My Child is NOT a Horse in a Race

"Doctors told his parents he'd maybe end up institutionalized." 

"Teachers said he wouldn't amount to much."

"Doctors predicted she wouldn't develop intellectually beyond the abilities of a small child."

"Earmarked to be institutionalized." 

My question is, what is the on-going statistic for fucking up your life in general? Like what? I got a feeling it's something like, "1 in every 15 people will make it in this life." Like 14 out of 15 people (not a real statistic), randomly chosen, will fuck up their life someway, somehow, without a diagnosis doing it for them.  

I don't understand why it's only predicted for the "disabled." Clues like, "at-risk youth" labels, parents suffering from addiction (no, not coffee, things like crack and alcohol), single parents, low income, all the indicators they have shown in empirical evidence (no matter how rude they are) that all the doctors and teachers are pretty much forced into reading regularly seem to go unpredictable. I'm willing to bet, again I'm being arrogant with assumptions here, that the reason for that is nobody wants to predict the bastard child of a crackwhore to be institutionalized (jail is an institution) because that would A, make doctors appear to be assholes like it's okay as long as the person is too "stupid" to realize the label you are giving them, and B, when you label a kid as someone who isn't going to amount to much, it takes an Einstein to rise above that kind of label. Most kids succomb to whatever label you give them.

For the record, I would love to see a doctor say, "Little Jimmy is doing well, but I do have some concerns. I am not diagnosing anyone just yet, but I think you may want to consider taking Jimmy to a psychologist because it looks like he suffers from parental's UCS addiction, which can be pretty serious. Many kids with that end up institutionalized before the age of 30." UCS being code for Uncontrolled Substance. Seriously, a crackhead would think, "Oh my, there's something wrong with Jimmy," and actually take him. 

The fact of the matter is all people have a pretty good chance of growing up to be institutionalized or "stupid." In reality, in this day and age, a developmental challenge that would have placed you in an institution back in 1950 now blends in with mainstream intelligence. Everybody is learning disabled anymore. The playing field is more even now than ever. Even your highly gifted have disabilities somewhere along the spectrum, usually socially like autism. 

With that said, if you are a parent of a kid with autism, don't let the "experts" tell you what your kid is going to be like years down the road. Your kid is different just like every kid out there. Your kid is special just like every kid out there. Your kid needs tailored fit parenting more so than most kids, but that doesn't mean if your child isn't peeing in the potty by Kindergarten that your dreams of him graduating college and becoming a doctor are flushing down the toilet instead. 

I'm not trying to say that raising a kid with autism is just like raising any kid because it's not. It's helluva more stressful on the parent. I recently was talking with a mom at a house we were looking at, in the middle of the woods (literally, you almost need 4 wheel drive to live at this house) and she was like, "yeah, I love this property because I can let the kids play outside without much supervision." My eyes turned green with envy. That property was just as dangerous in my world to my kids as a place in the middle of the city. Even worse because there's no witnesses to spot or find my child when she wanders off chasing butterflies. 

I'm also not on a high horse with this. I sometimes stare at my child or my nephew and think to myself, "Lawdy, if these kids make it to 25 without a prison sentence, high fives to everyone. Shit." Yes, some of their behaviors are very scary, and the poker face shit doesn't help. My kid just stole a toy bunny from another kid. I still have yet to assess if she feels any guilt whatsoever for it or if she's a misdiagnosed sociopath. You can't tell what a kid with autism is feeling, and that is scary sometimes, especially when they start breaking shit mid-meltdown. 

What I am saying, though, nobody can decide someone's fate but the person themselves. Yes we can help them make good decisions, and we can attempt to brainwash them with a conscience, some character, and some certain behaviors like training a dog to fetch (don't knock it, that's what parents do, except we train them to pee in the potty instead of on the flagpole, and even then we fail at that sometimes). But, in the end, your child's fate is in your child's hands. And I say this, even though I don't totally believe it or want to because I'm a control freak. 

Look at Carly. She was nonverbal for I don't know how many years. The person who showed her to communicate via computer keyboard did so in a very Anne Sullivanishy way. But in the end, it was Carly's choice to learn how to communicate, her way, her rules, and on her terms. As parents, we provide resources, support, and guidance.We set up the environment. We are dealing the cards.Your kid, just like any other kid out there, has the same choice to make. Do I use the things my parents are bending over backwards to give me to help me? Or not?

What I'm saying is, fuck the predictions. When the underdog wins a fight, that's more money for the people who betted on them. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." When it comes to your kid with autism, the rest is still unwritten. 

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It's not easy being cheesy. I tell you. I had to. If I am going to quote her, I might as well post the video. I like this version better than the US one. I just love (verbal irony) how people overseas assume we are stupid people here who don't get the deep stuff and require to be entertained with boobs, bright colors, and conflict (drama). I really just love (more verbal irony, drown in my irony, drown in it) how they are pretty much right with that. I may be American, but I got some German heritage going for me at least (now that's sarcasm). 

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and if you missed the link on her name, check out Carly's website and book!

http://www.carlysvoice.com/

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BREAKING NEWS!!!

The Queen of Cussin is a walkin. She's raising money for Little Friends. If you read this while she's a fundraisin, CLICK HERE TO DONATE. Even 10 bucks will go a long way. And share. Boast your donation on your Facebook. This is a good organization. We need more like it, or for this one to go national. And after you donate, the page provides all the crap you need to claim it on your taxes. How cool is that? 

If you are reading this AFTER this event is over, please check out Little Friends. They have an online store with resources for raising a kid on the spectrum. Good stuff.

Little Friends Blurp
Little Friends is a private, non-profit organization serving children and adults with autism and other developmental disabilities. Based in Naperville, Illinois, Little Friends operates 11 dynamic programs including three alternative schools, family support and consultation services, vocational training programs, community-based residential services and the Little Friends Center for Autism. 

World Autism Day: BeAware of the Great Autism Swag

From http://learningneverstops.wordpress.com/2012/04/02/communication-difficulties-in-autism-my-personal-view/

Today is World Autism Day (well the day I'm writing and posting this, you could be reading this on any day like Christmas... April 2 is world autism day).

I think people are all aware autism exists. Like you had to be living under a rock for a very long time if you never heard of autism. Whether you call it Asperger's Syndrome or Pervasive Development Disorder, it's all autism. It's actually a spectrum. Some people you don't notice it really, and others are more obvious, depending on where they are on the spectrum shrinks use to identify whatever classification they give it.

AUTISM AWARENESS

For beginners, what should you be aware of? 

1.  The biggest deals about an autism diagnosis regards social skills, communication issues, heightened senses, and repetitive behaviors (brain gets stuck). Generally speaking, to most people off the spectrum, people on the spectrum are weird and possibly annoying at face value. Deep down, they are loyal, sincere, and will sacrifice for your better good.

2. It is not a disease. If I sneeze, you won't catch my autism. It won't kill me. It doesn't need cured because it's not a disease.

3.  To people on the spectrum, people off the spectrum appear dysfunctional. We forgive you for it, eventually.

4. Nobody looks autistic.

5. Rainman is not autistic.

6. Vaccinations do not necessarily cause autism, but that doesn't mean they don't cause it. We just don't know. Too much politics and non-autistic "normal" stuff getting in the way of finding out.

7. What does cause autism? We don't know but the world of science suspects a genetic and environmental mix.

8. Spankings will not cure autism. If you intervene with shitty parenting to a family where the kid is on the spectrum, you are probably going to make it worse and therefore deserve a good smack upside your head and a swift kick to your netherregions.

9. Parenting a kid on the spectrum is extreme parenting, like most parents climb hills, but parents of children on the spectrum are climbing cliffs, and parents on the spectrum raising children on the spectrum are climbing those cliffs without rope.

10. The biggest warning and caution you can take with autism, don't fuck with the parents. We are people on the edge. Next random stranger "expert" at places like Walmart who tell me how to handle my kid on the spectrum... I am probably going to look at you like you are on crack and respond with, screaming, very loudly, "Why are you telling ME that you have gonorrhea? Talk to your doctor, and put the crack pipe down. Damn, some people..." So again, don't fuck with parents of children on the spectrum. You are welcome to help them without judgment... 

For more advanced autism awareness... 

1. People on the spectrum, contrary to the shrinks' opinion, do have empathy. In fact, they empathize better with people off the spectrum than people off the spectrum can empathize with them. Cool article here.

2. People on the spectrum also, contrary to the shrinks' opinion, have an imagination. In fact, they live outside of the box and have difficulty thinking inside the box.

3. Autism is very misunderstood. Obviously... this should be a duh. If communication is an issue, there's a good possibility you are not understanding, or better said, getting an accurate account of the situation.

4. People with severe autism, the very few who found a way to communicate, actually have a lot of similarities with people with high functioning autism, so if your child is severe autism and not communicating much, you may find a better understanding and some good clues to your trial and error process by listening to people with high functioning autism.

5. People with autism do have feelings. They just don't express them the way most people do, and many times develop a poker face. More often than not, the feelings are actually heightened. It's the sociopaths who don't have feelings, and they are the ones who express fake feelings so well you think they do... aw hell they are such good actors they do sometimes fool themselves which I guess in that case, they kind of have feelings.

6. The reason the autism diagnosis has increased so much throughout the recent years is a change in the diagnostic criteria and awareness.

7. This is a neat article, and if you type in Google, "autism and bacteria in the gut," you get a lot of neat studies, some that might explain why the food allergy / DAN doctors methods do help some people. My instinct tells me that prebiotics does not mix well with this bacteria, and I wouldn't be surprised if the people who have this bacteria crave carbs more so than your average person.

8. People on the spectrum are like cats living in a dogs' world. If you want to understand the differences between autism and non-autism, look at cats and dogs and their behaviors socially, their motivations, and their sense of comfort...

9. People on the spectrum make good friends. They may require a little more effort, but they take friendship seriously and best of all, you don't have to worry about them playing you. They say what they mean. That is very refreshing in a person.

10. Children on the spectrum are really just like normal kids, but amplified. Everything you can possibly say about an autistic child that makes them autistic, a person is going to say, "Well all kids do that." That's because all kids do. It's just a bigger deal with autism to a level where it required professional help.