Put a Fork in my Education

I'm done with school, but...

I finished high school; unfortunately, that's not all she wrote when it comes to school. I think this post is supposed to be about the yearning to learn something even though I finished school. Hmmm, things I want to learn more about include:

• Zero
• Infinity
• Pi
• Einstein's Theory of Relativity
• Quantum Physics
• The Bible
• Archery
• How to write a novel for dummies
• The idiots guide into talking people into cleaning your house for you

Things like that, but I don't want to go into details of things to learn. See, I'm one of THOSE people who finished high school, was college bound because you suck if you didn't go to college in my time, and then spent over 5 years to not finish school. I failed some classes because I failed to show up, and I retook a lot of them.

I started out going to a real college. I had a blast. It was the time of my life. I was a nerd outcast in high school, but college rewrote that book for me. There, I was in cheerleading, hanging out with football players, got to screw the star quarterback embracing my popular inner slutdom, skipped class to go on shopping sprees with daddy's Emergency Only American Express card, hung out with men who loved to give back rubs in between classes... It was the life.

My friends and I used to drive around the campus blasting Total Eclipse of the Heart screaming the lyrics with the windows down to a point where everyone knew us as the Total Eclipse of the Heart Girls.

Then one day, my friend Amanda and I were lost looking for some guy's house in some residential area, and some weirdo guy gave us his weed because my friend flashed him because he asked her to, and we didn't want to smoke it because we didn't know the guy. This crap could have been laced with some messed up shit. Right? But we were young and dumb, too dumb to just throw it out. Nope. That was smokable gold that had to be given away. So I did. Most of it.

Renee, another friend, had a new dorm mate. She went through like 7 dorm mates in a month. One girl douched everyday. Every day. Apparently, Summer's Eve isn't going to make it as a Scentsy Yankee Candle. So, Renee's newest mate at this point, who didn't have a douche disorder, was a potsmoker. I ditched the weed on her, but she wouldn't take it all. Oh. No. She didn't want to be smoking all my weed, so she left a pinch in my cigarette wrapper. As I was leaving the dorm room, I ran into my friend who had no idea her roommate smoked weed. Naive much? I mean come on, she was the goth emo feminine equivalent to Snoop Dogg. So Renee freaked out that she was going to lose her basketball scholarship and told her dorm supervisor whatever they were called.

Moral of that story. Never feel bad for smoking ALL of someone else's weed. You are doing them a favor.

So anyway, the dorm captain supervisor thing, that bitch, the supervisor bitch, Lori, went to high school with me. She was popular in high school. I was not. At college, I was popular. She was not. She was a hater about it. HATERADE. Anyway, when she ratted out the dorm mate for smoking weed, she threw my name with it. I got busted with that pinch.

Campus po po showed up at my dorm at 3AM ish. I answered in my underwear. They threatened to bring up dogs, so still drunk from the night before, I handed them what I had. The first words out his mouth? "Shit, not even enough to arrest her for." So then I spent hours of them asking me why I wasn't crying, because I'm drunk you dumb snitchin motherfuckers. And they kicked me out.

So I moved home. I was allowed to go back the next semester. I was planning to go back the following fall, but my dad was diagnosed with cancer before that happened, given 3 months to live (he lived 2 more years), so I didn't want to go back to school at all. But my parents forced me into community college so I could stay on their health insurance, and I failed a lot of classes.

Community college was nothing like real college. The classes were easier than high school. They were easier than middle school. There were no real parties. I went to the club a lot but that's it. I just couldn't take it as seriously as I took the real college, and we all see how serious I took the real college, so....

I never got a degree. I eventually kept working and going to school part time spreading out a bunch of worthless credits over years and years of hard work and costly student loans. Ever so often, when I thought I was done, I would do that whole, "I need to finish what I started, I'm going back to school," and I'd take a few classes and be like, "Fuck this, I can't do this and take care of kids." Every semester I kicked ass until midterms. Every week of finals, I got sicker than a dog. Without fail. Just like washing my car makes it rain, finals made me sick.

Now, had I finished my degree, I would be qualified to do the jobs I already had. Yes, to get my exact old job back at any corporation/organization I worked for, I would have to have a degree now. Nevermind my experience doing that job better than anyone else who has had it.

Which brings me to the point of my post. College is bull shit. BULL MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.

Education is supposed to be free so that the wealthy don't have a handle over the poor. It's supposed to be equal opportunity, but it's not. Once we made regular school, Grammar school/high school, available to anyone, they had to invent college so the wealthy will always have that upper hand. Unless you are going to Harvard or Yale, your degree is only a piece of paper that says you qualify for a position that 20 years ago you would have qualified for without that piece of paper.

I'll never be finished with school because I'm never going to finish it. If I decide to "go back to school," it will either be to work in a trade like electrician stuff, or to go get a pilot's license.

And on the subject of school, I think we should turn high school into college, like you get college credits for all the classes you take from 9th to 12th grade and you graduate with a Bachelor's degree, free. Of course, that still leaves the wealthy with an upper hand... Graduate school.

Meanwhile, Student Loans blow. They blow snot cumguzzle whores. I'd rather owe money to a guy in a wife beater smoking a cigar on the street corner backed by a Mexican Drug Cartel. The government teamed up with banks is one shady bitch. I wish I blew all my student loans on strippers. At least that way, I had fun and helped someone feed their family.

Finish the Sentence Friday is brought to you by the makers of Janine's Confessions of a Mommy-a-holic. If you blog, you should consider joining the snark side. Add yourself to the Facebook group to see what we post, when we post, and where to link yourself.

Today is also March 21, World Down Syndrome Day. Grab a tissue and watch this video about what to expect when expecting an extra chromosome. 

You didn't grab a tissue did you? You wish you listened to me now don't you?

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