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Crumpets and Bollocks: 15 Preposterous Reasons To Believe in God

15 Preposterous Reasons To Believe in God

1. The aliens do. Most abductees state that not only do the aliens believe in a higher power, but they are closer to the "God Head" than we are, like messengers (or angels). People abducted by aliens cannot be wrong.

2. Have you ever seen me drive? My kids frequently yell, "Wee,"when I'm driving through town. Divine Intervention is the ONLY reason I'm able to write this blog.

3. Tenacious D met the devil (shiny demon) once hitchhiking on the long and lonesome road. The devil told them to "Play, the best song, in the world..." and they did. They totally forget the best song in the world, but they do have a tribute. Anyway, if the devil exists, the opposite must exist.

4. Jesus turned water into wine. When you figure out how to do that with the snap of your fingers, let me know. Seriously, let me know, I'll invite you to every party.

5. Carl Jung. He was some guy who studied a bunch of different cultures/tribes and all seemed to have some depiction of good vs evil, like it's an inherent truth given to us all at birth. He also did a lot of research on dream symbols. To dream of the devil means, according to Betty Bethards who based her dream dictionary on a log of Jung's research, "Lower ignorant side of self that tempts you not to accept self responsibility, to blame others, procrastinate, dwell in negative thoughts and actions."

6. The Bible is the best selling book of all time. Bet you didn't know that. I think it's because of all the sex and violence, but you know, if the stories were completely fictional, then why is it still selling like hotcakes? And if God was created to control the population, then why do we have laws?

7. Prayer helps. No matter what's going on in my life, I feel better after I pray.

8. There's a reason people call His name when climaxing under some sheets. 

9. Basic Mathematics Proves it. The Bible says God is Love. Well I do know Love exists so if God is Love, and Love exists, then God exists. If a = b and b = c, then a = c. And Love conquers all. So if God is love, and love conquers all, then God conquers all. But a square is a rectangle and a rectangle isn't a square. However if a square is a rectangle, and rectangles exist, then squares must exist too. Something like that.

10. Noah Webster believed in God. He was the guy who started schools and compiled the dictionary. He's like America's best teacher, from Yale, so we have expert credibility here.

11. You have to either believe God exists or intelligent aliens who love people and want to help us do because someone invented the cell phone, and we know humans can't do such things on their own volition.

12. God is the light, and the speed of light scientifically happens to be constant, meaning space and time are relative. So God's existence, scientifically, shouldn't be in question. It's your existence, scientifically, that's questionable.

13. The Catholic Church claims more gold than National Geographic has configured to ever be dug from the earth. Bet you didn't know that fun fact. I got it from some British Parliament guy on the British version of C-Span. Or maybe it was the Ancient Alien guy... Anyway, money talks and bull shit walks.

14. Do you really think marijuana was an accident? Someone had to invent that, someone who can invent life. Same with sex. Not only is the invention of sex too genius for coincidence, but the notion that it makes life, wait God is Love and God created Life... Ah, now you are starting to figure out why people call His name in the bedroom.

15. And you know what? God is all about love. Jesus preached about love, wine and eating when hungry. They are about a love that is deeper than lust, a love that is kind, never envies or boasts, a selfless love where no greater love is a man who lays down his life for a friend. A man who did lay down his life and tormented in endless suffering just so you can sin. Like what the fuck exactly is wrong with this story? If you can't believe such a love exists in this world, maybe you need some wine in your life. It's the Blood of Christ, drink it up.
___________________________________________________________________________________
It also happens to be World Autism Day


This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

To sum it up... The overwhelm defensiveness has to be handled before you can tackle the other things like social skills. Period.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Hot Mess Mom's UnderBoobapalooza







I'm totally pimping this out. Donate pictures of random things being held by your boob, aka underboob pics here.You can like that page too if you want to see pics of boobs.



 Donate MONEY here




Stuff that happened In between blog posts last month you missed. I will periodically slip this at the bottom of some blog posts, but it will be random because I don't do schedules. 

On the Facebook page, we have confirmed non-scholarly empirical evidence that men prefer the right boob over the left one for no obvious reason. It's not like the left one is in front of the heart or anything.

Some guy found this blog via the search term, "dribble it down my face college girl." I offered to drool on his face for an Outback Steak dinner and two cocktails.

I hate spring break. The kids turned off the main breaker and had a food fight, and they performed reverse graffiti where you use soap to clean a picture on something.

I was thinking that I could totally pull off I'm Bringing Sexy Back on stage in drag. I would be the prettiest drag queen. We just won't tell them I'm a woman.

I found out I'm not the only one who gets her big toe caught in her pant leg and trips.

I invented the White Rushinmoose. It's vodka, Kahlua, Redi-whip and Chocolate Syrup.

Head and Shoulders should come up with a body wash called Knees and Toes

This was an awesome blog post about being comfortable being big. 

This was an awesome blog post about a woman who is finishing the bucket list of the person who gave her her new heart.

This is who I stole my in-betweens from 

This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

This is a great shirt from my store. 

If for whatever reason your cool whips have nipples and you like my blog, you know, you can subscribe to it.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

You can also find me under these rocks...
Follow on Bloglovin Find me on Facebook Find me on Twitter Find me on Pinterest find me on youtube Find me on Feedburner

Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Crumpets and Bollocks: 15 Preposterous Reasons To Believe in God

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

15 Preposterous Reasons To Believe in God

1. The aliens do. Most abductees state that not only do the aliens believe in a higher power, but they are closer to the "God Head" than we are, like messengers (or angels). People abducted by aliens cannot be wrong.

2. Have you ever seen me drive? My kids frequently yell, "Wee,"when I'm driving through town. Divine Intervention is the ONLY reason I'm able to write this blog.

3. Tenacious D met the devil (shiny demon) once hitchhiking on the long and lonesome road. The devil told them to "Play, the best song, in the world..." and they did. They totally forget the best song in the world, but they do have a tribute. Anyway, if the devil exists, the opposite must exist.

4. Jesus turned water into wine. When you figure out how to do that with the snap of your fingers, let me know. Seriously, let me know, I'll invite you to every party.

5. Carl Jung. He was some guy who studied a bunch of different cultures/tribes and all seemed to have some depiction of good vs evil, like it's an inherent truth given to us all at birth. He also did a lot of research on dream symbols. To dream of the devil means, according to Betty Bethards who based her dream dictionary on a log of Jung's research, "Lower ignorant side of self that tempts you not to accept self responsibility, to blame others, procrastinate, dwell in negative thoughts and actions."

6. The Bible is the best selling book of all time. Bet you didn't know that. I think it's because of all the sex and violence, but you know, if the stories were completely fictional, then why is it still selling like hotcakes? And if God was created to control the population, then why do we have laws?

7. Prayer helps. No matter what's going on in my life, I feel better after I pray.

8. There's a reason people call His name when climaxing under some sheets. 

9. Basic Mathematics Proves it. The Bible says God is Love. Well I do know Love exists so if God is Love, and Love exists, then God exists. If a = b and b = c, then a = c. And Love conquers all. So if God is love, and love conquers all, then God conquers all. But a square is a rectangle and a rectangle isn't a square. However if a square is a rectangle, and rectangles exist, then squares must exist too. Something like that.

10. Noah Webster believed in God. He was the guy who started schools and compiled the dictionary. He's like America's best teacher, from Yale, so we have expert credibility here.

11. You have to either believe God exists or intelligent aliens who love people and want to help us do because someone invented the cell phone, and we know humans can't do such things on their own volition.

12. God is the light, and the speed of light scientifically happens to be constant, meaning space and time are relative. So God's existence, scientifically, shouldn't be in question. It's your existence, scientifically, that's questionable.

13. The Catholic Church claims more gold than National Geographic has configured to ever be dug from the earth. Bet you didn't know that fun fact. I got it from some British Parliament guy on the British version of C-Span. Or maybe it was the Ancient Alien guy... Anyway, money talks and bull shit walks.

14. Do you really think marijuana was an accident? Someone had to invent that, someone who can invent life. Same with sex. Not only is the invention of sex too genius for coincidence, but the notion that it makes life, wait God is Love and God created Life... Ah, now you are starting to figure out why people call His name in the bedroom.

15. And you know what? God is all about love. Jesus preached about love, wine and eating when hungry. They are about a love that is deeper than lust, a love that is kind, never envies or boasts, a selfless love where no greater love is a man who lays down his life for a friend. A man who did lay down his life and tormented in endless suffering just so you can sin. Like what the fuck exactly is wrong with this story? If you can't believe such a love exists in this world, maybe you need some wine in your life. It's the Blood of Christ, drink it up.
___________________________________________________________________________________
It also happens to be World Autism Day


This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

To sum it up... The overwhelm defensiveness has to be handled before you can tackle the other things like social skills. Period.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Hot Mess Mom's UnderBoobapalooza







I'm totally pimping this out. Donate pictures of random things being held by your boob, aka underboob pics here.You can like that page too if you want to see pics of boobs.



 Donate MONEY here




Stuff that happened In between blog posts last month you missed. I will periodically slip this at the bottom of some blog posts, but it will be random because I don't do schedules. 

On the Facebook page, we have confirmed non-scholarly empirical evidence that men prefer the right boob over the left one for no obvious reason. It's not like the left one is in front of the heart or anything.

Some guy found this blog via the search term, "dribble it down my face college girl." I offered to drool on his face for an Outback Steak dinner and two cocktails.

I hate spring break. The kids turned off the main breaker and had a food fight, and they performed reverse graffiti where you use soap to clean a picture on something.

I was thinking that I could totally pull off I'm Bringing Sexy Back on stage in drag. I would be the prettiest drag queen. We just won't tell them I'm a woman.

I found out I'm not the only one who gets her big toe caught in her pant leg and trips.

I invented the White Rushinmoose. It's vodka, Kahlua, Redi-whip and Chocolate Syrup.

Head and Shoulders should come up with a body wash called Knees and Toes

This was an awesome blog post about being comfortable being big. 

This was an awesome blog post about a woman who is finishing the bucket list of the person who gave her her new heart.

This is who I stole my in-betweens from 

This is a great video about Asperger's everyone dealing with Asperger's in any form should watch. 

This is a great shirt from my store. 

If for whatever reason your cool whips have nipples and you like my blog, you know, you can subscribe to it.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

You can also find me under these rocks...
Follow on Bloglovin Find me on Facebook Find me on Twitter Find me on Pinterest find me on youtube Find me on Feedburner

Labels: , , , , , , , ,

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