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Crumpets and Bollocks: The Koolaid that brought no one to our yard.

The Koolaid that brought no one to our yard.

I'm watching one of my nephews for a few days just because his brother pissed him off. For purposes of this story, we shall call him the boy. He just turned 13.

Me: (as I was getting up off the husband's lap) I don't like that girl.

Boy: Who?

Me: (pointing to the TV), that girl

Boy: Why?

Me: Because she stole Captain America's heart from me. That man belongs to me.

Boy: What about the Puerto Rican Air Force (pointing to my husband)

Me: Who?

Boy: The Puerto Rican Air Force you married.

Me: Oh, but she stole Captain America's heart!

Husband: Awww, no you don't. Denied.

Boy: I can't believe she just dissed you.

I start walking to the husband who is not having any hugs.

Husband: No, no. You already made your choice. Go be happy with Captain America.

Boy: Yeah. You can't diss him like that and think he's just going to take it.

So I jump on the husband and lift my big red shirt (it's his shirt he got for Christmas from my mom one year and has never worn because he hates it) over his head and jammed his face in my boobs and wiggled. Laughing hysterically.

Boy: Gawd, what are you people doing? What is wrong with you?

I start to get off and the husband takes the shirt, puts it back over his head, lifts up my tank top and places his head in my boobs and starts shaking his head screaming "Ahhhh" Of course, he's the only person who can see my boobs because my shirt is still on me. I'm just pregnant with the head of my husband for a second, that is all.

Boy: Oh wow, y'all need to stop. Seriously, you people are crazy.

Me: Yeah, I think we are scarring this child for life hun. We should stop.

Husband: Yeah.

Me: Our kids are used to this sort of thing.

Boy: Just go make me some Kool Aid. Some Black Drink.

Me: I'm making the Kool Aid. Wanna know why? Because I'm the blackest motherfucker here.

(Mind you, I'm white. My husband is Puerto Rican, and my nephew is black, well actually he's mixed but you wouldn't know that looking at him).

Boy: She is.

Me: See. Proof.

Boy: I'm surprised you didn't stick your face in the Puerto Rican Air Force's boobs.

Husband performs milk shake. It brought nobody to our yard.




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Crumpets and Bollocks: The Koolaid that brought no one to our yard.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Koolaid that brought no one to our yard.

I'm watching one of my nephews for a few days just because his brother pissed him off. For purposes of this story, we shall call him the boy. He just turned 13.

Me: (as I was getting up off the husband's lap) I don't like that girl.

Boy: Who?

Me: (pointing to the TV), that girl

Boy: Why?

Me: Because she stole Captain America's heart from me. That man belongs to me.

Boy: What about the Puerto Rican Air Force (pointing to my husband)

Me: Who?

Boy: The Puerto Rican Air Force you married.

Me: Oh, but she stole Captain America's heart!

Husband: Awww, no you don't. Denied.

Boy: I can't believe she just dissed you.

I start walking to the husband who is not having any hugs.

Husband: No, no. You already made your choice. Go be happy with Captain America.

Boy: Yeah. You can't diss him like that and think he's just going to take it.

So I jump on the husband and lift my big red shirt (it's his shirt he got for Christmas from my mom one year and has never worn because he hates it) over his head and jammed his face in my boobs and wiggled. Laughing hysterically.

Boy: Gawd, what are you people doing? What is wrong with you?

I start to get off and the husband takes the shirt, puts it back over his head, lifts up my tank top and places his head in my boobs and starts shaking his head screaming "Ahhhh" Of course, he's the only person who can see my boobs because my shirt is still on me. I'm just pregnant with the head of my husband for a second, that is all.

Boy: Oh wow, y'all need to stop. Seriously, you people are crazy.

Me: Yeah, I think we are scarring this child for life hun. We should stop.

Husband: Yeah.

Me: Our kids are used to this sort of thing.

Boy: Just go make me some Kool Aid. Some Black Drink.

Me: I'm making the Kool Aid. Wanna know why? Because I'm the blackest motherfucker here.

(Mind you, I'm white. My husband is Puerto Rican, and my nephew is black, well actually he's mixed but you wouldn't know that looking at him).

Boy: She is.

Me: See. Proof.

Boy: I'm surprised you didn't stick your face in the Puerto Rican Air Force's boobs.

Husband performs milk shake. It brought nobody to our yard.




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