I've had Enough of This Shit

Life is way too short for...

Life is way too short for shit. Really it is. I know we all have to take a shit regularly, and I mean this metaphorically, but the people we shit on, their life is too short for it. My life is too short for other people's shit. Yet, I find myself spending endless hours trying to clean it up and disinfect enough to still get some ungodly flu as a result, which then makes me shit everywhere. Shit is contagious via shit. All of this is metaphorical for the school personnel who trolls my blog and Facebook, speaking of which, I'm talking about your shit too.

I wish I could tell you all the details of my week spent being shit on by various members of the community, but it would be unprofessional. But I tell you what, when it shits, it pours.

Instead of focusing on the negativity and mocking it like I usually do, I'm going to attempt to go the positive route. I'm just going to preach to you people about basic manners and professionalism and ethics when it comes to taking the metaphorical shit.

1. Don't shit on people

Just because you are having a bad day and need to unload the bull shit doesn't justify shitting it on others, or flinging it to others. If you need to unload your shit, take a dump in a corner like a civilized beast. Find a dark corner of the internet (like your own blog) and unload it there. This is what I do. If I have a bad day, it's a Facebook post, a blog post, or a rant to a friend. I don't ruin their days with it. I just simply unload my feelings with honesty. The point is, I find a place out of a way to take my shit. I don't do it on people, and I try to find places where I don't think anyone is going to step in it.

2. If you are going to shit on someone, shit on an asshole

Seriously, I know it's so tantalizing to shit on someone who is a good person. Nice people are the easiest target. I think people assume that they are stupid enough to forgive their asshattery. But the fact is, if you must shit on a person because you can't hold it in, assholes are used to shit. Shit on them. They deserve it anyway. Never fuck over the person who is helping you in order to hide your true feelings about those you perceive as an enemy. I see it happen all the time. People kiss ass to the assholes in their life, and they shit on those who truly care about them. Then they wonder why they are alone. I probably do this too.

3. People who have their shit together usually don't.

When you see someone with their ducks in a row, just know that the ducks they used to get those ducks in a row are not in a row. Be kind to everyone. Don't assume people are on a horse too high that you must tear them down. If they are on a low horse and you still feel the need to tear them down to your level, you are a pretty sad person. See I just shat on an asshole.

4. Bullying is shit.

Yes bullying is taking a shit on people. Don't bully people. This means don't take their lunch money and shove them in a locker. This also means, don't go on a random blog and call the blogger a fat ass. Don't abuse policy to fuck with people because you disagree with their facebook post and lack a sense of humor. Don't post memes saying you want to send Obama with a note to ISIS because you don't agree with his war strategy based on lies the media has told you. Don't be an asshole to my kid just because you don't like me. Don't call CPS on a person because you disagree with their blog post about breastfeeding.

However, it's totally ok to bully the bullies. The guy who stole 500 bucks from you and threatened to sick the mafia on you if you take him to court, yeah that guy, go ahead and sign him up for male enhancement products to be sent to his workplace.

5. Try not to fling the shit that people shat on you.

This one is a hard one for me. When people shit on me, I want to fling it back, but this week, I've been shat on by "bridges I don't want to burn." I almost fell into the abyss of gossip. People are messaging me about the drama, and I started off with good intentions. I kept to the topic. I only had good things to say about the person taking a metaphorical shit on me. But as it kept going, I started getting more negative. "She just did this. What the fuck?" Then I stopped myself. Stop in the name of love, it's Hammertime, stop drop shut em down open up shop, STOP collaborate, listen. I found my true feelings. I was hurt, not pissed off. Wounding the attacker isn't going to heal my wounds. I listed all the good things I liked about the person who was taking a metaphorical shit on me, and I reminded myself why I didn't want to end a friendship over this. I have to understand these people in my life may not resolve our issues. Their desire to keep the shit steaming is their problem. It becomes mine as well when it's my desire to stink up the place even more. The only thing I can do is spray the metaphorical Febreeze so it smells like Fresh Linen in my corner, even if there's a pile of shit under my shoe.

However, there's a shit level. Everyone has a shit level. When there's so much shit Febreeze can't cover, clean house. Get rid of the shit. Burn that fucking bridge and piss on the flames so the devil knows who sent it.

With all that said, if you are constantly being shit on like I have been this week, in the words of my daughter singing a song from a Yo Gabba Gabba Song... Keep Trying. Don't Give up. Never give up. She also sang that while Pink was singing on the radio, "You gotta get up and try try try." Yes God, I got your message loud and clear.


Read more Life's too short for... blogs on the linkup at Finding Ninee

The Hypocrisy of Education

This could be a thesis paper... Aspiring teachers here you go.

I went to school as a kid believe it or not; you can tell by all my bad grammar and run-ons, and now I'm going back to school as a parent dropping my kids off. You think you are done with school when you are done with school, but no. As a parent, I'm still judged harshly for my ability to "follow the rules," whether it's about attendance or how I walk in the parking lot. I may not get a report card, but I'm still subjected to the labels teachers give students and parents. Those involved in extra-curricular activities like PTA meetings, activity in fundraisers, and volunteer efforts are the preferred parents. You can beat the crap out of your kids on the regular, and as far as the school is concerned, you are a great parent if your kid shows up every day, on time, with homework completed that you had to do. And you are a perfect parent (which doesn't actually exist) if you sell the most in a fundraiser and showed up in decent clothing to the PTA meetings. It's like you stepped foot into a Wonderland ruled by the Queen of Hearts.

As a parent, I'm graded every day on some invisible report card by the same schools I thought I escaped via graduation. But, as a taxpayer, I get to grade the school back.

There are certain institutions in this world we hold to a higher level. You would think with all the education required to teach or serve on the board of education that these educated minds are beyond the illogical sequence behind hypocrisy. You would think they would make more logical sense in their policy and system than some place like your local bar and grille, but no, even the strip joint has a system that is more logical and less shady than our education system.

I can't believe nobody recognizes these things enough to complain about it on a regular basis.

1. Education neglect.

The schools will place education neglect charges on the parents of children who miss a lot of school, regardless the reason whether it's illness or the parent just didn't feel like getting the kid ready and drop them off. The reason behind it is that the children have to be present every day for the full day in order to obtain their education properly. It's important. Studies have shown that students with a good attendance record in as far back as elementary school are more apt to graduate.

Those studies do not mean that students who graduated did so because they weren't absent a lot as kids. More than likely, those studies only show statistics of parents who place a high priority on public education. Correlation does not prove causation, and anyone who claims to be educated and doesn't understand that isn't educated. They were products of real education neglect.

But the hypocrisy is that the schools will tell you how important it is for your kid to be there. It's so important, they will imprison and fine any parent who doesn't force their kid to go every day. However, they are quick to suspend and expel students based on "behavior," which means most of the time, favoritism and labels. They are quick to tell you that your child is not welcome there until immunizations are caught up. In fact, when the school is the reason your child cannot attend, that absence is the parent's fault.

In addition, many schools cannot pass AYP (Annual Yearly Progress). There's a million variables behind why a school doesn't pass AYP, but a school who can't make AYP should be education neglect on the school's part. Period.

When a school passes a kid who isn't ready for the next grade, that is the real education neglect. When children graduate high school thinking "LOL" is a real word and Texas is its own country, that is the real education neglect. When people graduate who cannot solve a simple algebraic equation, that is the real education neglect. When educators graduate twisting correlation into causation and even worse, apply it as such, that is a sign of double education neglect (the educator neglected a real education, and the people in the educator's system being neglected a real educated due to the illiteracy of the educator). Yet when a parent's child misses more than 5 days for illness, they are the ones charged with education neglect. Parents are the only ones who can face prison and fines for education neglect.

2.  Free education.

Education is not free just like freedom isn't free. They need funding, and it being provided by the government instead of tuition makes it free to students and parents so that every person has equal opportunity. That was the point. Equal opportunity. The poor should have access to the same opportunities as the rich, at least when it comes to education.

But it doesn't work that way in the real world. In the real world, the poorer schools have less funding than the wealthier schools. Somehow, government funds end up going to the "better" schools neglecting the ones that don't look so hot on paper. Fundraisers make it worse because students who have money to buy their own stuff make more money for the school than students who can't afford to purchase a vegetable chopper that will fall apart on a potato and magazine subscriptions. The class system is designed to keep poor people friends with poor people, and rich people friends with rich people. They live in the same neighborhoods. Which increases how fundraising raises more funds for the "better schools" than it does for the ones who slipped into the cracks of the system.

But even then, your basic education should be available free. Today's job market is different than it was decades ago. Twenty years ago, you could land a good job with a high school diploma alone. Today, a high school diploma without any college lands you the same job as if you dropped out of high school. Minimum wage. The free education does not, anymore, offer equal opportunity. Only students who can afford college receive any real opportunity. Grants do not usually cover the full cost of education. Student loans are impossible to pay back anymore and set most students finishing school thousands of dollars in debt to start life whereas the wealthy have a clean slate, a trust fund, and oodles of networking when they hunt for their first job.

In order for education to again be an equal opportunity ordeal, we have to make the Bachelor's Degree a publicly funded education.

My personal idea for a solution to this is to tweak high school curriculum to offer college credits for every class, enough to graduate with a degree. Thanks to technology, schools can offer online classes with an online university paid for by the state, especially for specialty job-specific classes. Not all classes would be replaced with a new college professor. Freshman English could be tweaked to offer 6 credits for English Comp 1 and English Comp 2 taught by the same teacher who has been teaching it for decades. Honestly, my high school classes were harder than those offered through my community college. The reason being, high school is designed to prepare students to enter a university like Harvard for the smart ones and the state university for the average. The community college is designed to give people who haven't been to school in a decade a piece of paper that says they are educated. Combining the two worlds would be more productive and make more logical sense in this day and age than keeping them separate.

3.  Special Education

The IEP is designed to grant schools IDEA funds for every child that requires special services. It's also designed for parents and teachers to sit down together to establish goals for their child and figure out which services the child needs and qualifies for.

In real life, the IEP is often misused. Many educators use it as a label for deficiency and behavior disorders than they do as a tool to help a child overcome a learning disability. There's also many stories about the abuse of special needs children, by educators and adults, as a normal part of the special education services. It's part of the system. Part of the child's average day often includes some form of abuse or neglect parents are unaware of. Not every school is like that, but the stories of issues parents face in this realm are so overwhelmingly large that it should be worthy of reform.

It amazes me how so many educators, people who have a Master's Degree in Education and Early Childhood Development, are so quick to mock and criticize the special needs. It's almost as if there was never an Ethics course offered in their curriculum. Was there?

In addition, there is a history of schools telling you how to treat your child's diagnosis that lands them the IEP. Some schools refuse to take your child if your child is not medicated, as if their Masters in Education is equivalent to Medical School. Some will also tell you how you should parent. Others will tell you what your child needs, without a care to your opinion. IN fact, if you disagree with them on what you child needs in an attempt to advocate for your kid, knowing the schools do not know this child enough to diagnose a treatment plan let alone are qualified to do such a thing, you risk having child protection services called on you.

And it's not enough to tell you how to treat your child's diagnosis, many schools will try to diagnose your kid for you. Many parents are faced being forced to get an assessment done on their child through the schools or through professional services they cannot afford over an unqualified opinion.

There are oodles of stories of kids who a teacher thought was ADHD and the parent was told, "You have to get him diagnosed with ADHD and medicate with stimulants or your kid isn't welcome here," and there was one instance in Colorado where the child did not have ADHD according to the shrinks and the father lost custody of his child temporarily for not medicating his kid. Health neglect.

4. Bullying

My state supposedly has the toughest anti-bullying policy out there, yet there is no enforcement of it outside of the occasional parent suing the school system.

Children are taught during the Character Ed class at my kid's school that bullying is wrong, followed by "tattletaling is bad too." In other words, don't bully kids, and if you are bullied, don't bother us grown ups with it. If I parented that way, I'd lose my kids.

Meanwhile, if any of my children are bullied, I wouldn't know what to do. There is no place to fill out a form. No person to call to oversee the protection of the children. I could probably find an anti-bullying policy somewhere on the internet for my state, but who do I bring the case to? There is no judge in the system to say, "hey that was bullying, I sentence the bully to community service and time with a shrink." There is no person to run to with the problem, and the parent has no control over what happens in school to do something themselves. The principal is the only person you can go to, and they don't have to do anything about it. They won't lose their job if they tell you to get over it, or that they are on it and the problem doesn't go away as if nothing was done.

Not to mention, oftentimes the bully is a teacher or principal. Who do you run to with that? The regular courts in a lawsuit, one that will label you one of those people who are quick to sue over anything. There should be a policy that enforces the anti-bullying policy. It's really hypocritical to have a policy that you don't enforce. Period.

With my own daughter, I've stopped letting her ride the bus, and I now drive her to school because of a harassing bully. My nephew, after attempting to switch schools too many times, is now homeschooled to escape bullying from kids who get away with it and from educators. Because he's special needs, nobody gives him any credibility. He's the crazy one, so any time a kid punches him for no reason or a teacher ignorantly ignores the IEP and fuels a meltdown, it's somehow his fault.

When I say we need education reform, I don't mean we need longer days or that we need to introduce common core concepts. I mean we need to actually reform the system. A good start would be to approach the hypocrisy in the system. I only touched on the top 4 that came to my mind here, but there's so much more to this than this. For instance, instead of common core math, why not just teach students to count in different base systems before the onset of addition? Even better, I'd like to see a study done of what age kids absorb that information best and introduce it then. For another instance, we could squeeze most of school to half days and keep teachers full time separating the class into morning and afternoons to create smaller classrooms.

What we really need to do is listen to this guy...

Don't Crap on my Lawn and Pretend you Fertilized It!

I am the type of person to stand up for principle before loyalty. Just had to say that first.

Awesome blog post about not judging

Today, I ran into yet another case of moms bashing other moms online. It was about a subject I do have an opinion about, one I might be wrong about. That's the thing. No mother knows it all. You don't know what you are doing as a mom. Not one of us has any right to say, "Hey you have to do this, or you suck," because we all suck worse than our Dysons and Hoovers. The person who does it all right has absolutely no way to prove that.

When I read a blog about someone explaining that a kid cleaning up the house is more work for mom, more work because we have to nag, argue and deal with fits, followed by re-cleaning it so it's actually clean, and then I see hundreds of moms swarm to be like, "You shouldn't be allowed to have kids or pets..." Or "You are doing it all wrong. This will haunt you. You are just being lazy. You don't love your kids. Your kids are spoiled brats and that's what's wrong with that generation..." Yeah, what kind of mom would she be if she got her parenting advice from some Yahoo Username like girl01 or justsayin?

As a mom, I have to have a clean house if people like moms who think my kids should clean had it their way. I assure you shit like rocks in your fire place that are supposed to be there is something CPS will have a problem with. Popcorn is a choking hazard to some of these asshats out there. People take that shit way too far; no mom can afford to have a messy house for not even a few days. The judgment factor from other people is too high anymore. You post a picture on your facebook that has one thing out of place in the background, and you get messages and comments, "You might want to clean first before taking that picture."

Check out Holdin Holden's blog

This is why mom on mom bashing must stop. You make it harder on all moms when you do that. You are raising society's already unreachable expectations even further, and you are doing it only to service your own ego (yeah hide behind the well-being of other people's children you don't actually know all you want, I know where you are). Is it really that bad? Your ego?

Online criticism will yield one of two outcomes. 1. It will take me to even a lower place if I take you seriously, which makes things worse for me and my children. That's like saying, "Hey you suck, let me fuck up your kids some more with my self-serving opinion." Why don't you just take their lollipop? Or two, I won't really give a damn because you have no credibility, and I will continue life as I live it. Pretty much, those are the outcomes of every critical bully like comment made on the interwebs. Does any of that help the world at all?

No. In fact, what happens is some sheeple minded person comes by, reads your comment, thinks "Oh shit, there's drama. Awesome," takes your side because it's the first comment they read or because they are your friend, and adds to it giving the poor victim of your bullying the sensation she is being attacked by not just one wolf, but a pack of wolves. Then the bullies take that stupid opinion and carry it to another mom to criticize, and they don't stop until at least 10 moms are second guessing themselves crying because someone was an ass to them on the internet. And they do it all in the name of the children they are supposedly defending or helping but actually hurting in the long-run, which is very sociopathic if you ask me.

If you want to tell me how to parent, you better have kids who clean their rooms every day, carries a 4.0 GPA, plays a musical instrument better than I do, and is the sweetest kid to all the kids and dominates every social problem peacefully.

There's a fine line between suggesting / advising, and just down right being an overly critical ass trying to belittle people. Usually it's the intention. You can tell when people genuinely care about your kids and your well being. If they are more pissed than concerned, that's usually a sign that they are just taking a shit on your lawn. All you moms out there, don't listen to them. Seriously, would take advice from a talking turd? 

When it comes to subjects like breastfeeding, breastfeeding in public, playing Mozart, forward facing carseats, and yes, even giving your kids chores, the fact of the matter is every situation is different. Please do NOT continue to make the same mistakes as our public education system. Every kid is an individual. They are not a herd of cattle where they all get the same stuff and you will get the same results.

I have 3 kids. My oldest struggled with language. My middle kid struggled with speech. My youngest is a language speaking genius. My oldest can draw unicorns and Santa Claus and the 3 year old is still scribbling on paper. They all potty trained at different ages, and different methods brought them to that. They all walked at different ages, and each of their struggles with overcoming the crawl was unique to each of them. One could walk at 8 months old, but crawled for the most part until 2 years of age because she enjoyed crawling. The other had balance issues. The third one walked really young, but her feet kind of tilt in the center where it's not quite right. My oldest is naturally great at math. The middle kid is ok with math, but she naturally empathizes better than her siblings, and she can draw through a maze faster than anyone in this house. My youngest loves letters and words, and while she can count, she'd rather tell you the alphabet.

A great blog post on providing negative feedback

Not all kids are ready for X at Y age. Cognitively, they develop differently than their peers. Yes there are some similarities between all people, but for the most part, each child needs an individual plan. Each child has their own strengths and their own weaknesses. These are things that are important to establish their sense of self. Treating them like they are cattle, like whatever you did for your one kid should be done to all kids or the world is messed up, that is what is messing up the world. This is why we have kids who graduate high school thinking Texas is its own country and LOL is a real word. This is why we have adults with a college education voted into positions of power who thinks during a legitimate rape, the woman's body shuts down. These are individuals who got lost in the herd. Their individual cognitive needs were not met somewhere along the way.

And the ONLY person who is qualified to know what their kid needs are the parents, or people who are so involved in the child's life, they are like a parent.

In addition to children being unique, guess what? I know this will come as a shock to all of you. They grow up to be adults with unique needs and talents. That means every parent out there has his own strengths and flaws. Every parent has his own preferences and personality. Give me a kid who needs to learn how to count to ten, and I bet you anything parent A will teach that completely differently than parent B. Why? Because they draw from the strengths and work around their weaknesses satisfying the dominant nature of their personality.

The Clutter Diet, written by a professional organizer, will tell you to create your own systems in keeping your house clean and clutter free. She emphasizes on creating systems (routines, methods) that is in line with your personal style and preferences, and why? Because the chances of success are greater when you gear things toward your strengths working around your weaknesses appealing your preferences. Some people prefer a calendar on their wall. Some a planner. Others use their cell phones or Google calendar. The important thing is to go with whatever is working best for you, and if your current system is not working, opt for something you want as opposed to what people say you should do.

And this brings me to the third part of the chaos individuality brings to the role of parenting. Combining different personalities. Some parents have a personality that work better with their kid's personality than others. Having two distinct, or similar, personalities work together to learn or teach is not always an easy task. If  you are lucky enough that you and your kid get along naturally because your personalities blend well and compliment each other, that doesn't mean you are a better parent than the one whose personality clashes with their kid's. That also definitely means the other parent will probably HAVE to do things differently than you do for that reason.

We parents need to support each other more and criticize less. You get what you give. If you are constantly criticizing, maybe you've been criticized too much? Maybe that's why your ego needs a little boost via belittling people. Maybe if you start supporting other moms, maybe you'll find support coming back your direction at some point.

The blog post I read, I read an overwhelmed mom trying to keep her house clean. I empathized. I know exactly what it's like to try to make kids clean. It's a pain in the ass. I struggle getting my kids to. I'm a very yes mom who has a natural inclination to spoil my kids the way I was spoiled. Pampered might be a better word. I'm not really spoiled. I'm pampered. When I looked to the comments for advice to help me in my situation as I would love to teach my children responsibility better than I already am, I couldn't find any outside of one comment that had no likes suggesting getting a toy broom, which I already tried. The only thing I really found in the comments was judgment. How would you feel if 529 people, and still going, told you at once that you suck? You'd probably feel like shit and not clean that day.

Click for Great Advice on Reducing Criticism

And because that blog post I read, which I'll link to later, was about this age group... This is probably more important than getting your kids to do chores...

Psychosocial Stage 4 - Industry vs. Inferiority

• This stage covers the early school years from approximately age 5 to 11. 
• Through social interactions, children begin to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments and abilities. 
• Children who are encouraged and commended by parents and teachers develop a feeling of competence and belief in their skills. Those who receive little or no encouragement from parents, teachers, or peers will doubt their abilities to be successful. 
• Successfully finding a balance at this stage of psychosocial development leads to the strength known as competence or a belief our own abilities to handle the tasks set before us. 

From http://psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/psychosocial_2.htm

It doesn't matter as much if you make your kid clean or not at that age group. What matters more is how you approach your kid. Do you approach your kid from your critical parent? Or do you do it from your nurturing parent? The nurturing parent who encourages and commends your child. You can use chores to provide a sense of accomplishment, as long as you commend your child for a job well done. You can also use piano lessons for that. It doesn't really matter which way you go.
And without further adieu, please click it, Why I Don't Want My Kids Doing Chores -- Even If They're Age-Appropriate, and please leave a positive comment that will uplift. Thank you.

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Thank you for reading this shit. Would you believe the top searched term that brought people to my blog so far is, "Tornado?" It's like they know my kids. Unfortunately, FEMA doesn't cover that kind of natural disaster.

Bullying: Advice Please

I've been thinking a lot about the subject of bullying, overanalyzing it. My nephew is being homeschooled now as a result of years of bullying, among some other variables. It makes you hate kids and want to bully them into not being such assholes to each other. It makes you want to be an asshole. I've overanalyzed this subject to a point where I'm not sure what to think anymore, and I've definitely strayed outside the box again.



I do know I don't like knowing KIDS experience the pain of being bullied. But do I?

I know it sucks to be bullied.

I don't know anyone who hasn't been bullied.

Studies say lots of things about bullying, you know, the "empirical evidence that suggests," that people often misuse, misquote, and misunderstand... What I gather from the studies I've seen:

• Bullying is changing. We now have both physical and emotional bullying, and a lot of it is happening online. 
• There's been an increase in domestic violence that MIGHT influence the trends in bullying
• Adults bully. Men more than women, generally same gender on gender. 
• Teachers bully students, like it's not just students bullying students. This is true from grade school to college.

Moms who drink and swear once shared an article about bullying, and one thing that stood out to me in the article, and it's spot on, bullies today are NOTHING like bullies of the past. There is no kicking their ass and moving on. It was more black and white when I was a kid, and even more black and white when my mom was a kid.

But today, it's different. There's cyberbullying. It's a lot like girl bullying, which is much more passive aggressive, emotional, and powerful than the physical I'll beat you up for your lunch money type of bullying.

But bullying is so ingrained in society, I think we do it without knowing it all the time. I don't think we can exist without it.

In a sense, for example, parenting is a form of bullying. I'll give you a spanking if you don't listen to me... That sounds a lot like, "If you don't give me your lunch money, I'm going to punch you in the face." I'll put you in time out if you do that again sounds a lot like, "I won't talk to you anymore because you wore pink on Thursday when I wanted to wear pink." But we go way worse with parenting. Have you ever grabbed your kid and forced your child into doing what you wanted him to do, like leave? I have picked my kids up kicking and screaming to leave a building to deal with their behavior. I do it just like a bully. It's not only ok for me to do this, it is very much expected by society. It's not considered bullying because why? I have my kid's better interest in mind? Or because I have to control my kids? Because it's not to boost my ego by appearing like I control my kids to those watching?

But they are two different things. A spanking is not a punch to the face. Right? I mean you HAVE to punch someone in the face to be a bully.

Definition of Bully: To use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

I think we are all bullies. I think we all have it in us to be an asshole, to belittle someone, to use our force to get what we want, and to accidentally step on someone while we are walking. Bullies are everywhere and will be everywhere for the rest of your life. Humans are not infallible. We all fuck up. We are all slightly narcissistic. We are all slightly inconsiderate and sadistic. The good vs. evil epic tale you are looking for is not between a bully and a victim. It is within both the bully and the victim. It is within all of us.

But how do you talk to a kid about bullying? How do you teach your kids not to bully when you know they must at some point in our society? How do you teach your kids not to be the victim when you know they must at some point in our society? I guess what our kids need is wisdom. The wisdom to know when to stand up and when to sit down, and the ability to do both.

I think it's important we all understand, not just our kids but us grown ups too...

• Some people are assholes, but most of the time, good people have asshole moments.
• When people criticize you like they mean it, they are merely projecting their own insecurities.
• People who hate their life will take it out on others around them. That doesn't mean that everyone who insults you hates their life, but just know they exist, and they already hurt.
• When you are being criticized, you hear your own insecurities and doubts, no matter what they say.
• Instead of focusing on what people think of you, focus on what you think of yourself and self improvement. 
• When you are the bully, have a good reason for it, and show restraint and mercy. 
• Don't use people.
• Don't lie to people. 

The basic right from wrong will go the longest way of all things. You will still bully and be bullied at some point, but the basic conscience is what keeps it in check so it doesn't go overboard. It also keeps the skin thick enough to take a blow here and there. I assure you, when you are in a place where you are surrounded by people poking you, mocking you, manipulating you... The best line of defense is the conscience because it tells you they are wrong. It reminds you who is behaving badly. If you really listen to that inner voice telling you the others are full of shit, you won't play their games. The best way to not lose is to not play. 

I find it unproductive that we tend to tackle this subject through some kind of awareness. It cures bullying much like cancer awareness cures cancer. It doesn't. So I sit back and think, how do I help someone like my nephew? There is no hotline for it. There is no law that will protect him. There is no teacher who will protect him. I can't sit with him all day to stand up for him. Being the example is a big deal, but it doesn't help him NOW. It helps him later. 

I'm still lost as to helping him get help now. His shit level has definitely been reached. He can't talk about it anymore let alone face it again. Will he ever be ready to go back to school? Will he ever be ready to work with his own peers again? I do think he needs a break from them to rebuild himself, but how do I help him rebuild his strength? How do I know when this is just an excuse to stay home from school? How do I get him to see when he is being the bully or perceived as such? 

I'm going to have to end this post with questions I can't answer. Maybe your comments will help so if you have an opinion, fire away. 

Note: The nephew is on the autism spectrum. He mainly deals with girls being bullies, mostly mind games, the occasional being called the R-word, and the occasional physical bully. One girl used to kick him in the balls every day, and one day she went to smack him in the face and he blocked the smack, so she went and told everyone he hit her, that his block was him striking her, and of course, they believed her. He has switched grade schools 3 or 4 times, and middle schools 5 times before going home school. He just kept escaping one set of bullies right into the arms of another set. All of these kids will be in his high school in his district.

STATISTICAL STUFF