How to Really Win a Debate

When up against ignorant people, the best thing to do is walk away. Well most of us can't do that, but at some point, you have to at least realize you are talking to a brick wall and completely wasting your time.

It helps to understand why some people believe what they believe. Most people consider their opinions to be a form of self-identity, and many find their tribe based on that. Remember back in high school when they had cliques? That is still relevant in adulthood. Instead of being the cheerleader where it's expected for you to dress cute in a fake tan with a fake smile, now you are the crunchy person where your friends are going to be offended if you eat gluten and don't support gun control.

I do suspect some of my "conservative" friends have opinions that are in-line to the Republican platform because they want people like me to perceive them as wealthy business merchants, which is why they would totally give away their rights to things like clean water for more important things like corporate profit maximization. It is part of their identity to be about numbers and money as opposed to morals and responsibility, wait a minute... All that's supposed to be part of the conservative identity... Oh the tribe. The "important" people running the corporation is a friend of a friend of a friend... And of course, they want you to know all the important people they know, because that makes them important, and of course, because they are important, they want to make sure that laws don't impede on their importantness. Because it's really not about what they stand for, but about who they are.

So now that you know the psychology behind any debate, like "Anti-Vaxxers" and "Pro-Vaxxers." You can easily see this situation to finding the truth, "how safe are vaccines?" is just as complex as the human mind because of the human mind. Studies have shown using facts only makes them resort to myths all the more. By trying to "help them see the light," we are only pushing them farther into the darkness. Why? Personal Identity. When you attack an argument with facts, they see it as an attack on their character. Keep in mind that no matter how you feel, "they" is also YOU.

Tips to Actually Win the Internets in a Debate

1. Fight debauchery with humor. 

You can quickly deescalate a heated argument by saying something incredibly ridiculous, full of nonsense and laced with humor. There really is no reason to have the other person walk off pissed off. I mean we aren't here to ruin each others days. Be the bigger person.

I have used pictures of my boobs holding an object for charity as a great diffusing device when up against men. They usually stop arguing with me and start flirting. Yeah, basically I flash a man mid-meltdown. Men are so easy. It also works on my husband, in case you ever get into a debate with him. (You're Welcome Rafael). Women, on the other hand, not so much. You really have to get a feel for the type of woman you are dealing with, and try to appeal to her sense of humor. For instance, if she seems to enjoy man bashing, then throw in a good man bashing joke, even if you are a man. The point is you want to connect with her (or him if you are too shy to flash people) in some fashion. People are kinder to people they have a bond with. In other words, it helps to remind them you are human on an emotional level.

Some people are straight dicks and do not find you funny just because they hate you. Like if someone else said what you said, they'd love it. But because you said it, they don't. In that case, don't make them laugh. I usually block those people. For real, I don't care if you slept with my husband once, or if you punched me in the face last year, or if you talk about me behind my back, but the moment you decide I'm just not funny, now that's just uncalled for. I don't want to read your posts. Goodbye.

2. Call them out on their method.

For instance, my mom and I were "debating" once on the telephone. When her logic and facts were no longer working in her favor to win the argument, she shifted it into an emotional debate. She said that I obviously don't respect her if I disagree with her. I explained, "Shifting the argument into an emotional crisis does not change the fact that.... and if I did disrespect you, I would have used more bad English like my sister." When that sunk in, we were able to discuss both the topic of debate and her emotions, separately, to a place of agreement and closure.

Most arguments are psychological. It's not about facts. It's not about truth. It's about the human mind. When you can discover the psychology behind people's methods of argument (not the logic), you can approach that. Most people don't want to admit their psychological details to a perfect stranger let alone any flaw to themselves, so they will often disagree with you, but they will also usually stop doing what you claimed they do just to spite you.

3. Socratic Questioning

This is an art, but once mastered, it can be the most effective way to get people to change their minds. I say that because it's the method Jesus Christ used well (in addition to Socrates). I'm not at Jesus Christ level of using this method.

The point of the method is to help people discover the truth for themselves. You can tell me that 2 + 2 = 4, and I can memorize that number and do well with math, but I won't actually learn how to add until I take 2 items, add 2 items, and count, for myself, that there are 4 items total. You can tell people what to believe, or you can show them a better method of finding their own belief for themselves. If you are right, what you stand for should speak for itself. All you need to do is give the person the right questions so that whatever you stand for can speak to them.

It's usually a very invited method into an argument because everyone loves to answer questions about themselves because narcissism.

You can also use this method to annoy the ever living fuck out of people, and to confuse them more. So be careful with it.

4. The most important factor to winning a debate is to be right in the first place.

Most people formulate an opinion and then search and dig for facts and logic that supports their opinion. I am the type of person to formulate my opinion based on facts and logic, which means, I do the reading first and the thinking about it later. Someone just went, "Aha!" My opinions do change as I incorporate new data into the formation of the opinion; however, not many people offer NEW data into a debate compared to what I've already read and researched on the subject, unless the subject is something I have never researched like genetics of yellow-bellied marmots, in which case, I have no opinion. In other words, I don't argue about stuff I don't know.

If you start forming your opinions on actual facts, your opinion will be harder to argue. It's hard to lose an argument when you are the closest thing to being right as possible giving the current data on the situation. People think I'm on a high horse with this, but I am. I did my homework already.

With this, do not be afraid to not know. This has two parts. If you pretend to know something you don't know, you will at least look stupid to the people who do know. The easiest method is to swallow your IQ pride and just admit, "I'm not familiar with that subject," and if you follow it with, "tell me more about it," you will diffuse an argument and turn it more into an actual debate. It makes the person realize that you respect their opinion and give them some credibility.

The second part, it's ok if you don't have an opinion on something. If you really have no idea what happened between Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman to decide guilt, then just say, "I have no opinion yet because I don't know what happened enough to have one." You're also allowed to say, "I don't really care. I'm kind of busy living my life I just don't have the time or interest to google." Yes. I said it. Let it be known in someone else's memoirs that it was I, Michelle L. Grewe, who said, "You're allowed to not give a shit."

If you did your homework, this is my issue, try not to give all the information out in every argument. You appear to be a "Know-it-all," and nobody likes that. While I'm sitting here trying to be Wikipedia, teaching people something, others are taking it as an insult to their intelligence. If they wanted to learn, they'd look it up. They aren't there to learn.

5. Let them Win a Parting Gift

Most people are sore losers. Not many people giggle, "you got me there," or respond, "touche." Most of the time, they search for an argument they think they can win and change the subject, whether it's about your grammar or your manners.

For instance, I have a friend. When we argue, and we argued about this before, it almost ended our friendship... She claimed a sentence like, "She ate dinner and then fell asleep," should have a comma before the word "and" because "and" is a conjunction. I explained that a conjunction joins two independent clauses (being two phrases containing both a subject and a verb) together. In the case of that sentence, you have two verbs and one subject (and independent clause and a dependent one). There would be a comma if you wrote it, "She ate dinner, and then SHE fell asleep." My friend disagreed profusely. I mean we were in a screaming, yelling match over a fucking comma. After showing her 10 different grammar books backing up my claim, she finally was like, "You have to at least agree with me that a comma does go before a conjunction, which is my argument all along."

If you find any opportunity to let them know they were right about something and they aren't total idiots in your mind, let them know... "You were very right about...." Give them a parting gift of some sort.




Remember, you aren't changing the world by debating. You are not solving any world problems by having an opinion. You are just "Discussing" things.

You don't have to turn everything into a debate. I believe some people have such low self-esteems they find themselves wanting to always debate for the false sense of winning, like somehow their dick grows 4 inches just by believing with all of their heart that they are talking to an idiot. But what they do is turn something unemotional like gun control statistics into a passion seeking venue, and I'm sorry but those people just suck at passion. I mean seriously, if the most passionate thing you've done all week is display statistics of crime, you really need to step off the computer and enter the bedroom. Read this Guide to Masturbation. You're welcome. Now that's passion. Make love to yourself. Literally, go fuck yourself. Best advice I ever got in a debate.

Meanwhile, remember to really win a debate, you both walk away from it happy. If you "cremate" them with your facts and what not, you look like an ass, so you didn't really win anything. If you lose the debate and resort to mature things like name-calling and other sore-loser asshattery, then you look like an ass, so you didn't really win anything. In other words, when two people argue, all the passerby sees is two assholes. The only way to WIN a debate where someone agrees that you won is to either not debate in the first place, or end it.

Remember, the other person's opinion really doesn't matter. It won't make you rich. It won't solve a problem. It won't make your bacon taste any better or make your pussy more pleasurable. It's ok if they disagree. They can think the sun is made of hot nacho cheese for all you care. Now that you read that, it will still irk you when someone says something stupid like, "Stop killing my baby with your use of the word retard." You will still speak up. "How clumsy of me, I didn't realize your baby was a retard." And the Asshat Award will go to you, and you will display it with pride.

Internet Debates: Cheap Tactics People Vomit

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Internet debates are like a form of crack that suck you into a world of dumbfuckery to where you neglect major life duties like a shower or sleep because "someone on the internet is wrong." They are so addicting, some people have to create drama just for the high of a debate, and others, they flock to it like drunks to a place that serves breakfast. I'm the latter. If I see any status of my friends on facebook that shows an ounce of drama and debate, I'm there just to read the asshattery and state my opinion, with popcorn (sometimes, it's a great spectator sport).

In the heat of a great internet debate, you have different types of debaters and cheap tactics people use. You are probably one of these people, at some point. I'm sorry if I offend you. Hahahahahahahaha, no I'm not. I tried to type it with a straight face though. I really did.

You should totally share this when you see friends  frienemies who fall under these categories, you know, for passive aggressiveness, especially if you are on Facebook Vaguebook.

1. The Researcher

I like these people. They are my favorite kinds of people on the internet. They are the ones who post the snopes link in the comments showing your story is bull shit. You can't debate with them without them showing links to prove their argument, usually packed with facts, statistics, and truth. They are awesome for the most part.

They can POTENTIALLY have two downfalls that turn their awesome quickly into asshattery. For many of them, sometimes your argument is invalid because you didn't supply a link, or you didn't supply a "credible" link. It's really hilarious when these people get into such a sheeple mindframe that they think their link from a biased organization designed to promote their argument is more credible than wikipedia. In fact, don't ever dare to give them a wikipedia link because, "haha, anyone can write that," as if the rest of the internet was written by God himself. They don't even care if their sources are cited in the bibliography because they are superior to you intellectually for supplying the cited sources as opposed to the wiki link that took them to that place in the first place.

The second downfall? As if things can't get any worse. When their link supports your argument more than it does theirs, and they are just too stupid to realize it. You can quote their link all you want, but you are talking to a brick wall. For example: You are anti-gun control. He is pro-gun control. He shares a link that states in the 3rd paragraph that studies show gun control doesn't curb gun related crimes. He posted that link to support gun control because it's from a liberal website, and he probably didn't read it. You mention the third paragraph, and he ignores it completely stating the link supports gun control with studies and facts. Where's your studies and facts? Oh you don't have any. Well that one you provided doesn't count because I don't like the source. The other one I didn't feel like reading, and my link doesn't count because I provided it and not you.

2. The wolf pack

You see this one more in female groups, more specifically, mom groups. But these are people who act like cyber-bullies, usually unaware they are being bullies. They operate in packs. They are the ones who post statuses like, "Hey, did you read that mean comment someone left me? Here's the link." The people who usually argue on their behalf are only arguing on their behalf, nevermind the topic, it's about loyalty. For the most part, this is a great way to combat trolls.

Image from one of my most favorite people on the web:Hyperbole and a Half

For example, someone I know wrote a blog about the difficult decision to give away her dog. It just wasn't really compatible with her children. He was too aggressive, and there were some other issues. As much as she loved the dog, she had to choose between the dog and her kids, and the dog had to go. She got quite a few comments from dog loving freaks who shamed her for not treating her dog like it was a kid. These people were fanatics, with absurd arguments that made you believe they secretly rape their pets. Of course, my friend posted about it, and before you knew it, 50 of us were there saying things to the commenters (not the blogger) like, "You are an asshat twatwaffle" and my input, "Your dog would be delicious in Korea." It promoted my friend's blog, like she had more readers than usual for that post in particular. But more importantly, it made her feel better about making such a difficult decision because she was surrounded by a mob of people who supported her decision and empathized with her feelings.

But the wolf pack can go seriously wrong when they use it to bully an innocent. Imagine a scenario where a woman says, "I breastfed my kid for 3 months now, I'd like some advice to ween her to the bottle." And someone is like, "No, you should continue breastfeeding if you care at all for your child." And that someone then, before any comment is made their way, retrieves their friends to come over and support their shaming. So a woman seeking advice is bombarded with comments designed to tear her down emotionally and psychologically, and she is not in a position to be there because her kid needs her boob, now, no time to stand up for yourself on the internet mom.

It can go even worse when a member of the pack stands up for the mom because the mom was in the right. The whole pack shows no mercy when ostracizing a member of their own, and because they are in the same circles online, they usually take their debauchery to other social media methods. They will stalk the excommunicated member for months to come, leaving random nasty comments whenever the opportunity for it arises, manipulating others into picking their side, usually spreading rumors and lies. The person doing the right thing gets treated like shit by people she cared about, cyber-crucified for having an opinion of her own, all to help someone who shows no appreciation for the sacrifice made on their behalf. Then they all post an anti-bullying link, you know, to deceive people (and themselves) into thinking they aren't assholes.

3. The Delusional

The perfect example to this...

"The gay community wants to abolish age of consent laws. Which means children…we would do away with statutory rape laws so that adults would be able to freely prey on little children sexually. That’s the deviance that we’re seeing embraced in our culture today".- Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)

What the fuck Michele? Did you make that shit up for attention? Or do you really think that's the case? Because while you are right in your stance, yes nobody wants to see children raped, the issue is that NOBODY wants to see children raped. Like quit putting stupid words in the mouths of people you hate just for the delusion that you win the debate. Of course you feel superior to gay people when you put it like that. Of course, it's that shit that makes you infamous for being a fucktard with an IQ that cannot possibly exceed the qualifying age to join the AARP.

Then what happens is all her little sheeple followers believe that, and before you know it... You will argue with them about gay marriage. And when that day comes, you will say something like, "Equality. Gay people deserve the same rights to love and marriage, and divorce, as you and I." And they will respond with, "I can't believe you are so fucking stupid to allow children to be raped." You are like, "WTF? I wasn't talking about children at all..." 

And then other people join the conversation and because they are either too lazy or too stupid to read exactly what you said, they take the asshole's version of what you said, and they truly believe you just said that you want children to be raped, and there's nothing you can say otherwise to change their mind because the asshole is more qualified on the subject of your feelings than you are. 

In essence, they create their own villain to argue with. The arguments on both sides come from their own mind, and it's just unfortunate for you that they think you are the villain they created and that the mindless zombies spectating believe them. 

I see this the most with any kind of fanatic full of hatred for those against them, whether they are Christians or atheist, conservative or liberal. 

I'm obviously not the only person who noticed. 

4. The Stereotype

This is really another version of the delusional, but they are people who argue with you based on your stereotype. For instance, just say, "I own a gun," and then you get the response, "I bet you believe Obama's trying take your guns. Murica." Or better yet, "The day I listen to a gun toting redneck like yourself is the day I hang myself." What they are arguing? Every meme they read about people who own guns. You don't even have to argue, they will just assume you are arguing their beliefs because you have one. You might believe in gun control, they don't care. You're still a gun-toting idiot. 

I have been in debates where I mention I love God and Jesus Christ, and all the sudden, I am anti-science (not the case, I understand Einstein's theory of relativity and Schrodinger's cat better than the geek mainstream, and I can hang in a discussion about neutrinos and photons), anti-evolution (not true)... everything that anyone could contrive a Christian to be. And it doesn't matter what I say about neutrinos, my argument is invalid just because I'm an idiot Christian who obviously believes the world was actually created in seven 24-hour days, three thousand years ago. I can say, "I agree with science on this one," until my fingers turn purple, and these people think I'm lying because I'm a Christian, and I'm not allowed to be a Christian AND agree with science.

5. The Hypocrite

Everyone is a hypocrite in some fashion, to some extent, but in the realm of the internet debate, it becomes obvious in ways that make you want to vomit. For example. I have a friend who is atheist. He hates it when Christians are forcing their opinions on others. You can't put a Bible verse on the wall at school because that's forcing your religious beliefs on others. You can't quote the Bible as literature in school because duh, it's the Bible, but it's ok to read The Crucible, Of Plymouth Plantation, Martin Luther King Jr.'s speeches, and other texts that promote Christianity. That is a level of hypocrisy in of itself, but then let's take it further. 

Then the atheist friend who is so sick of people shoving their religious beliefs on others trolls your conversations about religion. Any time you mention God, Jesus Christ, a Bible Verse, or anything, they comment some belittling comment on how you are an idiot for having faith, and they turn every inspirational text you find on the subject of your faith into a debate on whether or not God is real and that you should just believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In essence, they are shoving their beliefs down your throat, with more determined hatred than Westboro has against gay people. Christians will do it too, but we expect that don't we? 

And it's not just religion. Look at political memes. The guy who is Pro Life is anti-immigration pro-guns. Mixing the two subjects it gets even worse. Anti-Christian liberals believe in everything Jesus Christ ever preached, but they are anti-Jesus. Extreme conservatives believe against everything Jesus Christ ever preached, but they are Pro-Jesus. I say this because if Jesus was on this earth today, based on what He preached according to the Bible, He would be pro-welfare, pro-immigration, pro-life but also pro-women's rights, anti-violence, anti-war, anti-corporate greed, pro-humbling... He'd be a Pro-Life liberal. The liberals hate Him. The conservatives love Him. And aliens are standing by waiting for us to destroy ourselves because that's easier than declaring war on earth. 

When you call them out on it, especially when it involves any form of hatred, they deny it, like it never dawned on them they are exactly like the very people they hate. I'm here to tell you how you feel about others is usually a solid reflection on how you feel about yourself. That's a tough pill to swallow sometimes. 

6. The Last Worder

I fall in this category. I have to have the last word. Part of it is because when you are so kind to respond to me, even in disagreement, I feel that it's only polite to warrant a response back. I do this in friendly emails. Even on the phone, saying goodbye to me takes 10 minutes because I keep responding. My chats look like, "Well I'm going to go to bed.... I should too, good night and sweet dreams... Good night and sweet dreams to you... They will be sweet if I dream about you... Really? Do you dream about me?... ... ... Well goodnight then.... Goodnight to you... Sweet dream... you too...  :) ... :)... :).... :)............." 

But when it comes to debates, I do think I have to have the last word for whatever reason. I have no idea why, but I do. You really are fine if you just don't say anything more stupid, but that rarely happens. Arguing with me, your last word is going to be stupid, and I have to, like a crack addiction, call you out on your stupidity. It's almost like the grammar nazi trying not to type, "You're" to correct someone's "your so stupid." I can't resist.  The reason you are bound to say something stupid in a last word to me in an argument is that if you are arguing with me at all, you probably are stupid. You can disagree with me and not be stupid. That happens a lot. But if you are straight arguing any comment or opinion I may have, you are probably dumber than the flies that circle shit. I can still love you as a friend, even if you can't keep up on an intellectual level because I can appreciate that there is way more to life than being smart, but I can't resist standing up for what I believe, or straight facts, when you challenge my words with stupidity.

There is a fine line between a debate and an argument, and that fine line is usually a vast amount of IQ points.

And my favorite part is where people act like the childish nature of having to have the last word supposedly discredits all the facts you gave them. And the hypocrisy (see number 5), is that it's pretty childish to mock someone's actions as a desperate reach into giving you a false-sense of winning the debate, especially when your logic and facts didn't do it for you. Of course, changing the subject is the easiest way to direct people's attention away from your original points of stupidity.

The girl is totally winning. 

7. The Logic Nazi

These are people who have trained themselves in the art of identifying logical fallacies within other people's arguments. They get super excited when they see one, I'm sure, that they are so intellectual to point it out using words that force anyone to have to Google it. Unfortunately, they lack the self control to avoid the use of them in their arguments, and they usually also lack the humbling ego to admit they do it, even when caught red-handed.

But there is a list of Logical Fallacies that basically say, if you do this, you are illogical. Most people who are obsessed with pointing these out never actually thought it through and instead just took everyone's word for it. Like they probably couldn't do a logic puzzle, but because they can identify a fallacy, they are suddenly logic experts.

Just because someone uses a logical fallacy doesn't mean they are wrong (that's a logical fallacy in of itself). It just means they need to change their approach. 

8. The Statistics Humper

I honestly think there are people who really suck at math that are physically attracted to statistics. They don't understand statistics, but when they see them, they get a boner nevertheless. These are people who have to point out statistics to prove their point. They totally fuck statistics when they misuse them to prove their point, and that's what happens a lot. Even the media sharing findings from a scholarly study often misrepresent the facts and numbers.

Some things to remember about statistics... Correlation does not prove causation. For instance, gun control. Many previous studies on gun control showed a correlation between high gun ownership in an area and higher crime rate. It made a lot of people believe that gun ownership causes violence. New studies are suggesting the opposite. They changed the approach to the study and on a worldwide scale, have discovered that Gun Control Laws are often correlated to a higher violent crime rate. But the other studies? Are they wrong? No. There really is a correlation between high crime rates and high gun ownership, but they are realizing that what happens is that people who live in areas with high crime rates are more apt to go buy a gun for protection, legally. But you will still see people citing studies and statistics about gun ownership and crime rate in order to prove their justification of gun control.

There are also different types of statistics. Some just inform. Like I could ask 100 people, "Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke?" and 45% can answer Pepsi with 55% answering Coke. Let's say I ask the same people "Do you consider yourself overweight?" and 75% of the people drinking Pepsi said Yes and 45% of the people drinking Coke said Yes. Some people are quick to think, "Pepsi makes you fatter than Coke does." No. Those statistics like that only describe. That's it. They do not show any correlation. You have to do some crazy math shit with a formula that looks greek to most of the world to see if there's enough statistical evidence to prove any correlation.

So when you tell me X amount of people died from gun violence last year, that doesn't mean that it proves we need gun control. If you keep posting the stats and referring to it like it's a guide, I'm going to assume statistically that you are dumber than my left tit.

9. The Grammar Royals

These are not your average grammar nazi's. Grammar Nazi's correct grammar for OCD, anal-retentive purposes, many attempting to conserve the English language in a world of little brats graduating high school thinking LOL is a real word. The Grammar Royals take it to a whole new level. They act like the ability to point out your grammatical error (usually only one or two of them, missing the other 50 you made) somehow makes them superior to you and your argument. They believe that they have completely discredited you by discrediting your grammar, and as a result, they won the debate because they discredited your facts and logic.

I want to see this LIVE

Obviously they are right. Like if you wrote a phrase as a sentence, you are ok. If you have a dangling modifier, you're fine. But God Forbid you say, "your not understanding," ok now you are just being a terrorist, and you totes deserve being ass raped with a cactus.


I'm supposed to type a conclusion here, but I really suck at conclusions. I like letting you come up with your own. I suppose I could say something inspirational, promoting peace, like "Don't be a dick."

Keep an eye out for the next part of this. Like subscribe to this blog so you can get advice for arguing with assholes. I'm not an easy person to debate, and I shall share some of my secrets in the near future. I'm also going to share some all natural ways to relieve constipation, so big things coming. 

My Pussy will be bigger than yours someday, though it already obviously is.

Let me tell you what's wrong with people today. It's the bitchy whiny shit. I'm offended that you said fuck. Well I'm offended you got offended you whiny little bitch. You can't buy that gun because someone died from a gun once. Really? I don't think you should... I think you are... Basically, I'm telling you how to live your life because I'm a self-proclaimed superior to you.

My story tonight pissed me off and makes me think I'm in the movie Idiocracy... I blame public education.

Some "friend" on Facebook posts a picture of a Savannah Cat as if he wants one. As if they are awesomely cool, and they are. This is the picture he posted...

One of his friends comments that they are 20 grand. I comment that I've seen them for 1500, I hope they aren't 20 grand because I plan on getting one some day. Yes. I confess to you all here and now, I want a Savannah Cat. Oh the Humanity!

So then this blond twit gets on there with something along the lines of, "I can't believe people would spend money on a cat when there's so many for free in the shelter. It's wrong to buy a cat."

Right under my comment about buying the cat. Right under it! Yeah.

I could let it slide. Maybe she didn't notice my comment? Who the fuck am I fooling? She noticed. That's why she said what she said. Am I going to let it slide? Hell no. I'm sick of people doing that shit. They think it's ok because they are passive aggressively judging you on something stupid. Bull shit. An ass is an ass.

So I comment something along the lines, "My money is my money, and how I want to spend it is my choice. Quit worrying about what other people are doing and worry about what you are doing."

And this other friend of his who had the name of a black man yet was white and scrawny (had to point out, it's just an observation, I have yet to get to a point where I'm ready to make fun of that in my head) had to jump in and troll. "No you buying that cat is condoning the overbreeding of the poor female cats. Not to mention you aren't helping a cat in a shelter."

I pointed out his clothes were most likely made in sweat shops and his bank most likely received a government hand-out bail-out.

Then he argued that his clothes are made in sweat shops, but that's ok because he bought them second-hand and he had no choice. He had no choice in what clothes he wears. Me buying a cat is still wrong because buying a cat (unlike buying clothes) is a choice.

So I stuck to my guns... Don't play that holier than thou stuff with me. You need to worry about where you spend your money and I will worry about mine.

Then the twit chimes in with... "It's unethical" and various other choice words, "How dare you call us names? Quit complaining you complainer."

I'm like, "No it's not unethical, and you are rude. Where did you get your manners? Church? Need I remind you who is complaining?"

Then the guy was like, "You are performing ad hominem which makes you stupid and wrong."

So I googled Ad Hominen, and I'm thinking, how ironic... or hypocritical or something.

"1: appealing to feelings or prejudices rather than intellect
2: marked by or being an attack on an opponent's character rather than by an answer to the contentions made"

So basically, calling me unethical and immoral, judging my character based on how I want to spend my money and then criticizing it as their argument for ethics... that is not a fallacy to their argument. But me saying "quit bitching and worry about what you do" is... This guy is completely at a disadvantage when it comes to IQ points. That's not an attack on his character. That's an actual fact. 

Then I pointed out it wasn't ad hominem, and this isn't an argument. It was simply they got on a high horse and I kindly knocked them off of it. It was simply I'm straight telling them they are not only rude, but also stupid. There is nothing to argue. 

He was like, "See, that's ad hominem." 

But the twit calling me Psycho, however, is not. ... which I should say, calling someone psycho really isn't that much different than calling someone retarded. As a psycho, I'm kind of offended that someone would make fun of my mental health, but you know what? I grew a pair and got the fuck over it. 

Before I could explain that just because I think he was stupider than tits on a bull, I wasn't saying that means he's wrong, I was blocked by the guy who wanted the cat to begin with. Yeah. He picked their side. And that totally redefines stupid to me at this point...

So basically, I'm going to hell because I want to buy a cat. I'm wrong because I want to buy a cat. God forbid I want to buy a cat. And who is trying to stop me? Not them according to them. And the guy who also wanted to buy a cat? He took their side about how that's immoral in a "debate." 

I blame public education. 

If you are one of those people who tell people how to live like that? I'm straight telling you (yeah I am using your logic against you here). Get the dick out of your ass so that you may remove your head from that hole, and then open your eyes. OMG! There's a world out there, and it's different than yours. 

And if I want to pay a few grand for a damn cat, I will pay a few grand for a damn cat. I will train it to eat your cat because fuck you, that's why. My cat is bigger than yours. 

P.S. I ran out of cold diet coke, and it's too late for energy drinks, so I had nothing else but vodka to drink, so I wrote this post slightly pissed off at the stupidity of mankind and buzzed. Forgetting to put fresh Diet Coke in the fridge, I also blame public education for that one. Not really, but I might as well. It's always their fault. 

P.P.S. I probably won't train my cat to eat yours because my cat will have taste, and it's kind of mean. I'm usually not a bitch. Some people just bring out the bitch in me. 

Don't Crap on my Lawn and Pretend you Fertilized It!

I am the type of person to stand up for principle before loyalty. Just had to say that first.

Awesome blog post about not judging

Today, I ran into yet another case of moms bashing other moms online. It was about a subject I do have an opinion about, one I might be wrong about. That's the thing. No mother knows it all. You don't know what you are doing as a mom. Not one of us has any right to say, "Hey you have to do this, or you suck," because we all suck worse than our Dysons and Hoovers. The person who does it all right has absolutely no way to prove that.

When I read a blog about someone explaining that a kid cleaning up the house is more work for mom, more work because we have to nag, argue and deal with fits, followed by re-cleaning it so it's actually clean, and then I see hundreds of moms swarm to be like, "You shouldn't be allowed to have kids or pets..." Or "You are doing it all wrong. This will haunt you. You are just being lazy. You don't love your kids. Your kids are spoiled brats and that's what's wrong with that generation..." Yeah, what kind of mom would she be if she got her parenting advice from some Yahoo Username like girl01 or justsayin?

As a mom, I have to have a clean house if people like moms who think my kids should clean had it their way. I assure you shit like rocks in your fire place that are supposed to be there is something CPS will have a problem with. Popcorn is a choking hazard to some of these asshats out there. People take that shit way too far; no mom can afford to have a messy house for not even a few days. The judgment factor from other people is too high anymore. You post a picture on your facebook that has one thing out of place in the background, and you get messages and comments, "You might want to clean first before taking that picture."

Check out Holdin Holden's blog

This is why mom on mom bashing must stop. You make it harder on all moms when you do that. You are raising society's already unreachable expectations even further, and you are doing it only to service your own ego (yeah hide behind the well-being of other people's children you don't actually know all you want, I know where you are). Is it really that bad? Your ego?

Online criticism will yield one of two outcomes. 1. It will take me to even a lower place if I take you seriously, which makes things worse for me and my children. That's like saying, "Hey you suck, let me fuck up your kids some more with my self-serving opinion." Why don't you just take their lollipop? Or two, I won't really give a damn because you have no credibility, and I will continue life as I live it. Pretty much, those are the outcomes of every critical bully like comment made on the interwebs. Does any of that help the world at all?

No. In fact, what happens is some sheeple minded person comes by, reads your comment, thinks "Oh shit, there's drama. Awesome," takes your side because it's the first comment they read or because they are your friend, and adds to it giving the poor victim of your bullying the sensation she is being attacked by not just one wolf, but a pack of wolves. Then the bullies take that stupid opinion and carry it to another mom to criticize, and they don't stop until at least 10 moms are second guessing themselves crying because someone was an ass to them on the internet. And they do it all in the name of the children they are supposedly defending or helping but actually hurting in the long-run, which is very sociopathic if you ask me.

If you want to tell me how to parent, you better have kids who clean their rooms every day, carries a 4.0 GPA, plays a musical instrument better than I do, and is the sweetest kid to all the kids and dominates every social problem peacefully.

There's a fine line between suggesting / advising, and just down right being an overly critical ass trying to belittle people. Usually it's the intention. You can tell when people genuinely care about your kids and your well being. If they are more pissed than concerned, that's usually a sign that they are just taking a shit on your lawn. All you moms out there, don't listen to them. Seriously, would take advice from a talking turd? 

When it comes to subjects like breastfeeding, breastfeeding in public, playing Mozart, forward facing carseats, and yes, even giving your kids chores, the fact of the matter is every situation is different. Please do NOT continue to make the same mistakes as our public education system. Every kid is an individual. They are not a herd of cattle where they all get the same stuff and you will get the same results.

I have 3 kids. My oldest struggled with language. My middle kid struggled with speech. My youngest is a language speaking genius. My oldest can draw unicorns and Santa Claus and the 3 year old is still scribbling on paper. They all potty trained at different ages, and different methods brought them to that. They all walked at different ages, and each of their struggles with overcoming the crawl was unique to each of them. One could walk at 8 months old, but crawled for the most part until 2 years of age because she enjoyed crawling. The other had balance issues. The third one walked really young, but her feet kind of tilt in the center where it's not quite right. My oldest is naturally great at math. The middle kid is ok with math, but she naturally empathizes better than her siblings, and she can draw through a maze faster than anyone in this house. My youngest loves letters and words, and while she can count, she'd rather tell you the alphabet.

A great blog post on providing negative feedback

Not all kids are ready for X at Y age. Cognitively, they develop differently than their peers. Yes there are some similarities between all people, but for the most part, each child needs an individual plan. Each child has their own strengths and their own weaknesses. These are things that are important to establish their sense of self. Treating them like they are cattle, like whatever you did for your one kid should be done to all kids or the world is messed up, that is what is messing up the world. This is why we have kids who graduate high school thinking Texas is its own country and LOL is a real word. This is why we have adults with a college education voted into positions of power who thinks during a legitimate rape, the woman's body shuts down. These are individuals who got lost in the herd. Their individual cognitive needs were not met somewhere along the way.

And the ONLY person who is qualified to know what their kid needs are the parents, or people who are so involved in the child's life, they are like a parent.

In addition to children being unique, guess what? I know this will come as a shock to all of you. They grow up to be adults with unique needs and talents. That means every parent out there has his own strengths and flaws. Every parent has his own preferences and personality. Give me a kid who needs to learn how to count to ten, and I bet you anything parent A will teach that completely differently than parent B. Why? Because they draw from the strengths and work around their weaknesses satisfying the dominant nature of their personality.

The Clutter Diet, written by a professional organizer, will tell you to create your own systems in keeping your house clean and clutter free. She emphasizes on creating systems (routines, methods) that is in line with your personal style and preferences, and why? Because the chances of success are greater when you gear things toward your strengths working around your weaknesses appealing your preferences. Some people prefer a calendar on their wall. Some a planner. Others use their cell phones or Google calendar. The important thing is to go with whatever is working best for you, and if your current system is not working, opt for something you want as opposed to what people say you should do.

And this brings me to the third part of the chaos individuality brings to the role of parenting. Combining different personalities. Some parents have a personality that work better with their kid's personality than others. Having two distinct, or similar, personalities work together to learn or teach is not always an easy task. If  you are lucky enough that you and your kid get along naturally because your personalities blend well and compliment each other, that doesn't mean you are a better parent than the one whose personality clashes with their kid's. That also definitely means the other parent will probably HAVE to do things differently than you do for that reason.

We parents need to support each other more and criticize less. You get what you give. If you are constantly criticizing, maybe you've been criticized too much? Maybe that's why your ego needs a little boost via belittling people. Maybe if you start supporting other moms, maybe you'll find support coming back your direction at some point.

The blog post I read, I read an overwhelmed mom trying to keep her house clean. I empathized. I know exactly what it's like to try to make kids clean. It's a pain in the ass. I struggle getting my kids to. I'm a very yes mom who has a natural inclination to spoil my kids the way I was spoiled. Pampered might be a better word. I'm not really spoiled. I'm pampered. When I looked to the comments for advice to help me in my situation as I would love to teach my children responsibility better than I already am, I couldn't find any outside of one comment that had no likes suggesting getting a toy broom, which I already tried. The only thing I really found in the comments was judgment. How would you feel if 529 people, and still going, told you at once that you suck? You'd probably feel like shit and not clean that day.

Click for Great Advice on Reducing Criticism

And because that blog post I read, which I'll link to later, was about this age group... This is probably more important than getting your kids to do chores...

Psychosocial Stage 4 - Industry vs. Inferiority

• This stage covers the early school years from approximately age 5 to 11. 
• Through social interactions, children begin to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments and abilities. 
• Children who are encouraged and commended by parents and teachers develop a feeling of competence and belief in their skills. Those who receive little or no encouragement from parents, teachers, or peers will doubt their abilities to be successful. 
• Successfully finding a balance at this stage of psychosocial development leads to the strength known as competence or a belief our own abilities to handle the tasks set before us. 

From http://psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/psychosocial_2.htm

It doesn't matter as much if you make your kid clean or not at that age group. What matters more is how you approach your kid. Do you approach your kid from your critical parent? Or do you do it from your nurturing parent? The nurturing parent who encourages and commends your child. You can use chores to provide a sense of accomplishment, as long as you commend your child for a job well done. You can also use piano lessons for that. It doesn't really matter which way you go.
And without further adieu, please click it, Why I Don't Want My Kids Doing Chores -- Even If They're Age-Appropriate, and please leave a positive comment that will uplift. Thank you.

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Thank you for reading this shit. Would you believe the top searched term that brought people to my blog so far is, "Tornado?" It's like they know my kids. Unfortunately, FEMA doesn't cover that kind of natural disaster.

MOM Syndrome: How to treat a crazy that defies medicine and freudian stuff

I suffer from what I call MOM Syndrome. The crazy. Coping with that life long sentence of insanity you get the moment the pregnancy test comes out positive… I actually want a t-shirt for it, which is funny because I have these cafepress stores, and I have yet, at the time of writing this, made one. I will soon, and the reason? Not one of those, "I pooped out 3 kids and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" deal. No...  You know how they have those little cards you can print up, and some people do, that say something like, "Sorry my kid has autism" and you hand them to strangers when your kid starts acting autistic (meltdowns) in public? It's like that. When I start acting all MOM in public, like a person who probably needs a straight jacket and padded walls, it would be nice to direct people to a simple explanation for it, you know, before they start admitting me into the funny farm. Now you are thinking, "Who gives a fuck what people think?" I really don't when I'm at Walmart, but when I'm at a doctor's office or my kid's school, okay I do give a fuck, like they need to know that I'm crazy because I try to be a good mom, and the fact that they are not crazy is a sign they either don't have children or they have a lot of help with it. 

OLD BLOG ON WHAT MOM SYNDROME IS

But the coping with this crazy? How do we do it? It's not like we get a shrink for it, and most of us self medicate. Those of us who do get prescribed help, it usually only curbs the anxiety, which I'm sure makes a little dent into the insanity, you know, like washing a dish or two in a hot mess disaster kitchen. 

I know some moms like my grandmother and my mother in law, both of which are/were in environments where the women did ALL the work and their men were completely useless when it came to the household, they turned to alcohol. I should probably say ABUSE of self medicated drugs... My grandmother started drinking at noon. My mother in law usually waits until 3PM. I don't know how they did/do it because like I couldn't function if you took away my ability to drive. And for those who are curious why I keep referring to my grandmother in past tense, she passed away Christmas of 1998, liver failure. 

Mary Tyler Mom beatme to a little of this subject. She says it well. For her mother, it was valium. It was not something she abused like my grandmother did alcohol, but it was her coping strategy for those really crazy days. Moms today, many of us turn to Facebook. It's our valium. And we probably abuse it more than the 70's moms ever considered trying with valium.

I don't think it's just Facebook. I think a lot of us moms are looking for a healthy outlet for our crazy, and the internet becomes it.

It's convenient. You don't have to get everyone dressed and load up a car and fuck with sadistic car seats in order to go talk to someone. Even better, chat and messaging allows for the kids to be screaming in the background and the taking a break to run and change a diaper and scream "STOP FIGHTING" mid conversation, something that is a horrible distraction to communicating via the phone. 

It becomes therapy. I have learned that it truly helps to realize you are not alone with whatever crazy ails you. I have learned that with autism, PTSD, and now, MOM Syndrome.

It becomes your friend. When your friends who don't have kids or have kids who are more independent can't find time to come see you or you them because they don't want to deal with your kids, you find people online who are caged to their houses and families looking for someone to talk to just like you. I probably have about 50 Facebook friends of females I met online who are better friends than most of my relationships offline, especially when I need that moral support.

It becomes a place to vent about how your children just spent $150 on Kick the Buddy app for the iPad, or how they took all the clean clothes out of the drawers, piled them with the dirty clothes and sprinkled cheese and juice all over it putting you at square one with that room and laundry all in the matter of minutes. We need to vent this shit because nine times out of ten, our men don't give a shit. If they listen to you, IF, they have little sympathy because they just totally saved the world in Call of Duty, like your day wasn't shit compared to theirs. Plus you have to let it out somewhere. I have learned, don't do this on your normal Facebook profile. Save it for a secret group of friends somewhere confidential. Why? Your haters are also on your Facebook, and they like to see you down like that. Who else is on Facebook? People who actually do worry about you, people who might hire you someday, and most important, people who do not understand at all and take it as bitching. 

It becomes your guide. There are no parenting manuals. It's a lot like Adobe products, like Photoshop, in this aspect at least. No manual comes with the program, BUT there are various tutorials online to help you navigate the program. We as moms have that resource too. We have Pinterest with recipe and craft ideas. We have Facebook sharing the crap they put on Pinterest. We have blogs about sanity and deep subjects that are parenting related like school bullying and rape. We have medical information at our fingertips. Some people suck at that kind of research and could diagnose their kid's common cold with some rare infectious disease from the planet Mars courtesy of Web MD. But some of us find it very helpful for home remedies, disinfection advice, identifying a rash (don't image search that while eating)… We get cleaning advice, cooking advice, gardening advice… Motherhood covers such a wide range of subjects that only the internet could hold all that in one place.

It becomes your shopping. Yes we women need to shop, and the internet too has that convenience. We also get packages in the mail which adds to the excitement of it. You can even buy normal stuff online like diapers and shampoo, in addition to our girly stuff like clothes and accessories, but also hard to find stuff, which is great when your kid needs something like hypoallergenic diapers and emu oil, or they have to have a Mario Backpack for school or Dora on their shoes…

It becomes your entertainment. This is the best of the internet. The funniest moms are online, and Facebook and blogs are full of humorous memes (funny pictures). Laughter is the best medicine, and us moms need to laugh. We need to learn how to laugh at the crazy in our lives offline, and we need to laugh at other people's crazy online. Insane in the Mombrain often gets emails from people serving overseas or dying of cancer who thank her for making them laugh in the darkest of times. Mom bloggers like her are that scene in the Lord of the Rings where Frodo falls down and the witch elf appears out of nowhere like a hallucination and helps him up. Patti at Insane in the Mom-brain, Nikki at Moms who Drink and Swear, and Sheila at Mary Tyler Mom are my elf witches. They have been for years now. 

It becomes your drama. This can be the worst of the internet. Anytime you put a bunch of women together, online or offline, for long periods of time, there will be drama. There will be the PMSy bitch. There will be the overly sensitive butthurt. There will be arguments and cheap tactics like spying and gossip and straight girl world bullying. People will call you fat and ugly, even though they have no idea what you look like. It will always be over something stupid.  I guarantee you there is someone on your facebook friends list (if you Facebook) where you had a falling out and you have no idea what the fuck it was about. You knew then, but not so much now. I'll tell you what it was about. Drama. Stupid girl world drama. Don't be embarrassed you were part of that. You are a woman. This is part of the package. We know drama. We know it more than TNT. And for some strange sick reason, we enjoy it, no matter how much we play it off like we don't. 

It becomes your addiction. It's really okay to be on Facebook a lot. It's okay to get sucked into the internets to where you have no idea what the weather is like outside. What's not okay? What I'm doing now. I'm sitting here typing this blog surrounded by filth I call home. I'm procrastinating cleaning up my childrens' destruction because A, I don't want to clean it. I just did that. I should get at least 12 hours in between catastrophic messes to myself. B, I want to write this blog. It's been on the to do list for over a week. I need to finish what I start. C, I have a sprained ankle. Who in their right mind wants to clean on a sprained ankle? My foot and leg are still purple and the baseball sticking out of my ankle has turned into a golf ball. Great it's healing. It's still a golf ball hanging out the side of my ankle and it hurts like a bitch when I step on it wrong. And A, B, and C are my excuse to be online, to escape my reality. To forget my house is a mess for a minute, and that minute turns into hours.

It becomes your tool. Kids math homework? Google it. How many cups are in a gallon? Google it. There's a calculator somewhere. To Do List/email/calendar/horoscope reading/dream interpretation/school closings and delays/weather forecast/stock market... The internet is full of information and tools we moms use regularly. 

It contributes to your growth/development. That's the important part. When a toddler is learning to walk, he will use whatever resources are available to him as a tool to help him learn. Naturally we do this. If there's a table, he'll use that to help him stand. It can be a table, a chair, a pack n play, a house plant, a stool, a vacuum cleaner… If it has wheels, he'll use that to help him move. We as moms do that, and the internet becomes our vacuum cleaner table stool that holds us up for a second before we pitter patter across the room to another vacuum cleaner table stool. While finding our balance with parenting via online tools of humor, shopping, calculators, recipes, research, we also nurture whatever we are trying to learn with support, advice, wisdom, and feelings. We share more than just funny internet memes. We share each others lives, whether it be to our friends in a closed Facebook group, or to complete strangers on a comment on a blog post. Some of my best lessons I learned came from some random person's comment. A plant needs water, dirt, and sunshine to grow, and the internet provides all of that for us moms. The water is the advice and wisdom. The sunshine is the humor, and the dirt is the comfort of friendship (or being anonymous in many cases).

It becomes your fantasy. We human beings love characters. We read books, watch movies, soap operas, prime time soap operas, reality television... whatever. We like characters. We like getting to know someone or a personality who isn't real in our lives and letting our imaginations run with it. We like falling in love with them. We like hating them. We like learning from them. The blogs online provide that. Each blogger is a character who pours their life online and you get to love and hate them. ... My friend is obsessed with Grey's Anatomy and has been making me watch all the seasons with her on Netflix. I never quite understood the character love deal (human fanaticism) until this show. Izzie is my lesbian lover, McDreamy is my husband who I cheated on with Henry who just died in whatever season I'm on, Arizona is my best friend and mentor and I am Yang. None of these characters interact like that on the show, but they do in my head, much like I am Insane in the Mom Brain's wife who cheated on her with The Bloggess and Moms Who Drink and Swear is my mentor (who I argue with a lot, but she teaches me so much with it) and People I want to Punch in the Throat is one of my main personalities I've been repressing for years. Mary Tyler Mom, she is my best friend I want to hug every day. Bitches in the Burbs is the Army of Bad Asses I call on when I need back up in a fight, you know, my posse (in reality, they give great fashion advice). The Zookeepers Wife is my therapist (she really is an astrologist), and I am Counting Caballeros' crazy cousin (she's the practical wise grounded one, even though she has more children than I do, and we really are probably related even though I met her online). Holdin Holden is my career oriented friend that makes me feel like I'm in a scene of Sex in the City except it's about booze and motherhood more so than sex. I Want a Dumpster Baby is the woman in the rap video I'm trying to mimic the butt shaking in the mirror nekkid, and I am Honey Badger Press (I'm not really her, just in my mind I am, I really am Dribbles and Grits). 

Of all possible addictions one could have to cope with MOM Syndrome, I think the internet is the healthiest approach. I also turn to Diet Coke, energy drinks, chocolate cake batter, and other cheap methods that do nothing for me but hurt me in the long run, but the internet, it entails good and bad, and it's my choice how I use it.

One thing I want to say to you, the person reading this, sometimes we have bad days as moms. I don't care if you forgot your mommy childhood (the early years of the motherhood struggle), you can at least admit you had bad days. You had crazy days where the shit you said made no sense and sometimes you were hurtful only because you hurt. Remember that other moms do that too. If you see them doing that anywhere, online or offline, don't be an ass about it. Ignore it and move on, or reach out and touch someone with some love. Some of us need tough love, real talk, yes, but when we are emotionally ready for it. A stranger trying to give the tough love talk, or the mocking (I tend to mock), that might just send them into a downward spiral and that shit is not cool for their kids. When you mock a mom losing her mind on Facebook, you are fucking with her kids indirectly. I'm not saying she's going to beat them to an oblivion or abuse or neglect them, but she is NOT going to handle her kids in her best mindframe if you provoke her, especially if she's on the brink of completely losing her shit to begin with. Don't be the flying monkey that pushes people over the edge. Reach out and reel them back to a safer ground.