<data:blog.pageTitle/>

This Page

has moved to a new address:

http://crumpetsandbollocks.com

Sorry for the inconvenience…

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
Dribbles and Grits to Crumpets and Bollocks: Spring Break Broke when I became a Parent

Spring Break Broke when I became a Parent

Today happens to mark TWO blog hops I'm in, so if you are feeling hoppy, grab some coffee, or better yet, really get into the spirit with a hoppy beer.


Spring Break suddenly takes a turn for the..... and you......

submitted by

Evil Joy Speaks

AND
Janine's Confessions of A Mommyaholic

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT THE BIG DEAL WAS ABOUT...


I never understood what the big deal was about Spring Break. In high school, it's not like any of my friends went on any cool vacation and partied with MTV or anything. In fact, most of them didn't even watch MTV's Spring Break. In college, it was the time we got caught up on homework and papers. Woo hoo. Homework. Party animals. Watch out.

I'm sure other people enjoyed Spring Break more than I'm willing to admit they do, and I refuse to admit it because that would mean I have to be jealous, and if I'm going to be jealous of someone, it's going to be over something important like their pedicure.

But for the most part, Spring Break to me was just a time off, a break. A week where I plan on not wearing pants, watching nothing but television, and gorging on whatever I'm hungry for. 

Spring break suddenly takes a turn for the maniacally worst when you become a parent. You know those posts on Facebook that are like, "TGIF?" Well to a mother of young, school aged children, Mondays start our weekends, and Friday is the evening the real work begins. And things like Christmas Break's grueling 2 week vacation and Spring Break's one week are enough to secure a Xanax prescription. I'm starting to think Xanax should be a parting gift from the school, like condoms. 

Things my kids did while teachers basked in the glow of MTV's Spring Break:

1. They turned off the main breaker. The lights went out. I couldn't get them back on. I was like, "No TV for you." I took a nap. Tried to. There was a lot of, "We're bored." and "Can you make us hot dogs?" No microwave kids, and I'm not pioneering it today.

2. They had a food fight. I was typing on the computer, and I looked over their direction and smack. A banana to the face. "Sorry mom. I was aiming for Solma."

3. They reverse graffiti'd the toilet. I almost hate to admit this in public, like it's like I'm telling you I haven't shaved my inbetweens in so long I have a duck dynasty beard growing out of my twat, but since I just said it's like telling you THAT, now I guess I can tell you. I go to take a pee, and there's handsoap on the toilet. All over the toilet. In pictures. And when I wiped it off, it left a clean stain. The toilet must needed cleaned I guess because it left a clean mark. My kids left clean marks on a lot of things too, like the wall.

4. They played with water. And juice. And possibly pee. Not sure of all the liquids, but I assure you I stepped in every possible liquid. While wearing socks.

5. They painted the kitchen floor. I got this bright idea to make up for lost art class by purchasing 3 for 99 cent poster boards, paints, and paintbrushes. Of all subjects, art to me is the most important. It works the side of the brain most useful in accomplishing every day tasks. Since the poster is too big for all 3 on the table at the same time, I threw them on the kitchen floor. Needless to say, mopping was a bitch. And the carpet near the kitchen will need replaced because the word "Washable" was intended for skin, not carpet. My landlord is so going to love that when we move out.

And I... And where was I when all this happened? I was neatly tucked away in my internet escape holding on to mommy blogs for dear life. I also was drinking my red energy drink out of a goblet so it felt like wine. When the hubs came home from work, I swigged a little tequila to calm my nerves.

Now come to the dark side. Mommy blog addictions are healthier than a freak tequila accident, and you have done that before haven't you? I mean now's the time for it because this is two blog hops...

Check out Secret Subject Swap here. All the topics are different. 

Baking In A Tornado
The Momisodes
Stacy Sews and Schools
Follow me home . . .
Someone Else’s Genius
Confessions of a part-time working mom
Impoverished Vegan
Spatulas on Parade
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
More Than Cheese and Beer
Evil Joy Speaks
Juicebox Confession
Climaxed

And Finish the Sentence Friday's Link List can be found at the hostess or co-host here

Janine's Confessions of a Mommy-A-Holic
Can I Get Another Bottle of Wine
Finding Ninee
Mommy for Real


Labels: , , ,

Dribbles and Grits to Crumpets and Bollocks: Spring Break Broke when I became a Parent

Friday, April 4, 2014

Spring Break Broke when I became a Parent

Today happens to mark TWO blog hops I'm in, so if you are feeling hoppy, grab some coffee, or better yet, really get into the spirit with a hoppy beer.


Spring Break suddenly takes a turn for the..... and you......

submitted by


AND
Janine's Confessions of A Mommyaholic

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT THE BIG DEAL WAS ABOUT...


I never understood what the big deal was about Spring Break. In high school, it's not like any of my friends went on any cool vacation and partied with MTV or anything. In fact, most of them didn't even watch MTV's Spring Break. In college, it was the time we got caught up on homework and papers. Woo hoo. Homework. Party animals. Watch out.

I'm sure other people enjoyed Spring Break more than I'm willing to admit they do, and I refuse to admit it because that would mean I have to be jealous, and if I'm going to be jealous of someone, it's going to be over something important like their pedicure.

But for the most part, Spring Break to me was just a time off, a break. A week where I plan on not wearing pants, watching nothing but television, and gorging on whatever I'm hungry for. 

Spring break suddenly takes a turn for the maniacally worst when you become a parent. You know those posts on Facebook that are like, "TGIF?" Well to a mother of young, school aged children, Mondays start our weekends, and Friday is the evening the real work begins. And things like Christmas Break's grueling 2 week vacation and Spring Break's one week are enough to secure a Xanax prescription. I'm starting to think Xanax should be a parting gift from the school, like condoms. 

Things my kids did while teachers basked in the glow of MTV's Spring Break:

1. They turned off the main breaker. The lights went out. I couldn't get them back on. I was like, "No TV for you." I took a nap. Tried to. There was a lot of, "We're bored." and "Can you make us hot dogs?" No microwave kids, and I'm not pioneering it today.

2. They had a food fight. I was typing on the computer, and I looked over their direction and smack. A banana to the face. "Sorry mom. I was aiming for Solma."

3. They reverse graffiti'd the toilet. I almost hate to admit this in public, like it's like I'm telling you I haven't shaved my inbetweens in so long I have a duck dynasty beard growing out of my twat, but since I just said it's like telling you THAT, now I guess I can tell you. I go to take a pee, and there's handsoap on the toilet. All over the toilet. In pictures. And when I wiped it off, it left a clean stain. The toilet must needed cleaned I guess because it left a clean mark. My kids left clean marks on a lot of things too, like the wall.

4. They played with water. And juice. And possibly pee. Not sure of all the liquids, but I assure you I stepped in every possible liquid. While wearing socks.

5. They painted the kitchen floor. I got this bright idea to make up for lost art class by purchasing 3 for 99 cent poster boards, paints, and paintbrushes. Of all subjects, art to me is the most important. It works the side of the brain most useful in accomplishing every day tasks. Since the poster is too big for all 3 on the table at the same time, I threw them on the kitchen floor. Needless to say, mopping was a bitch. And the carpet near the kitchen will need replaced because the word "Washable" was intended for skin, not carpet. My landlord is so going to love that when we move out.

And I... And where was I when all this happened? I was neatly tucked away in my internet escape holding on to mommy blogs for dear life. I also was drinking my red energy drink out of a goblet so it felt like wine. When the hubs came home from work, I swigged a little tequila to calm my nerves.

Now come to the dark side. Mommy blog addictions are healthier than a freak tequila accident, and you have done that before haven't you? I mean now's the time for it because this is two blog hops...

Check out Secret Subject Swap here. All the topics are different. 


And Finish the Sentence Friday's Link List can be found at the hostess or co-host here



Labels: , , ,

6 Comments:

At April 5, 2014 at 7:58 AM , Anonymous Linda @ Fit Fed and Happy said...

I think spring break is a good time to wind down and catch up on everything that's happened during the new semester so far! My favourite break is definitely winter break though!

 
At April 5, 2014 at 9:35 AM , Blogger Kathy said...

When my kids were young, both their father and I worked full time so they went to a March break day camp. Best. Investment. Ever!!! Our city offers a swimming camp where they have lessons and water games in the morning and art and other things in the afternoon and the kids always had a blast. I never got anything like that as a kid. Like you, spring break was never anything special for me either.

For the paints, I have one word for you: Crayola! Their markers, paints, etc. are truly washable from any surface. The dollar store stuff just isn't worth it. Believe me, I learned that lesson early on. :)

 
At April 5, 2014 at 10:16 AM , Anonymous Jennifer Steck said...

There's no spring break at my house since my son is all grown up. I'm surprised how many families or high school students go on incredible trips. When I was in high school, my mother couldn't afford to take us places so we looked forward to sleeping in and goofing around with our friends. Life seemed so much simpler then...

 
At April 7, 2014 at 7:25 AM , Blogger Kate Hall said...

I never went on Spring Break either. Actually, that's not true - I went when I was like 27. I stayed with eight friends in a hotel somewhere in FL. Wait! I did go on Spring Break in college - I totally forgot. My junior year I drove down with friends and we stayed at my friend's grandparents trailer home in a retirement community. LOL! It was in Ft. Myers, FL. It was a lot of fun, but I was poor - dirt poor. A $10 bill spilled up on the beach in the waves and I jumped on it, thanking God I'd found some money! I was totally dependent on my friends/strangers for food/drink. It was fun though. Lots of memories from that week.

My kids are home all the time bc I homeschool, so I get Spring "Break" all year long. My weekends are Friday to Sunday when my husband is home. I'm pretty much living for those.

 
At April 7, 2014 at 3:20 PM , Blogger allison c @godanskermom.com said...

I had one awesome spring break - my last year of college. Other than that I think I was the geek who studied and wrote papers to "get ahead." Sigh. What the heck was I thinking?

My 5yo managed to vomit and have a bike wreck this spring break. But at least there isn't any paint on the floor. Wait. Hold on, I should go check.

At least the tequlia was spring break like!

 
At April 24, 2014 at 5:32 AM , Blogger sanam arzoo said...

Great information. Thanks for providing us such a useful information. Keep up the good work and continue providing us more quality information from time to time. Pittsburgh Carpet fitting

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home