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Crumpets and Bollocks: I've had Enough of This Shit

I've had Enough of This Shit

Life is way too short for...

Life is way too short for shit. Really it is. I know we all have to take a shit regularly, and I mean this metaphorically, but the people we shit on, their life is too short for it. My life is too short for other people's shit. Yet, I find myself spending endless hours trying to clean it up and disinfect enough to still get some ungodly flu as a result, which then makes me shit everywhere. Shit is contagious via shit. All of this is metaphorical for the school personnel who trolls my blog and Facebook, speaking of which, I'm talking about your shit too.

I wish I could tell you all the details of my week spent being shit on by various members of the community, but it would be unprofessional. But I tell you what, when it shits, it pours.

Instead of focusing on the negativity and mocking it like I usually do, I'm going to attempt to go the positive route. I'm just going to preach to you people about basic manners and professionalism and ethics when it comes to taking the metaphorical shit.

1. Don't shit on people


Just because you are having a bad day and need to unload the bull shit doesn't justify shitting it on others, or flinging it to others. If you need to unload your shit, take a dump in a corner like a civilized beast. Find a dark corner of the internet (like your own blog) and unload it there. This is what I do. If I have a bad day, it's a Facebook post, a blog post, or a rant to a friend. I don't ruin their days with it. I just simply unload my feelings with honesty. The point is, I find a place out of a way to take my shit. I don't do it on people, and I try to find places where I don't think anyone is going to step in it.

2. If you are going to shit on someone, shit on an asshole


Seriously, I know it's so tantalizing to shit on someone who is a good person. Nice people are the easiest target. I think people assume that they are stupid enough to forgive their asshattery. But the fact is, if you must shit on a person because you can't hold it in, assholes are used to shit. Shit on them. They deserve it anyway. Never fuck over the person who is helping you in order to hide your true feelings about those you perceive as an enemy. I see it happen all the time. People kiss ass to the assholes in their life, and they shit on those who truly care about them. Then they wonder why they are alone. I probably do this too.

3. People who have their shit together usually don't.


When you see someone with their ducks in a row, just know that the ducks they used to get those ducks in a row are not in a row. Be kind to everyone. Don't assume people are on a horse too high that you must tear them down. If they are on a low horse and you still feel the need to tear them down to your level, you are a pretty sad person. See I just shat on an asshole.

4. Bullying is shit.


Yes bullying is taking a shit on people. Don't bully people. This means don't take their lunch money and shove them in a locker. This also means, don't go on a random blog and call the blogger a fat ass. Don't abuse policy to fuck with people because you disagree with their facebook post and lack a sense of humor. Don't post memes saying you want to send Obama with a note to ISIS because you don't agree with his war strategy based on lies the media has told you. Don't be an asshole to my kid just because you don't like me. Don't call CPS on a person because you disagree with their blog post about breastfeeding.

However, it's totally ok to bully the bullies. The guy who stole 500 bucks from you and threatened to sick the mafia on you if you take him to court, yeah that guy, go ahead and sign him up for male enhancement products to be sent to his workplace.

5. Try not to fling the shit that people shat on you.


This one is a hard one for me. When people shit on me, I want to fling it back, but this week, I've been shat on by "bridges I don't want to burn." I almost fell into the abyss of gossip. People are messaging me about the drama, and I started off with good intentions. I kept to the topic. I only had good things to say about the person taking a metaphorical shit on me. But as it kept going, I started getting more negative. "She just did this. What the fuck?" Then I stopped myself. Stop in the name of love, it's Hammertime, stop drop shut em down open up shop, STOP collaborate, listen. I found my true feelings. I was hurt, not pissed off. Wounding the attacker isn't going to heal my wounds. I listed all the good things I liked about the person who was taking a metaphorical shit on me, and I reminded myself why I didn't want to end a friendship over this. I have to understand these people in my life may not resolve our issues. Their desire to keep the shit steaming is their problem. It becomes mine as well when it's my desire to stink up the place even more. The only thing I can do is spray the metaphorical Febreeze so it smells like Fresh Linen in my corner, even if there's a pile of shit under my shoe.

However, there's a shit level. Everyone has a shit level. When there's so much shit Febreeze can't cover, clean house. Get rid of the shit. Burn that fucking bridge and piss on the flames so the devil knows who sent it.



With all that said, if you are constantly being shit on like I have been this week, in the words of my daughter singing a song from a Yo Gabba Gabba Song... Keep Trying. Don't Give up. Never give up. She also sang that while Pink was singing on the radio, "You gotta get up and try try try." Yes God, I got your message loud and clear.


Read more Life's too short for... blogs on the linkup at Finding Ninee


Labels: , , ,

Crumpets and Bollocks: I've had Enough of This Shit

Thursday, September 18, 2014

I've had Enough of This Shit

Life is way too short for...

Life is way too short for shit. Really it is. I know we all have to take a shit regularly, and I mean this metaphorically, but the people we shit on, their life is too short for it. My life is too short for other people's shit. Yet, I find myself spending endless hours trying to clean it up and disinfect enough to still get some ungodly flu as a result, which then makes me shit everywhere. Shit is contagious via shit. All of this is metaphorical for the school personnel who trolls my blog and Facebook, speaking of which, I'm talking about your shit too.

I wish I could tell you all the details of my week spent being shit on by various members of the community, but it would be unprofessional. But I tell you what, when it shits, it pours.

Instead of focusing on the negativity and mocking it like I usually do, I'm going to attempt to go the positive route. I'm just going to preach to you people about basic manners and professionalism and ethics when it comes to taking the metaphorical shit.

1. Don't shit on people


Just because you are having a bad day and need to unload the bull shit doesn't justify shitting it on others, or flinging it to others. If you need to unload your shit, take a dump in a corner like a civilized beast. Find a dark corner of the internet (like your own blog) and unload it there. This is what I do. If I have a bad day, it's a Facebook post, a blog post, or a rant to a friend. I don't ruin their days with it. I just simply unload my feelings with honesty. The point is, I find a place out of a way to take my shit. I don't do it on people, and I try to find places where I don't think anyone is going to step in it.

2. If you are going to shit on someone, shit on an asshole


Seriously, I know it's so tantalizing to shit on someone who is a good person. Nice people are the easiest target. I think people assume that they are stupid enough to forgive their asshattery. But the fact is, if you must shit on a person because you can't hold it in, assholes are used to shit. Shit on them. They deserve it anyway. Never fuck over the person who is helping you in order to hide your true feelings about those you perceive as an enemy. I see it happen all the time. People kiss ass to the assholes in their life, and they shit on those who truly care about them. Then they wonder why they are alone. I probably do this too.

3. People who have their shit together usually don't.


When you see someone with their ducks in a row, just know that the ducks they used to get those ducks in a row are not in a row. Be kind to everyone. Don't assume people are on a horse too high that you must tear them down. If they are on a low horse and you still feel the need to tear them down to your level, you are a pretty sad person. See I just shat on an asshole.

4. Bullying is shit.


Yes bullying is taking a shit on people. Don't bully people. This means don't take their lunch money and shove them in a locker. This also means, don't go on a random blog and call the blogger a fat ass. Don't abuse policy to fuck with people because you disagree with their facebook post and lack a sense of humor. Don't post memes saying you want to send Obama with a note to ISIS because you don't agree with his war strategy based on lies the media has told you. Don't be an asshole to my kid just because you don't like me. Don't call CPS on a person because you disagree with their blog post about breastfeeding.

However, it's totally ok to bully the bullies. The guy who stole 500 bucks from you and threatened to sick the mafia on you if you take him to court, yeah that guy, go ahead and sign him up for male enhancement products to be sent to his workplace.

5. Try not to fling the shit that people shat on you.


This one is a hard one for me. When people shit on me, I want to fling it back, but this week, I've been shat on by "bridges I don't want to burn." I almost fell into the abyss of gossip. People are messaging me about the drama, and I started off with good intentions. I kept to the topic. I only had good things to say about the person taking a metaphorical shit on me. But as it kept going, I started getting more negative. "She just did this. What the fuck?" Then I stopped myself. Stop in the name of love, it's Hammertime, stop drop shut em down open up shop, STOP collaborate, listen. I found my true feelings. I was hurt, not pissed off. Wounding the attacker isn't going to heal my wounds. I listed all the good things I liked about the person who was taking a metaphorical shit on me, and I reminded myself why I didn't want to end a friendship over this. I have to understand these people in my life may not resolve our issues. Their desire to keep the shit steaming is their problem. It becomes mine as well when it's my desire to stink up the place even more. The only thing I can do is spray the metaphorical Febreeze so it smells like Fresh Linen in my corner, even if there's a pile of shit under my shoe.

However, there's a shit level. Everyone has a shit level. When there's so much shit Febreeze can't cover, clean house. Get rid of the shit. Burn that fucking bridge and piss on the flames so the devil knows who sent it.



With all that said, if you are constantly being shit on like I have been this week, in the words of my daughter singing a song from a Yo Gabba Gabba Song... Keep Trying. Don't Give up. Never give up. She also sang that while Pink was singing on the radio, "You gotta get up and try try try." Yes God, I got your message loud and clear.


Read more Life's too short for... blogs on the linkup at Finding Ninee


Labels: , , ,

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