Happy Places I Tend to Visit

You know that movie with Adam Sandler where he keeps imagining his happy place to control his anger? Happy Gilmore? Well as a mom, I find myself needing a happy place so that I may maintain a happy face. You really can't talk to your kids in a pissed off panic state of frustration because that will just make them do the same thing back to you, which then makes it a thousand times worse. So here's some places I go for my happy place, a 10 second break into Wonderland. Feel free to steal any one of these fantasies.



1. I imagine myself diving into a huge pool of water. No land. No edge. And I just swim freely, twisting, flipping, opening my arms out and soaking in the water, floating on top, or sliding through it like a dolphin. Basically the things I do at the swimming pool to adjust to the water's temperature.

2. I imagine Jesus on the Cross, and then he rips his right arm breaking that stem of the cross, and then his left arm doing the same, throws the cross pieces to the floor, and he does this like he's Terry Crews ripping through an Old Spice commercial, and then he walks right up to me and picks me up, sweeping me off my feet like a knight in shining armor, and carries me like a Footprints poem.

3. Spongebob and Jim Morrison dancing to F is the fun stuff we do together U is for you and me...

4. I find pleasure in thinking about what it would be like to be a millionaire who orchestrates giving all the kids at school silly string at the same time just so the school will know what a parent goes through for the first 4 hours after school, not that THAT would give them any empathy because they really just don't give a shit about you, which is why it's so much fun to think about.

5. I like to close my eyes, and think back to that exact moment I was giving birth with my first kid, and I was in so much pain I was turning purple, twitching, spitting out the Fuck word every 3 seconds, biting and sucking on the side of the bed rail... and then enter angels singing Handel's Messiah. The anesthesiologist walks in and gives me an epidural. I try to feel the needle in my spine again. And for a whole millisecond, my body tricks my mind into thinking it's numb from the waist down again. Ahhh good times. Sometimes I rub the spot on my back where it was just for luck.

6. I imagine being 6 years old sitting in a boring Sunday service in the sanctuary falling asleep with my head laying on my dad's tummy fat.

7. I know it's cheesier than anything mentioned thus far, as if that's possible, but I like to imagine that I'm dancing, badly, with either my father or Jesus. I'm always staring at my toes as we attempt to actual dance with spins and twirls and stuff. Sometimes when I'm with Jesus, I start to drop it like it's hot, and then he gives me that stern look and shakes his head no, and I stop and apologize, and then he's like, "this is how you do it," and starts dancing like Usher, in the white robe with sandals....

So now that I told you some of my happy places, what are some of yours? 

Comment below if you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain, or if you aren't into yoga, or if you have half a brain...

Crazy people are people too

You know how I say I'm crazy with pride? Well it depends on what crazy I'm referring to. The crazy that's me, that's always been me, the me dancing in weird places to make the clerk laugh or driving like a mad woman, that's a crazy I'm proud of. The diagnosis crazy, the stuff that's new to me, not so proud and highly embarrassed.

I also know not only what it's like to take care of crazy people, I know what it's like to be crazy. 

When I take care of my nephew, I want people to know he's crazy. He's a handful. He's difficult. I want people to know because it IS difficult to raise him. I earned it dealing with the crazy. I want you all to know for sympathy and an occasional pity party because I need those things to get by and keep me going. Everyone enjoys a good pity party once in a while. Don't even pretend you are immune to that. Even more, don't be the asshole who is all, "shut the fuck up, stop bitching, and live your life about it," because we all know you cower like a little bitch too on occasion and need a poor you minute. 

I know I'm not the only one. I read blogs of moms of special needs kids, and most do the same thing. It's so difficult to raise this kid. It's almost impossible at times. There are issues that have no solutions. These are things they actually do experience. Things they want the world to be more understanding of because of those people who say, "Suck it up it's called parenting." 

One time I was on a facebook group, and a mom of a kid with down syndrome went ape shit over someone calling a mean person retarded. I understand the word offends her. I understand her need to advocate for her son and release her inner pity party, but she went too far when she is offended that someone called someone else retarded because she believes her son is retarded. It makes him appear special needs more so than he already is to people.

Yes, we are flipping the picture here. As the person who is crazy, I'm sick of people treating me as such. Here's the deal. I have a diagnosis that should land me in a long-term care facility for the rest of my life. I'm not there. Instead, I'm at home cleaning the house, taking care of my kids, raising my kids, cooking meals, planning doctor appointments, handling all the finances, taking the kids to school... I'm still the person everyone calls when shit hits the fan, "Hey Michelle, tears, I don't know what to do, I need to pay my water bill and I don't have the money." Ok. I'll help. "Hey Michelle, come get me now before I kill my mother." Got it kid. I will pick you up mid-meltdown with all 3 kids with me, calm you down, and make you spaghetti. "Hey Michelle, I can't bring this kid lunch because I'm busy here at work, do you mind dropping some off?" Why not? I'm the crazy one right? Nevermind my life, what do you want me to cook for him? 

Now that I've more than proved I'm more capable of life than most non-crazy neurotypical people, then they follow it with:

• You can't make clear decisions because of your diagnosis.
• Nobody will take you seriously in court or in your kids' school because of your diagnosis; your husband will get instant custody of the kids in a divorce because of your diagnosis
• Your advice that will make things easier on you in the future when I come at you to fix my problem is something I can't follow because you are crazy and therefore have no credibility; and when you come at me later with, "I told you so," I'm going to believe you are making it all up because you are crazy. 
• You can't say crazy things like "she's gonna regret the day she pissed in my Cheerios," or "Patti has no idea her pet unicorn, Lord Burgess Atwood, loves to dance to showtunes from Rodgers and Hammerstein," because of your diagnosis, people will take it wrong. 
• You are making excuses for your crazy, in response to things like, "I'm running late because I overslept, and then the kids flooded the bathroom and one peed on the floor on our way out the door and I had to change her clothes and clean it up, and then they wanted food..." As if real life doesn't happen to me anymore because some Freudian Wannabe wrote something about me on paper. 

Let's not even get into...

Did you take your meds?

I hear this question every time I disagree with someone who knows my diagnosis. Heaven forbid I have my own opinion and it's not the same as yours. 

The one that really gets me. I'm not entitled to emotions anymore. If I have a feeling, it's somehow part of my crazy and a sign that I'm getting worse. Just because I am pissed at someone for pissing me off doesn't mean I am crazy. In fact, if I responded with a poker face, that would be a sign of a mental problem. When you respond to fight or flight mode with calm logic, you are fucking crazy, like kill the population by talking them into drinking bleach crazy. If someone stabs you, pain is a normal response. If someone you love calls you a cunt, pissed off is a normal response. If a stranger calls you a cunt, a little pissed off followed by, "Do I look like your mama?" is a normal response. 

From a crazy person to another. From a person who handles crazy person to another. Do not assume the crazy are incompetent. That's mean. Calling me retarded over a diagnosis is bad enough, but to take the extra steps to SHOW me that's what you think no matter how you word it? Now that's fucked up. Look at people for who they are. 

If I'm sitting here telling you the world is going to end on December 5, you need to stock up on water, first aid kits, chicken blood to ward off the vampires, and wear this aluminum hat until then so the aliens can't see you, ok then treat me like I'm retarded enough to need your help and that my advice might suck. If I'm telling you, "I thought about driving off a bridge yesterday," Ok, red flag. That doesn't mean I don't know what we should eat for dinner or that my advice on making a crazy person see a shrink is bad advice, but it is definitely a red flag. IF you see me in my bedroom for days without sleeping or eating and just crying, lots of crying, and I didn't take the kids to school or clean the house, hospitalize my ass. But if you see me taking my kids to school, cooking meals, worried about coming up with money for picture day (hey multiple kids, that shit is not cheap), you know, being responsible and shit, don't treat me like I'm drooling on myself plotting to lick the windows.

I'm not saying you are not entitled to your pity party for putting up with my ass. If I make you stop what you are doing to come over here and help with the dishes, by all means bitch that you had to help me with the dishes. But don't bitch about shit I'm not. Don't do that to any person with a diagnosis. Don't treat normal or unusual but safe things like it's part of the diagnosis because it really hurts the person you supposedly advocate and love.

Judge a person NOT by their diagnosis, but by the things they do. If they are fully functioning or damn near close enough like you, don't treat them like they aren't. We all have moments of insanity, and just because someone had one long enough to get diagnosed doesn't mean they are always that person. If they aren't fully functioning, those who aren't actually caring for the individual really shouldn't have an opinion of them. By actually caring, I don't mean being nosy up in their business. I mean you wiped their butt and cooked their meal.

All people are crazy. Some of us are diagnosed. The people who don't know their crazy enough to give it a name are the ones that are dangerous. And all of us, crazy or undiagnosed, need to realize that we all may be different, but we are still equal. Crazy people are entitled to bad days, negative emotions, strange opinions, bad behavior, and shitty excuses just like you are.

PS. I have never licked a window, but I have licked people and poured salt on them and then licked the salt off before doing a shot of tequila. You don't even want to know what I do with the lemon afterwards. Mmmm. Body shots.

If for whatever reason you licked people for salt and you like my blog, you know, you can subscribe to it.

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You can also find me under these rocks...
      


Blogs who I think sent me traffic to my blog that you should check out if you haven't...  I do read all of these blogs regularly.

The Bloggess

Insane in the Mom Brain

More than Cheese and Beer

Finding Ninee

Ooops I Said Vagina Again

Janine's Confessions of a Mommyaholic

The not so funny part of farming children

I know I joke about the crazy of parenting, a lot. A. Lot. I refer to it as Mom Syndrome, one where the symptoms include having a dirty sippy cup or bottle under your bed and you hear babies cry when there are no babies around. One where you talk like you have Tourettes because you are interrupted that many times by your kids and thoughts of your kids. Did the 3 year old just go into the bathroom? Shit hold on for a minute while I check. Or is that the sound of running water? What was I saying?

Oh yes, motherhood is a crazy ass roller coaster. The humor is sometimes the only thing to get me through some stressful moments, but it isn't really all humor. There's a serious underlying tone to it all...

We push ourselves beyond the limits our bodies can handle. The Marine Corps says that pain is weakness exiting the body, and all 4 branches will tell you that your body can handle more than you think if you push yourself enough. 

We moms put that to the test. Every day we do. And there is a breaking point. Yes, it can break you. It broke me.

I hate to admit this in a blog publicly, like this is a deep dark secret that should just go into the closet and stay there, but I am going to admit it. Why? So to help people. I also want to just fucking say it somewhere just because I suck at keeping secrets. I went crazy. Not a haha take your meds crazy. More of a crisis 2 week vacation at the funny farm in the hospital. That's where I've been, and I am so grateful for the other admin on my Facebook page for keeping it going in my absence. 

The thing is, there was a point in July where things started to get bad. There was no obvious trigger for it though. That's because I'm pretty sure the trigger was I over did it. 

• Years of sleep deprivation
• Zero ME Time
• Anxiety from trying to get the kids to school on time to trying to get them to fall asleep
• Guilt from being late to allowing the kids sleep in the living room
• Pushing myself too hard to be this June Cleaver paradigm that I openly admit does not exist
• Constant self criticism like I am never good enough for me. 

They have medication for this, so it's ok if you go there. If you ever do feel suicidal or homicidal, please utilize the funny farm. It's a break. It's a place to heal. To jump start you becoming a better, healthier version of you. I shit you not, I left the hospital today, and I feel like I'm looking at things for the first time ever. I was mentally sick longer than I thought. A lot of buildings and reconstruction occurred in my absence, and 2 weeks just seems rather short for it, so I was gone a long time before I went.

To every mom out there, the purpose of this post, this is the message I want to say to you. The message straight from the lips of my Doctor...

SLOW DOWN

You are missing out on the best things of life rushing through it, and you will make yourself sick. That's right. You will make yourself sick if you go too fast. 

Your ME TIME IS VERY IMPORTANT. 

It is more important than most people think. It's more important than dinner. Your time away from your family is necessary. You need to relax and rejuvenate from time to time, regularly.  And like my doctor said, what kind of mother are you if you aren't there at all? Taking an hour or two here and there is better for the kids and less of an abandonment than being gone forever. 

I know it's not easy because I'm the one in the world where I get no help for anything, but being out of commission for 2 weeks, my family stepped up and did help. If they can do it for those two weeks, they can do it a couple hours a week on the regular. If not, I'm going to have to find a way.

I think in my case, I'm going to create a regular Girls night out. Why? The funny farm doesn't offer adult beverages (though the pills are really hot there). I think I want an adult beverage. Simple. I know.

To all of you reading this, best of luck to you and yours. Please drink responsibly if you do that sort of thing, and please mother responsibly. You CAN OD on motherhood. And end up ....

Double Dare: From Idle to Idol

Remember those relay races in grade school? Tell me you guys did this. My kids don't seem to do this at all at their school, the thing where you separate all the kids into two teams and they get in line and take turns running down, around something, back up again to tap the next kid who repeats the process, usually with an egg on the spoon hanging out of their mouth or some idea Double Dare used in their show, and then of course the first team to get all the kids through it wins. What do they win? Bragging rights.

Meanwhile the losers feel like losers. There's always the one mouthy brat blaming the least popular kid on their team for the loss. The kids who win have mixed feelings of "Ha in your face we won it" and "I kind of feel guilty because the losers look so sad." You know, the same feelings you can feel by looking at the face of people who win the reality contests on television like America's Got Talent, or duh duh dummmm American Idol.

The thing with any competition from Olympics to a singing contest, someone is being judged, and all of us are judging them. Really, if these people wanted to receive judgment for their abilities, they could just start going to church.

I told you people I was gangsta. Eye roll please!

Like church, competitions are really a place where MANY of the people judging (NOT ALL) have no room to judge. Just like the little brat blaming the less popular guy, there are people who can't even lace their own ice skates sitting at home telling the television about the professional ice skaters who skate 12 plus hours daily for years, as if watching the movie The Cutting Edge makes them experts.

I'm really not a "competition" type of gal. Don't get me wrong. I'm somewhat competitive, mainly against myself and the smart people from school; oh wait, I am a smart person from school. That explains a lot.

(You just witnessed an epiphany)

But the thing is, competitions generally judge based on popularity or randomness. We the people decide based on what we consider norm, based on our truths that we hold evident. It's not usually based on actual talent or skill. This isn't just reserved for reality television series designed to up ratings by providing the right amount of asshattery to attract viewership. Even scholarships are based on this concept, no matter how hard someone may try to NOT make it about that. It's human nature really. Theoretically, the more you listen to me ramble, the more anyone is going to think, "Why do this? Why bother?"

Because God works in mysterious ways. That's why. Because no matter how much negative hype these competitions receive, people improve as a result of it. People grow through the chaos somehow. People who deserved to win still win because they were part of something. Because the experience helps them adapt and find new ways to succeed. Many find who they are through these things. You will rarely meet people who were part of a competition, who lost, who fell on their face and failed in inappropriate, unimaginable ways, say they wish they never entered the thing in the first place. Very mysterious.

(BTW, I'm totally aware that "Because blah blah blah..." is an incomplete sentence. It's actually a dependent clause. I don't care that I wrote it like a sentence. In my best Icona Pop voice, which kind of sounds like a constipated horse getting fingered in the butt by a veterinarian with a hangnail... 

I don't care. I love it.) 

And the judging, sometimes we need to be judged. Sometimes our self assessments suck. Sometimes we need someone on a high horse to trot into our lives and stir the shit pot in our brains just a little.

I need the shit pot in my brain stirred. Desperately. I'm idle. The car that is running but going nowhere. 

(a lot of phrases there masquerading as sentences)

After all this thinking about quitting this blog,

(read about it here where I explain my current writing style and why it is interfering with my dream of being a superblogger, like a supermodel, but sexier)

I think what I really need to do is get back to the basics. It's kind of like when you are lost in whatever stressful world you are in, a nice hike in the natural elements is sometimes all you need to find your center again. In the world of writing, getting back to the basics is that hike into nature. Basic sentence structure is the dirt and rocks under your feet. Adjectives are the color green you found on that one tree and the crisp you smelled in the air. Story structure is the landscape view you stared in awe at for a few minutes wishing you had a canvas and some paints with you.

I need to get back to the basics to remind myself that I am a writer, not an entertainer. I've been attempting the entertainer role lately, and that's throwing off my game. 

Part of getting back to the basics is assignments. Homework. I need a teacher to assign me tasks and grade me on it. I might of found that teacher. Maybe I didn't. Who knows? But if I get involved in this, I will be forced to get back to the basics. I know for a fact, I will grow from it just like everyone else who gets involved in these things do. It's not my usual style, but sometimes we must venture out of our comfort zone to discover something we couldn't find otherwise.

BLOGGER IDOL

As created by the amazing My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream

What can you win? They have some prizes worth money that sound neat, but what can you win? Have you been reading? The internets. Duh. No, you can win something more amazing than the prizes they advertise.

You COULD win

Self Actualization. 

How cool would that be to win some personal growth and self-fulfillment? Provided by people who obviously transcended. 

Thank you people for transcending.  

Maybe it's not in the stars for me. I can't imagine why these people would ever pick me for it honestly. So I'm kind of going into this as "If God wants me to do it, it will happen, but most likely, it won't happen because it would take an act of God to make it happen."

This contest is designed for good writers. I suck at writing. If you read my blog at all, you should know this. I can dish out an article about how to wear your ankle boots (I have never worn a pair of ankle boots in my entire life, shhhhh don't tell anyone) that will pass editor's approval, but I wrote alongside people who didn't speak English as a first language, so I kind of had that advantage. Yes I can write in that sense. But when it comes to "should I write a book?" maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I would be the Taylor Swift of writing where the only reason I'd ever make it in this world is because I used a gimmick like emotional appeal (I'd probably have to use a different gimmick). Toni Morrison, I am not.

You would never believe I read Toni Morrison, TS Eliot, and Goethe by reading what I write. 

Speaking of TS Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock asks, "Do I dare? And, do I dare?"

"Do I dare disturb the universe?"

Do you?

I say I DOUBLE DARE myself. If you blog at all, I double dare you to join me.

In fact, if you would rather, or if you don't make it in the top 12 to go with it, throw me a message and we'll do it too but not IN it. We can do the assignments with them and critique each other, even if we are a step behind them.

Regardless of who you are, you should check it out. Looking at some of the archived posts, it appears you vote as well. Regardless, I'm sure watching it will provide some amazing reads, and you may find another blogger who you idolize enough to subscribe to their posts.

In conclusion,

And if you are going to do it, you might as well do it well.

Ok. That's more about sex than blogging, but LL. Eye Candy. You're welcome.

Suffer from Chronic Lateness? Take 2 Fukitols and call me LATER.

Before you think this blog is about this picture, it is, but in a FUCK THIS PICTURE sort of way. I don't agree with this picture. 

I'll see you later! When I say that, I actually mean that. Later. I'm always late.

I'm starting a new policy. I have policies. They are rules I make up for my life, some involve the house and children like most people. No jumping on the beds. One person at a time on the trampoline. I also have them for my life that has nothing to do with the children. I do this so I can hide behind them. I never buy anything on the telephone. Sorry telemarketer, it's a policy. Nothing I can do about it. You are talking to the wrong person. I don't make the policy. (Yes I do).

I am starting a new policy on how I handle being late.

Now first I should take a second to explain something about the Myer Briggs for some perspective. Most people have heard of it but still a little lost on it. Some have no idea what the fuck it is. It's a personality test, one of the best out there. It's often referenced alongside other personality tests, and most scholarly studies usually choose the Myers Briggs to measure personality when relevant. What it does? It measures where you are on a scale (spectrum like place) between two juxtaposing concepts on 4 different concepts.

The first one is introvert vs extrovert. It's the most famous, and the most misunderstood (probably a result of the fame). Regardless of what they mean, very rare do you find someone who is completely introverted or completely extroverted. It's more like a scale, from 1 to 10, with 1 being an introvert and ten being an extrovert. Some people are a 2, some are an 8, some are more a 4.7283. Ideally you want to be in the middle. That balance is pretty ideal when it comes to mental health.

So with that said, the Myers Briggs also measures sensing vs feeling, intuition vs thinking, and judging vs perceiving. Really, if you don't know this test, read that as A vs B, C vs D, and E vs F because your definition of these words is probably nothing like the Myers Briggs definition. The one I'm most interested in discussing for this topic is judging vs perceiving.

For a thorough investigation on the subject of Judging/Perceiving for you to decide where you fall, click this sentence.

To sum up, Judging people are very rigid, schedule oriented, and kind of close minded and bossy. Perceiving people are flexible, spontaneous, and kind of flaky and undependable. I am actually amazed when I look at these statistics that the population is pretty close to 50/50 on judging and perceiving. I thought for sure the judging population drastically outnumbered the perceiving population, as opposed to a slight increase. The reason I think that is we are in a very judging world. Society, in America at least, is very judging oriented. I'm guessing now that might be because the judging people are so bossy.

Other statistics I found interesting, irrelevant to this post, the biggest spikes in stats. For all people, 73.3 percent is sensing with 26.7 percent intuition. That makes sense. Most people need to see it or feel it to believe it. Most men are thinking than women, and most women are feeling compared to men. That is where the stereotype of women being emotional and acting on feelings as opposed to logic comes into play. Interesting. 

Anyway, the point of this. If someone wasn't an asshole, they'd understand that schedule preference is a personality trait. Some of us, like myself, are perceiving people, actually 45.9% of the population is perceiving. They like to keep options open. They like spontaneity. They don't like being rushed. I can make my own picture...

So my new policy is...

When I'm running late for something as usual, if the person is a person who is understanding, I work really hard to get there as soon as I possibly can. If the person is not understanding but instead a narcissistic asshole who is all, "You being late is disrespectful because it's all about ME, and MY schedule, and MY feelings nevermind any regard for you," I shall call and cancel.

Why? Let me tell you why.

Kids have no concept of YOUR schedule or MINE. I'm a mom. I take care of kids. Even if I'm not bringing my kids with me, I can't really get ready and walk out the door without taking care of kids, even if there is someone else here helping because I AM the go-to person for the kids' needs, and someone else is generally very lazy and prefers to wait until I leave to actually have to function at all. Ever so often, someone else watching the kids will notice I'm trying to leave to be on time for something and the kids want food, so they offer to make the kids food, or a kid wants to jump in the shower with me and they redirect the kid to some other activity. Most of the time, I don't have that person, and I could stand in the shower with soap in my hair until the water runs cold arguing with a kid and dealing with the temper tantrum that results from my "no" longer than i could if I let the kid jump in, wash the kid as well, dry off kid as well, brush kid's hair, put on lotion on the kid, and dress the kid. Either way, both contribute to me running late.

It doesn't matter what time I start because my kids, like most kids, are designed to fill in the gaps. I want a juice. Thank you for the juice, now I want a snack. I know you are making my snack, and don't stop doing that, but get me a paper towel because I just spilled the juice, and I need another juice too. And then another kid screams, "Mommy I peed on the floor by accident!" and then requests a snack and juice and the third kid is like, "A snack? I'm hungry!" And mom is naked, staring at the clock thinking "Shit I'm late," and the kids are all crying...

That's how it always is. That example doesn't happen once a year. It happens 5 times a day, and the likelihood of that happening as I'm trying to get ready to meet you is more probable than not.

And don't tell me, "But you chose the time to meet me, we both should abide by the verbal contract." No. I did not. I don't want to meet you at any specific time. I want to find a way to meet around ISH. I'd rather stop by somewhere where you already are so I can get my ISH. Or if it's something that can be done over the phone or email, I'd rather that. No, the pick a time and be there at that time is YOUR decision. Not mine.

When I was single, I could do it. No problem. I will venture away from my comfort zone on your behalf. I don't mind a little inconvenience to suit your preference. But I'm not going to inconvenience myself beyond a little on your behalf when the you is a you who can't inconvenience yourself just a little for my behalf.

I no longer will rush for someone who doesn't deserve it. I no longer will suffer panic attacks every time a light turns red, or a person is driving 20 mph under the speed limit in front of me who I cannot pass, or when a kid spills a juice everywhere, or when I realize I need gas, or all 3 kids have to pee after I just buckled them in the car... I no longer will risk my life and the life of my kids driving like a crazed maniac speeding (also at risk of a ticket) to try to save the 5 minutes you are waiting on me. Nobody, not even the Queen of England, is worth that, especially if they are shallow enough to base a judgement of my character on something as meaningless as the time.

When I'm already running late, I have two options. I can be late. Or I can cancel. Both will insult the person waiting on me just the same. But in my case, one requires me to lose my motherfucking mind, and the other is a weight off my shoulders. Fuck you is the best option for me. So when I'm running late for those who have no respect for me or understanding of my life and my needs, those people will get the fuck you.

Now keep in mind, I do sometimes run late because I was on Facebook, or because I overslept. Shit happens. These are things I can control, and I will try to control it, and that's ALL I will focus on. If it's not in my control, I'm going with it. Riding the wave. Wherever the tide takes me. If it fucks you over and you are respectful of me, I'm sorry.

If it fucks you over and you are not respectful of me...

Edited to add, really the late thing is a battle between who is more important. It's human alpha-doggism at its finest. This is why a lot of people who show up on time for their appointment with their doctor wait in the waiting room for an hour; however, if they were more than 15 minutes late, they'd have to reschedule. If you put up with that shit, your doctor is more alpha dog than you.

Message to Men: The Musical

Because BatMiley always has Robin, people think you are an a-hole if you talk about Miley without talking about Robin, so since I already talked about Miley, this is my way to complete the BatMiley and Robin saga. Actually, I mean these people to be metaphorical. Miley is the objectified piece of meat bad example we women can all learn what NOT to do from as explained in all the slut shaming posts. Robin is the objectifier we all forget to blame in this man vs woman battle that has gone on since God took a chunk of Adam's rib (it probably didn't go down exactly like that, the taking of the rib). I can't really sit here and blogger spank Miley for her behavior telling all the women out there, "Don't do that," and not have something to say about the men.

Message to Young Women: The Musical

(my post about Miley)

Now this one is for the Men. The manly men. The macho macho men...

There's actually two syndromes that do not exist in the DSM that many men suffer from that also seemingly attack the feminist concept directly due to their feelings of inadequacy. The first one is short man syndrome. Small penises will turn a real man into a douche canoe. It's almost like they overcompensate with douchebaggery. If your dick is small, at least your douche bag is huge. Not attractive guys. The second syndrome that doesn't exist in the world of APA, Macho Man Syndrome. Pretty boys. Guys who don't have the body of Larry the Lobster off Spongebob, regardless of how much effort and time they spend on it at the gym. It appears men in these circumstances are concerned about two things. How women perceive them. How other men perceive them. 

How do we women perceive you? 

So my first message to men everywhere, get over your penis. Do you really think you need a big penis to satisfy a woman? Here's some insider information on women. A, a big penis generally scares off women who have yet to push out a baby from her pie hole. B, a big penis pretty much ensures that anal will never happen for you. Women are actually more comfortable around bite sized awesome when it comes to experimenting with uncomfortable concepts. That also includes oral sex. We could choke and die from porno sized penises trying to perform oral on that, and we even have a bigger fear about oral than choking and dying. It's vomiting all over your dick. We just don't want something that epically embarrassing lingering around our reputation, and the bigger it is, the more deep throating that is required, and deep throating leads to vomiting. C, you don't even need a penis to satisfy a woman in ways beyond her wildest imagination. Don't believe me? Ask a lesbian. Most of our lady bits that like to be fondled are pretty close to the front. Most of your tongues should be able to reach it. 

Now, the macho man syndrome. A woman's idealization of what a man SHOULD be usually comes from her father. If her dad is not a macho man, you definitely don't have to worry about it. Yes women like muscles, but muscles won't guarantee that you will get laid. When we women share pictures of muscular models dressed as cowboys and firefighters, whether it's on Facebook or a magazine, we may say we love that, but nine times out of ten, we don't want to actually have sex with that, or even a relationship with it. It's just eye candy and nothing more. See, we don't look at dick like it's chocolate, give it to me now. We look at it like it's a toilet. Is it clean enough to sit on? 

Women do this too. We all screw up the gender paradigm of sexy. Most women believe what is attractive for a female, what you men want, what they aspire to be, is blond (even if bleached), anorexia skinny, big boobs (even if it's toilet paper in their bra), a firm ass, clown face makeup, high heels to appear taller and make the legs look skinny, skin cancer tan, appear barely old enough to legally fuck, be so stupid you can't talk about much, and be very passive let you take charge and all responsibility for things without a break. Yeah. Sound like what you want? You men do it too. You base your concept of what is sexy to us women on media hype just like we women do. Macho men with the perfect abs is not what women want. I think most people of substance are just looking for the truth. Someone who doesn't play games. Someone who can keep it real. The rest is just social charades. 

How do men perceive you? 

Why are you men so afraid of being perceived as gay? That's the number one insult I hear amongst boys. I think more men suffer from homophobia than women. That is not something I know to have statistics to say I'm right, but I bet I am right. There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is not a bad thing. If you like rainbows and women, that's ok. You are allowed to like both rainbows and women. In fact, women are very attractive to girlier men. We want someone who can enjoy shopping with us and help us match our clothes. I don't leave the house sometimes without the husband dressing me because I suck at matching my own clothes. I write about fashion. I got paid to write about fashion. My husband dresses me when it's important that I look good. I love it. I love not worrying about it. 

Regardless, what does this all boil down to? You are not actually worried about what women think of you. You are worried about what other men think of you. If you do not feel manly enough to hang with the big boys, if you do not feel Alpha Dog enough, if your mustache isn't thick enough, if you do not feel like your penis is the biggest penis in the room, you take it out on us women. You then try to prove yourself by objectifying women because nothing appears more manly and powerful than owning a pet who respects her master. It's like your way of saying, "Well I'm still manly enough for this party because look at how I dominated the bitch here. Stop sassing me bitch, go make me a sammich." That's when your douchebag overcompensates for your penis size. 

Instead of doing that, why don't you, I don't know, grow a fucking self-esteem? Confidence is sexy. If you desire to get laid, replace the fake arrogance with a little confidence. If you really want to prove to the men that you are manly, show them you are manly enough to take charge. That you can decide to wear pink and rock it better than they could. That you can respect women better than they could. That their lack of respect for women is unmanly. That you are smarter and more advanced to require more than some tits and ass to swing your dingaling. That you know how to love and how to be loved, and that you take good care of those you love better than anyone else could. That you are better than macho man, you are a lion who has pride in your pride, in your family, in your loved ones. That you are the epitome of what it means to be a man, fuck the hype. 

That IS what it takes to be a man. To take charge of not women, but of the other men. 

Look around at the men who are doing that. Guess who they did dominate after all? Women. Because we are attracted to men like that. We really want to be loved and taken care of. We don't want to be servants, but princesses. We want to feel smart, sexy, and beautiful. And we don't feel those things when all you are concerned about is our ability to twerk it in front of your penis half naked 3 sheets to the wind. When all you want to do is shut us up by sticking your penis in our mouth. If you wanted a hole to stick it in, you know you can just fuck a warm apple pie just the same. It's plump. There's also your left hand, which if that's all you want from us women, it's very possible that's the only thing your hand is good for, a good monkey spank. 

Let's look at Robin Thicke in this video. I actually imagine Robin to be one of those gentle lovers if he's active in the bedroom, but I also imagine him to do a lot of just laying there as well. Why do I think that? Because in a video like this, he does a lot of laying there standing around doing nothing making the woman do all the work. Just laying there is not manly. It's lazy. 

The way you men look at us women like you want it. I know you want it. Like Pharrell watching that girl dance... you look pathetic. Stop it. That's about as macho as getting a hard on in school when the old lady teacher Mrs Bentwood bends over showing the top of her knee highs. Have you ever sat down to eat your dinner, a big meal, something so good you want to savor every bite and enjoy this meal, and then the dog comes over sticking his paw on your thigh giving you the doggie eyes that scream, "Please give me a piece of your chicken?" And you tell the dog to go away, and he won't. He won't leave you the fuck alone. He may not be barking, but his begging is annoying the ever living piss out of you that you cannot enjoy your dinner. Yeah, that's what you men do to us. You are the fucking annoying begging nagging dog. 

Sit. Stay. Roll over and play dead. Good boy. Feel macho now? 

And why must you grab your dicks when you dance? Do you see us women grabbing our boobs? No. It's just silly. Stop it. Quit touching it. You might wake up the sleeping dragon and it will just fuck up your night trying to fuck everything. 

There's more to life than sex. While sex is a story about passion usually with a happy ending, there's often a sequel that entails tragedy of disease and the struggle of parenthood. Because there's more to life than sex, please tell me there is more to you than it, because if all you are about is poking people with your stick, you are a whore. That's it. A crackhead whore whose opinion is worth nothing. Robin Thicke, his opinion does not matter. It's okay Robin, just sit there do that little smile, aww bless his heart, now go watch some football and grille something, let us grown ups talk here. His father, however, has a lot more to bring to the table. Alan, come over here, we want to know what you think about your son objectifying himself in sexual manners on television. Miley's dad didn't seem to care when she did it. Please tell me you disagree. 

The biggest message I want to send to all you... YOUR DICK IS NOT A USED CAR. Quit trying to sell it. Fuck. The haggling. Please buy my dick. Please suck it. Please fuck it. No, I'm not trying to sleep with you. I just want to kiss you. I promise I won't let it go too far. Just let me kiss you. What's so wrong about a kiss? Awww, I love that kiss, now let me just touch your lady parts. Please let me touch it. Why don't you touch mine? We aren't going to have sex. I swear on my grandfather's grave I won't have sex with you. We are just messing around a little, please touch it. I'm just taking off your pants, it's not like we are going to fuck. What's so wrong about me sticking my dick in one of your holes? It's not like I'm asking you to have sex with my friends? Actually, if you don't mind, my boy over here could use some love too. Shut the fuck up already. 

Really, do us all a favor. Before you show up to our date, masturbate. Please. Please PLEASE PLEASE. Maybe if you masturbate, your dick won't be so fucking annoying.

To all you men who already have your penises on a leash, thank you. Thank you for being a real man, for dominating the hardest, and I mean HARDEST, thing possible to dominate. Control your wood, my sexy lumberjack. 

 

ALSO please understand one thing. Rape is wrong. It's not a joke. If someone shoved an umbrella up your ass and opened it, would you want the world to think you asked for it by the way you dress and act? Because a lot of you DO ASK FOR IT with your douchebaggery. See, that would just be insensitive of me to think that way wouldn't it? Aw come on, quit making up shit. I know you want it. I know you want it. Yes, I too can tear your ass in two. 

Let our lady nuts go biatch. 

  

Zimmerman. Racism. Sociopathy.

Fuck Zimmerman. He might of gotten off this time, but he won't next time. At least he had his day in court. That was something nobody thought was going to happen back when this all began. And fuck all y'all who think Trayvon had no right to self defense because I've been chased by creepy dudes with unknown intentions. That's a helluva lot more fucking scarier than losing a fist fight. At least a fist fight, you don't have to worry about getting kidnapped, raped, and eaten alive type of shit that goes in your mind when you are being followed by a creepy rat bastard. ~My initial response to the Not Guilty Verdict

Zimmerman's verdict of Not Guilty has everyone on the interwebs talking. Many are pissed off. I'm one. Not for the same reasons most are...  I also think a lot of people came late in the game and really don't quite understand the story. 

First off, all the people talking smack about Trayvon need to shut up. I don't know how those people sleep at night. You are a fucked up human being if you enjoy making fun of a dead kid. No wonder people like that like Zimmerman. They suffer from the same crazy. Show some respect for the dead.  

Second, my anger is about people thinking a person being followed in a creepy scary way is no cause for self defense. When self defense is defined by your fear factor, Trayvon had every right to Stand Your Ground first. He was chased. Running. In the dark. By a creepy stranger who refused to identify himself. Guy was probably trying to kill him for all he knew. Oh wait. The guy did.

When you remove Trayvon's right to stand his ground, you remove that right from women, children, and everyone else out there. You make it possible for a rapist to stalk his next victim (male or female) and then claim self defense when they attack their victim. That's just fucked up. That's some twisted shit right there. A lot of people need Jesus and Dr. Phil, and maybe a restraining device. Tell my kid she can't hit the guy with the creepy white van asking her if she wants free candy trying to grab her "to get her attention," and see if you survive mom's wrath without a limp. All you who think Trayvon had no right to stand his ground, fuck you. Fuck everyone that looks like you. Fuck your momma. And your daddy. And the horse all y'all rode in on. 

Now that my rant is over, the point of this post, the shit that doesn't piss me off. The shit that got a lot of you suckers out there. ha. Gullible.

Let me Recap how the racism went down...

Once upon a time, in a land far far away (Florida), a man reported his son missing. Just like any missing kid scenario, he couldn't find his son, he searched, he went to the police, gave them a description with all the child's information... He was worried. He was scared. Just like any parent of a missing child.

He finds out that his son was shot and killed. It is unclear how long the body was in custody of the police before the parents found out it was Trayvon. Some sources now say it was a next day deal. Others say it was a 3 day deal. I remember the news at the time was that it was days that Trayvon's body sat in the morgue as a John Doe.

http://www.examiner.com/article/trayvon-martin-morgue-3-days-as-john-doe-after-mom-reported-him-missing

http://abcnews.go.com/US/police-chief-trayvon-martin-case-resigns-temporarily-amid/story?id=15977847#.UeV8vtKmhQj

Like any other parent in that situation, they had questions and wanted answers. What the hell happened to their son? Why didn't the police do their job? Why didn't the police try to find them? They had his cell phone and no one thought to call the contacts on it? Why is his murderer walking the streets? Why wasn't there an actual investigation? When they couldn't get answers from the police, when they were brushed to the side, they sought out the help of the nation.

They created a petition.

http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/justice-for-trayvon-martin
http://www.change.org/petitions/prosecute-the-killer-of-our-son-17-year-old-trayvon-martin

One that went viral on the web. That was what the racism was about. The fact that had that been a white boy, parents would have been found and notified, an investigation would have taken place, Zimmerman would have seen a day in court. As people like I shared and signed that petition, word got out. President Obama even said something about it. I don't think it was until President Obama said something did most people start to hear of this story because I think that's when major networks started covering it.

By then, they were in the process of arresting Zimmerman, investigating, and preparing the court date. By then, the racism was no longer an issue. But the media, they were told there is this story of a boy wrongfully murdered in Florida and it has racism written all over it. That's the story they were promised. That's the story they were going to have come hell or high water. These journalists knew racism was there, and by then what was online telling you about it? Zimmerman's 911 tapes where he makes a racial slur. The media wasn't the only one falling victim to that. Many people jumping on the story's bandwagon that late in the game did as well.

Is there racism in this story? Yes. There are racist people everywhere. They are commenting all over the damned internet. Hate begets hate.

The only people I have ever known to believe there is no racism when it's there is white people. There's a reason for that. It's too easy to be blind to racism when you are the race with the power.

I think a lot of people have good intentions. I think a lot of people really are color blind, so much to a point where they really don't think it SHOULD matter that they trick themselves into thinking, "It didn't matter. People are making this shit up." But you can't go down that road because people are being denied their civil rights based on the color of their skin, daily. If we ignore it, we allow it.

But I will say this... If you are white, and you don't know too many white racist people, that might be because the ones you do know, know you enough not to come at you with any racist bull shit. In that case, you are doing what you are supposed to be doing.

But is Zimmerman racist? That you can't tell from this story. There are people who say he and his family are. There are people who swear they aren't. You can't believe most people in the Zimmerman Circle. Why? Because I think the problem here is George is a sociopath. People are telling you what George wants them to believe for the most part. There are times I'm sure he made racial comments to appease his audience, and times where he stood up for minorities for that same reason. When he's trying to impress racist people, he's racist. When he's trying to impress people of color, he's a person of color who believes in equality for all. If he was trying to win over the NAACP, he will be the hero to the civil rights movement. Is he racist? He is whatever you prefer him to be.

More on him and the sociopath later...

Why is he not guilty? I'm not saying the police forces of Florida are racist. I don't know that. I do know George thought that. Because they were victim to a sociopath's charm, they dropped the ball on the investigation from the get go. Was George drinking that night? Was he on drugs? What was in his vehicle? We don't know. The police didn't gather that evidence.

Then on top of it, prosecution in Florida is getting to a point where when you look at a lot of the cases as a whole, they just aren't as strong as the options for defense. A lot of that is because many defense attorneys used to be Prosecutors. It's like they all watched Devil's Advocate and learned from Keanu Reeves. Be a prosecutor first, pay attention to juries and how they deliberate, know how to choose your own jury... The defense attorneys, no matter how despicable they may be, they won the hearts the of the jury. They chose the jury that would give them the verdict they were seeking. They knew what the fuck they were doing. They had more reason to win because that's not a case you lose and think you are still going to have a career when you are not employed by the state.

And the fact of the matter is, the investigation was so shitty, the prosecution didn't have much of a case. It was rushed, last second, after they closed it all up.

Because it took making national news to get people to investigate and prosecute, it was hard to find a jury of people who had yet to hear much about it. Had the police and prosecution did their jobs to begin with, well, the early bird catches the worm. They would have had a larger, more educated sample to choose from for a jury. But no, instead, they were stuck with people who avoid the news like the plague. This is a case where the prosecution would have benefited from a jury of peers who do like to watch the news, think about things that don't pertain to them and how that affects them, the profile of someone who would have looked at all the evidence and drawn careful conclusions like they did from their computers. You couldn't find anyone like that by the time they went to pick a jury who hasn't already done that with the stuff the media was providing. You could only find people, like the juror with an almost book deal, who were stupid enough to judge a witness based on her education, a witness who just like them, didn't watch the news and didn't really want to be there.

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/cnns-anderson-cooper-interviews-anonymous-member-of-zimmerman-jury-who-defends-acquittal-decision/

http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2013/07/persistent-tweeter-ends-juror-b37s-book-deal/

Why do I think Zimmerman is a sociopath? WHAT IS A SOCIOPATH? 

And to point out... THE FOLLOWING ABOUT ZIMMERMAN IS SPECULATION. NOT FACT. It doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means it's possible it is wrong. There are many facts though in this. The speculation does not make the facts wrong, and the facts do not make the speculation accurate. 

Now sociopath doesn't equate murderer. Sociopath equates a person who... Read the awesome article on sociopaths that i copied and pasted (read more with the link at the bottom). I'm sure you will figure people in your life while reading this. Very possible you know a sociopath. Very possible you are under the charm of one. They are everywhere. Especially in politics. Obama is probably not a sociopath to a point of diagnosis. He is most likely under the influence of one. But we all have a little sociopath in us. 

10 signs for spotting a sociopath

#1) Sociopaths are charming. Sociopaths have high charisma and tend to attract a following just because people want to be around them. They have a "glow" about them that attracts people who typically seek guidance or direction. They often appear to be sexy or have a strong sexual attraction. Not all sexy people are sociopaths, obviously, but watch out for over-the-top sexual appetites and weird fetishes.

#2) Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people. They tend to do bizarre, sometimes erratic things that most regular people wouldn't do. They are unbound by normal social contracts. Their behavior often seems irrational or extremely risky.

#3) Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. Their brains simply lack the circuitry to process such emotions. This allows them to betray people, threaten people or harm people without giving it a second thought. They pursue any action that serves their own self interest even if it seriously harms others. This is why you will find many very "successful" sociopaths in high levels of government, in any nation.

#4) Sociopaths invent outrageous lies about their experiences. They wildly exaggerate things to the point of absurdity, but when they describe it to you in a storytelling format, for some reason it sounds believable at the time.

#5) Sociopaths seek to dominate others and "win" at all costs. They hate to lose any argument or fight and will viciously defend their web of lies, even to the point of logical absurdity.

#6) Sociopaths tend to be highly intelligent, but they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them. Their high IQs often makes them dangerous. This is why many of the best-known serial killers who successfully evaded law enforcement were sociopaths.

#7) Sociopaths are incapable of love and are entirely self-serving. They may feign love or compassion in order to get what they want, but they don't actually FEEL love in the way that you or I do.

#8) Sociopaths speak poetically. They are master wordsmiths, able to deliver a running "stream of consciousness" monologue that is both intriguing and hypnotic. They are expert storytellers and even poets. As a great example of this in action, watch this interview of Charles Manson on YouTube.

#9) Sociopaths never apologize. They are never wrong. They never feel guilt. They can never apologize. Even if shown proof that they were wrong, they will refuse to apologize and instead go on the attack.

#10) Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth merely because they say it! Charles Manson, the sociopathic murderer, is famous for saying, "I've never killed anyone! I don't need to kill anyone! I THINK it! I have it HERE! (Pointing to his temple.) I don't need to live in this physical realm..."

Sociopaths are masters at weaving elaborate fictional explanations to justify their actions. When caught red-handed, they respond with anger and threats, then weave new fabrications to explain away whatever they were caught doing.

A sociopath caught red-handed with a suitcase full of cash he just stole, for example, might declare he had actually rescued the money from being stolen by someone else, and that he was attempting to find its rightful owner. He's the hero, see? And yet, in reality, he will simply pocket the money and keep it. If you question him about the money, he will attack you for questioning his honesty.

Sociopaths are masters are presenting themselves as heroes with high morals and philosophy, yet underneath it they are the true criminal minds in society who steal, undermine, deceive, and often incite emotional chaos among entire communities. They are masters at turning one group of people against another group while proclaiming themselves to be the one true savior. Wherever they go, they create strife, argument and hatred, yet they utterly fail to see their own role in creating it. They are delusional at so many levels that their brains defy logical reasoning.

You cannot reason with a sociopath. Attempting to do so only wastes your time and annoys the sociopath.

Beware of fact-checking the sociopath by asking other people under his or her influence. A sociopath will usually have a small group of cult-like followers who not only believe their fictional tales, but who actually internalize those fictions to the point where they rewrite their own memories to be consistent with them. If a guru-style sociopath talks about his "levitation sessions" over and over again, some of his believers will sooner or later start to form false memories in which they imagine seeing him levitate off the floor. So if you ask those people, "Did you actually ever see this person levitate?" They will enthusiastically say, "Yes!" Because in their own minds, that illusion has become something indistinguishable from a vivid memory.

Much the same thing is true with sociopathic politicians. If a particularly charismatic politician claims he has "created millions of jobs" even though his economic policies have actually destroyed jobs and caused widespread unemployment, his cult-like followers will repeat his lie and publicly proclaim how many jobs that person has created.

Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/036112_sociopaths_cults_influence.html#ixzz2Z8HCXxpx

Now I have a huge theory about sociopathy and autism which will later be in a book if I live long enough to write it, but I believe they are polar opposites. Sociopaths are interested in social things with autism interested in conceptual things. Their learning style mimics the same behaviors, emphasis is always there, social vs concepts. I also think it's a full spectrum, one that EVERYONE falls on somewhere. Normal is pretty much defined as someone with a balance of sociopathy and autism. The important thing is that I do believe autistic people can learn about the social ways from sociopaths. Observing their behavior like you would a wild animal for biology class will give us a science to the social realm, one in a language autistic people can understand. So with that said...

I think George is definitely a sociopath. A lot of shrinks see it. Not exactly severe, but he is definitely a mild sociopath. 

Using George as my sociopath, here are some hypothetical examples of what some people in George's life probably experience... (THIS is to help you understand sociopaths better, not to describe George's life, like none of this could happen at all this way)... If you worked with George, and you were a threat to his job, you'd probably get fired over some stupid rumor you don't know who started. He would be your best friend, and then turn around and tell your boss lies about you that are half truths based on the things you said to him. And while you suspect him to be the person to do that to you, you'd feel guilty for that because he's been such a good friend. 

It's almost like a sociopath has very different motivations than most people. We want to succeed, but we have a lot of emotional motivation working behind the scenes in the why we do things. Because sociopaths don't usually feel emotions such as guilt, remorse... some so severe they don't feel love... their motivations on a natural instinctive level are different. From what I've experienced with sociopaths, it's domination. If they get hired at a bar, they have to dominate that bar. If they get into a relationship, they have to dominate that relationship and/or that person. It's not about the money, or fame, or status... It's just domination. And don't knock it because you have that motivating factor too. We all do. It's just that many of us have emotions and a conscience that keeps that in check. 

George's girlfriends in the past, this is my guess as to what they experienced in that relationship. When things were going well, George probably made comments like, "You are fat, but I still love you." or "No man is ever going to want you but me." Anything to knock self esteem down putting him in the role of the Prince. He probably did a lot of the things controlling men do in relationships, such as spying, not letting his girlfriends hang out with their friends and family, illogical hatred and distrust toward her friends and family, crazy unfounded accusations, arguments without any provocation, treatment of assumptions like fact (like if you go out with your friends to a bar, you will surely get drunk and cheat on me because you know how you are when you drink)... It's also the profile of domestic violence. As long as he was in control, he probably didn't get violent. But the moment you questioned him, fact check him, confront him, he will respond with anger.

In addition, sex is probably very trivial, like more drunken sex than love making. I found the article about his molestation charges (with a girl 2 years younger than him, so when she was 6 when it all started, he was 8) incredibly interesting because the person accusing him of molesting her said he did it out in the open in front of everyone, shielded by blankets. Like he did it for the control over the person. You can scream, "Help" anytime. There's 50 people here who will help you. But I bet you won't. That's sociopathic behavior. That does not mean he actually did that. I'm just saying it's in line with his crazy. I don't think the woman making the accusations knows his crazy enough to realize it.

http://myhoustonmajic.com/3084862/george-zimmerman-may-head-back-to-court-to-face-molestation-charges/

Then the break up is when you really see his ugly side. I bet he called them all with, "But I still love you. I want you. Only you. This girl I'm with now, she's nothing. I need you." In that conversation, you let out the info that you can't pay your water bill. Then he turns around and tells your mother, "I saw her gambling yesterday again. She definitely has a gambling problem. I wouldn't give her any money any time soon." Why? Because he wants her to ask him for that money. He will say no. He will wait until 5 minutes before they shut off her water to show up and save the day, and when he does, it will be a public spectacle. He'll tell the water department how she sucks with money and is completely irresponsible. He'll turn around and tell her mother, "I had to pay her water bill because of her gambling problem." If she comes up with a way to pay it without him, he'll get pissed and insult her. "You are so pathetic and irresponsible to have to blah blah blah to pay your water bill...."

It doesn't have to be a gambling problem and water bill. Those are X's and Y's like algebra. Substitute whatever the situation calls for. Sociopaths take things you say or things they notice about you, when they are trying to dominate YOU, and they exaggerate to the people you trust, love, and depend on in order to kill your credibility to kill your circle of trust, to leave you alone in this world. They manipulate the situation so that they can be the hero. In many cases, the woman who can't pay her water bill can't because the sociopath who saves her just robbed her or hustled that money. Like the whole thing was orchestrated to a point of absurdity just so they can be the hero, which in of itself sounds absurd because it is absurd, and that's what sociopaths do, and they hide behind the absurdity of it. "You are the crazy one if you really think I'd go through all that for those reasons." Then you feel crazy because that was pretty crazy to think that. Doesn't mean you were wrong to think that because you were probably spot on. Again, this is when YOU are the target to their domination, which is the most popular stories I hear. People who date the sociopath. They often feel like victims of abuse, even if no physical abuse occurred. 

Why do I think George is a sociopath? It just makes sense. What initially made me realize this was watching him in the courtroom. He had no remorse. My rapist showed more remorse in the courtroom when I testified against him. That was my first huge red flag indicator. Then I started thinking about it. When I removed racism from the equation, that's what made it all make sense.

You may have a hard time following this. I've been studying sociopaths for years. I've read a lot about them, but I know a few. My sister, my mother in law, and two of my best friends are sociopaths. Just like autism, you can read and read and read about it, but you will miss a huge chunk of understanding if you have no experience with it, which is why I tried to provide examples... 

George wants to dominate, be the hero. That's all he wants. He doesn't care what color you are until he can use that to his advantage. So he goes into the neighborhood watch deal. He orchestrated it. He put it together. He put himself in charge. He got whatever he needed to get to make it happen. I'm sure he said what he needed to say regardless if it was true or not. It's possible the "self defense" course was part of that, something he had to do to get something he wanted, so he half assed it and showed up and did the bare minimum required to get what he wanted. It's possible he did learn a lot in self defense and just manipulated it to where he has everyone believing he didn't learn a damn thing. You can't tell. 

He gets his neighborhood watch going. He works with police. Follows them. Decides they are racist. Remember, sociopaths operate on half truths. So, he exaggerates a racist story with exaggerated more stories to support his claim, and now he believed his own lies (that happens a lot with sociopaths), and operated based on that.

http://tampa.cbslocal.com/2012/05/23/zimmerman-sanford-police-covered-up-beating-of-black-homeless-man-by-white-officer/

When he called the police about Trayvon, the racial slur was no indication to how he felt. It was an indication to what he perceived the people on the other end of the phone, the police who would later get to hear the conversation, felt. Basically, he thinks the police are racist, so he made a racist comment to win them over. To be considered one of them. That kind of bond is an important component to a sociopath's manipulation. He probably also targeted a black person on purpose for those same reasons, to exploit the weakness in the system to his advantage. He didn't just target a black person. He targeted a black person who matches the profile of a "thug." This again was for the advantage he needed with the police. 

That doesn't mean the police out there are racist. Most likely, they are like anyone else in America's culture. They don't want to do more work than they have to. That is something Zimmerman knew about them before Trayvon as well. Police also profile, and most statistics are geared to making minorities look bad for whatever reason (probably because society keeps the minorities in low income environments where the type of crime police enforce is most rampant, and I say type of crime the police enforce because most crime is actually in your wealthy sections of town. They just don't get caught), so there is definitely a level of racism going on in all law enforcement agencies. They profile people. That's part of the job. The argument isn't whether they do that or not. The argument is if profiling serves a purpose worth stereotyping at the risk of racial discrimination.

There are racist cops everywhere just like there are racist bankers, and racist Walmart check out people, and racist hookers... That doesn't mean the racist cops speak for an entire department let alone the whole force.

Now I can't tell you if conspiracy is relevant or not. It's a probability. It's probable he had every intention on killing someone at some point and all his "watching and observing," was just him waiting for the opportunity that felt right to strike. It might be the motivating factor behind creating the Neighborhood Watch team in the first place. It might not have been. The whole ordeal might of actually just accidentally led to something that got out of control and Zimmerman did his best to manipulate himself out of it. 

But I assure you he knew how Trayvon would react. He knew Trayvon was going to run when he was spotted, and he knew once confronted, Trayvon would fight before flight. Most of this is common sense anyway when dealing with people, but Zimmerman profiled that child like he did the police. You can't tell me he was smart enough to think the kid was suspicious yet dumb enough to think the kid wasn't going to try to kick his ass. Knowing he himself cannot fight, supposedly, why all the sudden the courage of Mel Gibson's Patriot movie over some break-ins, people getting robbed of their shit made in China that they overcharged their insurance company to replace? If you remove Zimmerman's sociopathic bull shit from it and follow his story fact by fact, it is absurd. It makes no sense. That is why I think Zimmerman is definitely a sociopath. The whole fucking thing is absurd. 

And add the fact that he tried to profit from donations made to him on behalf of him shooting an unarmed child... who the fuck does that? A sociopath. Seriously... I just a shot a kid. I had a gun. He didn't. I actually chased him for blocks before I did. It was self defense. People are accusing me of murder. Please donate whatever you can to help pay my attorney fees I can't afford because my RICH father. Thank you... AND PEOPLE DONATED TO IT. 

He was definitely full of excuses. He never does anything wrong.

Sociopath doesn't mean someone has a thirst for murder. They want to dominate, but they want to do it socially, not physically. For the most part, if one wants to kill, a sociopath would rather talk you into suicide. But there are people who have a thirst for violence and death. Some are sociopaths. Some have autism. Some are some other diagnosis they did or didn't get diagnosed, but you'd have to be pretty special to not qualify for any psychological diagnosis in this day and age, so special that there's something wrong with you. Some own guns, some don't. Some are black. Some are white. Some have blond hair, some have huge nose hairs. Some are ugly, some are sexy. One Fish Two Fish Three Fish Four. The whole thirst to murder, whether it exists or not in Zimmerman's case, has nothing to do with sociopathy. It's a whole other thing on its own. 

Edited to update... This was an article soon after the death of Trayvon Martin. After Zimmerman shot the child, he wanted black people to apologize to him. "The real kicker came when Zimmerman accused African-Americans of rushing to judgement and asked everyone who he claims rushed to judgement to apologize to him. Zimmerman said, “I can’t guess to what their motives are. I would just ask for an apology. I mean if I did something that was wrong. I would apologize.”
Overplaying the role of the victim, like a true sociopath... Never in the wrong like a true sociopath.... Shifting blame on others like a true sociopath... Fueling the racial nature of the media like a true sociopath... Dividing people like a true sociopath...

http://www.politicususa.com/2012/07/18/george-zimmerman-african-americans-apologize.html


Edited to update: Check out this video... Yes I think Zimmerman baited Trayvon, lied about some of the details, and was a true sociopath about it...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=183531305155780