refresher course on it as well. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jj-keith/vaccines_b_3829948.html

Let's assume for a minute (I do this when I'm not sure the accuracy of information), that the "crazies" are right and the MMR vaccine causes autism. If I had to choose between autism and the measles, I'm going to pick autism. There are cases where the measles can lead to death. I've not known a case of autism causing someone's death. Of course we all die eventually, but if you want to compare quality of life, measles kind of suck. To me, the priority is a no-brainer.

Why I vaccinated...

When I found myself waiting in the waiting room at my doctor's office watching their health TV which mentioned the measles outbreak briefly, I saw my one kid, the one allergic to everything, the one who wasn't vaccinated yet as a result, with the measles. I couldn't unsee the image my brain for whatever messed up reason created, and yes I let the fear drive me into vaccinating my kid. Because unlike autism, the measles is something you SHOULD be afraid of. Most of the diseases vaccines try to prevent are things you SHOULD be afraid of.

If you can't look at these pictures, I mean really look at these pictures, then you should probably vaccinate your kids. I say that because these things suck, and they are what vaccinations try to prevent, like if you can't really look at these pictures and not feel fear of your kid getting it, then you don't want your kid to get this.


MEASLES...   CDC/Barbara Rice
From 
http://www.minnpost.com/health/2008/08/measles-report-why-we-still-need-vaccines

This boys at the Cheshire Home for Handicapped Children
in Menagesha have suffered extreme deformities from the polio virus.
Courtesy of: World Health Organization.
Retrieved from: http://www.vaccineinformation.org/polio/photos.asp
Caption from 
http://whatispolio.weebly.com/photos.html
Jaundice is a common symptom with Hepatitis as it affects the liver

An adherent, dense, grey pseudomembrane covering the tonsils is classically seen in diphtheria
From 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphtheria
A child "suffering" from the autism spectrum. My child to be exact.
Oh the humanity!

We fear anthrax more than flu, sharks more than pigs, flying more than driving, terrorism more than handguns, and autism more than measles.

The other argument that got to me in the decision making process for all my children, besides fear, is guilt. To not vaccinate is a very selfish deal because some kids cannot get vaccinated. Vaccinations are not safe for everyone. You can read this story about how the Hep B Vaccination was deadly for this family.

If your kid has some medical reason to not get vaccinated, the only protection for that kid from these diseases is the herd mentality of the rest of us vaccinating our kids. Why? That reduces the chances of an unvaccinated kid getting infected by not bringing them a disease to get infected with. Even my doctor mentioned that me getting the flu shot helps reduce risks of my kids getting the flu by reducing my risks of getting it to pass to them, and if someone can't get the vaccination because their health already sucks, most likely something like the measles could really complicate pre-existing conditions.

There is another side to this whole herding vaccination concept that says it doesn't work. They say it's false information to trick the population into vaccinating. "They" are sometimes people like you and I who took the power of Google to find this out and then inform us all of this great inaccuracy, and "they" are often doctors who questioned the system. Either way, "their" argument usually has some holes to it, and when it comes to "I don't fucking know who is right!" moments, I generally side with my instinct, which has no logic to it whatsoever. Basically, when logic fails, I stop using it. My instinct in this case says that vaccinations are not 100% safe, nor are they 100% effective, but they are the best we got so far, and no matter how wrong people are on the subject, I think not getting myself sick is good for those around me.

Now the Flu Shot. Why did I even go there? I read everything on it. The amount of crap they put into it. I agree it's unhealthy, but ever since my kids started public schools, I've been sick back to back from August to April. Every time I get over one thing, I catch something else. I do everything for my kids. I have no back up. I have no babysitter. My mother doesn't come clean my house, or take my kids to school, or pick them up, or help them with homework, or even watch the kids a few hours. My MIL doesn't. I do that. Sometimes the husband helps. I can't be sick. My kids are late for school when I'm sick. My kids never do their homework when I'm sick. The house is a mess when I'm sick. We order a lot of pizza when I'm sick. I can't stand it anymore.

This year it hit me again. After the first week of school, I was sick. Before that infection could turn into bronchitis, I already had symptoms of strep throat. So when I went in for a second round of antibiotics, I was like, "I don't care if it works. I don't care if it makes my autism worse. I don't care what is in it. Give me the flu shot. The chance alone is worth it to me." I'd give the doc a BJ if he told me his cum was rumored to prevent the flu.

Now my children, they don't get the flu shot. The oldest is allergic to eggs and nuts. The youngest is allergic to everything. The risk is too high for them, plus studies that most doctors agree with suggest that the flu shot is less effective on young kids and old people. It is most intended for middle aged people, like myself. So knowing that all the little kids and all the old people in nursing homes, even if they do get the flu shot, it probably wouldn't work, the best thing for them is for people like me to not get sick, and if the flu shot is effective somewhat for my age group, why not? Vitamin C and Zinc are good too.

But what I want to say to the scientific community on the subject... To the doctors. 

Vaccines are not in the clear. 

The Salzburger Study showed a correlation in an increase in allergies and asthma for vaccinated individuals and then some, but for a study to be accurate, it must be replicated, so we are still at "we need to do more studies." I don't think we have proven beyond a shadow of doubt that vaccines are 100% safe and effective. It's possible they can be. It's possible we can tweak vaccines into being more cost effective and safe at the same time. Instead of worrying about the costs associated to any improvements to the effectiveness and safety of the current vaccinations, we should be worried about the opportunity costs of stagnation. 

If science wants to be taken with more credibility, it needs to move forward without bias. Someone needs to study that sample of the population claiming autism. Something is definitely going on. You just cannot invalidate that many mothers' opinions. I've read their blogs. They aren't stupid people. Science should be more concerned about finding out what is actually going on than disproving that the problem exists.



EDITED TO UPDATE: I found this article. If you are "crunchy" as the author puts it, read this. 

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Saturday, October 5, 2013

Use a little coffee to remove the most stubborn stain off your sofa

Ever have one of those stubborn sleeping husband stains on the sofa? I found the best method for removing the stain. At least it worked ok today...

1. Start off with a good slap upside the shoulder, "WAKE UP!!" That's just to help bring him up from the dream state so he knows what going on when you go to step 2.

2. Titty twister. Yes. Grab that nipple and twist. If the stain isn't out yet, proceed to...

3. Lick his stomach and then make nom nom nom sounds on it.

4. Tummy raspberry.

5. Have all the kids pile on him and walk across his face.

6. If that doesn't work, keep screaming at him to get up to make some coffee until he does.

And that is how you remove a stubborn sleeping husband stain off your sofa. Just be careful because it sometimes shows right back up once the coffee starts brewing. If that happens...

1. Have the 3 year old keep asking him to make mommy's coffee. We know it's brewing, but the 3 year old doesn't understand that.

2. Start talking to him about Star Trek.

3. Slap his cheek with your boob. Beware, the stain might suck you in if you get this close, in which case, 2 wet willies, drool on his armpit, and then squirm out of the firm grasp. Do not fall asleep. I repeat, do not fall asleep. Stay Strong. You can do it.

4. Pour his coffee and hand it to him.

I think I totally saw an episode where June Cleaver did this. Who knew coffee would take out one of the most stubborn stains?

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