Bruschetta Pasta Salad

This is one of my favorite pasta salads ever. It has a posh deli taste to it, but it's better. My biggest complaint with most pasta salad is the noodles taste like chunks of flour that take away from the flavor of the rest of the salad. This is not an issue here...

This is a recipe that slowly morphed for me. When I worked at Olive Garden many moons ago, Bruschetta Caprese was on the menu, and it was one of my favorite dishes. When they took it off the menu, I started making Bruschetta based on their Caprese, where you add the cheese. Then for purposes of taking something to a picnic, I decided to add pasta and turn it into a salad since most of the time I make Bruschetta, we end up eating it with a fork instead of scooping it on bread. But, I didn't want the flavor to be lost with the pasta, so I decided to boil my pasta with flavor.

Note: This recipe makes a lot. You may decide to half it.

Ingredients:

1 Box of Mini Farfalle Pasta
12-16 Roma Tomatoes
5 green onions
2.5 oz of fresh basil
2 pounds of Mozzarella Cheese
Bottle of Red Wine (I used Riunite Lambrusco)
Balsamic Vinegar
Extra Virgin Olive Oil


Dump pasta into a pot, and fill it with wine 1/2 covering pasta. Add enough Balsamic Vinegar to cover about 1/4 pasta. Add water to fill over pasta. Boil. Simmer until soft. When finished, drain pasta, and then rinse with cold water until pasta is cool to the touch.

In this picture, I used a veggie chopper on slice (because even though the box said it had like 5 different ways to chop veggies, there seems to be two options. Mush or slices), but you can manually chop the tomatoes by hand if you want. When I do, I just dice them, big dices you can pick up with a fork. But dice or slice the tomatoes. Then chop green onion. I usually do about 1/4 up the green because that just feels right to me, so when I say 5 green onions, that's just about 1/4 of the way up the green. Adjust the amount accordingly. You can also use regular onion. I usually aim for a teaspoon to tablespoon for every 5 tomatoes. Sometimes I don't even use onion. Then take the basil, roll it up and slice. Then cut the mozzarella into small squares.

Mix everything together with a little Olive Oil. Season with some garlic salt if desired.

Easy Delicious Lime Pie

This is one of my personal favorites, and a lot of people seem to really like it. I stole the recipe from my mom. It tastes like a creamy flavor with a hint of lime. It's not too sweet, but sweet enough.

Ingredients

1 can of Sweetened Condensed Milk

1 16oz tub of Cool Whip (or 2 8oz tubs)

Lime Juice

Green food coloring

1 graham cracker pie crust

In a big bowl, mix the sweet milk, cool whip, and squirt some lime juice into it, like a few teaspoons to start. Mix it up with a mixer. You don't need to use a mixer, but without a good mixer, you risk it being really runny (still tastes great if that happens). Taste a smidgen of it. Keep adding lime juice a little at a time until you get a flavor you really like. Add green food coloring to the color you want. Fill pie crust. Refrigerate until serving. 

Bavarian Cream Cheesecake Pastry

1 cup Bavarian Cream (I'll provide the recipe I used below)

8 oz package of Mascarpone Cheese

1/2 Cup Powdered Sugar

Mix that together. I mixed it before I let the Bavarian Cream chill completely (like it chilled probably a half hour when I mixed them up) and then let it chill overnight in the fridge.

Then you take Pastry Puffs from the frozen food section, thaw, open one up and slice it 3 ways to get the desire width, and then bake at 400 for like 15 minutes. Then once it cools, take two and layer with a thick layer of the bavarian cheesecake stuff in between. I put a little of the cream on top as well. Then I drizzled Chocolate syrup and sprinkled some powdered sugar and cocoa.

The cheese mixture is delicious by itself, and you could probably make an actual cheesecake with it, but it's kinda more creamy than cheesecakeish. If I were to turn it into a pie, I would probably smash biscotti and use butter to hold it together for a crust and then fill with mixture before it fully chills and then let it chill overnight. You might mix/whip it longer before letting it go in if you used heavy whipping cream in the bavarian cream or increase the amount of gelatin used, like you'd have to play with it. It would probably be a good tirimisu topping too.

The Bavarian Cream Recipe

It makes a lot more cream than you need for my recipe, but you can eat that too :)

Ingredients: Servings: 6 Units: US | Metric

1 envelope unflavored gelatin

1/4 cup cold water

4 egg yolks

3/4 cup sugar

1 cup milk

2 teaspoons vanilla

1 cup whipping cream

Directions:

1 This gelatin-based custard must be made several hours before you plan to serve it.

2 It's great paired with cut-up fresh strawberries, or a mixture of fruit-- or with a rich butterscotch sauce.

3 INSTRUCTIONS: Preparing the gelatin: Sprinkle the gelatin over the cold water; stir to blend.

4 Set aside to soften for 5 minutes.

5 (It won't hurt to let it sit longer.) Mixing the ingredients: Put the yolks in a bowl and, using a whisk or fork, stir briskly to blend.

6 Slowly add the sugar and continue to stir until well mixed.

7 Cooking the custard: Pour the milk into a saucepan and place over medium-high heat.

8 Stand right by the stove and watch for tiny milk bubbles to form around the edge of the pan.

9 The milk should be hot, but not boiling.

10 It is better to underheat than to boil.

11 As long as the milk is hot it will work fine.

12 Pour the yolk/sugar mixture into the hot milk, then add the softened gelatin and stir with a large spoon or whisk to blend well.

13 Cook, stirring slowly, but constantly for 3 or 4 minutes.

14 Tilt the pan until you can see the bottom.

15 If there is a thin coat of custard on the bottom that doesn't flow as readily as the rest, it's ready.

16 Remove from heat.

17 Do not let the custard boil; it will be fine if you remove it too soon rather that too late.

18 Stir in the vanilla.

19 Pour the custard into a bowl and refrigerate for 30 minutes, or just long enough for it to begin to gel.

20 It should be thick but pourable.

21 This last step is the secret of a fabulous Bavarian Cream: Beat the cream only until it holds soft peaks.

22 If the cream is too stiff, the dessert will be too firm.

23 Fold the whipped cream into the custard.

24 Spoon into a 2-quart mold or bowl, cover with plastic wrap or a lid and refrigerate several hours, to allow the dessert to gel.

25 If the Bavarian Cream is in a mold, turn it out onto a plate before serving. 26 Otherwise, spoon into dessert bowls.

Read more at: http://dessert.food.com/recipe/bavarian-cream-57944?oc=linkback

Super Easy Almond Cake

So I had a dream about cake this time. I swear my best stuff comes from these dreams. This time there wasn't an Italian Bakery involved, and I'm not sure what the story is behind this recipe this time except I made this up in a dream. It's really a super easy recipe to make something that tastes like a delicacy an expert made.

Ingredients:

Cake:
1 box of white cake mix
the stuff on the box of the cake mix (eggs, oil and water)
almond extract

Frosting:
1 8oz package of mascarpone cheese
1 cup of heavy whipping cream
2/3 cup of powdered sugar / confectionery sugar

Package of Almond slices
Powdered sugar

Steps:

1. Mix cake mix according to directions. Add 1-2 teaspoons almond extract

2. Bake in whatever dish you want to use

3. Mix Frosting ingredients (cheese, cream and powdered sugar) in a mixer.

4. Blend frosting on high speed until stiff peaks form

5. Frosting the Cake

6. Garnish with almonds and powdered sugar.

15 Preposterous Reasons To Believe in God

1. The aliens do. Most abductees state that not only do the aliens believe in a higher power, but they are closer to the "God Head" than we are, like messengers (or angels). People abducted by aliens cannot be wrong.

2. Have you ever seen me drive? My kids frequently yell, "Wee,"when I'm driving through town. Divine Intervention is the ONLY reason I'm able to write this blog.

3. Tenacious D met the devil (shiny demon) once hitchhiking on the long and lonesome road. The devil told them to "Play, the best song, in the world..." and they did. They totally forget the best song in the world, but they do have a tribute. Anyway, if the devil exists, the opposite must exist.

4. Jesus turned water into wine. When you figure out how to do that with the snap of your fingers, let me know. Seriously, let me know, I'll invite you to every party.

5. Carl Jung. He was some guy who studied a bunch of different cultures/tribes and all seemed to have some depiction of good vs evil, like it's an inherent truth given to us all at birth. He also did a lot of research on dream symbols. To dream of the devil means, according to Betty Bethards who based her dream dictionary on a log of Jung's research, "Lower ignorant side of self that tempts you not to accept self responsibility, to blame others, procrastinate, dwell in negative thoughts and actions."

6. The Bible is the best selling book of all time. Bet you didn't know that. I think it's because of all the sex and violence, but you know, if the stories were completely fictional, then why is it still selling like hotcakes? And if God was created to control the population, then why do we have laws?

7. Prayer helps. No matter what's going on in my life, I feel better after I pray.

8. There's a reason people call His name when climaxing under some sheets. 

9. Basic Mathematics Proves it. The Bible says God is Love. Well I do know Love exists so if God is Love, and Love exists, then God exists. If a = b and b = c, then a = c. And Love conquers all. So if God is love, and love conquers all, then God conquers all. But a square is a rectangle and a rectangle isn't a square. However if a square is a rectangle, and rectangles exist, then squares must exist too. Something like that.

10. Noah Webster believed in God. He was the guy who started schools and compiled the dictionary. He's like America's best teacher, from Yale, so we have expert credibility here.

11. You have to either believe God exists or intelligent aliens who love people and want to help us do because someone invented the cell phone, and we know humans can't do such things on their own volition.

12. God is the light, and the speed of light scientifically happens to be constant, meaning space and time are relative. So God's existence, scientifically, shouldn't be in question. It's your existence, scientifically, that's questionable.

13. The Catholic Church claims more gold than National Geographic has configured to ever be dug from the earth. Bet you didn't know that fun fact. I got it from some British Parliament guy on the British version of C-Span. Or maybe it was the Ancient Alien guy... Anyway, money talks and bull shit walks.

14. Do you really think marijuana was an accident? Someone had to invent that, someone who can invent life. Same with sex. Not only is the invention of sex too genius for coincidence, but the notion that it makes life, wait God is Love and God created Life... Ah, now you are starting to figure out why people call His name in the bedroom.

15. And you know what? God is all about love. Jesus preached about love, wine and eating when hungry. They are about a love that is deeper than lust, a love that is kind, never envies or boasts, a selfless love where no greater love is a man who lays down his life for a friend. A man who did lay down his life and tormented in endless suffering just so you can sin. Like what the fuck exactly is wrong with this story? If you can't believe such a love exists in this world, maybe you need some wine in your life. It's the Blood of Christ, drink it up.
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It also happens to be World Autism Day

This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

To sum it up... The overwhelm defensiveness has to be handled before you can tackle the other things like social skills. Period.

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Hot Mess Mom's UnderBoobapalooza

I'm totally pimping this out. Donate pictures of random things being held by your boob, aka underboob pics here.You can like that page too if you want to see pics of boobs.



 Donate MONEY here. 

Stuff that happened In between blog posts last month you missed. I will periodically slip this at the bottom of some blog posts, but it will be random because I don't do schedules. 

On the Facebook page, we have confirmed non-scholarly empirical evidence that men prefer the right boob over the left one for no obvious reason. It's not like the left one is in front of the heart or anything.

Some guy found this blog via the search term, "dribble it down my face college girl." I offered to drool on his face for an Outback Steak dinner and two cocktails.

I hate spring break. The kids turned off the main breaker and had a food fight, and they performed reverse graffiti where you use soap to clean a picture on something.

I was thinking that I could totally pull off I'm Bringing Sexy Back on stage in drag. I would be the prettiest drag queen. We just won't tell them I'm a woman.

I found out I'm not the only one who gets her big toe caught in her pant leg and trips.

I invented the White Rushinmoose. It's vodka, Kahlua, Redi-whip and Chocolate Syrup.

Head and Shoulders should come up with a body wash called Knees and Toes

This was an awesome blog post about being comfortable being big. 

This was an awesome blog post about a woman who is finishing the bucket list of the person who gave her her new heart.

This is who I stole my in-betweens from 

This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

This is a great shirt from my store. 

If for whatever reason your cool whips have nipples and you like my blog, you know, you can subscribe to it.

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Sloppy Wills

Move over Sloppy Joe. Sloppy Wills are coming in with a little more deliciousness yet the same ease. I chose to name them Sloppy Wills because they are Philly Cheesesteaks with a twist, and Will Smith. It was Sloppy Wills, or Sloppy Slys (Rocky). Will won because he's the Fresh Prince of Bellaire.

I based this on a recipe floating around the Facebooks and Pinterest and my friend Joy's recipe for Philly Cheesesteaks (she makes the best).



Ingredients:

Two-ish pounds of Ground Beef
1 package of brown gravy powder (can substitute with 2 beef bouillon cubes and some corn starch)
1 Green Pepper
1 Onion
1 thing of fresh mushrooms
A 2 cup bag of Shredded Mozzarella
5 TBSP of Mayo
Hot Dog Buns
I don't usually measure ingredients, so these are just estimates.

Brown beef. I usually use a wok. Dump the grease in the sink/garbage. Not all of it. Just most of it. Throw the green pepper and onion and mushrooms into a vegetable chopper (or slice/chop them by hand). Add those to the browned beef. Add the gravy packet. Once cooked enough, dump the cheese and mayo and stir.

You can serve on bread or buns, but I prefer hotdog buns.

The Alfredo and Spinach Dip Recipes

Stole these once from Olive Garden's website and no idea where they are now, so it's going here. The Dip is too delicious. Everyone eats it all before I can get some usually. It made my Aunt Jo like Spinach Dip again.

Spinach and Artichoke Dip

1 14oz can of artichoke hearts, drained and sliced

1 lb cream cheese, ROOM TEMP

8 oz mascarpone cheese, ROOM TEMP

1 cup Parmesan cheese, grated

1/4 tsp fresh thyme leaves

1/4 tsp chopped red pepper

1 TBSP fresh parsley, chopped

1 garlic clove, minced

5 green onions, chopped

salt and pepper to taste

1 6 oz package of spinach, chopped

Italian Bread

Extra Virgin Olive Oil (to drizzle, fo shizzle). 

Mix all that in a bowl. 

Coat 9x13 pan with olive oil. Fill pan with mixture. Bake at 325 for 25 minutes until bubbling and center is hot

Drizzle both sides of bread with olive oil and grill

Sprinkle dip with some parmesan. 

Things I do different. I do 8 oz of cream cheese because I don't know how to read. Instead of parmesan, I use shredded Italian cheeses (the Parmesan, Romano and Asiago). The original recipe said crushed red pepper, and i use chopped fresh red pepper and add a little crushed from a spice jar to it, like 1/8 of a tsp. I guess all my tsps and TBSPs, and I go over on it to more like 1/2 tsp for the thyme and red pepper, and 1 very heaping TBSP of parsley. I only chop my green onions half way up. I've done both fresh spinach and frozen spinach, and it tastes about the same. I usually add a tsp of Fennel to it, but I didn't this last time. When it was done, I topped it with some chopped red pepper and chopped tomato, and it's really good on celery too, as well as crackers, flat bread, tortilla chips, and by itself on a spoon. 

The Alfredo Sauce... this is an art. 

3 cups milk

3 cups heavy cream

1 cup Parmesan, grated

1 cup Romano, grated

12 egg yolks 

salt and pepper

Original procedures:

1. Heat milk and cream in heavy bottom saucepan until it begins to simmer. Turn off heat. Slowly whip in cheese, then remove from heat.

2. Place egg yolks in a separate bowl and slowly whip in a portion of the hot milk and cream mixture. Slowly add egg yolk mixture back into remaining cream mixture. Place back on very low heat and continually stir until simmering. Take sauce off heat so it thickens. (This will increase temperature of egg yolks, known as tempering). 

3. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve over favorite pasta.

How I do...

Have serving bowl ready, or a bowl for the sauce when it's done...

I stick the milk and cream on a nonstick pot (the deeper the better) and turn on medium to medium high heat. Then I separate the egg yolks from the whites putting the yolks into a big metal bowl. I also get my cheese ready in another bowl. I usually use shredded 3 italian cheeses, 2 cups of it. While I do those things, I frequently go back and stir the pot of cream just to make sure there isn't any burning on the bottom. I usually use a wooden spoon for this so I can leave the spoon in the pot. 

When the milk/cream starts to boil, as opposed to a simmer, because I swear if it's not hot enough, the cheese will clump, like when it's bubbling, not boiling over, but a little more active than what most people define a simmer, I turn off the heat. 

You want to use a hand mixer or a hand blender whisk (which is what I used), and slowly add the cheese as you are mixing it. Don't cheat on this with a regular whisk. You want something powered by electricity. You will feel the sauce get thicker, sort of like the thickness of sweet milk at room temp, just enough to kind of coat the spoon. You don't want to overbeat or the sauce will be too thick later. You don't want to underbeat because then it will be too runny later. This is part 1 of the art part. You have no idea how thick you are making it as you make it.  

Then I add half the mixture to the eggs and beat it with the same beating device I just used. Dump it back in the pot, stir, and turn heat on. Then I stand there stirring it non stop until it comes to a boil again. Just like before. More active than a simmer. Less active than boiling water. Some bubbles form at the top. This is the part where if you cook too long, it will get curdly looking. If you don't cook long enough, it's too runny. 

The part where I usually mess up, as soon as you see those bubbles, you have to get it out of that pot and into something cool. It's not enough to just turn off the heat. You want to immediately move it over to a regular bowl and let it cool. If you just turn off the heat and walk to a cabinet to get a bowl, the time it takes to do that, it will start curdling. It's still good to eat that way. It's just not as pretty. And if you got a picky kid, they may decide the sauce is too dry. 

If it is too thick once it cools, you can add some milk or whipping cream and stir and stir and stir until desired consistency. 

Instead of salt and pepper, I season to taste with Garlic Salt. I did forget to do that this last time around.

OH, and I tagged Chicken in this. That's because I served the Alfredo over chicken and fettuccine garnished with sliced red pepper and some spinach. I just boiled the chicken. No seasoning or anything. I did freeze my chicken fat water for a later broth. 

How I make my Top Ramen (roll the Rrrr, and pronounce it Raw Men)

Just in case they delete it... I subscribe to Circle of Moms online. I get emails. They tell me when they do these recipe contests, and for whatever reason, I can't resist putting something. So this one was, 

As a mom, we know you've been faced with pulling a rabbit out of a hat when it comes to putting a creative and tasty meal on the table for your family. This month,the Cookbook challenges you to reach into your culinary bag of tricks and create a dish using 5 ingredients or less. 

Well, what DO I use to pull a recipe out of my hat? Top Ramen. I know. I know. Healthy shit huh? I also just heat up hotdogs sometimes, and I've been paying extra to get Nitrate Free ones, so there's at least that. Now in my defense, A, a lot of these moms do recipes that call for a box of cake mix. That's not homemade if it calls for a box of cake mix. and B, I did put homemade stuff ideas at the bottom. 

But in case I get disqualified, deleted, because Top Ramen did all the work... I'm copying and pasting here. The thing is I do prepare it differently, in a way I don't have to wait for it to cool before serving. We all know Top Ramen is cursed with not being able to cool in less than a half hour, even outside in a snow storm, and still at risk of hot spots to burn the mouth. 

LINK TO IT: http://www.circleofmoms.com/recipe/how-i-make-my-top-ramen-roll-rrr-pronounce-raw-men

• Y'all wanted to know what I pull out of the hat for picky eaters with 5 ingredients or less... It's cheap too. I always keep Ramen noodles handy. I actually have a little basket in my cabinet just for Top Ramen (it sounds so much classier to call it Top Ramen, and don't forget to roll the R). Now the way I make it, it tastes good enough for the kids, but it's not that good. It tastes rather awful. The important thing is I get rid of that "wait forever with whiny kids for it to cool" step. Look at bottom for alternative cheap soup ideas to pull out of a hat.

Ingredients

• 3 packs of Ramen Soup (one pack per child, in my case that's 3)
• Water

 
 
 
 
 

(Rated by 0 moms)

PREP TIME	4 Min	READY IN	8 Min
COOK TIME	4 Min	SERVINGS	3

MAIN INGREDIENT Pasta

MEAL/COURSE Lunch

TYPE OF DISH Soup and Stew

COOKING METHOD Microwave

CUISINE American

DIETARY NOTES Quick & Easy

Preparation

1. Grab big microwave safe bowl (I usually use Ziploc Storage containers, or some similar branded product)
2. Crush noodles in the Ramen packets. Try not to pop it open and make a noodly mess in the process. If you do, don't clean it barefoot. Stuff is like shards of glass and shrapnel just chilling on your floor waiting to slice and dice your foot in ways that make Legos jealous. And why this step? Because have you seen a kid choke on a long Ramen Noodle? It's the most disgusting thing you will ever see, watching them pull a noodle the size of a garden hose out of their throat right before they throw up while you are freaking out preparing to do the heimlich, and then they look at you and smile and continue eating like that didn't just happen. Plus, they can eat this with spoon or fork. Spoon is easier sometimes for younger kids.
3. Dump crushed noodles into the bowl. Set seasoning aside.
4. Fill bowl with water that covers about 1/4 inch over the noodles.
5. Microwave it for 3 to 5 minutes. Let it sit a minute swearing to the kids it's still cooking.
6. If they appear done, go to next step. If not, microwave another minute and check again and repeat this step.
7. Take one of those little hand held strainer things, preferably a plastic one as opposed to the metal mesh ones. Dump all the water out with a quarter to half the noodles in your strainer thing. Leave a little water if your kid likes broth. My kids don't.
8. Run cold water over those noodles until they are cold.
9. Dump noodles back in main bowl. Mix. Check noodle temp. If too hot still, take a portion of noodles back in strainer thing and run more cold water over it. Don't over do it or it's too cold. Embrace your inner Goldielocks. Find Just Right.
10. Open seasoning packets and add to bowl. Mix well. Mix some more.
11. Take a bite to make sure it's not poisonous.
12. Serve in little disposable bowls of some sort for the kids (paper or styrofoam whatever) with disposable plasticware.
13. Sprinkle a little parsley over it because it's Top Ramen and deserves garnished. I'm kidding. Don't do this step.
14. Alternative recipes:
15. You can pretty much do the same thing with any noodles (or 5 minute rice), water, and chicken or beef bouillon cubes. You can also add frozen or canned veggies to it if it sounds like it goes good with the cube flavoring you got.
16. In addition, every time I boil chicken, I save the broth, Sometimes I freeze it. I usually prepare it by adding it to some egg noodles and a bag of frozen mixed veggies. Season to taste, depending on the veggies I have. Sometimes I'll add a packet of the Ramen seasoning to it (I don't know how I have extras of those floating around). Other times, I add Adobo, cilantro, Sazon, corn on the cob, tomatoes, and beans to spaghetti noodles and broth. Whatever I got. I just mix it up where it tastes good enough to eat.
17. Note: These things are awesome. I get them at my walmart, frozen foods section... https://www.facebook.com/pop.and.cook

Go-To Snacks for Parties

This is the status today on the Facebook Page for one of my favorite bloggers Kelley's Breakroom. Note: She's in the I Just Want to Pee Alone book. Looking hot as usual. I'd probably ask for her phone number if I were a lesbian or a dude, and if I were a dude, after reading her blog, she wouldn't be a one night stand. She's definitely wifey material. Chris, her husband, is very lucky I'm not a dude.

Dang it, dang it. I'm supposed to bring a "snack to share" to something tonight. It's a girl thing. I have nothing because i forgot about the snack thing until just now. What is your go-to "snack to share" at parties? In other words, help me.

So here's my answer the future Mrs. Kelley Grits and anyone reading this:

THINGS I NORMALLY MAKE: 

Bruschetta
Which is much faster now that I use the vegetable chopper, and you have to take the minute to tell your vegetables to "Get to the Choppa" before putting it in. Chop tomatoes and some onion, add basil (you can either take fresh, roll it up and slice, or the easy way, get the frozen cubes of them and add a couple), a little olive oil (enough to cover like you would any salad), sometimes I add some Balsamic Vinegar, add mozzarella cubes (the good mozzarella, cut into cubes), and then mix. It's best if you let it sit in the fridge overnight. Mine never makes it that far. I serve it with toasted French Bread slices, and I also frequently eat it straight up from the bowl, sometimes with a spoon.

My Artichoke Dip

Artichoke Dip
The one everyone likes the most... Cut / chop up artichoke hearts, throw it in a pot with a bag of shredded mozzarella, a tub of sour cream, some garlic salt and some green onion (or onion salt), and heat until melted. When you mix it, the sour cream should just cover the cheese, like salad dressing on a salad once mixed up. I usually go with one can artichoke hearts for every 4 cup bag of cheese and 8 oz of sour cream. That can be served with crackers, tortilla chips, or toasted bread.

My husband's easy pasta salad
He takes cooked pasta, like macaroni, adds lunch meat cut up into little bite sized pieces (usually ham and turkey), adds chopped green pepper and onion, some minced garlic, and then covers it with mayonnaise.

Lime Pie
Take a bowl. Throw in 2 small tubs (or one big tub) of cool whip, a can of sweetened condensed milk, squirt in about 1 to 2 TBSP of lime juice, and add a couple drops of green food coloring. Mix with mixer. Stick CLEAN finger in the mix and lick your finger. Can you taste the lime enough? Or do you need more lime juice? When that passes the finger licking inspection, then dump it into graham cracker crusts. You might need two. You might not. It really depends on how often you did the finger licking challenge. Refrigerate. Sometimes it comes out to a perfect consistency to slice it up and remain nice looking. Sometimes it comes out goop, no matter how long you refrigerated. It's delicious goop, so it's still not a fail.

My Mom's Go-To--Dip
Take a 9x13 pan. Spread refried beans along the bottom. Layer sour cream next. Then Salsa. Then shredded cheddar cheese. Sometimes she adds lettuce. Sometimes she flips up the layers with sour cream on the bottom. Doesn't matter. Serve with tortilla chips.

I also frequently make whatever I'm hungry for just in case everyone else brought crap.

LAST SECOND THINGS TO BRING

Okay, so you don't have enough time to even make the bean dip. That happens. You are driving on the way there and THEN it dawns on you to bring something. This is my Go-To fixes.

Wine

Pie. Preferably from a small mom and pop diner down the street who makes them homemade. When I was in Wyoming, I did Perkins' pie.

Question Mark. Pick the grocery store who has the best bakery in town. Grab whatever is on sale.

Chips and Dip. You can go with regular chips and ranch dip. You can go with tortilla chips and salsa, and or the Tostitos Cheese (Con Queso, Mexican which isn't even a language for Cheese), and or some jarred guacamole (no where near as good as my Uncle's Mother's Homemade). You can also do Hummus. Spinach Artichoke Dip. The good crap in the bakery section.

Beer. The reason being, food stamps doesn't cover beer. So that's like a luxury item to some parties I go to.

On vegetable trays, I don't do that. I'm always afraid the host of wherever I'm going will take that as a sign that she thinks I think she might need to lose some weight by me bringing the vegetable tray. I have no idea why I think that. I'm sure it's Freudian. Kid Parties are the exception because when you take fruits and veggies to kid parties, then you are insinuating to the other parents that you are a good parent who places your child's health as a top priority and that you eat this sort of stuff all the time.

Note: I never bring booze to a kids party. Just in case some people were wondering since I did mention kids parties on the vegetable tray subject.

And because I'm a Diet Coke fanatic, I always bring my own Diet Coke.

Mommy's Cup of Sanity

So I made up a recipe for Circle of Moms because I liked the assignment. They asked to create and upload an original recipe that described your blog. I knew it had to have coffee and booze in it. Chocolate. Cake batter because I like to eat cake batter like it's pudding. Diet Coke and Michael Jackson. Lots of nonsense that in the end makes sense or awesome. Humor. Cheesecake because Golden Girls, and you know, this was definitely worth posting my super secret awesome Bavarian Cream Cheesecake Recipe I got from a dream. Like what better way to introduce the world to that? I'm really amazed nobody has come up with it already.

So I created Mommy's Cup of Sanity. 

Well, it made a Cookbook thing. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the email until the day after it was featured, but anywho... It was featured because it's awesome, or because they ran out of options for features.... Maybe they were drinking the rum the recipe calls for the day they featured it. That COULD happen you know. People do stuff like that all the time, drink booze and make decisions they later regretted... If that's the case, my recipe could have also inspired girl on girl action, office strip teases, and other amazing things.

From the link... (where I entered this recipe)...

Chocolate Cake doused in spiced rum and coffee topped with Bavarian Cream Cheesecake. The Bavarian Cream Cheesecake filling/frosting was a recipe I got from a very nice and humble Italian couple who owned a bakery in the 1700s maybe, if you believe in past lives. If not, it came from imaginary friends. I had this recurring dream about an Italian Bakery, and I got to a point where I started craving whatever they used in the cream fillings and frostings, but I couldn't find anything like it in real life. Finally, one dream, during PMS, I asked them for the recipe, and they gave it to me. Genius. Sheer genius. Bavarian Cream Cheesecake. It's more brilliant than Ben Franklin. If you are allergic to nuts, the only nut in this recipe is the blogger who wrote it.

Ingredients

• 1 Box of Devil's Food Chocolate Cake mix plus ingredients required to mix it according to package instructions
• A shot of Spiced Rum (it's okay to think about Johnny Depp right now)
• Two shots of the wake me up so I can get through my day medicine (coffee, brewed)
• 6 to 8 Bavarian Cream Long Johns (or 1/2 cup of Bavarian Cream)
• 4 oz of Mascarpone Cheese
• 1/2 cup Powdered Sugar (Confectioner's or Icing sugar)
• Tub of your child's favorite Frosting for Chocolate Cake
• Optional Ingredients:
• Pirouline Cookie
• Cinnamon
• Cocoa
• Diet Coke (to hydrate while you bake, it's hard work like that)
• Michael Jackson's Thriller Album (background music)

 
 
 
 
 

(Rated by 0 moms)

PREP TIME	5 Min	READY IN	35 Min
COOK TIME	30 Min	SERVINGS	2

MEAL/COURSE Dessert

TYPE OF DISH Cakes and Cookies

SEASON/OCCASION Mother's Day

COOKING METHOD Oven

DIETARY NOTES Comfort Food

Preparation

1. Mix the chocolate cake as directed and bake in two 8 inch round pans.
2. While baking, first take a moment to lick the bowl
3. Hand wash said bowl.
4. If you got donuts, slice them in half and spoon out 1/2 cup's worth of Bavarian Cream into clean bowl. (seriously, what's the difference between this and peeling apples?); otherwise, place 1/2 cup of Bavarian Cream into the bowl.
5. Check on your kids if you have them.
6. Add 4 oz of Mascarpone Cheese and the 1/2 cup of powdered sugar to the bowl and mix.
7. Taste the epic flavor of the Bavarian Cream Cheesecake Frosting (if you lick the spoon and keep using it, that's adding the ingredient of love, and some germs, but it's for yourself so go for it)
8. Dance to your background music while cleaning up odd ends of the kitchen, check your laundry, watch some Lifetime, whatever until your chocolate cake is done and cooled.
9. Grab two coffee cups. Cut up chunks of one of the 8 inch cakes and put the chunks into your coffee cups filling your cups up to about 1/2 to 3/4 of the way up. Give the rest to the kids including the spouse like samples. Don't forget to mention that you really needed those even though you didn't.
10. Drop a shot of the coffee and half a shot of the rum on top of the cake in the first mug, and repeat with the second mug.
11. Take a shot of rum if you are allowed, and maybe drop it like it's hot and flash your husband because woo hoo rum.
12. Spoon half the frosting on one mug, and repeat for the other.
13. Sprinkle cocoa and cinnamon on top of the mugs and add a Pirouline cookie if you wish.
14. Grab the other 8 inch cake. Cover with the frosting tub you purchased for it for the kids including the spouse, or maybe give it to your neighbor, or eat it later... Just make sure to act like you made it specifically for the person you gave it to, as if you had no ulterior coffee rum Bavarian Cream awesome motive.
15. Now enjoy your cup of sanity courtesy of Dribbles and Grits. Perfect for internet mommy blog reading, book reading, movie watching time out for moms.