The Real Meaning of Back to School Christmas

At the end of summer, I always feel like...

At the end of summer, I always feel like a neutered dog. I have this overwhelming groggy feeling with a huge sense that I lost an important piece of me somewhere, and I'm just sitting here asking myself, "What the fuck just happened?" 

I don't remember what summers and falls were like before kids outside of the smell of popcorn lingering across the bleachers at a high school football game while my underwear was frozen to my ass, which gave one of those gushing "It's Christmas" feelings in my chest. I love football season. I love autumn.

But now that I have kids, this is a time of year where the glory of sending them back to school is supposed to be a time to celebrate. Summer was full of days where the kids either had cabin fever stuck at home while I got things done, or we were out everywhere blowing pay checks on the cost of going to a pool, or goofy golf, or some little trip designed to amuse the children enough to cure symptoms of cabin fever like blind rage toward each other, walking on the walls, and climbing curtains literally and hope they actually fall asleep before midnight. (Note: I still have the Dora Blanket pinned up to my living room window courtesy of the children's summer redecorating program).

Anticipating the start of the school year reminds me of those days as a child when I anticipated vacation at Disney World or Christmas.

I expected this...

But then the reality of school sets in. The government isn't going to give you free babysitting for free. No. That would be too easy. You have to give them your soul for this trade.

Every year school begins, the schools start demanding a bunch of horse shit tasks of a parent that reminds them why they looked forward to summer to begin with. This year, I had the pleasure of enrolling my youngest in Pre-School. While excited that all 3 kids will be in school, finally, for the first time in my life, I was still hopping on one foot and then dancing on the other while rubbing my head and patting my belly to turn in the necessary paperwork and get the shots up to date and all the jive that comes with enrolling into school. Any time I showed the slightest amount of objection, the schools threatened not to babysit my kids for me. We all know the hardest most demanding job out there is that of a mother, so extra unnecessary tasks is what we love to add to our plate.

I wrote this one myself. Can you tell?

Then school starts and every morning in order to obtain free babysitting services, I have to get my kids there on time. On time. You might as well say, "You have to do a handstand every day with a duck's penis." I know some people are like, "That's not that hard," and duck's penis is not, but when it comes to parenting, those people either don't have kids or they only have like one kid and a bunch of supportive adults helping them. That's ok if you do get help, but you lose the high horse with that. I assure you when it's one woman doing all the work to get 3 kids somewhere, anywhere, "on time" is just not an option. But the schools mandate that we grow this tail out of our ass and defy the basic laws of physics.

One of my infamous excuse reasons on the sign in sheet at school describes what happens every morning with these kids. I'm willing to bet it went over most educators' heads because irony... The centripetal force of my kids is so strong it increased earth's gravitational pull [at our location] thereby slowing down time for us. That's precisely what happens on a metaphorical level, and possibly on a physical literal one as well. Time is relative, meaning it depends on where you are. It's so possible this is what happened to that hour that time you were wiping a butt one minute and then you moved onto finding shoes and you know that did not just take an hour to do, but according to the clock, yes it did.

I honestly suggest looking up the science to what I just said so you can teach it to your kids since the schools won't. And if you didn't click on duck penis earlier, you should. That's biology your kid won't learn at school.

Time Dilation for Dummies
Gravitational Time Dilation on Wikipedia


Common morning experiences getting kids ready for school... At least for me...

• all 3 kids decide they can't dress themselves
• they want to wear different shirt
• they won't wear anything but the dirty pink dress with a gaping hole in the arm pit
• they want to pack a lunch last second
• they can't find their homework
• nobody can find a matching shoe for the life of them (it's usually in the car)
• you forgot to make them take a bath the night before and you can tell by smell they aren't wiping right
• 2 of 3 kids refuse to let you brush their hair, so you chase them like a game of tag tricking them for each hair brush swipe before saying "fuck it go with bed head." 
• There's a pile of mysterious ketchup on the backpack
• The PreK kid's folder is covered, inside and out, in sticky wetness which requires the use of Fantastick and you just read in the 1st grader's folder that you have to fill out this form and turn it in that day and the 3rd grader isn't sure if she even brought her folder home
• You see an advertisement for Picture day and have a mini-heart attack that today could be that day before you realize it was last month or it's not until next week. This happens every day.
• You realize how messy your house is and find yourself uncontrollably cleaning a little or throwing in a quick load of laundry on your way out the door 
• You realize, usually about the time you are looking for your car keys, that you are wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday and the school might notice. Then you ponder about the costs and benefits to brushing your teeth as you change your shirt and hope nobody pays attention to pants. 
• You give 3 kids a shower at once, dry them off at once, dress them at once, find clothes and shoes for 3 kids at once, brush hair at once while they are asking things like, "Why does the color blue look blue?" and "Solma won't stop looking at me!" and "I want to take my fluffy unicorn to school with me, where is it?" It's really the mindfuck of all mindfucks.
• After 25 minutes of looking, you found the spare keys (nevermind the actual set you usually use) in a toy box in the closet in the kids' room. 
• You get everyone to the car for the first time, and one of them has to pee, they forgot something in the house, all now have to pee, or someone pees their pants, or falls into a mud puddle, or sits on an old milkshake your husband left in the car. 
• The second time you get everyone back into the car, the seat belt buckle won't buckle. She's in the front seat it's my turn to sit in the front. The Pre-K kid now wants to sit in the front knowing she's not allowed to. Someone wants to go in through the window instead of the door. The 3rd grader leaves the car to look at the rocks because we are taking too long.
• We start driving to school, FINALLY, and oh shit, I forgot my purse. I need the ID to get into the school building to drop of Pre-K kid. Turn around.
• Run in the house to get ID, and put all 3 kids back into the car because I took too long, which is any time longer than it takes for them to unbuckle themselves and "make themselves comfortable." 
• Show up 5 minutes late and deal with all the dirty glares from teachers and secretaries like I obviously just tarred and feathered my kids in the name of bad parenting. They do look at my kids with pity like, "Those poor kids have such a fucked-up mother." 

Dear teachers, can we not make this deal?

No seriously, I won't care that you gave my Gabby Logan's artwork in her folder if you promise not to care that her homework is covered in pancake syrup. I won't care that you give me my Gabby all hyper at the end of the day because you had her sitting still for most of it following absurd rules you made up for a false sense of control if you don't care that I do the exact opposite for cognitive growth and healthy psychological sense of trust, especially since I have no choice because you hogged all the quiet sit still time she could possibly give in a day. 

So by the time I actually get to school and drop them off, it's like I just left my stomach and working brain behind because it goes from complete chaos to complete peace in point five. It's so extreme it leaves me a state of blah for most of the day, too much so that I can't actually enjoy the few hours without the kids. The blah even smothers out the guilt of being late, or leaving a head unbrushed, or sending a kid with a lunch box full of marshmallows and fruit snacks, or a kid wearing black sweatpants with a navy blue top and sparkling pink slippers over stained, unmatching white socks. It doesn't really go away until I sleep it off all night, and the next morning, between the first cup of caffeine and the moment I have to wake up the kids for school, I feel human.

Then on top of it, schools are a melting pot of cooties like a hospital nobody disinfected. Yes kids have cooties. Lots of fucking cooties. And we herd them all into a school environment where it is managed, at best, with the occasional use of Clorox Cleanup Wipes. Kids can handle most cooties as their immune systems are developing and battling the germs like no other, but my immune system is old and set in its ways. It doesn't know what the fuck to do with all these germs, so every school year, I get sick. Usually within the first week of school, I'm sick, and I continue to be sick all year round, catching something new about the time I'm getting over something else.

So everything I just described, I generally do it with a sinus-induced migraine, sneezes, snot running out of my nose into my mouth while I'm trying to squeeze a kid into the wrong pair of pants.

Basically, at the end of summer, I feel blah. Numbing blah where I'm identifying what I'm looking at consciously, you know, like computer. That's a computer. TV, the noise is the TV. Dinner, that's something I have to make isn't it?

P.S. If you really think kids go to school to get educated, LOL you are naive. It's been nothing more than a free babysitting service provided by the government for decades. Check America out in how well we compare, in education, with other countries. They are not getting "educated." They are getting "conformed." I'm also not a hippy. I'm just not a sheeple. I'm the type of person who throws away the science textbook so I can read Einstein's notes. I'm such a rebel. No actually I had good teachers who didn't follow curriculum when I was a kid.

P.P.S. This is a blog post about MY FEELINGS. If you decided it was an invite to knock my parenting because you're so perfect (which you are not, you probably suck that bad-parenting cock down better than I ever could), I'm probably going to publicly humiliate you in several places.

For more Finish the Sentence Friday, check out the link-up on Finding Ninee

Education Reform by Cyber-Parents

For a Printable, Document version, CLICK ME!

I have compiled some thoughts about education from parents and parent bloggers online, including some of my own unique thoughts.

Education Reform

by Parent Bloggers and Parents

compiled by Michelle L. Grewe, blogger for Crumpets and Bollocks

Another Title might be Ways To Spend More Money, but it needs it.

Top Topics of Parent Bloggers regarding Education

• Safety from school shootings
• Common Core Curriculum
• Attendance and Education Neglect
• Driving your kid to school wearing flannel pj’s (we won’t go any further into that one)

Topics covered below:

1. Standardized Testing

2. Bullying

3. Attendance

4. Security

5. High School Curriculum and College Credit

6. Classroom arrangement

7. Common Core

The Supreme Court has repeatedly held that parents possess the “fundamental right” to “direct the upbringing and education of their children.” The Court also declared that “the child is not the mere creature of the State: those who nurture him and direct his destiny have the right coupled with the high duty to recognize and prepare him for additional obligations.” (Pierce v. Society of Sisters, 268 U.S. 510, 534-35) The Supreme Court criticized a state legislature for trying to interfere “with the power of parents to control the education of their own.” (Meyer v. Nebraska, 262 U.S. 390, 402.) In recognition of both the right and responsibility of parents to control their children’s education, the Court has stated, “It is cardinal with us that the custody, care and nurture of the child reside first in the parents, whose primary function and freedom include preparation for the obligations the State can neither supply nor hinder.” (Prince v. Massachusetts, 321 U.S. 158)  From http://mrsmomblog.com/2014/03/29/why-my-children-will-not-take-state-assessments/

When asked “What do you think are major problems in today’s education and how would you resolve them?” on my Facebook Pages:

Benjamin M Keysor The problem is kids are not punished for doing something they should not of been doing. When I was in elementary school, when someone did something they weren't supposed to they could potentially get paddled, with a wooden paddle. There was also detention, in school suspension program- where you sat in one room all day doing your work and only leaving the room for a few restroom breaks and lunch. You could also be suspended from school a few days. Then there was Friday and Saturday school. Friday school is where you would sit in the cafeteria for 3 hours after school let out. Then Saturday school, you reported to school on Saturday morning at 9 am and sit in one room doing school work/home work for like 4 hours. I would often get Saturday school from being late so many times but I would usually skip it and then end up getting suspended for 3 days. Now days you don't even hear of a kid getting detention.

Kim Myers In my opinion teaching has moved too far away from the teaching of children and into the teaching what curriculum has been funded and lobbied the most. As well as "teaching to the test" instead of teaching to the development of successful students.

The students recognize that once the standardized testing "season" is done essentially there is nothing left to do.

In short less focus on standardized testing and more focus on successful teaching and students.

Barbara Dodson I now have Grandchildren in school and as IN THEIR school, it would be more of NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND IF they went back to learning by unified recital of the ABC's n Timestables as well as the pledge of allegiance and morning prayer. THE POLITICIANS DO IT WHY SHOULDN'T we or our children.

Randi Evette All children do not learn the same way and the kids that aren't like everyone else get left out. Most teachers don't observe their students to see what makes them click, what gets their wheels turning. They are set in their ways and whoever doesn't catch on gets left by the wayside. This relates to special needs children as well as kids that just learn differently. I feel that we need to take a look at how other countries teach their kids, because they're smarter and somehow seemingly happier. I'll think of some ideas and email them to you. I just woke up and saw this.

Misty Boley Agreed Randi, I understand they have things that need to be taught on time, but, not every child is the same, learning struggles and set backs and teachers keep on moving forward

Lina Mumm Just take back everything George Bush has contributed to our wonderful education...no child left behind has ruined it. Teachers teach to the standardized tests. It doesn't help those who need the extra help to actually learn the material, and it bores the gifted students who actually need to be challenged. Kids shouldn't go to school to be brainwashed...they should be there to learn critical thinking skills.

Marguerite Louis More play to calm kids down

Shelly Bastion Drys Get rid of Common Core! This is killing today's kids love to learn and is even more difficult on kids who have learning disabilities.

Shannon Styles:  In a nutshell, here are the main problems with Ed Reform:

*Common Core was introduced and thrown on districts with little to no research. In order for states to receive the Race To The Top federal money (which turns out to be roughly $12 per student) the states needed to have an approved APPR (teacher eval) plan.

*The new APPR uses state test scores as a part of the eval score that put entirely too much focus on testing and prep rather than authentic learning.

*The new state tests are now CCSS aligned, but students in grade 3 have only been exposed to the CCSS standards for one year...there is disparity there.

*Modules:  NYS created modules which are units for teachers to use that are scripted and aligned to CCSS. They were not created by teachers and are extremely developmentally inappropriate.

*Money: districts are spending more each year on testing materials, yet state funding is decreasing every year. While schools are cutting staff and programs, the cost of Pearson testing materials continues to increase. Districts are spending more than they received through the RTTT federal money to implement CCSS and testing.

*The links I provided (below… look for Shannon Styles) go into detail and explain each point here.

Details of Issues

1. Standardized Testing

There is too much testing going on. The Problem? One, the schools are not adequately staffed to handle that load of testing. The burden usually falls on the Guidance Counselor, whose primary purpose is to counsel troubled students, one that gets the shaft when it’s testing time. Two, teachers tend to teach based on test performance as opposed to their primary purpose, to teach children in a manner where children learn. Three, students are being tested on subjects BEFORE they get a chance to learn them. We need to pick one test (SAT 9 is recommended most) and use that in all 50 states, once a year, end of the year. That’s it. All states using the same test would make it easier to compare results nationwide.

The money you save from excessive, anti-productive testing could be used toward better ideas listed below.

2. Bullying

West Virginia supposedly has one of the best anti-bullying policies out there; unfortunately, we parents have no idea what it is, or how to combat bullying when it happens. I have seen students bullied, not only by their peers, but also by the teachers, principals, and coaches. It’s out of hand in my state, and a problem nobody wants to admit is happening. We are in denial that bullying on every level exists.

What we need to do is not only create an anti-bullying policy on a federal level, one that is a no-tolerance approach much like a sexual harassment policy in the workforce, but we need to incorporate a system for fixing the situation. We need a place to report bullying, up a chain of command, where some form of enforcement takes place to resolve the situation. We need a protocol because some people are too busy to really know what to do or how to handle a bully-victim situation, and a protocol that disciplines those who neglect their duties in this realm (because frankly, some teachers and principals just don’t care about whiny kids complaining that their life is horrible because some kid is tormenting them). It would also have to have an investigation process to avoid abuse because bullies have no problem reporting victims as bullies in order to bully their victims.

3. Attendance

I understand attendance is important for successful learning; however, too much emphasis has been placed on it that it has become anti-productive.

For example, my child broke her arm at school last September, during recess, on the playground, and no teacher could tell me how it happened. She missed school to go to the doctor, get an xray and a broken arm diagnosis, and again to get a cast from the orthopedic, and then again when she broke out into a rash around her cast, and then again when she submerged her cast in water. Those 4 days had a doctor’s excuse, and I had a teacher lecture me about how those absences were interfering with her learning, threatening education neglect my way. Then, my second kid got head lice. The school explained to me that she was not allowed back until she was nit free. She missed two days for it, one of which was with a doctor checking for nits and the day the nurse sent her home. Yes, I got rid of head lice in less than 5 days including a weekend. That’s amazing considering some parents battle head lice for a year. So when the school threatened education neglect over her missing 2 days, including the day the nurse sent her home, I was a little livid to say the least. The year before it? My child was missing her chicken pox vaccination because the doctor ran out of it. The school explained to me she was just not welcomed there until she got it. She missed 5 days waiting for an appointment to get that specific vaccine, and not only did I receive a letter threatening education neglect, the nurse who kept her home those days demanded that education neglect charges be placed upon me for those specific days. Prior to that, when my daughter was in pre-school, the principal used to threaten education neglect charges against me for her absences, and the guy who actually does that explained there is no law requiring her attendance for pre-school in the first place.

If you cannot tell, people are abusing the attendance policy. It needs to go away.

Here is the problem this insane policy poses. You force parents to visit a doctor when the child does not need medical attention in order to obtain an excuse note, many of whom cannot afford it.  You force parents into sending their kid to school contagious, creating more absences from other kids. You take away the parent’s right to do what is best for the child. Sick kids do not need to be in a socially awkward, challenging learning environment. They need to be home in bed.

A solution might be to take the emphasis off of attendance and place it upon learning. Make a lot of the material covered in school available at home. While a kid might miss school for the stomach flu, the kid can at least not miss what was taught. I’m not talking about homework; I’m talking about making the learning structure available to the home. If the classes were online to that depth, it would be a great resource for home-schooled. In this day and age of technology, the information should be accessible from anywhere outside of the classroom. Of course, the policy would have to give time after the absences to get caught up because sick kids are busy being sick to learn at home, and some kids do not have access to a computer (schools have computer labs for when they return to get caught up). If this was implemented; however, there would have to be more funding placed on education specifically for the jobs this would add to the system. It would not be a cheap solution.

4. Security

Obviously, with the onslaught of school shootings, school security could be heightened. This is a top topic among parent bloggers, and most of them seem to lean toward Gun Control while others like myself lean toward Mental Health Awareness (see below for links to blog posts). My solution toward the general security is to have a cop on duty at the schools during the school day; more than one for larger schools. This could also include a dog capable of sniffing out bombs and drugs. Bars have bouncers. Banks have security guards. Many restaurants open 24 hours has a cop keeping guard during the wee hours of the night. Where are our priorities here?

If anything, we could start training our teachers to be military cops. Honestly, most teachers I encounter could use a little military basic training on their resume. Most politicians could too. For the character alone. But in all seriousness, we could easily train our teachers some of the following: securing an area; violence readiness; things to look for regarding safety; and self-defense/Marine Corps Martial Arts (as it’s the best for someone who is out muscled, though it all leads to death so maybe tweaked for civilian use and minimal force). The Air Force (with some Marines) can provide the training easier and better than any civilian contract.

.

In addition, this thing looks handy and should be in every classroom. The Sleeve.

http://wnep.com/2014/06/11/an-iowa-teachers-invention-could-save-your-childs-life/

5. High School Curriculum and College Credit

The problem: The playing field is not even. Lower-income children do not have the same opportunities as the wealthy. They are often working while attending college, building up loans they will never be able to pay back, and facing problems like homelessness during the week of finals while people like Mitt Romney gets his tuition paid for by his parents, in cash, without loans, and doesn’t have to work or worry about financial troubles when studying for finals. In addition, when I went to high school, I took honors classes, Calculus, Physics… just so I can do it all over again in college, but this time on my dime. I was so bored in college it was unbelievable. They just repeated my high school, and in many classes, it was easier than high school.

The solution: Make a basic education free for all. In this day and age, a basic education that gets you an entry level job is a Bachelor’s Degree. It would be easier than you think to merge college into our public high schools.

The general education requirements toward a bachelor’s degree generally includes classes like English Comp 1, English Comp 2, a Literature course, a Psychology course, a math course, and two science courses. The high schools already teach these courses, and we could tweak the curriculum to cover the basic necessities for a college to honor those courses as college credit. Each high school class would have to be designed to cover two college courses in the matter of a year. Considering high school usually offers 7 classes in a day while college usually offers 4 at a time to be full time; it’s possible to prepare students with more credits than necessary. Some universities are probably more lenient about giving credit, and I suggest checking with colleges like The University of Wyoming, West Virginia University (they offer a Regents degree based on work experience), and The University of Maryland University (they offer quite a few online programs).  

Then as you get into the upper curriculum geared toward the degree, the schools can shift learning to an individualized online learning system, utilizing computer labs. This is where the government wheels and deals with a college, like University of Maryland University Online, to educate on those programs, or provide a waiver program to pay tuition to a list of colleges a student can choose from. In essence, a high school junior and senior would be taking actual college classes online.   

Students then graduate high school with a high school diploma and Bachelor’s Degree, and the only education they have to pay for is their Master’s or Doctorate if they so choose to do such a thing. If people can gain college credit through portfolios based on work experience and CLEP tests, then I think a high school can offer something more than what is being offered if they just applied themselves.

6. Classroom Arrangement

Studies are showing that kids learn better in a flexible learning environment. One where the classroom is designed more for group activities, problem solving adventures, and collaboration between students and teachers (as opposed to the Victorian classroom settings we use for the most part). I really think this is important for grade school. Middle school has too much bullying and drama for group activity, in my opinion, and should be more of an individualized, learn-at-your-own-pace environment like a lot of private schools who use Lifepacs or Paces. Basically, I think the goal in elementary education should be to get the children to work together to learn; however, middle school’s goal is to keep the children away from each other as much as possible. If you are laughing, it’s only because you know I’m right. I assure you, get middle school kids in a group, and there is less learning and more bullying.

7. Common Core

No parent seems to really be a fan of common core. I think a lot of that is that the parent has yet to be educated fully on what common core means (as I am one of them), but I also think (based on mom bloggers I have read) the schools hastily ran to it without much testing and experimentation on the subject (which is really an ethics issue). Not every kid learns the same as others. A teacher needs the freedom to teach in the manner his/her specific students learn.

“Creating modules that are a scripted nightmare for both the teacher and student is not the answer. You are ruining children. You are killing their spirit. You are making them believe they are dumb because they can’t multiply and divide on the exact day that the module says they should be multiplying and dividing. You are creating a generation of disengaged children who now feel insufficient.” Shannon Styles

Blog Posts About Mass Shootings and Fear of Children’s Safety

Crumpets and Bollocks

http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com/2014/06/im-sick-of-talking-about-guns-without.html

The Bloggess

http://thebloggess.com/2014/04/please-talk-to-your-children-mild-trigger-warning/

High Gloss and Sauce

http://www.chicagonow.com/high-gloss-and-sauce/2014/06/dear-congress-my-kids-should-feel-safe-in-school/

Mary Tyler Mom

She has multiple posts on gun violence demanding gun control

http://www.chicagonow.com/mary-tyler-mom/category/gun-violence-2/

Ups and Downs of a Yoga Mom

http://www.chicagonow.com/ups-and-downs-of-a-yoga-mom/2014/06/dear-congress-please-fix-this-gun-problem/

Life with Penis People

http://lifewithpenispeople.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/1190/

Blogger Shannon Styles is a Mother and Educator

On common core

http://mrsmomblog.com/2013/10/02/how-common-core-is-slowly-changing-my-child/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-styles/white-suburban-moms-unite-a-letter-to-arne-duncan_b_4305599.html

On State Assessments

http://mrsmomblog.com/2014/03/29/why-my-children-will-not-take-state-assessments/

On Teacher Evaluations

http://mrsmomblog.com/2013/10/27/teacher-evaluations-and-your-child/

The Real Crisis of Modern Day Parents

There is a HuffPost blog post going viral on my Facebooks, and I don't, gasp, agree with it totally. Because I've avoided the subject of parenting as much as possible with my blog, mainly because I started off thinking I was going to blog about parenting to discover I'd much rather talk about boobs, whether the ones on my chest or idiots wondering the earth, I decided this is a great way to approach parenting in a writing prompt, which frequently ends up being a comment the size of Mount Rushmore. I think the woman who wrote this article, Emma Jenner, was a British Nanny, on a tv show, and stuff. So she really must know what she's talking about, like Dr. Phil, right?

Let's look at it chunk by chunk...

She lists 5 reasons modern parents are in crisis. These are the greatest problems of modern parents.

"1. A fear of our children. 
I have what I think of as "the sippy cup test," wherein I will observe a parent getting her toddler a cup of milk in the morning. If the child says, "I want the pink sippy cup, not the blue!" yet the mum has already poured the milk into the blue sippy cup, I watch carefully to see how the parent reacts. More often than not, the mum's face whitens and she rushes to get the preferred sippy cup before the child has a tantrum.Fail! What are you afraid of, mum? Who is in charge here? Let her have a tantrum, and remove yourself so you don't have to hear it. But for goodness' sake, don't make extra work for yourself just to please her -- and even more importantly, think about the lesson it teaches if you give her what she wants because she's thrown a fit."

This is the part where I can almost guarantee the writer never had children. There's a couple things going on here. The first part, the fear of the temper tantrum. I know that fear because I have it. And my kids don't just throw a fit where you can remove yourself. They follow you around, poking you for attention, screaming in your ear... If you are lucky to be able to walk away from it, they start fighting with their sisters. And this isn't 20 minutes. No, my kids will cry and scream bloody ell for over an hour, usually triggering a migraine that knocks me out for 3 days. I don't know if Emma here is just naive or talking out of her ass, but there is no such thing as, "Let her have the tantrum so you don't make extra work for yourself just to please her." Yes all you non-parent experts out there, learn this. Write this down. Memorize it for the future. TEMPER TANTRUMS ARE EXTRA WORK FOR THE PARENT.

I should also mention, for you non-parent experts out there, the real parent doesn't get to hand the kid off to someone when convenient like a nanny gets to. No, the day doesn't end for the parent. Parenting is not a NannyGig. It's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it includes work like cleaning the house, shopping and preparing all the meals, paying bills, handling appointments and scheduling, maintaining the vehicles, yard work... all with your kids swarming around you asking you what that is, what does it do, can it do this... Parents don't have time for a temper tantrum like a nanny does.

This is why I choose my battles wisely. I don't care if my kid wants the pink or blue sippy cup. I get it for them. It's not much work to rinse the one and put it away dripping wet. Your kids will survive any germs left on the cup. Now when it comes to important things, yeah, I'll take that temper tantrum. Things like, "No, I'm not buying that for you," especially when I can't afford it. Then there's, "Stop fighting." And definitely, "give me that blunt object you are trying to smack people with."

Then there are times where you can't avoid the temper tantrum, especially if they are in their terrible twos, treacherous threes, or fuck me sideways fours. My Annie will do this thing where she wants an elephant pond. You're like what? "Give me an elephant pond." What's an elephant pond? "Give it to me now!" The fuck? Or she'll come at me with, "I wanted to do it, I want to open it. close the soda can you just opened. Close it now!"

Yes. YES I gave my kid the PINK SIPPY CUP! Clutch on that!

The second part of this post, the parenting manual provided by CPS so it must be true... That thing says to give your kids choices and options. Give them do-able choices that you will do. Not that whole, "eat it or starve" as starving isn't really an option. More of an, "eat this, or eat that." Basically, according to CPS, if you are parenting right, you would have known your kid wanted the pink sippy before pouring the milk. Now who's the expert?

But it's more than that. In kid world, things like the color of their cup is a major decision, and to not give them pink when they wanted pink is a great injustice that they will ponder about for a helluva lot longer than you as the parent could possibly give a damn. When they see you have no reason other than abuse of parental powers, they trust you less, especially if they are on the autism spectrum. Kids think they are miniature adults. They can understand that the fuck word is only a word for grown ups, and that you have to be 21 to drink the mommy juice, but simple respect is something they expect. When it's not given to them on a regular basis for years and years... Shit happens like low self worth. People pleasing behaviors. And with that respect comes things like letting them make some of their major decisions, and helping them understand why rules are rules when it comes to that. Even when they are too young to understand, you are planting a seed by explaining it anyway.

And contrary to miss emma's belief, we parents don't always give in out of fear. We give in out of respect sometimes, and it's really sad a grown up fails to see the distinction.

"2. A lowered bar. 
When children misbehave, whether it's by way of public outburst or private surliness, parents are apt to shrug their shoulders as if to say, "That's just the way it is with kids." I assure you, it doesn't have to be. Children are capable of much more than parents typically expect from them, whether it's in the form of proper manners, respect for elders, chores, generosity or self-control. You don't think a child can sit through dinner at a restaurant? Rubbish. You don't think a child can clear the table without being asked? Rubbish again! The only reason they don't behave is because you haven't shown them how and you haven't expected it! It's that simple. Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the occasion."

This I partially agree with. You can brainwash show and guide a child to behave certain ways, and you can do it without spankings and discipline. Most kids are more than eager to learn the ropes of adulthood. My kids, they are the type to grab a stick of butter and draw all over the windows with it. Then, they are even more excited to spray it with window cleaner and wipe it clean with some generic Bounty (if you have a roll of generic Bounty, you know what you are doing).

But there are behaviors that truly is the way with kids. For instance, my doctor's office. After waiting in a waiting room for 45 minutes, my kids start to walk around on the colored squares, trying not to step on the cracks. Sometimes they want to low-crawl under the row of chairs. The front desk lady is always, "You need to control your children," and I'm always, "You need to be on time with this appointment." Seriously? You cannot make kids sit for over an hour, quietly still, without a movie. No, that's like abuse. If I'm 15 minutes late for that appointment, they reschedule. So if the doctor can't see us 15 minutes within the appointment, my kids will make the best of the situation, and it will be loud and obnoxious, and the office is lucky I didn't arm my children with glitter for saying stupid shit like, "control your kids." That right there totes deserves a glitter bomb.

I think this author is British, which explains it. We don't do tea here in the states in a dainty tea party where we politely talk about current events. We drink coffee. We are always on the go having caffeine raged debates about what's fucked up in the world.

"3. We've lost the village. It used to be that bus drivers, teachers, shopkeepers and other parents had carte blanche to correct an unruly child. They would act as the mum and dad's eyes and ears when their children were out of sight, and everyone worked towards the same shared interest: raising proper boys and girls. This village was one of support. Now, when someone who is not the child's parent dares to correct him, the mum and dad get upset. They want their child to appear perfect, and so they often don't accept teachers' and others' reports that he is not. They'll storm in and have a go at a teacher rather than discipline their child for acting out in class. They feel the need to project a perfect picture to the world and unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced because many parents do judge one another. If a child is having a tantrum, all eyes turn on the mum disapprovingly. Instead she should be supported, because chances are the tantrum occurred because she's not giving in to one of her child's demands. Those observers should instead be saying, "Hey, good work -- I know setting limits is hard." "

I agree, but not completely. I really truly don't know any parents who want their kids to be perfect, let alone in denial about such a thing. I correct people's kids all the time because I don't spank, I don't yell, I don't grab, and I don't use fear to communicate. I approach them like I would my own, from a nurturing standpoint, and I politely explain why their behavior needs to change. Sometimes, when their parent notices I did it, they thank me. Don't get me wrong. Polite doesn't always work with kids. But from a stranger, it usually goes much further than it does your own kids who know you too well. Even with my own kids, I attempt polite before losing my shit.

But she is right about the judgy parents. That's the problem. The village is no longer a community of support, but instead, a group of the village idiots spitting out whiny bull shit about how you suck as a parent. Usually the village is people who couldn't last a day in your shoes telling you how to wear those shoes and where to go in them. That's where the insecurity is. Some of us parents do get insecure at times from the bullies, but it's the bullies who are insecure. It's the people without kids, or the people who weren't really there for their kids, telling us what we are doing wrong. Criticism is generally people projecting their own insecurities, especially their valid insecurities.

In my world, my bff's and family are just simply not there for anything but criticism. It's defeating. I had to go online to find a supportive environment. They may not be able to babysit my kids on account they live on the other side of the world, but they can offer emotional support, and they do. The sad thing is, not one person who I thought would be there for me and isn't did it all on their own. They either had my help, or someone else's help (like I couldn't babysit me for my mom, but my grandma sure did, 8 to 10 hours a day, 5 days a week).

It's beyond just the dirty looks during a temper tantrum in public. Try paying for your shit with food stamps and see what looks you get. I've even had people tell me not to give my children popcorn because it's a choking hazard. And they were serious!

"4. A reliance on shortcuts. 
I think it's wonderful that parents have all sorts of electronics to help them through airline flights and long waits at the doctor's office. It's equally fabulous that we can order our groceries online for delivery, and heat up healthy-ish food at the touch of a button on the microwave. Parents are busier than ever, and I'm all for taking the easy way when you need it. But shortcuts can be a slippery slope. When you see how wonderful it is that Caillou can entertain your child on a flight, don't be tempted to put it on when you are at a restaurant. Children must still learn patience. They must still learn to entertain themselves. They must still learn that not all food comes out steaming hot and ready in three minutes or less, and ideally they will also learn to help prepare it. Babies must learn to self-soothe instead of sitting in a vibrating chair each time they're fussy. Toddlers need to pick themselves up when they fall down instead of just raising their arms to mum and dad. Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too."

This I agree with what she says, but I don't think it's a reason our parenting is in crisis mode.


"5. Parents put their children's needs ahead of their own. 
Naturally, parents are wired to take care of their children first, and this is a good thing for evolution! I am an advocate of adhering to a schedule that suits your child's needs, and of practices like feeding and clothing your children first. But parents today have taken it too far, completely subsuming their own needs and mental health for the sake of their children. So often I see mums get up from bed again and again to fulfill the whims of their child. Or dads drop everything to run across the zoo to get their daughter a drink because she's thirsty. There is nothing wrong with not going to your child when she wants yet another glass of water at night. There's nothing wrong with that dad at the zoo saying, "Absolutely you can have something to drink, but you must wait until we pass the next drinking fountain." There is nothing wrong with using the word "No" on occasion, nothing wrong with asking your child to entertain herself for a few minutes because mummy would like to use the toilet in private or flick through a magazine for that matter."

This I agree with. Society expects us to put our children first beyond what our bodies can do healthily. But taking care of your mental health is putting your kids above yourself because they need you to be sane. Trust me on this one. I'm speaking from experience. My situation was less than normal, but I couldn't imagine parents dipping out on much needed sleep for water and blankies. The main caregiver needs their me-time.

Parents need a lot of things that they just can't get because the village isn't there anymore. The kids still depend on you, and only you, 24/7, and that is definitely a crisis situation. This is why some parents forget important things for their kids. Why people like me are late for everything, including getting my kids to school. Had there been a support system in place, you know, like a community to share the load of parenting, parents would parent better. They would be able to teach their kids the stuff you think their kids need to learn. They'd be able to clean the house suitable to your tastes. They'd have the time and sanity to parent.

We simply have too much on our plate, and no back up to help us. 

It's more than just your friends and family, members of your tribe, helping. They should help. They are assholes if they don't, especially if you help them out all the time. But our society as a whole is anti-parent. You take your kids in public, and people are offended now. They are more concerned with your rights to abort your child than your ability to raise one, and many seem to want to take away your right to have children with those, "you didn't breastfeed? You shouldn't be allowed to breed" comments. 

The Village Raising Our Children

Corporations and places that give you a pay check you use to feed people with do not give a shit about your kids, or that you have little offspring who depend on you for just about everything. You take too many sick days because your kid got strep from school, and then head lice, and then that weird rash that you had to take her to the doctor for... you get fired. If you don't, they'll be the first to call CPS on your ass. You can get fired, not legally, but it happens all the time, for things like getting pregnant. I had one guy tell me not to hire this woman because she was a mother, and would require stuff like leaving to pick up her kid from school, and he didn't want to deal with that. I hired her anyway, and then she plotted to take my job from me. 

The economy sucks, so every parent is more concerned with making sure there's a roof over their head next month to even notice their kid just asked for the pink sippy after they poured the milk in the blue. Heaven forbid they get on government assistance... 

The schools? They are just as bossy and rude as the asshole at Walmart who couldn't handle your kids throwing a fit over "no." My Annie one day threw a fit in the Principal's office because she wanted to open the door for her sister, and her sister wanted to open the door for herself, and they fought, and I broke up the fight, but Annie wasn't happy about it. I sat her on the chair while she cried, and I soothed her within 2 minutes. A social worker saw it, and somehow the teacher on the other end of the building heard about it before the end of the day, and then she told my friend and some other mothers about it after school... It was top story. My kid threw a fit. I did nothing wrong, but the social worker was still concerned.

The reason parents are in crisis isn't the parents. It isn't the kids. It's the "grown ups" who surround them. The people who stick their nose in everything you do when it comes to defeating you, berating you, insulting you, but are never around for the lifting you up, the supporting you, or extending their hand in help. That's the problem. 

Here's the irony. Everyone is like, "Parents today suck compared to parents of yesteryear." Somehow, someway, they say that, whether it's the, "When I was a kid, I got spanked," or "People spoil their kids too much anymore.." or "People like you are the problem," and "Your kids are going to be spoiled brats when they grow up based on nothing but my own asshat opinion." The irony is? The old school parents of the past raised those whiny ass adults who do nothing but shit on things. I think modern parenting may be in crisis mode, but not because of their parenting abilities, but because of their parents' parenting abilities. The kids are not the assholes. It's the adults who are. They are the ones teaching our children to be one too. 

You can read Emma's post here...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emma-jenner/modern-day-parenting-in-c_b_5552527.html