What I did today that pissed me off.

Gabby has lots of cavities, like 6 of them, and she's 7 years old. And they hurt bad. This is normal in my house. I can't deny my children the finer things in life like sugar because YOLO.

We go to the only Pediatric Dentist in town, who is a great dentist; unfortunately, I could probably throat punch one of the bitches behind the desk. This is medical care in my neck of the woods at its finest. All front office staff in this area sucks, some so bad regardless how great the doctor is, I won't fuck with them. Most doctors have no idea how to manage staff. I'm seriously thinking about writing a snarky letter to all the nearby medical schools about requiring some general business and management classes in the curriculum.

So anyway, they want to put Gabby under at the hospital to fix her teeth, especially with her autism. This is the advantage of going to a Pediatric Dentist. I'm all for it. We did this with my middle kid when she had a bunch of cavities at the toddler age. It was perfect. They knocked her out. A couple hours later, I'm sitting with her in a room waiting for her to eat something, drink something and worse of all, pee, so we can leave. She experienced no pain, and she loves the dentist.

So we had to get cleared by a regular physician, someone who is willing to be on standby on that day in case shit goes wrong, like if she goes into anaphylactic shock. Only one doctor, supposedly, in town is willing to do that for this dentist, and he does all her patients. They wouldn't let me make the appointment myself. The bitch was rude about it too. Very pushy. So she made the appointment for today. Yesterday the office called Rafael (the husband) to confirm, and he never asked where they were located because that's a question only the person in charge of taking the kid to said appointment would ask.

Here I am this morning. I knew she had to be with Dr. Wolfe by 10:30. I was told numerous times by the dental bitch that if she was late at all, they won't see her ever again. So I Bing'ed (Google on my phone) Dr. Wolfe West Virginia. There are two Dr. Wolfe's in my neighborhood, and one in a nearby town. And for one of the offices I was going to guess, different sites had different phone numbers.

So I picked a phone number, called it, and got "Thank you for calling Dr. Wolfe's office... blah blah blah push 3 to get someone at the front desk." I pushed 3. I explain the situation, multiple offices I have no idea where I'm going and I am on my way. She looked up my daughter, and then gave me another number to try.

I call that number and get a busy signal. My phone didn't log the number I called on account there was no answer. I'm doing this while driving. I'm so glad these people are with the times to know people would be attempting this shit on a smart phone while driving. I did NOT Bing it though while driving.

So I call the original number back for the number she gave me because by this time, I forgot. I figure, this is a good time to ask questions about how many Dr. Wolfe's exist in the area and where they are. They answered the phone with, "Do you mind holding please?" And i was like fine. How much you want to bet they come back while I'm in Burger King's drive thru trying to order my precious double bacon croissant?

Well, they never got back to me. I waited 10 minutes before hanging up. I then called the dentist. I explained everything to the receptionist, who then responded with, "You need to talk to [the bitch I'd love to throat punch]. It took her about 3 minutes to answer her phone. She's pissed. She thinks the appointment SHE MADE is at 10:00 AM and not 10:30, and the time is 10:10. She was like, "They probably won't see you now that you are late. There's no other doctor who will do this. We can't do the surgery." I'm thinking, "Bitch I already paid you cash to do this surgery you will do it." No, instead, I was like, "Well if they won't see her, I'll just find someone myself of my choice who will." She was like, "Nobody else will." I'm like, "I'm sure I can find someone." Mind you, my mom is really good friends with a doctor in her choir. He would do this for us easy.  It was as if her neurotic bitchness wanted me to freak out. I just refused to freak out, no matter how much she tried to get me to all demonic like.

Then I realized, my brain backtracking in the conversation, she has the wrong appointment time in her head. This isn't the first time she did this to me. She has a record of fucking up appointments. Back in July, I made an appointment with her on my way out the door with Gabby for Annabelle. She made the appointment some day in August. I put it in my Google Calendar. I know it was in August. I remember thinking, "Damn, you know she has a cavity you can see, like you can't get her in any sooner than that? Really? A whole month?"

YES ALL THREE OF MY KIDS HAD CAVITIES. Yes I feel bad for it. No I won't stop giving them Splenda or sugar. Yes we are flossing now and I'm getting on the teeth brushing thing better.

Day of appointment, I'm driving Annabelle to the mall to shop, and my phone notifies me of the appointment a half hour before it. So we go to it. They were like, "You missed it. It was in July." I'm like "No, the appointment was for today." They kept reiterating how I MISSED the appointment, and then I was like, "No, I did not miss the appointment. That is right now. Today. I am here. You guys missed the appointment. Quit saying that I missed the appointment. You missed it." I'm almost certain bitch changed it without notifying me. They offered to let me wait with my overactive 4 year old for a couple hours for them to squeeze her in. LMAO. These bitches are on some shit if they think I'm going to sit for a few hours in their waiting room with my kid. You can tell these bitches never reproduced, and they really don't know children enough to be working with them in my opinion.

Anyway, I correct bitch on the phone. "The appointment is at 10:30. We will be late if you don't tell me where the office is. Given how long it obviously takes to call someone to find an office location, we're probably going to be a little late. This is why you need to do business with someone with better customer service." Seriously, I never had this problem looking for a Macy's.

She tells me, despite her bad direction giving. I asked the right questions to find where I needed to go. She did the whole, "Well I'll call and tell them what's going on and maybe, just maybe, they will forgive this and see her." Yeah. Thanks for the "favor." Now that's some sociopathic bull shit right there. You know, if she would have let me make the appointment myself, I would have learned BEFORE the appointment that there were multiple offices and I would have asked where it was.

So then I get there at 10:30 exactly. I sign my kid in. We wait 10 minutes, and the lady calls me up to the desk. "You have the wrong office. We don't have a Gabrielle on schedule. You want the one next door."

Ok. Next door I can work with. I get in there, and mind you, the way this works...

The building is one building connected, with multiple doors into various businesses separated by walls. Shopping complex like. But this office, they were not separated by a wall. They were separated by the front desk windows. Imagine a square where the back is not a wall but a hall. The front is the main wall to the outside. The left is a window. The right is a window. And two receptionists who couldn't communicate with each other, "Hey do you have a Gabby on your schedule?" are working there. There are two Dr. Wolfe's working out of this office. One is a pediatrician. The one we need to see.

I get there at 10:45. I signed her in as getting there at 10:30 because nurses chart whatever the fuck they want. Seriously they do. When they forget to take your temperature when they were supposed to, best believe it's on your chart that they took your temperature, and it was normal. Now if you die from a fever nobody tracked, they probably won't get sued because your family will have no idea someone neglected to take your temperature. This actually does happen, a lot, especially in nursing homes. So, if they chart whatever they want, I will too. We were there at 10:30. Just the wrong side.

Then the woman with no eye contact made us wait 25 minutes before handing me paperwork to fill out. We were there almost an hour before seeing the doctor. Mind you, this is the place that won't see you ever again if you are late.

Now this front desk lady was rude too. When I turned in the paperwork, I started to ask, "Is it ok if I just leave this here?" and she interrupted at "is it ok" with, "I'll be with you in a moment." I watched her for 5 minutes doing stuff, and I rudely watched her, you know the obvious stare, until she got to me. Then of course, "Do you have your insurance card?" and I'm like, "I'm not sure. My kids played in my wallet recently and stuff like that disappears when they do, hold on." She was like, "If you don't have it, we can't see you." Now I'm sorry, but I'd really like to go 10 whole fucking minutes today without hearing someone saying, "We can't see you." Bitch I'm paying you. I'm the pimp. You're the ho. Know your place.

In the paperwork, I discover their policy is if you are more than 20 minutes late, they can't see you, and if you are a first-time patient of theirs, they won't reschedule a no-show.

So pissed off, livid, I get to the doctor. I had every intention on giving this guy a crash course in Customer Service 101. No. It NEVER works that way. He was really super nice. He was great with kids. High Five. How old are you? What school do you go to? Ok, while I do this, try not to laugh. Ok, laugh, but don't fart.... Great doctor.

And now Gabby wants to switch to him for her regular doctor.

SIGH

PS. Super pissed we are in a culture where it's ok for healthcare to hold your kid's health hostage to make you play their bull shit games, even if you are paying the overpriced prices. You know, if a pizza joint did this, nobody would eat that pizza.

PPS. Now you see why kid's appointments is almost a full time job? I could hire someone to do this if I could afford the hours.

Alzheimer Patients say the darndest things

You know how kids say the darndest things? They aren't the only ones. Alzheimer Patients can come up with some better shit just because they are allowed to say words like shit.

Now I'm not making light of Alzheimer's. My grandmother had it, and it was not easy on anyone involved. More than likely, I'm going to be facing either Alzheimer's or something considerably close in mind loss if cancer doesn't get me first (that too runs in my family). If you read my blog, you already know I have symptoms of senility at the very least forming, though it's really severe, chronic sleep deprivation mixed with some autism, PTSD, and MOM Syndrome. I'm a cocktail of disorders, and as I build a tolerance to my current crazy content levels, I'm sure my body will naturally add some more with age. I will always be metaphorical to a stiff drink. A lot of men I'm sure are jealous.

I can already picture it, me in a nursing home, laying in bed with my stuffed dog named Fluffy explaining to nurses how to find the 3rd derivative of a function while having difficulty adding 2 and 2 together, and then start talking about old Santa Barbara characters from the 80's like they are real family members. Of course, they'll totally discredit the real shit I'm saying as nonsense because who really does know if I'm telling you how to find the 3rd derivative accurately or not?

So I have a few friends who work in a nursing home. To avoid any HIPAA issues, I shall not mention anything else about the friends or corporations sponsoring their paychecks... These are my favorite stories I've picked up from them...

1. So there's a priest who is a patient. Of his own volition, he chose to watch Ridiculousness on MTV. Of all the episodes staff might walk in on to watch this man watch this show, it hits a point where the show googles "Vibrator Police," and then proceeds to show a video of a man getting arrested. The cop pulls out of the man's jacket pocket a huge pink vibrator, and while the cop has his head turned, the man pulls out a pair of pink thong and puts it over the cops head. Then the cop rips the thong off and starts to cuff the guy binding his wrists, and the guy picks up the vibrator with his teeth, and starts smacking the cop in the face with it. The priest was watching intently like this wasn't unusual or anything for him.

2. An alzheimers patient was quoted saying, "The heavenly father would not give me Alzheimers and not let me remember it."  I want this on a t-shirt.

3. There's a patient, mid 80's, male, who yells repetitive things all day. For example, if he wants water, he'll repeat the word water for hours, even after you give him water. The Star Spangled Banner, one day he was singing it and got stuck on "The Rockets Red Glare" and repeated that phrase for hours. Non stop. Loud. People hear it down the entire hall. So, a nurse goes in. He had a penis issue. I won't get into his issue, but it's not gross or STD or anything too humiliating. It's he's old at a nursing home. The nurse thought one thing was going on, and realized that wasn't the case after further investigation, and she looks at him and says, "I'm going to have to figure out what I'm going to do with your penis." So he replies, "Use it. Use my penis. Use my penis..." Repeated "Use my penis" for hours.

4. So nurse working Alzheimer's unit trying to chart on the patients, sitting at her desk, is surrounded by Alzheimer patients. Let me introduce them to you. First, you have a woman who thinks she's in school yelling loudly, "I need a 7, 7, 7 TEACHER? I need a 7, 7, 7, Teacher? I need a 7, 7, 7." Then there's a patient who only says the word "Giver," and she repeats it fast like a tongue twister nonstop, "Giver giver giver giver giver giver." Then there's the lady who pets you on the arm as she says, "My mom and dad, SHUT UP... My mom and dad, SHUT UP..." Then a Navy guy who is in a Merry Walker, trying to get out of it, screaming, "I need a knife! I need a knife, knife, knife, knife. If I had a used one, I'd use my used one. Dammit. I need a knife!..." Then a minister, because Navy guy is cussing, "If Jesus came down today, what would he say?" over and over. Then there's the lady who is constantly, "Excuse me, I need my bill please, I'm ready to go home." All simultaneously. Like we thought kids were rough with their juice-needing, butt-wiping, start-the-movie needs. My nurse friend looked at me and said, "Could you imagine charting like that?" and I was like, "Can you imagine trying to pee on the potty like that?"

5. So a minister decided to visit the Alzheimer's unit to have an actual service in the dining room for the patients. The intent was to donate some time with the patients, sing with them, pray for them... He brings his two children with him, approximately aged 12 and 14. Everything was going fine until one patient grabs his hands and screams, "For God's sakes, do the right thing and open the door!" He tells her he can't, but he'll say a prayer for her, so she starts screaming, "You are nothing but the devil! You are a cult leader!" and then she warns all the other patients that they are trying to make everyone join a cult, and now they must escape. So all the patients try to push through the door, yelling and shoving the minister, meanwhile one with sexual behavior issues was grabbing his ass frequently. So the minister found the nurses, said a prayer for the staff to cope with the patients, and fled the scene with his children. He hasn't been back since. Pillar of Salt stuff, you know how that is. Don't. Look. Back.


Now I do love my friends. All of them. A lot of that is because I always find the good in people. Wow, I'm starting to rock the back-handed compliments. Anyway, I do find the most humor in the fact that we compete/compare our days. I've heard many people compare old age to revisiting the toddler years, like we came in this world wearing diapers, and we will leave this world in diapers. The caregivers do the same shit. My friends and I compare frequently what it's like to care for people, and we often compete. "My day sucked worse than yours because I worked the Alzheimer's unit on a full moon, and no it's not like kids. It's worse than kids. I have 20 patients on my hall..." And I'm like, "Whatever, you get to drug your patients when they start acting crazy."  Really, if we want to make it a competition, it's easier to do one job for 20 people than it is to do 20 jobs for 3.

But the serious side... Listen to a nurse friend talk about work, and while you may laugh at some of the funny stories, the reality will piss you off. It will scare you. The corporate nature of healthcare is a very scary monster. I guess that's another blog post somewhere.

Everybody wants me to spank or starve my picky eater... Bastards.

Someone asked me a question on my Facebook page that I thought would make a good "question and answer advice-column-like" post for everyone to read because I'm sure advice columnists get this question a lot, even though most advice columnists focus on LOVE. This is kind of LOVE advice. This is more love than a man can give. It too spawned from a sexual relationship like marriage... Mother and child. That's true love. All relationship advice columnists should write about parenting for that reason. Of course it's not as easy. Why? Because, "He's treating you like shit. That's abuse. Just leave the bastard." works out well for advice about your husband, but not so much for advice about your son.

The Question. Dearest Dribbles and Grits Crazy Bitch who Licks the Walls: (she didn't say that part. I did. It's true. Well I don't lick the walls. The 3 year old does sometimes).

I saw your post about the child that is a picky eater, and I was wondering, how do you deal with them? My son who is 7 is a very picky eater as in there are only certain things he will eat, and if he says he doesn't like what you give him, you can hang up him eating it. He is very particular about how food smells and what it looks like, so if he thinks it bad, he won't touch it. I have had people ( mostly family) tell me to spank him or send him to bed without eating and that when he gets hungry enough he will eat what I give him, but I can't bring myself to do that to him. I really need help...thank you

Discretionary Statement: Take my advice as it's relevant. If it's not relevant to your situation, don't follow it. You are not obligated to follow one bit of my advice.

Well, when I wrote the post in the question about my picky eaters, I had my nephew with me, and my 6 year old daughter is starting to develop her pickiness, and both are on the autism spectrum. Because they have heightened senses, they pick up textures, smells and tastes most people don't, so their dislike for anything is a much stronger dislike.  For instance, someone who doesn't really like the sight of seafood can usually get pass it to try it. Someone on the spectrum might actually vomit if they force themselves just like anyone would vomit trying to force themselves to eat dog poop or something. Some of it goes away with age just like every kid's fear to try new foods go away with age. Some of it doesn't, especially with autism.

There's more to the autism deal (like the brain getting stuck on an idea for dinner), but I don't know if that's relevant at all with your child. People often tell parents of kids on the spectrum to spank, give em a good whoopin that will solve it... BS. It doesn't work on autism. Honestly, most people who tell me that have assholes for kids so it obviously didn't work on their kids either. I personally would rather have a picky eater than some of the behaviors I see other kids possess. Denial is Bliss. So are Delusions of Grandeur.

My mother is the one raising my nephew right now. She does what I do... She just cooks based on what he wants to eat. If there's a larger audience eating her cooking, she makes a variety of things for dinner, like meat and 2 or 3 sides, so he can pick and choose what he wants and the other people eating her dinner can do the same (such as her husband who is like most husbands, another child). I have 3 kids, and they will argue about what to have for dinner, and sometimes I make 3 different things for them when it's stuff like hotdogs and frozen pizza and canned soup. When it comes to actually making food that takes some effort on my part, I keep back-ups of canned soups for the kid who doesn't want my dinner. Someday, I plan to stash a plate of leftovers and label it in the freezer for this (wax pencil is awesome for that kind of labeling if you can keep it away from children)

With my children, so far it's not that they don't like what I made for dinner (in most cases) as much as they are not in the mood for it. So yeah, they are spoiled to an extent, but I do the same thing. I don't eat something unless it's what I want to eat at that moment. The "do as I say and not as I do" rarely works on children on a long term scale unless they hate you enough to be the opposite of you. Last night, I made spaghetti for the kids and cheese fries for myself. My PMS needed Ranch Dressing if I had to drink it straight from the bottle.

The other thing my mother and I both do is the reward. Sometimes dessert is a reward. Eat 5 bites and you can have cake, or after dinner we can buy that movie off of the Xbox or go outside to play for a little bit (night time outside fun is fun, especially once the lightning bugs are out). This is a great concept for "Just try it, just one bite" and the reason...

They say with babies, you have to introduce a food so many times before a baby will eat it (I think 7 is supposed to be the magic number, but I think it depends on the person). I think kids and grown ups are grown up babies. We still operate with a lot of similarities as babies. Many of us sleep better with white noise like a fan blowing, just like babies. And with that said, sometimes we just have to be introduced to a food so many times before we will like it.

I also think it really helps to try different recipes with a food. If you can find one recipe your child likes with that food, he can build a tolerance. Much like wine. I started off with spritzers before I could fully enjoy a glass of wine. Example, for many years of my life, I refused salads. Then I had Olive Garden's Salad with the house dressing and the cheese. For many years, that was the only salad I would eat. Now I love salad, and it doesn't matter where it's from though I do often now crave Outback salad with that Mustard Vinaigrette dressing. Mmmm. My husband was the same way with spinach. He refused to try anything that had spinach in it, even in his 20's. I probably introduced spinach 5 or 6 times in a side dish before I finally got him to like it in a Spinach dip. Now he'll eat more recipes with spinach in it, and is willing to at least try plain spinach to see if he likes it (as everyone prepares that a little different).

Now when the pickiness is about an ingredient, you can find a substitute. Years ago, I hung out with an older woman because she was my boss and we were instant friends. Her youngest son was a couple years younger than me. He, even as an adult, hated onions. He refuses to eat anything with onion in it, even if you shaved an onion, he'd know and not eat it. We cooked with a lot of onion salt instead.

With children who have sensitive taste buds, like a lot of the children on the spectrum, including kids who are spectrumish, it helps to reduce the seasonings. My friend's kid, the one she spanks into submission and is the perfect kid and listens to her parents, she is a very picky eater. She refuses most carbs, and she doesn't like much seasoning. My friend is a horrible cook because of it, because she just makes it as plain as possible. Her daughter loves her cooking though, just because it's plain. I'm sure it tastes very different to her daughter than someone like me who killed my tastebuds with years and years of Diet Coke, cigarettes, coffee, hot sauce and booze. I mean, children have virgin tastebuds. Things that you find incredibly delicious might be more like dumping salt in your mouth to a kid.

Then of course, there is the lying/hiding with some ingredients. My other friend's kid who I consider a nephew hates "WHITE SAUCE". Again, this is another child who was spanked into perfection, and his mother told me many times how I need to beat my kids' ass... If I have mayo in something, I don't mention it. He actually loves a lot of white sauces, but he thinks he hates it. He'll watch me cook too, so I have to be super ninja with things like Mayo and Sour Cream.

Some of the food pickiness can be psychological beyond autism-like sensory issues. My daughter on the spectrum hates rice mainly because my mother-in-law came over for a week, cooks a lot of rice, and was a total bitch. My daughter loved rice up until that week. Right after the MIL left, my daughter has refused to eat rice since. Well, there's a recipe my grandmother had called Mardi Gras (my cousin calls it Tuna Mess). My daughter loves that recipe, and it has a lot of rice in it. So she is slowly getting back into the rice. She will also eat it with her China food because they eat rice in China. She loves Kai-Lan. If Kai-Lan's culture eats rice, she will eat THAT rice...

Be careful of health issues. A lot of times things like diabetes will affect a person's appetite. When in doubt, talk to a doctor and Google a little on the subject.

Nutrition varies depending on the source. The one I'm buying the most is a body builder friend. He's in great health and great shape. He only eats that which he can hunt or gather. Meat, vegetables, fruits, nuts (not balls, not crazy, but like almonds and peanuts). He avoids all starchy fibery things. I think a little fiber is good in your diet. I think diversity is good, but I think the main emphasis of the meals should be more meat and veggies and fruits and nuts than breads and oats and cereals... Again, it depends on the source.

I am, however, a firm believer that the body craves what it needs unless there's a health issue affecting that. We women experience this at pregnancy, and I think it's true for everyone of every age. Kids like sugar more than grown ups because kids are more active than grown ups. A lot of middle aged women crave dairy products, probably to prepare their bones for menopause. When I need protein, I crave peanut butter and meats. The craving is not as obvious as it was when I was pregnant, but it's still there. Whispering what I need. To me, that's real nutrition. And if a kid doesn't really want to eat a food, sometimes it's best not to give it to them. It might be their attempt to get something they think they want instead, but it might also be basic instinct. And how do you know which way it is? Your intuition. Mother's know best. You have an instinct and intuition as mom to know what your kid needs and how to solve your problems. You just have to trust your inner voice.

I personally think positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement when it comes to eating, but many people have had success with the whole, "Eat it or starve" mentality. That doesn't mean you will too, but it doesn't mean you won't. Every kid is different. What works on one kid won't necessarily work on the next. Parents of multiple children learn that lesson pretty quick early on.

And if your kid is not eating something (or eating too much), and that is a problem, then you got to find the source. If the source is a disciplinary thing, then discipline will work. But the source can be anything, like autism, food allergies... Maybe you are just a bad cook. Maybe not. It can be anything. I believe focusing on a solution as opposed to the problem is healthy psychologically to the problem solver, but I think there needs to be an emphasis on trying to figure out what the problem REALLY is before totally focusing on solutions, especially if you are looking for long term results and something that might solve more than one problem as something like picky eating is often a symptom to a grander issue.

And all this brings me back to the criticism... When people tell you what to do as a mom, you HAVE GOT to look at their intention. Some people will tell you what to do to belittle you. They don't give a damn about what's best for you or your children. They like seeing you fail. They enjoy it sadistically and maniacally. It strokes their pathetic little egos. So when they tell you, "You need to whoop that kids' ass because you suck..." throw that advice away. It's worth is a lottery ticket. There's a 1 in 385,000 chance their advice might actually be good for you.

Now some people do give advice out of a serious concern for your welfare as well as your children's. They are usually people who give advice like this blog but much shorter. I don't care if you are doing something wrong as mom. Nobody is perfect, so all us moms are doing it wrong. All us moms suck. AND all us moms are awesome somewhere along the way. I am not here to judge, and it does not make me feel better if you fail. I feel bad if you fail at something. I feel good when my advice contributes to your success. That strokes my ego.

And we go back to the mother's intuition. Your intuition as mother trumps all advice. Trust it. If you think someone is wrong, then let them be wrong, but you don't have to be wrong with them. Do YOUR thing.


Here's a link I found to a website that I have no idea if it's actually helpful but I found it searching for some image to stick on this blog... http://foodforkidshealth.com/

Run Forrest Run: Playlist to run.

I'm not one to run because I'm too lazy for that shit, but I got friends obsessed with doing 5K's here and there, so this is for them. If I were to run like you crazy friends of mine do, this would be my playlist...

1.  Rocky Theme Song

2. Eye of the Tiger

3.  Chariots of Fire

4.  Running with the Devil, Van Halen

5.  Flash Gordon Theme Song

6.  Top Gun Danger Zone

7.  Thundercats Theme Song

8.  Rudy Theme Song

9.  Superman Theme Song

10.  Mission Impossible Theme Song

Donna's Day

About 7 years ago, I was on the phone with my best friend and sisterwife. "Jamie, I have something to tell you." and she responds, "I have to tell you something too." We argued about who was going to go first for a few minutes, she telling me to go first, and me telling her to go first, and she did. It was about her two year old.

"Deziray is not going to make it. We have just decided to unplug the machines keeping her alive." She tells me the whole story, and in the middle of me apologizing profusely, she asks, "What was your news?" I was like, "I can't tell you. Nevermind it." She was like, "Tell me," and I'm like, "I have to tell you but I can't now." She's like, "You're pregnant." There I am wailing in tears, "I'm so sorry, yes. I'm sorry." The day I found out I was pregnant with my first child was the day my best friend found out she was going to lose her youngest.

Deziray was diagnosed with a brain tumor when she was 6 months old. They performed a surgery and removed it. According to the autopsy, she had fully recovered from the cancer. She was a cancer survivor. But, with all that cancer involved, she was prone to infection. She went to the ER sick, and they transferred her from her usual hospital to another one. We don’t know exactly what caused Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome, but we have suspicions. It's possible the nurse gave her too much oxygen regardless of my friend challenging the levels of oxygen. It's possible a nurse at the other hospital complicated the infection trying to use a less than sterile trach tube. It's possible the body organs just shut down from infection causing the ARDS, and it's possible the ARDS caused the organs to shut down one by one. Either way, that girl survived cancer.

I do feel guilty for being away when my friend experienced all this. I feel guilty for never really knowing Deziray. This was probably the most ultimate sacrifice I made by joining the military.

I don't do well with feelings. I don't really like having them. I hate sorting through them. I hate trying to identify them, and even worse, I hate finding words to describe them. Love is an easier topic to discuss than sadness, regret, understanding, acceptance… Between losing my father to cancer and losing my niece to post cancer treatment, I really don't know how to respond when I read stories of other people who experience anything similar. My heart wants to jump through whatever obstacles the internet might bring and just hug the person and tell them everything I feel and tell them everything is going to be okay and how awesome they are and how amazing their children are, but then the other part of me wants to bury all those feelings. What if I insult? What if I say something wrong? What if I add to their hurt by accident because irony is a bitch like that?

And now as a parent, when I read stories about pediatric cancer, my heart can't take it. My kids. I just want to hug my kids and hold them because some day, I might not get that luxury, and it's not fair that I get to when other people out there don't. I should not feel guilty for hugging my kids. I don't want to think about any of it. I don't want to think about a child suffering. I don't want to think about parents losing their child. I WANT to think about DIY crafts and how I need to clean the house. I want to laugh at internet memes of cats wearing glasses and unicorns farting rainbows.

But today is Donna's Day. Her mom wrote out the events of Donna's story one September ago, and it needs to be read. Yes it will make you cry. Yes it will make you want to jump in the internets and hug the pictures of that baby. Yes you will embark on an emotional rollercoaster in a matter of hours. But it will also give you hope. Amidst the fears of death, this story inspires you to truly live. She will make you feel. 

Not only is Mary Tyler Mom, Sheila, one of the best writers I ever had the pleasure of reading, but she is also one of the kindest people I have ever had the pleasure of cyber meeting. She thinks like a poet, and she describes the things we never think to describe. No better person can tell Donna's story than her (no offense to Mary Tyler Dad), not just because she's Donna's mother, but because she is who she is, a very beautiful person on the inside and out.

READ DONNA'S STORY

Donna left more behind to her family than memories. She left a legacy. Hope. Her love shines through the tragedy and reaches out beyond the grave to others facing the same fight. Donna's Good Things is a nonprofit organization with the following mission statement

"Our mission has grown and is guided by Donna’s approach to life. We aim to:
Provide joyful opportunities for children facing adversity, be it economic, familial, social or health related;
Encourage your good things by providing an online community where folks can share in words or photos something they've done influenced by Donna's inspiration.

Donna was in treatment for cancer for two and a half years, from the age of 20 months. Much of that time we spent in worry and anxiety. Donna herself, though, was a happy little kid. We played through her fears, delighted in her growth, and loved her. During that time, Donna taught us the value of finding joy in the dark moments, and finding hope in even the most hopeless times. To those who are facing dark and hopeless times, we hope to help you find that joy. And for those of you with health and happiness, we want to help you reach out too."

Donna's Good Things is totally involved in an event to raise money for the St. Baldrick's Foundation. You can get involved too. You can donate. You can join in and shave your head (that takes more courage than I have). You can also share Donna's story and links to the event. Giving 10 dollars to help fund the fight against cancer is awesome and the world needs that, but if you can touch someone like Donna has, you are contributing something more valuable than money. If you are in Chicago, you can attend the event in person at the Candlelight Restaurant on March 30th.

From Sheila,

"The purpose of the Donna Day campaign is to raise $ for our head shaving event on Saturday, March 30 in Chicago.  It is our second event.  Last year's started with a goal of $20K and we raised $79K!  This year we have many fewer heads to shave and have set a goal of $30K.  Our oldest shavee is 89 years old and she is doing it with her daughter, a returning shavee for us.  WOW!"

DONATE

I thank you Sheila, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing your story with such grace and beauty. I thank you for all the good you do in this world. You are one of the reasons God has yet to smite us all into pillars of salt. Your light gives me hope about the world we live in. Donna inspires me to be bigger than my problems. She has taught me that no matter how fragile our bodies may be, our spirit can remain strong.

To all you readers out there, you can go beyond hoping and become part of someone's hope. Now go be awesome. LIVE and GIVE. Ha, Dr. Seuss watch out, I'm starting to rhyme. We going to battle like rap artists some day, me and Dr. Seuss.

The View Asked: What is the most difficult thing about maintaining a healthy lifestyle?

They asked something like that on their Facebook Page. See it somewhere in the mess of posts here...

My comment was the following. I wrote it, and then I thought, "Damn, that could be a blog post." So here it is...

Reading from all the comments... I would say some of you seem to stress out over your own health, and that can't be healthy. I'm not on any high horse with that. I stress out too over mine.

You would think in an age of technology where some random person (team of people) was capable of inventing the internet and cell phones that we would be in a position to find a decent, affordable doctor, and have verifiable sources of information on what is healthy (like am I good with following the government's food pyramid stuff or do I need to go Gluten Free All Organic or even better, grow my own stuff and herd my own cattle so to make sure the pesticides, red dye number something, and hormones are not added?)... So it's obvious to me nobody knows what's a healthy diet, now let's move on to lifestyle.

Moms do everything, and they have to. If their house is a mess at all, they are bad moms. If their kids aren't dressed pretty or faces not wiped clean, I mean really, some people shouldn't breed. If the kids act up, you can't control them and therefore are unfit to be a parent. Now that's added to what everyone goes through, and that's the working one or two jobs just to make ends meet. Grocery shopping, charity, running errands like paying bills, figuring out how to pay bills, figuring gas to go pay bills, registering vehicles, paying taxes, fixing the plumbing, oil changes, washing cars.... We fill our days up with too many things to do and too high expectations that other people place on us (thanks by the way if you are one of them, you can kiss my left butt cheek), and in this day and age where technology is supposed to make things easier, somehow it's making it harder. I mean Amish people have less stress in their day. I'm just saying, this is the kind of stuff that causes big problems like cancer, neurological issues (sleep deprivation will get you), and unhealthy choices (smoking, drugs-pharmaceutical or street drugs, over-eating, under-eating, not sleeping enough/insomnia, etc.). We have each other dancing like chickens with their heads cut off, and we are giving ourselves a strange voodoo curse with it, metaphorically as it's actually natural consequences but like a curse since we are talking chickens and dancing in the same sentence.

And my original point, now that we got unhealthy lifestyles that all the experts treat with unhealthy stuff instead of hitting the problem, let's move to actual medical stuff. We have people who believe the woman's body shuts down during a "legitimate" rape and therefore can't get pregnant. I mean just listen to Republicans on television speak about health and science and obviously some expert somewhere isn't an expert. In fact, nobody really knows much about anything. They talk like they do, but they don't. Now we have Google. The power is in your hands to learn about what's wrong with you. Yes some people are hypochondriac about it, but most people aren't. They really are rational, intelligent researchers (outside of SOME of your republicans). This is the world most parents of a child on the autism spectrum go to for advice and support because they can't find it anywhere else because nobody knows anything about autism except for autistic people who are generally ignored for their lack of social skills. Either way, this now insults a doctor's ego. He did not just spend most of his life in school hundreds of thousands of dollars later to get outdone by a twit on Google. I mean nobody really expects him to research something about you and totally ignore the rest of the medical world for just your ailment like we get to do ourselves. I guess an education cannot replace common sense. So what do doctors do? Intentionally disagree whether you are right or not, for pure ego, and maybe prescribe something the drug dealers, I mean pharmaceutical reps, are pushing, because that's healthy. And then they make you wait an hour in the waiting room but can't see you if you are 15 minutes late, not to mention the woman at the front desk is generally mean to you, will mess up your appointment, and somehow it's all your fault she failed at basic data entry, like getting to a doctor stresses you out. Talking to a doctor can stress you out. Getting what you need from a doctor can stress you out and usually entails going to more than one doctor... which brings me back to the lifestyle.

Sorry so long, but you asked... I'm saying the hardest part is nobody knows what they are talking about. Instead, we stress ourselves out over trying to live up to false paradigms of health living an unhealthy lifestyle trying to live up to other people's irrational expectations of you just so we can survive the social manipulative world we live in.

If I told you I was going to come to your house tomorrow morning at 8AM, with a camera, and I'm going to talk to you about health and plaster that video of your house all over Facebook, you can't tell me you wouldn't be up all night cleaning, freaking out. Why? Why do that to yourself? You should be dreaming of Channing Tatum in a fireman's suit. I'd be cleaning my house too, and I'd hate whoever was coming with a camera like I might offer them something I doused with a laxative to eat... but still, we stress all the time over stuff that doesn't matter just to avoid being judged by others.