Suffer from Chronic Lateness? Take 2 Fukitols and call me LATER.

Before you think this blog is about this picture, it is, but in a FUCK THIS PICTURE sort of way. I don't agree with this picture. 

I'll see you later! When I say that, I actually mean that. Later. I'm always late.

I'm starting a new policy. I have policies. They are rules I make up for my life, some involve the house and children like most people. No jumping on the beds. One person at a time on the trampoline. I also have them for my life that has nothing to do with the children. I do this so I can hide behind them. I never buy anything on the telephone. Sorry telemarketer, it's a policy. Nothing I can do about it. You are talking to the wrong person. I don't make the policy. (Yes I do).

I am starting a new policy on how I handle being late.

Now first I should take a second to explain something about the Myer Briggs for some perspective. Most people have heard of it but still a little lost on it. Some have no idea what the fuck it is. It's a personality test, one of the best out there. It's often referenced alongside other personality tests, and most scholarly studies usually choose the Myers Briggs to measure personality when relevant. What it does? It measures where you are on a scale (spectrum like place) between two juxtaposing concepts on 4 different concepts.

The first one is introvert vs extrovert. It's the most famous, and the most misunderstood (probably a result of the fame). Regardless of what they mean, very rare do you find someone who is completely introverted or completely extroverted. It's more like a scale, from 1 to 10, with 1 being an introvert and ten being an extrovert. Some people are a 2, some are an 8, some are more a 4.7283. Ideally you want to be in the middle. That balance is pretty ideal when it comes to mental health.

So with that said, the Myers Briggs also measures sensing vs feeling, intuition vs thinking, and judging vs perceiving. Really, if you don't know this test, read that as A vs B, C vs D, and E vs F because your definition of these words is probably nothing like the Myers Briggs definition. The one I'm most interested in discussing for this topic is judging vs perceiving.

For a thorough investigation on the subject of Judging/Perceiving for you to decide where you fall, click this sentence.

To sum up, Judging people are very rigid, schedule oriented, and kind of close minded and bossy. Perceiving people are flexible, spontaneous, and kind of flaky and undependable. I am actually amazed when I look at these statistics that the population is pretty close to 50/50 on judging and perceiving. I thought for sure the judging population drastically outnumbered the perceiving population, as opposed to a slight increase. The reason I think that is we are in a very judging world. Society, in America at least, is very judging oriented. I'm guessing now that might be because the judging people are so bossy.

Other statistics I found interesting, irrelevant to this post, the biggest spikes in stats. For all people, 73.3 percent is sensing with 26.7 percent intuition. That makes sense. Most people need to see it or feel it to believe it. Most men are thinking than women, and most women are feeling compared to men. That is where the stereotype of women being emotional and acting on feelings as opposed to logic comes into play. Interesting. 

Anyway, the point of this. If someone wasn't an asshole, they'd understand that schedule preference is a personality trait. Some of us, like myself, are perceiving people, actually 45.9% of the population is perceiving. They like to keep options open. They like spontaneity. They don't like being rushed. I can make my own picture...

So my new policy is...

When I'm running late for something as usual, if the person is a person who is understanding, I work really hard to get there as soon as I possibly can. If the person is not understanding but instead a narcissistic asshole who is all, "You being late is disrespectful because it's all about ME, and MY schedule, and MY feelings nevermind any regard for you," I shall call and cancel.

Why? Let me tell you why.

Kids have no concept of YOUR schedule or MINE. I'm a mom. I take care of kids. Even if I'm not bringing my kids with me, I can't really get ready and walk out the door without taking care of kids, even if there is someone else here helping because I AM the go-to person for the kids' needs, and someone else is generally very lazy and prefers to wait until I leave to actually have to function at all. Ever so often, someone else watching the kids will notice I'm trying to leave to be on time for something and the kids want food, so they offer to make the kids food, or a kid wants to jump in the shower with me and they redirect the kid to some other activity. Most of the time, I don't have that person, and I could stand in the shower with soap in my hair until the water runs cold arguing with a kid and dealing with the temper tantrum that results from my "no" longer than i could if I let the kid jump in, wash the kid as well, dry off kid as well, brush kid's hair, put on lotion on the kid, and dress the kid. Either way, both contribute to me running late.

It doesn't matter what time I start because my kids, like most kids, are designed to fill in the gaps. I want a juice. Thank you for the juice, now I want a snack. I know you are making my snack, and don't stop doing that, but get me a paper towel because I just spilled the juice, and I need another juice too. And then another kid screams, "Mommy I peed on the floor by accident!" and then requests a snack and juice and the third kid is like, "A snack? I'm hungry!" And mom is naked, staring at the clock thinking "Shit I'm late," and the kids are all crying...

That's how it always is. That example doesn't happen once a year. It happens 5 times a day, and the likelihood of that happening as I'm trying to get ready to meet you is more probable than not.

And don't tell me, "But you chose the time to meet me, we both should abide by the verbal contract." No. I did not. I don't want to meet you at any specific time. I want to find a way to meet around ISH. I'd rather stop by somewhere where you already are so I can get my ISH. Or if it's something that can be done over the phone or email, I'd rather that. No, the pick a time and be there at that time is YOUR decision. Not mine.

When I was single, I could do it. No problem. I will venture away from my comfort zone on your behalf. I don't mind a little inconvenience to suit your preference. But I'm not going to inconvenience myself beyond a little on your behalf when the you is a you who can't inconvenience yourself just a little for my behalf.

I no longer will rush for someone who doesn't deserve it. I no longer will suffer panic attacks every time a light turns red, or a person is driving 20 mph under the speed limit in front of me who I cannot pass, or when a kid spills a juice everywhere, or when I realize I need gas, or all 3 kids have to pee after I just buckled them in the car... I no longer will risk my life and the life of my kids driving like a crazed maniac speeding (also at risk of a ticket) to try to save the 5 minutes you are waiting on me. Nobody, not even the Queen of England, is worth that, especially if they are shallow enough to base a judgement of my character on something as meaningless as the time.

When I'm already running late, I have two options. I can be late. Or I can cancel. Both will insult the person waiting on me just the same. But in my case, one requires me to lose my motherfucking mind, and the other is a weight off my shoulders. Fuck you is the best option for me. So when I'm running late for those who have no respect for me or understanding of my life and my needs, those people will get the fuck you.

Now keep in mind, I do sometimes run late because I was on Facebook, or because I overslept. Shit happens. These are things I can control, and I will try to control it, and that's ALL I will focus on. If it's not in my control, I'm going with it. Riding the wave. Wherever the tide takes me. If it fucks you over and you are respectful of me, I'm sorry.

If it fucks you over and you are not respectful of me...

Edited to add, really the late thing is a battle between who is more important. It's human alpha-doggism at its finest. This is why a lot of people who show up on time for their appointment with their doctor wait in the waiting room for an hour; however, if they were more than 15 minutes late, they'd have to reschedule. If you put up with that shit, your doctor is more alpha dog than you.