Don't Crap on my Lawn and Pretend you Fertilized It!

I am the type of person to stand up for principle before loyalty. Just had to say that first.

Awesome blog post about not judging

Today, I ran into yet another case of moms bashing other moms online. It was about a subject I do have an opinion about, one I might be wrong about. That's the thing. No mother knows it all. You don't know what you are doing as a mom. Not one of us has any right to say, "Hey you have to do this, or you suck," because we all suck worse than our Dysons and Hoovers. The person who does it all right has absolutely no way to prove that.

When I read a blog about someone explaining that a kid cleaning up the house is more work for mom, more work because we have to nag, argue and deal with fits, followed by re-cleaning it so it's actually clean, and then I see hundreds of moms swarm to be like, "You shouldn't be allowed to have kids or pets..." Or "You are doing it all wrong. This will haunt you. You are just being lazy. You don't love your kids. Your kids are spoiled brats and that's what's wrong with that generation..." Yeah, what kind of mom would she be if she got her parenting advice from some Yahoo Username like girl01 or justsayin?

As a mom, I have to have a clean house if people like moms who think my kids should clean had it their way. I assure you shit like rocks in your fire place that are supposed to be there is something CPS will have a problem with. Popcorn is a choking hazard to some of these asshats out there. People take that shit way too far; no mom can afford to have a messy house for not even a few days. The judgment factor from other people is too high anymore. You post a picture on your facebook that has one thing out of place in the background, and you get messages and comments, "You might want to clean first before taking that picture."

Check out Holdin Holden's blog

This is why mom on mom bashing must stop. You make it harder on all moms when you do that. You are raising society's already unreachable expectations even further, and you are doing it only to service your own ego (yeah hide behind the well-being of other people's children you don't actually know all you want, I know where you are). Is it really that bad? Your ego?

Online criticism will yield one of two outcomes. 1. It will take me to even a lower place if I take you seriously, which makes things worse for me and my children. That's like saying, "Hey you suck, let me fuck up your kids some more with my self-serving opinion." Why don't you just take their lollipop? Or two, I won't really give a damn because you have no credibility, and I will continue life as I live it. Pretty much, those are the outcomes of every critical bully like comment made on the interwebs. Does any of that help the world at all?

No. In fact, what happens is some sheeple minded person comes by, reads your comment, thinks "Oh shit, there's drama. Awesome," takes your side because it's the first comment they read or because they are your friend, and adds to it giving the poor victim of your bullying the sensation she is being attacked by not just one wolf, but a pack of wolves. Then the bullies take that stupid opinion and carry it to another mom to criticize, and they don't stop until at least 10 moms are second guessing themselves crying because someone was an ass to them on the internet. And they do it all in the name of the children they are supposedly defending or helping but actually hurting in the long-run, which is very sociopathic if you ask me.

If you want to tell me how to parent, you better have kids who clean their rooms every day, carries a 4.0 GPA, plays a musical instrument better than I do, and is the sweetest kid to all the kids and dominates every social problem peacefully.

There's a fine line between suggesting / advising, and just down right being an overly critical ass trying to belittle people. Usually it's the intention. You can tell when people genuinely care about your kids and your well being. If they are more pissed than concerned, that's usually a sign that they are just taking a shit on your lawn. All you moms out there, don't listen to them. Seriously, would take advice from a talking turd? 

When it comes to subjects like breastfeeding, breastfeeding in public, playing Mozart, forward facing carseats, and yes, even giving your kids chores, the fact of the matter is every situation is different. Please do NOT continue to make the same mistakes as our public education system. Every kid is an individual. They are not a herd of cattle where they all get the same stuff and you will get the same results.

I have 3 kids. My oldest struggled with language. My middle kid struggled with speech. My youngest is a language speaking genius. My oldest can draw unicorns and Santa Claus and the 3 year old is still scribbling on paper. They all potty trained at different ages, and different methods brought them to that. They all walked at different ages, and each of their struggles with overcoming the crawl was unique to each of them. One could walk at 8 months old, but crawled for the most part until 2 years of age because she enjoyed crawling. The other had balance issues. The third one walked really young, but her feet kind of tilt in the center where it's not quite right. My oldest is naturally great at math. The middle kid is ok with math, but she naturally empathizes better than her siblings, and she can draw through a maze faster than anyone in this house. My youngest loves letters and words, and while she can count, she'd rather tell you the alphabet.

A great blog post on providing negative feedback

Not all kids are ready for X at Y age. Cognitively, they develop differently than their peers. Yes there are some similarities between all people, but for the most part, each child needs an individual plan. Each child has their own strengths and their own weaknesses. These are things that are important to establish their sense of self. Treating them like they are cattle, like whatever you did for your one kid should be done to all kids or the world is messed up, that is what is messing up the world. This is why we have kids who graduate high school thinking Texas is its own country and LOL is a real word. This is why we have adults with a college education voted into positions of power who thinks during a legitimate rape, the woman's body shuts down. These are individuals who got lost in the herd. Their individual cognitive needs were not met somewhere along the way.

And the ONLY person who is qualified to know what their kid needs are the parents, or people who are so involved in the child's life, they are like a parent.

In addition to children being unique, guess what? I know this will come as a shock to all of you. They grow up to be adults with unique needs and talents. That means every parent out there has his own strengths and flaws. Every parent has his own preferences and personality. Give me a kid who needs to learn how to count to ten, and I bet you anything parent A will teach that completely differently than parent B. Why? Because they draw from the strengths and work around their weaknesses satisfying the dominant nature of their personality.

The Clutter Diet, written by a professional organizer, will tell you to create your own systems in keeping your house clean and clutter free. She emphasizes on creating systems (routines, methods) that is in line with your personal style and preferences, and why? Because the chances of success are greater when you gear things toward your strengths working around your weaknesses appealing your preferences. Some people prefer a calendar on their wall. Some a planner. Others use their cell phones or Google calendar. The important thing is to go with whatever is working best for you, and if your current system is not working, opt for something you want as opposed to what people say you should do.

And this brings me to the third part of the chaos individuality brings to the role of parenting. Combining different personalities. Some parents have a personality that work better with their kid's personality than others. Having two distinct, or similar, personalities work together to learn or teach is not always an easy task. If  you are lucky enough that you and your kid get along naturally because your personalities blend well and compliment each other, that doesn't mean you are a better parent than the one whose personality clashes with their kid's. That also definitely means the other parent will probably HAVE to do things differently than you do for that reason.

We parents need to support each other more and criticize less. You get what you give. If you are constantly criticizing, maybe you've been criticized too much? Maybe that's why your ego needs a little boost via belittling people. Maybe if you start supporting other moms, maybe you'll find support coming back your direction at some point.

The blog post I read, I read an overwhelmed mom trying to keep her house clean. I empathized. I know exactly what it's like to try to make kids clean. It's a pain in the ass. I struggle getting my kids to. I'm a very yes mom who has a natural inclination to spoil my kids the way I was spoiled. Pampered might be a better word. I'm not really spoiled. I'm pampered. When I looked to the comments for advice to help me in my situation as I would love to teach my children responsibility better than I already am, I couldn't find any outside of one comment that had no likes suggesting getting a toy broom, which I already tried. The only thing I really found in the comments was judgment. How would you feel if 529 people, and still going, told you at once that you suck? You'd probably feel like shit and not clean that day.

Click for Great Advice on Reducing Criticism

And because that blog post I read, which I'll link to later, was about this age group... This is probably more important than getting your kids to do chores...

Psychosocial Stage 4 - Industry vs. Inferiority

• This stage covers the early school years from approximately age 5 to 11. 
• Through social interactions, children begin to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments and abilities. 
• Children who are encouraged and commended by parents and teachers develop a feeling of competence and belief in their skills. Those who receive little or no encouragement from parents, teachers, or peers will doubt their abilities to be successful. 
• Successfully finding a balance at this stage of psychosocial development leads to the strength known as competence or a belief our own abilities to handle the tasks set before us. 

From http://psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/psychosocial_2.htm

It doesn't matter as much if you make your kid clean or not at that age group. What matters more is how you approach your kid. Do you approach your kid from your critical parent? Or do you do it from your nurturing parent? The nurturing parent who encourages and commends your child. You can use chores to provide a sense of accomplishment, as long as you commend your child for a job well done. You can also use piano lessons for that. It doesn't really matter which way you go.
And without further adieu, please click it, Why I Don't Want My Kids Doing Chores -- Even If They're Age-Appropriate, and please leave a positive comment that will uplift. Thank you.

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Thank you for reading this shit. Would you believe the top searched term that brought people to my blog so far is, "Tornado?" It's like they know my kids. Unfortunately, FEMA doesn't cover that kind of natural disaster.