My Child is NOT a Horse in a Race

"Doctors told his parents he'd maybe end up institutionalized." 

"Teachers said he wouldn't amount to much."

"Doctors predicted she wouldn't develop intellectually beyond the abilities of a small child."

"Earmarked to be institutionalized." 

My question is, what is the on-going statistic for fucking up your life in general? Like what? I got a feeling it's something like, "1 in every 15 people will make it in this life." Like 14 out of 15 people (not a real statistic), randomly chosen, will fuck up their life someway, somehow, without a diagnosis doing it for them.  

I don't understand why it's only predicted for the "disabled." Clues like, "at-risk youth" labels, parents suffering from addiction (no, not coffee, things like crack and alcohol), single parents, low income, all the indicators they have shown in empirical evidence (no matter how rude they are) that all the doctors and teachers are pretty much forced into reading regularly seem to go unpredictable. I'm willing to bet, again I'm being arrogant with assumptions here, that the reason for that is nobody wants to predict the bastard child of a crackwhore to be institutionalized (jail is an institution) because that would A, make doctors appear to be assholes like it's okay as long as the person is too "stupid" to realize the label you are giving them, and B, when you label a kid as someone who isn't going to amount to much, it takes an Einstein to rise above that kind of label. Most kids succomb to whatever label you give them.

For the record, I would love to see a doctor say, "Little Jimmy is doing well, but I do have some concerns. I am not diagnosing anyone just yet, but I think you may want to consider taking Jimmy to a psychologist because it looks like he suffers from parental's UCS addiction, which can be pretty serious. Many kids with that end up institutionalized before the age of 30." UCS being code for Uncontrolled Substance. Seriously, a crackhead would think, "Oh my, there's something wrong with Jimmy," and actually take him. 

The fact of the matter is all people have a pretty good chance of growing up to be institutionalized or "stupid." In reality, in this day and age, a developmental challenge that would have placed you in an institution back in 1950 now blends in with mainstream intelligence. Everybody is learning disabled anymore. The playing field is more even now than ever. Even your highly gifted have disabilities somewhere along the spectrum, usually socially like autism. 

With that said, if you are a parent of a kid with autism, don't let the "experts" tell you what your kid is going to be like years down the road. Your kid is different just like every kid out there. Your kid is special just like every kid out there. Your kid needs tailored fit parenting more so than most kids, but that doesn't mean if your child isn't peeing in the potty by Kindergarten that your dreams of him graduating college and becoming a doctor are flushing down the toilet instead. 

I'm not trying to say that raising a kid with autism is just like raising any kid because it's not. It's helluva more stressful on the parent. I recently was talking with a mom at a house we were looking at, in the middle of the woods (literally, you almost need 4 wheel drive to live at this house) and she was like, "yeah, I love this property because I can let the kids play outside without much supervision." My eyes turned green with envy. That property was just as dangerous in my world to my kids as a place in the middle of the city. Even worse because there's no witnesses to spot or find my child when she wanders off chasing butterflies. 

I'm also not on a high horse with this. I sometimes stare at my child or my nephew and think to myself, "Lawdy, if these kids make it to 25 without a prison sentence, high fives to everyone. Shit." Yes, some of their behaviors are very scary, and the poker face shit doesn't help. My kid just stole a toy bunny from another kid. I still have yet to assess if she feels any guilt whatsoever for it or if she's a misdiagnosed sociopath. You can't tell what a kid with autism is feeling, and that is scary sometimes, especially when they start breaking shit mid-meltdown. 

What I am saying, though, nobody can decide someone's fate but the person themselves. Yes we can help them make good decisions, and we can attempt to brainwash them with a conscience, some character, and some certain behaviors like training a dog to fetch (don't knock it, that's what parents do, except we train them to pee in the potty instead of on the flagpole, and even then we fail at that sometimes). But, in the end, your child's fate is in your child's hands. And I say this, even though I don't totally believe it or want to because I'm a control freak. 

Look at Carly. She was nonverbal for I don't know how many years. The person who showed her to communicate via computer keyboard did so in a very Anne Sullivanishy way. But in the end, it was Carly's choice to learn how to communicate, her way, her rules, and on her terms. As parents, we provide resources, support, and guidance.We set up the environment. We are dealing the cards.Your kid, just like any other kid out there, has the same choice to make. Do I use the things my parents are bending over backwards to give me to help me? Or not?

What I'm saying is, fuck the predictions. When the underdog wins a fight, that's more money for the people who betted on them. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." When it comes to your kid with autism, the rest is still unwritten. 

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It's not easy being cheesy. I tell you. I had to. If I am going to quote her, I might as well post the video. I like this version better than the US one. I just love (verbal irony) how people overseas assume we are stupid people here who don't get the deep stuff and require to be entertained with boobs, bright colors, and conflict (drama). I really just love (more verbal irony, drown in my irony, drown in it) how they are pretty much right with that. I may be American, but I got some German heritage going for me at least (now that's sarcasm). 

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and if you missed the link on her name, check out Carly's website and book!

http://www.carlysvoice.com/

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BREAKING NEWS!!!

The Queen of Cussin is a walkin. She's raising money for Little Friends. If you read this while she's a fundraisin, CLICK HERE TO DONATE. Even 10 bucks will go a long way. And share. Boast your donation on your Facebook. This is a good organization. We need more like it, or for this one to go national. And after you donate, the page provides all the crap you need to claim it on your taxes. How cool is that? 

If you are reading this AFTER this event is over, please check out Little Friends. They have an online store with resources for raising a kid on the spectrum. Good stuff.

Little Friends Blurp
Little Friends is a private, non-profit organization serving children and adults with autism and other developmental disabilities. Based in Naperville, Illinois, Little Friends operates 11 dynamic programs including three alternative schools, family support and consultation services, vocational training programs, community-based residential services and the Little Friends Center for Autism.