Awkward Pumps and Love

I haven't done the Sunday Confession thing in a while because I have been struggling to blog as real life kicks my donkey. I have high moments and low moments, and someday I might confess what is really going on with me, but I'm kind of hoping I just get better and don't have to. If you people knew how crazy I really was, you probably wouldn't want to read this blog, or maybe that would make you want to read it more. I don't know. Crazy seems to be the in-thing now. Maybe I should just spill my guts out like an online group therapy to get famous. Maybe I need a pair of cojones first. They are like socks. You can always find one, but the other was probably eaten by the dryer monster.

Anyway, today's Sunday Confession writing prompt is Awkward Moments.


TODAY's AWKWARD MOMENT

I went to the gas station that uses old pumps because I know the owners and am a loyal customer to that place in particular. It's the one where the people who work there become friends because they work there and I go there that frequently. I mentioned older pumps because it was kind of busy when I pulled in, so I had to share a pump with a guy. That sounds dirty. Anyway, he's got a huge honker truck and I'm in a Toyota Camry, so I have the smaller tank, (which makes total sense because he was a black man and you know what they say about black men and their pumps and tanks) and the entire time I pumped, I felt so guilty for slowing down his pump. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was like Tell Tale Heart, I murdered his time and I should have waited until he finished to pump like a lady, but who does that? Nobody. Just me. So I'm pumping right? And when I was done, without thinking, I thanked the guy.

Rereading already sounds more like porn than getting gas. Anyway. He looked at me like I was on crack. I would have too. He was just pumping gas and some crazy white woman wearing a nice red sweater and purple sweat pants thanks him randomly. For no reason. He hadn't heard all my thoughts about sharing pumps. So of course, to make the situation "better," after realizing I thanked him, I decided the best thing for me to do at that point was.... Duh Duh Dummmmmmmm. Explain. I don't know why because that ALWAYS makes it worse. ALWAYS! The more I talked, the more stupid I sounded. I'm not even sure what I said exactly, but I was telling him we were sharing pumps and I pumped slowing down his pump and I'm sorry. You know, it sounds much worse telling you than it felt at the time.

Then I just stopped mid sentence and walked away telling myself I am so stupid and that's okay.

TODAY's MOMENT THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AWKWARD BUT WASN'T 

I want to get cereal for a minute (cereal is what I say for serious sometimes). I also ran into a random lady at Church offering me assistance. I was trying to find someone and he had already left, so she asked if she could help me. I told her I just needed prayers. She offered money. I said, "Just prayers." Then she said, "I love you." Now that was an amazing feeling, being told by someone you just met that they love you. I needed to hear someone say that so bad today. And it felt even more amazing to return it with, "I love you too." Then we hugged.

I don't think I can ever relay in words the importance of this to me. I'm the type of person where Love is like my anti-kryptonite. When I feel loved by anyone and everyone, I'm on a high like no one can take me down. Like the Happy Song, Ain't nobody gonna bring me down my love is too high... When I don't feel loved, I don't go Katy Perry psycho evil dark horse. I love too hard for that. When I don't feel loved, I still love all those around me despite my feelings. And that makes me feel helpless because I have nothing to fight. I have nothing to revenge. All I have is a lonely pool of self pity. That feeling is my kryptonite. I'm useless when I don't feel loved. All it takes sometimes is to hear one person say they love you to open your eyes and see the love around you. 

AND when I did find the man I was looking for, I learned a new prayer I'm sharing. I know, I don't sound religious on this blog, but I want to share the prayer because this isn't about religion. It's real. My new Mantra for the time being, one I hijacked from Dessert Monks...

Breathe in saying: Jesus, Son of the Living God,
Breathe out saying: have mercy on me, a sinner

Let in the Jesus. Let out the sin.

And just so you all know...

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

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Secrets to my Sexy

I think the sexiest thing about me is me. I know me. I love me. I am very comfortable with who I am and how I look. I wish this for all women. So here's some things I do that helps me do this, and I do these things religiously, like daily, like they are all parts of my life because they are things I do to maintain a healthy relationship with my self.

Dance

I dance all the time, especially nekkid in front of the mirror. There's just something empowering about it, but also it's like you release a lot of negative vibes with dance. I shake my booty in front of public cameras, and sometimes my boobs which I usually refer to as a milk shake, not to be confused with MY milk shake which is more like my sexy/my swag/my ambiance. When I walk around the house nekkid for any reason, I often do a milk shake in front of windows, just in case there's a stalker you never know. The husband, he gets free random lap dances, and most of the time, they are no where near normal expectations of sexy, yet somehow I'm still sexy through it all. The kids, we break out into dance all the time. It's important they learn how to dance anyway. Driving, best believe I'm dancing, and if the radio is broke, I'm probably singing badly and dancing to it or rapping badly and dancing to it (like I end up sounding less like Tupac and more like Dr. Seuss when I try to rap). If you don't believe me about dance, ELLEN. I'm no where near a lesbian, but I think Ellen is sexy because of the way she carries herself, like I would enjoy dry humping her and the enjoyment would probably be more awkward to me than actually dry humping her.

Mirror Talk/Real Talk

This is important. It really is. You can stare at yourself naked in the mirror thinking, "oh, I'm fat. Look at those wrinkles. My hair is limp. Stretchmarks. Eww what the hell is that? A new mole?" OR you can stare at yourself nekkid and say, "Watch me make my fat jiggle when I move my ass like this. Ha ha, it's kind of sexy when it does that. I wonder if I can make my booty clap. Hmm, need to work on that. Let's try this move... oooh, my boobs are flying. If they were any bigger, that might hurt. Now that I think about it, they are kind of perky. Gotta touch the nipples. Oooh new song. I don't want anybody else. When I think about me I touch myself... Oh that's not a bad move. Drop it like it's hot. Can't touch this. STOP, yeah, I'm a sexy beast." Doing this every time you shower, in a month, you will be so comfortable with your own body as well as increase your awesome dance moves because now you know how you really look and was able to tweak some shit, and watch out world, now you have been practicing.

Music

Music is an art, an expression, and a way to brainwash yourself. You listen to depressing shit when you are depressed right? Well I get depressed when I listen to depressing shit just the same. I tend to try to listen to more positive, empowering soul food type stuff just because I find it inspirational and it does play a role in molding me into a person I want to be. See this post for the type of stuff I make sure is in every play list, and you can shake your booty to it. Watch the women in the videos to see how.

Talk to Yourself

I not only talk to myself, but I argue with myself, and sometimes we just have meetings, which is cool because I ALWAYS get to be leader. Yes people think I'm crazy, but they will think whatever they think regardless. But really, I get to know myself. I communicate with myself. They say communication is important in any relationship, well that includes the relationship you have with yourself. Sometimes I look in the mirror to talk to myself and establish eye contact and stuff. Kind of weird sometimes because I get distracted by my sexy eyes and then I go down that path where I wish I could so clone myself. But I talk about things from what I'm doing right now to help me concentrate, what I need to do to help me focus, and things like where I delve into the meaning of life, my purpose in this life, my role as a mom, what I want to start working on or improving, my goals, my dreams, my problems, people I think are hot... Things you talk about with anyone important in your life.

Prayer

This goes with talking to myself, but adding God to the conversation means you shut the hell up once in a while and listen. That's easier said than done. God is one of the hardest people/entities to listen to because He doesn't  use words. He requires us to open parts of ourselves that we don't open for anyone else. The easiest way to know God is to do the right thing, and as you do that, you can more easily recognize Him when He's speaking to you, and with that, learn how to open yourself up more to Him. This goes for anyone of any religion, and you have to legitimately do the right thing, not pretend to. There are atheists out there who probably speak to God daily and have no idea. They've just labeled Him as something else other than God.

Think of Yourself during Foreplay

Or when you masturbate... I had to put this after Prayer just for the juxtaposition. Anyway, when you are getting hot and heavy sexually, don't think about other men or women, or porn... Think about your body. Look at your body. Watch the lady parts bloom, you know what I mean. Get a mirror involved. You notice how some people in the more adult groups/forums/social networking tend to really enjoy posting pics of their own privates? There's a reason for that. They are embarking upon finding themselves sexy, sometimes looking for someone to agree with them. You don't need people to agree with you. If you can turn yourself on with yourself, there's no need for any confirmation or reaffirmation. Posting your pics somewhere is then a charity. You can take it to the next level and really enjoy pleasing your lover with your sexy. Don't make it a job. Strike a pose when doing the nasty, and watch them enjoy you, all of you, while laid bare. You can knock this mentality all you want, but this is one subject I'm actually very good at. If only it could be a career without it being illegal or deadly... Now I'm back down that disturbing, disappointing path of wanting to clone myself.