Give me some of that Gangsta Shit! Beeyotch!

The Klonopin Chronicles makes this status on her Facebook today...


Today's Fun: Use gangsta slang whenever possible because nothing's funnier than to hear a middle-aged white lady in a suit say "fat stacks."

Some of the responses include:


I Want a Dumpster Baby: damn. that's a cold ass honky.


DJ Bray: And thug life! Don't forget thug life!
KC Response: Love thug life! Totes when I'm turning left across a double yellow line.


John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt (Triple J): fat stacks? Betta keep those duckies downtown for somebody ganks em'


Lisa Who?: When we drive " uh oh its 5-0" really mom? What are you " ridin dirty" lmao maybe i am kid maybe i am


Pimp of the Year Award: I enjoy the word chillax. The kids have informed me that I should not include it in my vocabulare.


Ole Mama Hubbard: WORD from ya mutha is poignant and annoying to them. SCORE!


There's more awesomeness in the shit, fo shizzle, like click the link and shit, after you read my shit, cause I sound like Juvenile, shit, thats how rappers rhyme sometimes shit....

Anyway, I like rap music and hip hop, mainly because I like shaking my booty. I used to have like a career and be professional and work and stuff before being a lazy stay at home mom who obviously does nothing like the cleaning fairy does it all, and the diaper fairy, and the cooking fairy... Anyway, I always got strange looks driving down the street with my nerd glasses on, hair in a bun, wearing a blazer and white shirt, looking all professional and shit, did I mention I'm white?, blasting Nas and Tupac like a G. 

One time, I was driving and listening to this song by Bone Thugs and Harmony... Down 71 (The Getaway)

And, I approached this strange narrow one way street downtown to a stop sign, a couple cars in front of me, and my window was down all the way, and I wasn't even thinking about the music. I look to my left seeing a bunch of government cars, near the police station and courts, and a dude was walking to one of those cars in civilian clothes, but armed with something job related, and as the song hit at 2-38 (2 minutes 38 seconds into the song), he flipped out... took cover behind his car door, started to draw his weapon, saw me watching in my car with the "oh fuck" look on my face and realized it was my music, and he started laughing hysterically. He shook his head laughing the whole way into his car and was still laughing when I finally got to drive off. 

So anyway, I was basically a g-funk in high school. Some people call that whiggerism, but I prefer the term Cracka-lottin... So here are some of my gangsta euphemisms, in the vernacular of my people, gangbangin jargon... the shit I still say once in a while now that I'm an OG (another word for old person or as most people say, an original gansta, old person) and grew up and shit, pullin a Michael Jackson (changing from black to white) on my personality... 

Aw Heelll No... Still flies out of my mouth. Sometimes I add, "Bitch hold my purse," when I really am about to scrap, though I haven't been in a fight since like 2003. Now in like 2008, a bitch did threaten to stab me with her fork with this crazy look in her eye with zero provocation except her man checking me out, who I've known longer than she has, like he was my homeboy, and I know his history with hos and I ain't no ho to go there anyway, but she backed down when I stood up and dared her try. But that was a "bitch hold my purse" moment. Who the fuck uses a fork as a shank? Prisoners... Really fucked up prisoners. I'm glad she backed down though. I probably would have hurt her bad back then, like I was still in shape from the military, but now, she'd kick my ass. If I kicked her ass back then, she'd see me on the streets today and retaliate. She that crazy.

Let my nuts go... I scream this to my kids. It's another of saying, Let me Live. Give me some space. Let me breathe. Let me do my thing... I know, mother of the year right? If you want to know the song I ganked (stole) it from, here it is...

Represent... or reppin the hillbillies... I'm not from the city. If I tried to be like, "Reppin the east side..." fuck that would be fake. Nah, I keep it real. I'm reppin the rednecks of the mountain mamas, reppin God's Country... Streets here are dangerous, gotta watch out for raccoons and opossums, dem fuckers don't fuck around...

Shit is On Like Donkey Kong: I usually use this one when I'm at war. I wouldn't say it before a fight, but I will say it when my cable company is an ass right before I file paperwork with the Attorney General. Shit is on bitches. It's on. Game face. Get my Mind Right, money right, ready for war...

Shit is tight yo... That's me being silly and totally trying to be white...

Bitches be trippin... That's like for when bitches be trippin. Like acting crazy and shit, whether they are freaking out about their man cheatin like calling every 5 seconds, or whether they posse up and talk shit... 

You betta come correct... That's for when people fuck up their approach. On a page I admin, people get on there be like, "Fuck Obama, fucking racial slurr," when really all they gotta be like is, "Yo, I really don't agree with his take on gun control." Come correct and you don't get banned. 

You frontin: Meaning you are delusionally pretending to be the exact opposite of what you are. Example, "Don't judge me from my past. I'm a different person now. I'm clean now." Bitch, you just snorted a line last night, you frontin. Or, "i'm going to kick your ass," Bitch you ain't going to do shit stop frontin... 

Got the homegirl hookup: Meaning I went to the store and some girl was working who I have known for years, so she gives me the employee discount on my items, or a free soda... Drive thru Wendy's and I get 2 extra cheeseburgers... Got my hair did for half the price... or can you get me tickets to the football game and you get me the best seats in the house... 

Masta Playa: that's really just another word for triflin whore, but one with pride and a little more class.

My public service announcement to gangsta's:

To people in the game: Pharmaceuticals is dope yo. Go legit with some fat stacks. You get a company ride and free samples. 5.0 neva know what hit em when you go legit. To those who'd empty a clip on a fool, the badasses, the ones you just don't fuck with... Join the Marine Corps. You ain't no killa until you Devil Dog. Semper Fi really is another way of saying Ride or Die. Marines are the illest G's we got. Rise above the ghetto!

If you ain't part of my clique, then you best

Be Easy... Holla

(warm regards... TTYL-talk to you later)