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Dribbles and Grits to Crumpets and Bollocks: The A-word

The A-word

From Finish the Sentence Friday blog prompt...

What I really want to scream out loud is...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Which like Phil Robertson's Hey can mean anything such as

1. Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up and maybe take a motherfucking happy pill and get the fuck over whatever it is you are screaming about. That would be to the kids. In my mind. I wouldn't say THAT to my kids. No. Never. Not at all. You decide if I'm being facetious sarcastic or not with that. Just don't flip out like I did say it because I straight up said I didn't do it.

2. Someone take me to the nearest insane asylum that offers vodka cocktails. I never actually want to scream that. Ahhhhhh in that sense usually translates to pulling hair out of my head and banging my head against a brick wall. It has to be brick because my head would just go right through the dry wall defeating the purpose. Sometimes the steering wheel seems like a great place for a bang head here sign but not in this context. I don't really want to scream ahhhhhh then. It's more of a Fjadfhjsdkla;jfdkl;ajfl. I usually scream ahhh at this point when my world is sucking me into the abyss of painful insanity, and I mean that not in the good way. Like the house is a mess that I'm trying to clean while doing laundry and shit I forgot about that bill and that appointment we are already running late for and the kids have just dumped the trash can and peed on it, and then, the phone rings.

3.  Why the fuck did I just allow the husband to go to THAT specific store in particular with the debit card. Like why do I let him have access to money we use for stupid frivolous things like groceries, rent, utilities, because these are things I blow his entire pay check on when he deserves to spend his money well earned on things like guns, guitars, parts/pieces/accessories, itunes nobody listens to, movies nobody watches... And the ahhhhh usually comes right when he does this shit soon after I tell him, "You got paid, woo hoo, but after we pay this bill and that bill, we will be in the negatives I will need to magically come up with x amount of dollars out of nowhere so please don't spend any money." That's like inviting him to buy something for 60 dollars and 3 things for 20.

4. The trash can pyramid. Yes I scream AHHHHH in my head when I have my hands full of shit I just picked up from the floor like a ketchup infested piece of cardboard, mysterious goo and a dirty diaper, or better yet, when the kids spill something like their urine all over the floor and I clean it up and am taking a handful of urine soaked paper towels to the trash, and I get there with all this ick in my hands thinking I am going to have the luxury of throwing it away to discover there is a pyramid of trash piled on top of the can falling onto the floor because fucking gravity is on their side and not mine, and I have to set EVERYTHING down to take the trash out and reline the can because that would be way easier for me to do than for whoever was able to fit trash on the can.

5. Kid messes. I'm walking, looking for a blankie or juice or something the kid had in her hands 3 minutes ago that takes me about 20 minutes to find, and I find things like water all over the place, ketchup on clothing, bubble gum smeared into a blankie, toothpaste all over the floor, something wet in my shoe I'm not wearing, cereal and potato chips piled in the corner of the room... Some godawful mess the kids graced me with the honor of cleaning. This especially includes when I walk into a room and notice the all the CLEAN FOLDED laundry is piled on the floor mixed with dirty laundry, and there's shredded cheese on it.

6. I need to sleep like zombies need brains
7. I really just want to eat this food in my hand that I have been trying to eat for a long minute
8. Can I not poop alone once?
9. Please just let me sit down and stay down for a whole 5 minutes without getting up 17 times like it's a game of musical chairs.
10. That's okay. I can do it. It's not like it's a bother for me to interrupt whatever functioning thing I'm trying to do like the dishes or scrubbing the floor, I mean, that's like way easier to dry my hands and leave everything be than interrupting you who is saving the world in Call of Duty.

There's a lot more but ten is an even roundish lettermanish number. I'm also pissing myself off, OFF, not actually pissing myself, not today anyway, thinking of my ahhhhs. Maybe I should change this blog to sometimes I just want to scream OH GOD when I'm in bed, naked, with a hot man, somewhere in the vicinity of something that everyone thinks is naughty but is actually something as normal as eating and as important as a shot of vodka, which if I'm in the vicinity of a salty juice, aka protein shake, I kind of want to chase that with tequila and a lemon. If that did not make sense to you at all, you should get a hooker. Not a cheap one. Find one who is willing to wear scuba gear, but don't actually make them wear scuba gear because that's just too weird. If that did make sense to you, you probably don't need a hooker though getting one isn't necessarily bad advice, which I'm not suggesting that was good advice either.

Go here now. There's no hookers there, at least i don't think there are, but you never know.
Dribbles and Grits to Crumpets and Bollocks: The A-word

Friday, March 7, 2014

The A-word

From Finish the Sentence Friday blog prompt...

What I really want to scream out loud is...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Which like Phil Robertson's Hey can mean anything such as

1. Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up and maybe take a motherfucking happy pill and get the fuck over whatever it is you are screaming about. That would be to the kids. In my mind. I wouldn't say THAT to my kids. No. Never. Not at all. You decide if I'm being facetious sarcastic or not with that. Just don't flip out like I did say it because I straight up said I didn't do it.

2. Someone take me to the nearest insane asylum that offers vodka cocktails. I never actually want to scream that. Ahhhhhh in that sense usually translates to pulling hair out of my head and banging my head against a brick wall. It has to be brick because my head would just go right through the dry wall defeating the purpose. Sometimes the steering wheel seems like a great place for a bang head here sign but not in this context. I don't really want to scream ahhhhhh then. It's more of a Fjadfhjsdkla;jfdkl;ajfl. I usually scream ahhh at this point when my world is sucking me into the abyss of painful insanity, and I mean that not in the good way. Like the house is a mess that I'm trying to clean while doing laundry and shit I forgot about that bill and that appointment we are already running late for and the kids have just dumped the trash can and peed on it, and then, the phone rings.

3.  Why the fuck did I just allow the husband to go to THAT specific store in particular with the debit card. Like why do I let him have access to money we use for stupid frivolous things like groceries, rent, utilities, because these are things I blow his entire pay check on when he deserves to spend his money well earned on things like guns, guitars, parts/pieces/accessories, itunes nobody listens to, movies nobody watches... And the ahhhhh usually comes right when he does this shit soon after I tell him, "You got paid, woo hoo, but after we pay this bill and that bill, we will be in the negatives I will need to magically come up with x amount of dollars out of nowhere so please don't spend any money." That's like inviting him to buy something for 60 dollars and 3 things for 20.

4. The trash can pyramid. Yes I scream AHHHHH in my head when I have my hands full of shit I just picked up from the floor like a ketchup infested piece of cardboard, mysterious goo and a dirty diaper, or better yet, when the kids spill something like their urine all over the floor and I clean it up and am taking a handful of urine soaked paper towels to the trash, and I get there with all this ick in my hands thinking I am going to have the luxury of throwing it away to discover there is a pyramid of trash piled on top of the can falling onto the floor because fucking gravity is on their side and not mine, and I have to set EVERYTHING down to take the trash out and reline the can because that would be way easier for me to do than for whoever was able to fit trash on the can.

5. Kid messes. I'm walking, looking for a blankie or juice or something the kid had in her hands 3 minutes ago that takes me about 20 minutes to find, and I find things like water all over the place, ketchup on clothing, bubble gum smeared into a blankie, toothpaste all over the floor, something wet in my shoe I'm not wearing, cereal and potato chips piled in the corner of the room... Some godawful mess the kids graced me with the honor of cleaning. This especially includes when I walk into a room and notice the all the CLEAN FOLDED laundry is piled on the floor mixed with dirty laundry, and there's shredded cheese on it.

6. I need to sleep like zombies need brains
7. I really just want to eat this food in my hand that I have been trying to eat for a long minute
8. Can I not poop alone once?
9. Please just let me sit down and stay down for a whole 5 minutes without getting up 17 times like it's a game of musical chairs.
10. That's okay. I can do it. It's not like it's a bother for me to interrupt whatever functioning thing I'm trying to do like the dishes or scrubbing the floor, I mean, that's like way easier to dry my hands and leave everything be than interrupting you who is saving the world in Call of Duty.

There's a lot more but ten is an even roundish lettermanish number. I'm also pissing myself off, OFF, not actually pissing myself, not today anyway, thinking of my ahhhhs. Maybe I should change this blog to sometimes I just want to scream OH GOD when I'm in bed, naked, with a hot man, somewhere in the vicinity of something that everyone thinks is naughty but is actually something as normal as eating and as important as a shot of vodka, which if I'm in the vicinity of a salty juice, aka protein shake, I kind of want to chase that with tequila and a lemon. If that did not make sense to you at all, you should get a hooker. Not a cheap one. Find one who is willing to wear scuba gear, but don't actually make them wear scuba gear because that's just too weird. If that did make sense to you, you probably don't need a hooker though getting one isn't necessarily bad advice, which I'm not suggesting that was good advice either.

Go here now. There's no hookers there, at least i don't think there are, but you never know.

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