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Crumpets and Bollocks: December 2013

Crumpets and Bollocks

Crumpets and Bollocks: December 2013

Monday, December 30, 2013

Dear Phil Robertsons of America:

I thought I was done blogging about you, but I forgot something. See, I have been blogging about your right to religion. It is your right. A right I swore an oath to protect. But I also swore to protect the entire constitution, emphasis on All Men are Created Equal.

Phil speaks about how our nation's immoral acts of sex are creating and spreading disease. If we'd just get married and keep it down to one partner, we keep ourselves safer from that spread. That is very true. It's very true also for homosexuals. This is why we must let them marry each other.

When I was a kid, I remember being in a hotel room watching the movie Tank with my parents. In the movie, a man strips naked. I was on a trundle bed, so my mom could not cover my eyes like she did my sister's eyes. She instead told me to cover my own eyes, and because I assumed the scene was a violent scene and I was old enough to handle some ketchup and bad acting, I peeped. I saw a penis. A man's penis for the first time in my life. Not a boy penis, a man penis. That was the scariest thing I ever saw as a child. I had nightmares for months.

Then years later, my mother explained sex to me. That too gave me nightmares.

The fact of the matter is, sex between a man and a woman is NOT beautiful. It's the most disgusting act we pull on this earth. As a child, it no where seemed natural to me at all to insert a penis into my vagina. Not at all. And when I lost my virginity, it didn't feel natural. I felt more violated than anything. It was something I had to do over and over again before my body could adjust to it enough for me to enjoy it. Some women never adjust to it. Some women have never felt an orgasm. Some women find it incredibly painful to make love to their husbands yet.

Homosexuals on the other hand do not seem natural because they cannot procreate their way. But the issue is, many straight people can't adjust to the concept of homosexual sex. You are that kid who saw a penis for her first time, or who first heard about sex. You probably have some confusion with it. You are definitely afraid of it. The whole thing may gross you out. Like a kid just learning about sex for the first time.

I know most of you Phil Robertsons don't want to adjust to that monstrosity of a sin, homosexual sex. I'm not going to ask you to get used to it. I do ask you acknowledge that fear and confusion. Acknowledge that the fear might blind you a little.

I'm going to tell you some quick facts about homosexuals... They aren't gross. It's ok to read it.
  • For most, it is NOT a choice. 
  • Many are still virgins. 
  • Many are also very sexually immoral. In fact, immorality doesn't discriminate. It can equally affect homosexuals and straight people alike, regardless of a person's sexual orientation. 
  • Some people who claim to be gay are not actually gay. That doesn't mean all of them are that way. Some people are very sexually immoral at heart, and they use anything they can to justify it, even trying to claim to be homosexual. That's how they sleep at night. That doesn't mean they committed those acts because they are homosexual. In other words, you don't know. Only God knows their hearts. 
  • Just because you are gay doesn't mean you will sin. Now being human generally means you will sin. 
  • Gay sex in of itself isn't anymore sexually immoral than a husband and a wife spicing up their sex life
  • They are all still people who bleed the same blood, created by the same God who all will meet up with Him in the end just the same. 
  • After years of tormenting bullying, many gay people have committed suicide. Now that is a straight trip to hell. There is no grace for it like there is for homosexuality, not according to religions anyway. If you care about their soul at all, you would do anything to avoid making someone feel they don't deserve to live. You would lift them up to higher ground. Some are very sensitive right now because of the way the world treats them, and simply saying, "You are a sinner," adds to their pain. Simply saying, "Homosexuality is a sin," that makes people think, "God messed up when he made me." Remember, God doesn't make mistakes. Remember that. God made them and God doesn't make mistakes. Throw that into every sermon on homosexuality. 
On to marriage,

If a homosexual cannot marry another homosexual, the person they love, they are forced into the sexual wilderness. When you are dating, there's a good chance it will end. The marriage contract, the vows made between two lovers, keeps people together. It keeps you from leaving so quick over petty arguments and really big obstacles that would break apart any dating couple in a heartbeat... mainly because divorce is not cheap. It costs more than the wedding day. All people deserve that contract that says, "Hey I want to be with only you" and that would reduce disease. It would reduce multiple partners. It would reduce use of prostitution. It may not make their sex completely moral in your eyes, but it would help moralize what's out there.

You may think marriage is sacred, but we let guys marry seven wives, we let them commit adultery, we let them do all these sins that taint marriage, and to me, a little anal sex between lovers is much more preferred than adultery as adultery can bring home disease. Adultery is a commandment breaker.

Newsflash, many married males and females have anal. Straight people like it too. A lot of them do. It's actually a direct hit to the prostate or the g-spot. I'm just saying if married people are already performing oral sex and anal sex, adding gay marriage isn't going to change marriage.

I have a lesbian friend (who I haven't really seen in years) who is "married" to her wife. I say "married" in quotations because they don't have an actual contract with the state. They said their own vows to each other. They believe their vows were made to each other and God. I have never seen so much discipline these two ladies have shown in keeping those vows. They have remained true and faithful to each other through some of the craziest times, and even though they have bouts of separation, they still fall back into each others arms. Their relationship as I could observe was a lot like my own marriage, except they were more in love. They were closer. They communicated better.

The fact of the matter is we are a country that allows freedom of religion. The right that protects Phil from really getting suspended for his religious beliefs also protects Muslims, atheists, even homosexuals. I do believe in keeping God in our government, trusting in God the way our country was found (for you liberals, try Of Plymouth Plantation), but I believe in our basic principles, that all men are created equal. That all men deserve equal opportunity. I don't believe that just because Phil's a Christian, he doesn't deserve his liberties like some people have suggested to me. In the same breath, I don't believe that just because some guy is a homosexual that he doesn't deserve his liberties either. If I can get married to whoever I want, so can some gay guy.

And keep in mind, when you see a military vet writing a blog like this, we have no choice. We swore to defend that constitution. We swore it to God.

Signed Dribbles



Dear EVERYONE:
Remember ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. That means even the people you hate. People say, "You can't let your religious beliefs dictate law," but really, if most of you were in office, most of you who make fun of our guys in office for not doing their jobs, you would be no different because most people I see allow their feelings to dictate what they think should be law, whether they use religion as their justification or science, or the role as the victim. All of us will always burn someone at the stake, and for the least virtuous of reasons. Ego. 

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

My Christmas Story: The Love Shines Through

If you want to make this blog reading more heartfelt and gushy, listen to this song my mother wrote and performed, back when Prodigy was the internet...

video


I never believed in Santa. When I was a child, my parents were Born Again Christians. They felt in their heart that it was best we focus our festivities on the birth of Christ, and in that spirit, they told me straight up from the get go that Santa wasn't real. They only told ME that. Maybe it's because I didn't believe it anyway. I don't know, but I do know my sister believed in Santa for years, and I helped keep that belief alive for a while, probably until she made me mad in a fight and in the name of childhood fairness of an eye for an eye, I probably told her he wasn't real just because she hurt my feelings.

My parents were one of the few in the church who felt that way because most kids in my school, that church's school, did believe. I got in lots of trouble for freeing everyone from the lies and deceit. I was simply leading a rebellion against Old Saint Nick. Nothing major.

I like that I never believed. My fondest Christmas memories from my childhood are of me wrapping gifts. I used to ask my mom to let me wrap my sister's gifts. I loved putting them under the tree from the moment the tree was up. One by one. Accumulating a wealth of presents to give away. That was the best part of Christmas. The spirit of giving. Of course I didn't know what that really meant back then.

And as I grew older, into the teens and early adulthood, I enjoyed shopping for others. I was one of the few who put a lot of thought into every gift I gave. I wanted to give someone something useful, something that wouldn't be returned, something they wanted, and something they would tell everyone about after the fact. I also wanted to be classy with it. It wasn't like I was buying toothbrushes for people like my sister did. Nope, I was all about silk boxers and a red rose for my man, foot massagers, Estee Lauder, Ralph Lauren...

In high school, my part time job was in gift wrap for a department store, so not only did I enjoy my employee discount on the best of the best, I also enjoyed wrapping gifts. Our bows were hand made, every gift. I also made bows for the trees in the store, and helped decorate those as well. Once I learned that skill, I enjoyed putting up two trees for my parents' house. We had a blue and silver one in the sunroom, and a red and gold one in the living room. No more did our tree look like it came out of a Chevy Chase movie.

Christmas was my favorite holiday, up until the point where my father passed away. Christmas of 1998 was the last Christmas I had with him, and it was one I will never forget. After opening our presents, we drove 2.5 hours to my grandmother's house like every year. My father's cancer was not standing in our way. He felt awful. Sick. He started shaking a lot, and we all decided at my grandmother's house to take him to the ER. I thought I was going to lose my father on Christmas. He left the ER with a little more time to live. I was grateful. So grateful.

Meanwhile, my grandmother was busy taking care of everyone. She cooked Christmas dinner, was handing people presents to unwrap, doing everything within her power to make Christmas magical regardless of the circumstances. We didn't realize, not one of us, what she knew. That was her last Christmas with us. She was on her death bed. Her liver was failing, and I remember her stomach was bloated from the fluids. Still, despite the excruciating pain she felt, she managed to smile. The entire day.

I think it was the day after Christmas, she went into the hospital. I remember visiting her and being the only one in the room with her. She grabbed my hand, pulled me closer to her, and told me she had died before. Months before this, she was clinically dead for a moment before they revived her. When she died, she saw a white mansion surrounded by a white garden, and it was like a comforting blanket of peace wrapped around her. "I never felt so peaceful before," and with a desperate look in her eye, she said, "I want to go back. Tell everyone to let me go." She passed away shortly after.

On the day of her funeral, it snowed. A freak snow storm hit, one the weathermen didn't see coming. We couldn't bury her because there was so much snow. They were the biggest flakes I've ever seen, and I lived in Wyoming for years. It was so unusual, I still to this day think she made it snow somehow, not because it was unusual for that kind of snow to hit us and only in the area we were in, but also because I was strangely comforted by it.

The following March, I lost my father. Then the month after that, cancer also claimed my grandma's sister and my father's sister. A month later, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. That summer my brother went to prison. Then my aunt with breast cancer had a successful surgery, one where the nurse met my grandmother's ghost holding my aunt's hand. Then another aunt passed away that fall. The year of 1999 was not my year, and cancer is my enemy. I guess I was lucky because I survived it, with everyone in my family dying like that, but it was not an easy year.

I have not liked Christmas since then. I can't find my Christmas spirit for the life of me, and I hate Santa Claus. I try every year to put up a tree. Bake cookies. Listen to Christmas carols. Shop. All of it feels like work, a job in the fast food industry. I look at the time hoping more than a minute passed since the last time I looked. It's really sad too because I know all those who passed on wouldn't want me to feel this way. They all worked so hard to make my Christmases special so that I could enjoy it for years to come. But it's not special without them.

We no longer visit my father's side of the family, especially since most of them are gone now. His parents were gone before he passed, but all his siblings died within a year of his passing. We no longer go to my grandmother's house. Instead, my grandfather comes down and joins us all at my mom's house. I don't think my mother enjoys Christmas like she used to either.

Now I'm a mother. And the circle of life happens. I am no longer the child who sees magic in Christmas. I am instead the one making it magical. It is not a magical process, but it is worth it. And some day, everyone will be coming to my house for dinner. And there will be a day when I know my time is coming, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make things magical for my kids, maybe grandkids if I'm lucky, one last time. And after I'm gone, the same love that shined through me all those years I stopped enjoying Christmas, the love that kept me baking cookies and decorating the house, that love will shine through my children.

The moral of the story is this. Christmas is about the accumulated wealth of gifts you are giving away, the department store tree, the chaos of putting dinner together, the living room full of wrapping paper, the cookies, the family you hate talking to that you are stuck spending the day with, the "my my my haven't we gained weight" comments, football... Memories. It is about family. These are the things we do for our family. Completely unnecessary things we do to give our loved ones a smile. Christmas is the birth of the ultimate sacrifice made for love.

Whether you are the merry little elf who overdosed on happy pills fa-lala-lalaaaing around the house like it's Pinterest, or the bitter old geezer who shot Santa and ate the reindeer for dinner, your time here is short. The legacy you leave behind is up to you. Tis the spirit to give. Not the gift, but your heart. As children, we receive a lot of love, but as adults, we give a lot more of it. And that is the true meaning of Christmas.

Whether I mean it or not, I'm smiling really big when I say Merry Christmas. I wouldn't say it if I didn't want you to feel it.

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Monday, December 23, 2013

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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Duck Dynasty Guy: What's Going On?

I already posted about Phil Robertson, and I feel the need to post a bitchier rant expressive post. First off, I want to point out I do care about homosexuals. I don't think it's a sin, and I stand very alone on that in the Christian community. I think sexual immorality can affect both homosexuals and straight people, so your soul is between you and God like every other soul out there. I do not like to see ANYONE get discriminated against. If you got suspended from your job for saying homosexuality is not a sin and I heard about it, it would be a blog post too. If you are an atheist who got suspended for saying you don't believe in God, I would also be writing a blog post on your behalf as well.

I also know what it's like to be discriminated against based on the color of my skin (I'm a gringa), and based on the men I date (I used to fuck black people, and it's not true what they say about black men, sometimes it is... I also fucked white people, Hispanics, a guy from France who did NOT wear deodorant... I also took pleasure in the sinful enjoyment of receiving a backrub from a German Guy and a guy from Israel at the same time... my vagina did not discriminate. I was also obviously sexually immoral, more so than any of my homosexual friends i know. Either way, I know the difference between actual discrimination and plain old hate. In fact, I'm usually more hated for being a Christian than I am for being a slut, but I have never been discriminated against for being either.

I've read numerous blogs from the Christian Community reminding everyone to be loving and nice. To be tolerant. I've not read any from the LGBT community like that. Sorry but I haven't. If you know of one, link it in the comments. Please restore my faith in humanity...

Meanwhile, I bitched about something on my page and my Aussie friends are like, "What are you talking about?" So this is also a post to her. To anyone outside of the US, this sums it up what's going down, and what's really going down for the common folk. I have no idea what the wealthy people in this story are going to do about it.

Dear Liberals, in the name of everything Tofu, please consider these points before arguing...

1. Please keep in mind that pushing people away only increases the gap. The more you mock and criticize people for their religious beliefs, the bigger that gap is between the communities. The more you do, the more you show your real intention, that you care more about your hatred toward the person you are talking to than you do about the people you are defending.

2. Please keep in mind condemning people for their religious beliefs is the same thing as religious people condemning you for yours. If you don't want to be judged for being who you are, don't judge someone for being who they are. Choice or no choice. It's called respect. If you want it, you have to give it. You don't have to agree with everything a person says, but you should respect who they are, Christian or LGBT (or both or neither).

3. Please google the definitions of words before you use them.

4. Please keep the topic about the topic and not about the person you are talking to. Phil's words are different than Phil himself. Keep it about the words, not the character.

5. Remove your feelings and personal views from the situation long enough to see if your argument is logically sound. If it's not, don't use it. If you can't come up with a logical argument and you fear you might be wrong, instead, talk about your feelings. Do not cloak your feelings as logic. It pisses people off. Plus, you'll win the internet because you can't argue feelings and emotions like you can logic.

6. Hate begets hate. If you really care about gay people, you wouldn't do anything to fuel someone's hatred towards them, especially if you are not gay.

7. Don't stereotype the person you are talking to and create an argument that doesn't exist. Don't put words in their mouth. Do not assume anything about them. The argument you had earlier today is not the same argument you are having now. Lumping everyone into a category is not helping. You increase the hatred and division between our country when you do that.


To my Australian Friend:
Some background on the story and my response


The Phil story is all over the webs. I don't know if you are familiar with it or not, or how familiar you are.

Phil is a famous redneck on the Duck Dynasty "reality" show, a show based on reality but still very much scripted. It airs on A&E. Phil's character reminds me of that drunken Vietnam Vet sitting at the bar all day repeating incoherent things that if you listen closely and figure out like a poem, makes actual sense and is actually deep and profound from its simplicity.

Phil answered "What do you think is sin?" in an interview, and the country hates him for his answer. Homosexuality is a sin. Bestiality is a sin. Orgies and multiple partners is a sin. In context, sexual immorality is what he says is a sin. Out of context, homosexuality is bestiality.

He followed it with a message about loving people. Of course, instead of looking at the entire message in context, people are like, "He's such a hypocrite to think homosexuality is a sin and then be like but I love you."

Now mind you I've had a priest tell me I was sinning about something I disagreed with, and I was not insulted nor did I think the Priest hated me because of the way he treated me. ON the other hand, I've had an asshole tell me it's a sin to go to college, and based on how he treats me, he was saying that with hate. I really thought a story like that would go without being said, and probably would for my aussie friends, but after some of the conversations I have had on this subject, I felt the need to add the story.

He was also suspended from his TV show for it. I'm not sure what sparked it. I hear the NAACP wrote a nasty letter about it. But the articles focus the reasoning on the homosexuality statement than anything else, and I think that's because A&E focused on that demographic because that's the demographic they are trying to appeal to. The black demographic (as Phil did also speak of his experience hoeing cotton with black people before the civil rights movement) isn't a priority to them, you can tell by what they air. Plus, the LGBT community is trending, so of course the television stations are going to take notice and make some changes to cater to that demographic. And A&E gets to do that without judgment because the true privileged in this country are the corporations.

One thing I want to point out to both sides, A&E is not the savior. They are not supporting the LGBT community. They are exploiting you in the same way they used the Duck Dynasty show to exploit Christians. They don't give a shit about us people beyond a demographic. They want money. That is the purpose of a corporation, to make money, not save people.

Because the question and answer is about religion, I think that infringes upon some sort of equal opportunity law. I just don't know if it extends to contracts, and I'm sure if it does, it's a case by case situation. This is the law I'm referring to.

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/religion.cfm

Meanwhile, sheeple of the US are split as usual. Conservatives are like, "He has freedom of speech." Liberals are like, "He wasn't protesting." Conservatives are like, "But the Bible does say those things," and LIberals are like, "That's what's wrong with the world." And Liberals are like, "He hates homosexuals," and Conservatives are like, "You are taking him out of context."

So then I'm like, in VARIOUS places on Facebook where the readership is mainly liberal or atheists, "It's not about Freedom of Speech. It's about Equal Opportunity. Ironically, the same law that protects homosexuals also protects the religious nut jobs."  So of course most people respond with an argument about how it's not about freedom of speech. Insert blank stare. There's a lot of white Americans out there where English is obviously not their first language.

Other responses/arguments I've received... Remarkably. Brace yourself... 

  • Phil doesn't deserve his civil rights because either he doesn't like gay people or because he's privileged white. (People like that who don't think all people are equal should not be allowed to serve in our armed forces)
  • Saying Homosexual or Gay is the same as saying the n-word (the white person actually spelled it out. asshole... so what is the PC term for gay? It wouldn't be Lesbians GAY Bisexual Transgender would it?)
  • I don't understand why Christians label people. People are people. (Because labeling someone a Christian and stereotyping that label is not a label)
  • It's because he equated homosexuality with bestiality, and he alone did that. (Sodomy laws never existed obviously)
  • No, Wikipedia's article on the definition of sodomy that includes both bestiality and homosexuality is not evidence that someone else beat Phil to the concept, nor should we fire Wikipedia for saying such filth because anyone could have written that. Basically, it's ok for wikipedia to equate bestiality with homosexuality, but not Phil. 
  • It's the same situation as Paula Deen (never mind she was the employer not the employee, and never mind she did actually discriminate against black people as opposed to just being racist, and they all spelled Deen Dean. All of them. I thought I was misspelling her name with Deen that's how many of them did it.)
  • It's discrimination against homosexuals to say homosexuality is a sin (is it discrimination against the world to say lying is a sin? especially those poor people right before their job interview.. note this is about what discrimination is, not whether or not something is a sin or should be)
  • Considering homosexuality a sin is not a religious belief (Sin has nothing to do with religion, yeah)
  • Saying someone is an idiot is less hurtful than saying something you are doing is a sin (So I can freely call you an idiot?)
  • Anyone can write on the internet so it's not a valid source (never mind the article was written by a guy with a PhD, do you have a PhD? No, you don't even get any D because you ugly... sorry that was to the person who said it not you the reader). 

My responses:

Do I blame public education or the hormones in the meat?
I feel like I'm in a bad dream, that's the last time I fall asleep to the movie Idiocracy


Now mind you, in my experience, my stereotype based on my experience, I expect an irrational argument from the fanatics on the conservative side. I never saw that side of the liberal side until this. It pissed me off. The smarter bunch were awesome. Does the law extend to contracts? There we go. Let's discuss it. But the ones who used their emotions to govern their argument had a much more insulting argument. In the name of saving the gay people who did not need saved from Phil Robertson, they were quick to pick and choose who deserves civil rights. I'm sorry, I was under the impression that all men were created equal, and that includes black people, homosexuals, and the privileged whites.

Then the other issue is that many of them totally disregard the history of the word sodomy. It's definition includes both bestiality and homosexuality. We have sodomy laws in many states that have yet to be removed. They just are not really enforced. We just removed it from the military law. When we did, for the whole accepting gays in the military, most conservative headlines would suggest the military was allowing bestiality like it's the same thing, it's because it was the same law that governed both cases. When talking to a lot of people, not just one or two, I mean like 50 people plus reading the articles on the web, they sound like Phil Robertson was the first guy to ever put that in the same context and he deserves everything he gets for being such an asshole for it. Again he doesn't deserve any civil rights for it either.

I just don't understand how people are so hate filled. BOTH sides preach about love while spreading hate. BOTH sides try to shut each other up. The reason being? It's people. That's typical people for you. It is human nature to be a hypocrite, to preach and not practice what you preach, to shut up and insult anyone who disagrees with you, to hate anything you don't understand, and then act like you are exempt from that side of human nature. We have an evil within us. Don't embrace it.



And please note: Phil is not the first person to put the two together. It's historical. The world has done it for more years than it has not.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodomy
http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/sodomy
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2002/12/what_is_sodomy.html
Of course anyone can write the internet, so all those sources are fucked up false I'm sure, and if you feel that way, go to the fucking library and look it up bitch. Or better yet, read the Bible. It's in there too. That book definitely existed before Phil did.

EDITED TO ADD... This article shows more of the interview in context :)
http://deaconcast.com/2013/12/19/why-phil-robertson-is-the-most-dangerous-man-in-america/


PS. Even though Google is available to anyone to use, I feel like because I'm one of the few who uses it, I GOT THE POWER.





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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Duck Dynasty Guy and Homosexuality Stuff

You know how the duck dynasty guy said something about gay people? And now he's getting suspended from the show? I just wanted to share I like gay people, I support gay marriage, I support love, and I don't care what he said. He wasn't trying to bash anyone. He was simply telling you how he feels about sin. 

READ MORE ABOUT IT HERE

Mainstream translation of the Bible is the one who put homosexuality in context with things like beastiality, not the guy from Duck Dynasty. I still don't think the Bible had homosexual in there as much as the word probably better translates to whore, like I don't think the Bible ever referred to homosexuality in the context we use that term today (remember it wasn't written in English, and even our own words evolve into a different meaning). I believe Love is not a sin because God is love; however, irresponsible hollow sex is a different story, and you don't have to be gay to involve yourself with that. We all sin. We all get grace. We are allowed to be stupid thanks to Jesus. But we should all still try to do what we feel is right because what we feel is God talking to us. It really is a leap of faith that I feel the way I feel about what the Bible means. Mainstream religion disagrees with me. I cannot judge someone who is trying to do the right thing. He is trying to do the right thing. Just because his belief is in line with A belief the condemning bashing fanatic Bible Thumpers use doesn't mean he is full of the same hate. 

I don't watch all the episodes of Duck Dynasty, but I do like the show. I'm from West Virginia. That's how we do here too. My landlord is wealthy enough for the area that the bank kisses his ass, and he dresses in jeans and flannel and is just really humble. It's beautiful to see people like that. To see people that money just can't touch. You can call it white trash, but I call it keeping it real. 

It doesn't take much watching of the show to get to know Phil. He's my favorite because he's belligerently honest. He's the Dr. Phil of the Duck Dynasty. He is so full of shit, he annoys his own kin. He knows it. He knows his role is humor. He knows it's from speaking his mind. Bluntly. Somewhat incoherently. That's his character. Of course he's going to think homosexuality is a sin. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Of course he's not going to fuck with someone just because they are gay. He was raised better than that. He's the type, very obvious type, if he thinks you are going to hell for any reason, he'll sit you down and discuss your soul, but he would still be your friend and let you make your own decisions. That's what we are looking for from the religious community. That is called tolerance. Or better yet, a compromise to coexist. 

"I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." Definitely sounds like a hateful asshole to me... sarcasm sigh

A&E is just freaking out because of perceived ratings. They don't give a damn about gay people beyond their target market. And they screwed up because Phil was the best character on it. He made it popular. Though this whole thing might be their own publicity stunt... But if you really think something as high in the ivory towers as A&E really cares about your feelings, you are naive. They care about money. Advertising dollars. Ratings. You are a demographic and nothing more to them. That's what makes the gay movement successful. You now have the winning numbers, not the winning argument (well your argument is a good valid one, but that's not why A&E supports you). 

And no offense to my gay male friends, but he is dead right. My vagina is definitely better than anyone's anus. I'm sorry, but it is. I can prove it too. I got three beautiful children who came out of that hole. 

And seriously, if i was interviewing Phil, I would have asked, "So lesbians are ok then right?" We should be shaming the interviewer for not asking that question.

Really, condemning this man for his feelings on a subject is really only going to make that gap between the religious community and the homosexual community larger. Tolerance goes both ways. Religion says it's a sin. You are sinning just like the rest of us. Big deal. 



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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The Elf On and Off the Shelf... Funny Pictures

All of these are on my Pinterest. Click the pinterest icon to the right to get your there.







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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Toys NOT to Get Kids as Gifts

Dear Santa:
CC: family, friends, strangers, and asshole parents at the school who bring stuff to the party

I'm on my knees begging, pleading, that you show mercy for mom this year. If you must know what my children really want for Christmas, it's stuff like cardboard boxes, paper towel cardboard thingy, plastic bins, and really expensive electronics. These are what my kids play with regardless of the thousands of dollars invested in toys that get dumped all over the floor so that my child can play with the bin.

The Barbie dolls are all nude missing not only a shoe, but the entire dress, which is probably in the corner of their closet doused in old dried up crusty ketchup with some Playdough chunk stuck to the skirt. I have a huge pile of puzzle pieces belonging to 3 different puzzles waiting for me to take the time to put them together to separate them. All the little pieces to the Dora House are scattered about the house, and when they are all in one place with the actual Dora Doll House, my kid doesn't use them. She just opens the house, closes it, asks for help to close it, opens it again, asks for help to open it again, gets mad that I'm helping, opens it, closes it...

I have come to the conclusion that the people who design and manufacture toys do not have children, or they do and they just don't spend much time with their children. They definitely do NOT clean up after children, and therein lies the problem.

Santa, you need to knock up your wife. And since you only work one day of the year, you should be the house bitch. Reproduce. Clean up the mess of reproduction. Then design your toys.

Until then, these are the toys that are my arch nemesis, and many other parents I'm sure will agree. Consider this a gift guide of what NOT to get people's kids for Christmas unless you don't particularly like those people (your naughty list I assume because you do play favorites).



I'll be doing one on toys I'm getting my kids for Christmas, and a suggestive toys to get other people's kids.

Thank you Santa.

Sincerely,

Dribbles N Grits



NOTE: It has come to my attention that Baby Sideburns has a similar list that she posted a year before this. I had no idea. I said I think other moms would agree somewhere, maybe just a draft, but I did say it, and I guess I'm right. I feel that this just strengthens my argument. So, if you need proof of what I'm saying here, check out Baby Sideburns at http://www.chicagonow.com/baby-sideburns/2012/11/what-not-to-fing-buy-my-kids-this-holiday/

I swear I never read that blog until AFTER I posted this. I didn't even know she existed back then. It's uncanny how two minds think alike sometimes. I'm sure she agrees that Santa needs to be the house bitch for a while.


AND I forgot to mention, PUZZLES. Please don't buy my kid any fucking puzzles.

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Sunday, December 15, 2013

Dear Lance Corporal Wannabe Kanye West

Warning: I flip flop between writing an article to the masses and writing a letter to Kanye directly. Why? Because I am a mom. So I multitask, and I'm a woman. I naturally have 3 conversations going on at once with myself alone. 

Kanye West compared himself to the police and being at war because he risks his life on stage doing his dances, like he's Michael Jackson or Usher or something. I personally find it hilarious. I mean comparing himself to Jackie Chan doing his own stunts would still be a huge stretch because we know Kanye ain't no Kung Fu Fighter. Even Jackie Chan's dance moves are hotter and more dangerous than Kanye. But the cops and military?

When I first heard this story, I didn't really flinch even though I'm a veteran, but that's because he compares himself to God, I mean the man interrupted Taylor Swift to talk about Beyonce, and he created leather jogging pants or made it hot or something. That's Kanye. No one but Kanye takes Kanye seriously.

But Kanye is right that celebrity life is dangerous. Us little people have a hard time grasping that, but we know after TuPac, Biggie, and Princess Diana that celebrity life is dangerous. Celebrities have the world watching them, some loving them, others hating them, and usually all get hate mail and threatening letters with intent to kill. I mean have you not seen the Bodyguard? Kevin Costner can't be there for everyone at once to make it less dangerous.

But even that, that's nothing like the military. I wish our soldiers in Afghanistan were only concerned with falling from their dance moves intead of what they do experience. I mean come on now Kanye, do you have PTSD from brushing the brains of your brother off your face? I know the streets are rough, but Compton ain't shit compared to Afghanistan, and you Kanye ain't no real thug. The OG's don't consider you rap. You are the type to avoid the ghetto because you know you'd get robbed.

But let's assume for one minute that Kanye is in real danger. Let's assume bullets did fly across his face while he was on stage. My question is this...

Dear Kanye West, do you risk your life for less than 20,000 dollars a year?

Someone please send the poor man some MRE's. He's in a war zone on stage. He needs MRE's. Careful, the cheese DOES back you up Kanye. Something to help him finish out his contract. I mean it's not like the poor man can just quit and go home. And send him some pictures of his family. I'm sure he misses them when he's on stage. Oh, you should totally play some Call of Duty for training. It's the same thing really it is. That will make you basically infantry.

Seriously though, Kanye, don't be a punk ass. Join the military like the cop suggested. Enlist. Do it. Do it and prove to the world you are a badass. Oh wait, you can't get in. Sorry. Snap. Forgot, you can't even pass the drug test to get in. You should try anyway. Your recruiter would enjoy the good laugh.

For real. Kanye. Giving your body to protect your country for close to nothing is called being a warrior. Giving your body to the stage for millions of dollars is called being a whore. You are no soldier. You are an overglorified stripper.

I'm sorry for the real talk here Kanye. Yes part of me knows you will never read this, but another part of me feels sorry for you if you do because it's not sugar coated at all. I am most certain your ego would survive it noneoftheless. In case you do read it, I really did like 808's and Heartbreak.

And to the general public, brace yourself, it's all sweet you are making this story and the cop's letter in response to it go viral like you support our armed services and what not, but really if you did, why the fuck is Kanye making so much money and our soldiers are not? When was the last time they got a raise? Obama would give them a raise if the liberals wanted that to happen. Lets not even get to the subject of veteran care. We vets know what our country really cares about. It's Kanye, risking his life on stage. His news is more important to you than what's going down overseas. A story about his leather jogging pants means more to you than the stories about our brothers we lost in war. We know this, and we still would sign up again and make that oath to protect your ass. Now that's something I know Kanye isn't about.


This is the letter than inspired this post. The cop ended his letter quoting the same rap artist who once said Fuck the Police. Irony. Ain't nuthin to it. Gangsta rap must of made him do it. No for real, thank you Chief Oliver for your service in the police force. And thank you for the letter. I loved reading it. I'm a little jealous I didn't write one first because I would have so ended it with the Check Yo Self before you Wreck Yo Self. I love that song. I love it more than I love MC Hammer's "Can't touch this."

PS Quoting Ice Cube makes you a badass. Quoting Kanye West does not.

Open letter from Police Chief David Oliver to Kanye West
Dear Kanye West,

I am honored to be writing such an important star. I am a mere Internet sensation. I’m not sure I am worthy to address you, although the Huffington Post did say I was “Humorous and Insanely Popular.” I don’t pay much attention to those things. Anyway, please excuse my interference in your life for a quick second.

I read your interview and also watched it on video. You said:
“I’m just giving of my body on the stage and putting my life at risk, literally.….and I think about it. I think about my family and I’m like, wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.”

I want to thank you for putting your life on the line for all of us every day. I know that being a rapper is tough work. I have tried to rap, and it is very difficult to keep up with the pulse of the rhyme flow…although when Ice Ice Baby comes on the radio, I can usually keep up with ol’ Vanilla. Anywho, your job is just some very dangerous work. Most people don’t consider… if you rap really fast, without a chance to inhale, you could pass out and hit your head.

That last paragraph was covered in sarcasm. I’m letting you know, just so you do not think I agree with your very ignorant assessment of your career (or any other performer)as it relates to a person in the military or a police officer’s service. You sir, are as misguided as they come. I do have a suggestion for you. Since you are accustomed to danger, from your life as an international rapper, I am strongly encouraging you immediately abandon you career as a super star and join the military. After joining, I would like you to volunteer to be deployed in Afghanistan or one of the numerous other forward locations where our men an women are currently serving. When the Taliban starts shooting at you, perhaps you could stand up and let the words flow. It could be something like “I’m Kanye West, wearing a flak vest.” I’m sure they would just drop weapons and surrender. You could quite possibly end all wars, just from the enemy being star-struck.

Your line of thinking is part of the problem in the world today….which include entertainers thinking they are something more than just entertainers. I know it is supply and demand and the demand for your services is high. I get economics. What I do not get is you EVER comparing what you do for a living to our heroic military members, who are always in harm’s way… and my brother and sister police officers who have to go to work carrying weapons and wearing a bullet-proof vest to protect themselves.

Check yourself, before you wreck yourself….Chief Oliver



I named the file Oliver Kanye because it sounds like All Over Kanye. I am probably the only person that thinks that is funny.
A link to Chief's Facebook https://www.facebook.com/BrimfieldPolice

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Friday, December 13, 2013

Poor John

Texting
Let's pretend you are guy named John. You are AT WORK. Talking to people. And your phone beeps a text message. This is how the conversation goes...

Person X: You too Love

John: Who and where are you?

Person X: Is your phone not telling you? Or did your butt dial that for me too? I'm starting to form a bond with your butt here. If you must know who I am, I'm the unicorn who climbed your apple tree with my opposoble thumbs and is watching you watch people from the other tree you are in, and if you fall, I'll use my unicorn magic to make sure you land in something soft.

You may think, "Oh people text the wrong number all the time," but not in this case.

See, I'm obviously Person X. I have no idea who John is even though I'm forming an emotional bond with apparently his butt. I was chatting with my friend on Facebook. The last thing she said to me was to have a fantastical day after butt texting me "y ok." So I chatted back, with her name on my Facebook in a normal chat window, "You too love." And instead of going to my friend's facebook chat, it went to John's phone chat. He wasn't even on Facebook.

After a long line of questioning from both of our ends, refreshing my browser, typing in messages instead of the chat window, I decided I had no idea why Facebook was doing this, so I tried calling my friend, the numbers she listed on facebook, and low and behold, the second number was John.

Let this be a warning to you all. Make sure your numbers you listed on your Facebook are YOUR numbers. Poor John. He probably is too scared to sleep tonight considering a random stranger texted him she's forming an emotional bond with his butt and then called him. He probably thinks I'm the NSA.

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Monday, December 9, 2013

25 Gift Ideas for Him

I never know what to get my husband for Christmas besides huge expensive things like an Xbox 1, yeah right, so here's a list of less expensive, creative UNIQUE ideas for your mans, or craziest. Well most of them are less expensive. There is one I couldn't resist.

They get better, and more practical, toward the end.


Prices subject to change as they are marked as they are at the time of writing this, and if the product is unavailable, google for more. 

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Friday, December 6, 2013

Bullying: Advice Please


I've been thinking a lot about the subject of bullying, overanalyzing it. My nephew is being homeschooled now as a result of years of bullying, among some other variables. It makes you hate kids and want to bully them into not being such assholes to each other. It makes you want to be an asshole. I've overanalyzed this subject to a point where I'm not sure what to think anymore, and I've definitely strayed outside the box again.



I do know I don't like knowing KIDS experience the pain of being bullied. But do I?

I know it sucks to be bullied.
I don't know anyone who hasn't been bullied.

Studies say lots of things about bullying, you know, the "empirical evidence that suggests," that people often misuse, misquote, and misunderstand... What I gather from the studies I've seen:

  • Bullying is changing. We now have both physical and emotional bullying, and a lot of it is happening online. 
  • There's been an increase in domestic violence that MIGHT influence the trends in bullying
  • Adults bully. Men more than women, generally same gender on gender. 
  • Teachers bully students, like it's not just students bullying students. This is true from grade school to college.
Moms who drink and swear once shared an article about bullying, and one thing that stood out to me in the article, and it's spot on, bullies today are NOTHING like bullies of the past. There is no kicking their ass and moving on. It was more black and white when I was a kid, and even more black and white when my mom was a kid.

But today, it's different. There's cyberbullying. It's a lot like girl bullying, which is much more passive aggressive, emotional, and powerful than the physical I'll beat you up for your lunch money type of bullying.

But bullying is so ingrained in society, I think we do it without knowing it all the time. I don't think we can exist without it.

In a sense, for example, parenting is a form of bullying. I'll give you a spanking if you don't listen to me... That sounds a lot like, "If you don't give me your lunch money, I'm going to punch you in the face." I'll put you in time out if you do that again sounds a lot like, "I won't talk to you anymore because you wore pink on Thursday when I wanted to wear pink." But we go way worse with parenting. Have you ever grabbed your kid and forced your child into doing what you wanted him to do, like leave? I have picked my kids up kicking and screaming to leave a building to deal with their behavior. I do it just like a bully. It's not only ok for me to do this, it is very much expected by society. It's not considered bullying because why? I have my kid's better interest in mind? Or because I have to control my kids? Because it's not to boost my ego by appearing like I control my kids to those watching?

But they are two different things. A spanking is not a punch to the face. Right? I mean you HAVE to punch someone in the face to be a bully.
Definition of Bully: To use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
I think we are all bullies. I think we all have it in us to be an asshole, to belittle someone, to use our force to get what we want, and to accidentally step on someone while we are walking. Bullies are everywhere and will be everywhere for the rest of your life. Humans are not infallible. We all fuck up. We are all slightly narcissistic. We are all slightly inconsiderate and sadistic. The good vs. evil epic tale you are looking for is not between a bully and a victim. It is within both the bully and the victim. It is within all of us.

But how do you talk to a kid about bullying? How do you teach your kids not to bully when you know they must at some point in our society? How do you teach your kids not to be the victim when you know they must at some point in our society? I guess what our kids need is wisdom. The wisdom to know when to stand up and when to sit down, and the ability to do both.

I think it's important we all understand, not just our kids but us grown ups too...
  • Some people are assholes, but most of the time, good people have asshole moments.
  • When people criticize you like they mean it, they are merely projecting their own insecurities.
  • People who hate their life will take it out on others around them. That doesn't mean that everyone who insults you hates their life, but just know they exist, and they already hurt.
  • When you are being criticized, you hear your own insecurities and doubts, no matter what they say.
  • Instead of focusing on what people think of you, focus on what you think of yourself and self improvement. 
  • When you are the bully, have a good reason for it, and show restraint and mercy. 
  • Don't use people.
  • Don't lie to people. 
The basic right from wrong will go the longest way of all things. You will still bully and be bullied at some point, but the basic conscience is what keeps it in check so it doesn't go overboard. It also keeps the skin thick enough to take a blow here and there. I assure you, when you are in a place where you are surrounded by people poking you, mocking you, manipulating you... The best line of defense is the conscience because it tells you they are wrong. It reminds you who is behaving badly. If you really listen to that inner voice telling you the others are full of shit, you won't play their games. The best way to not lose is to not play. 

I find it unproductive that we tend to tackle this subject through some kind of awareness. It cures bullying much like cancer awareness cures cancer. It doesn't. So I sit back and think, how do I help someone like my nephew? There is no hotline for it. There is no law that will protect him. There is no teacher who will protect him. I can't sit with him all day to stand up for him. Being the example is a big deal, but it doesn't help him NOW. It helps him later. 

I'm still lost as to helping him get help now. His shit level has definitely been reached. He can't talk about it anymore let alone face it again. Will he ever be ready to go back to school? Will he ever be ready to work with his own peers again? I do think he needs a break from them to rebuild himself, but how do I help him rebuild his strength? How do I know when this is just an excuse to stay home from school? How do I get him to see when he is being the bully or perceived as such? 

I'm going to have to end this post with questions I can't answer. Maybe your comments will help so if you have an opinion, fire away. 

Note: The nephew is on the autism spectrum. He mainly deals with girls being bullies, mostly mind games, the occasional being called the R-word, and the occasional physical bully. One girl used to kick him in the balls every day, and one day she went to smack him in the face and he blocked the smack, so she went and told everyone he hit her, that his block was him striking her, and of course, they believed her. He has switched grade schools 3 or 4 times, and middle schools 5 times before going home school. He just kept escaping one set of bullies right into the arms of another set. All of these kids will be in his high school in his district.

STATISTICAL STUFF












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