Top Ten Stupid Superstitions I believed in high school and maybe most of my adulthood and possibly still believe in them...

10. Padiddle

The Padiddle game is a cutthroat ruthless game where you scream Padiddle every time you see one headlight on a car (the other burnt out) and punch the roof of the car before everyone else does for the point. If you didn’t already know how to play this game, please flip the rock off of you and see the light (one headlight). Caution: this game is brutal, ending more friendships and relationships than monopoly. BTW, I always win when I play against myself.

Best strategy: Scream it louder than the next guy so you win the tie.

9. The magic 8 ball

Confession time. I still have a Magic 8 ball, and I still use it to make some of my biggest decisions of my life, like we didn’t move because the 8ball told us not to (well that and packing sounded awful and it wasn't like we were really thinking about moving anyway), and apparently I am a unicorn. I mean how else would I know the answer to things I’m just not sure of due to an overwhelming amount of insecurity and lack of confidence? Stock investment? Ask the Magic. Marriage Proposal? Ask the 8 Ball. Most definitely, ask if your crush loves you, at least 3 times a day.

For those who don’t know, the Magic 8 Ball is this MAGICAL BALL, go figure, which answers your yes or no questions. You shake it and roll just a little, and flip it upside down and this little triangle thing floats up in this blue solution with an answer, from yes to no, to definitely, to ask again later. According to the Magic 8 Ball, don’t eat yellow snow. That was a definite no. You’re welcome.

8. Paper Fortune Teller

For questions too complex for the Magic 8 Ball, there is the Paper Fortune Teller. Instead of asking if he loves you, this one you can ask more detailed questions like, “When am I going to get laid?” and “What should I make for dinner?” You make up the responses because you make the origami. Visit WHAT I MADE on how to make one, and you can have the fortune responses to be anything you want. As opposed to just yes or no answers, the Paper Fortune Teller can predict things like, “You will be attacked by a dirty diaper” and “Drink a Vodka for insight.”

7. Serendipity movie and true love

This one is all me. Nobody else does this. Back in the day of VHS tapes (if you don’t know what that is, you are too young to read this), I had the movie Serendipity, a love story about how fate brings people together. I started to watch it by myself in my bedroom. I hate romance movies, especially when I was single, like screw all those characters who are not real at all for falling in love and embracing happily ever after. So when the movie approached a scene where the guy was reading his own obituary he wrote, right before the impending happy ending, I turned off the movie in protest to happily ever after. I didn’t want to see the happy ending until I had one of my own, and I decided the man who watched the end with me by fate is my Serendipity and meant to be for me. I still have the tape somewhere, queued at that scene.

Fast forward to later, I had this boyfriend, the TV was on cable, and I walked into the room to him, and low and behold, he's watching Serendipity at the scene where the guy is reading his own obituary. I took it as a sign and cried. I did marry that guy for reasons beyond this movie, but how romantic is that? You know what would be more romantic? If the guy did dishes and housework. Serendipity, you suck.

6. Flip the cigarette upside down

For those who don’t smoke, when you buy a new pack of cigarettes, you are supposed to take the first cigarette, flip it upside down, and put it back in the pack. That then becomes the last cigarette you are supposed to smoke from that pack, and it will bring you luck. It’s also important because you don’t give out your last cigarette because that luck is yours and no one else’s. I'm sure it also brings cancer with that luck, but you know, everything has a price.

5. Itchy

They say if your nose itches, someone is thinking about you. If your ears itch, someone is talking about you. If your left hand itches, you will receive a gift. If your right hand itches, you will meet someone new because the right hand is the one you use to shake hands. If your boobs itch, someone is thinking about you intimately, and if your crotch itches, you need to see an OBGYN STAT.

This one is actually true. Completely. There is no scientific evidence to prove it. That right there tells you it’s true.

4. Fortune cookie

Did you know that in order for the fortune in a fortune cookie to actually work, you have to eat the fortune cookie in its entirety BEFORE reading your fortune? It’s true. It’s also true that if you drop your fortune cookie on the floor, you have 5 seconds to eat it without worrying about germs.


Did you also know that the fortune cookie originated in Japan? That’s why you get them with your Chinese Take-Out. Now a days, most fortune cookies are American, made in America, because only our Chinese food items (and fireworks) are not made in China unlike everything else we sell.

3. Good Fuck

When you run a yellow light, if you punch the roof of your car and scream “Good Fuck,” you will not only get laid soon, but you will also get a good lay. Knock those boots people. Knock them hard. Knock them down. Knock them sideways. And why? Because the yellow light declared it so. Try not to hit anyone while driving, and don’t get a ticket for accidentally running a red light in your heated moment of passion-seeking behavior.

For a cleaner version, scream “Good Luck” and nothing will happen like luck because it’s not supposed to be luck. Duh. It’s supposed to be for whores trying to get some.

2. MASH

This is a game only the cool people play. If you haven’t played it, then you should so you can be cool too. For those who don’t know, draw a box on a piece of paper. Write MASH at the top of the box. The M stands for Mansion, the A for Apartment, the S for a Shack, and the H for a Hotel. Then on the left side, list out four careers or car types. On the bottom, write 4 numbers. On the right, write 4 boys names. Some people do more without the box adding things like college majors, things they want to be known as, or anything that pops into their mind.

You then start drawing a spiral without looking (or have someone else draw it for you), and you decide when to stop. You count the number of arcs in your spiral (like 2 for each full circle) for a magic number. You then start at M, and going clockwise, you count as far as your number. Mark it off. From the next item, count again. Mark the item you land on off. You continue to do this until there’s only one option left in each category. For instance, if you counted it out and crossed out ASH, then you circle the M and continue around the box without counting anymore from the top of the box. When you are done, you know the house you will live in, the career you will have, the number of kids you will have, and the man you will marry. Just because it’s different every time doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen like that. And if you get an answer you are not happy with, you must do it again.

I still use MASH to this day to help me prioritize what goals I'm going to work on...

1. Straw Game

Tie your straw wrapper into a lose knot. Grab the edges of the straw wrapper and pull it tight. If the knot frees itself, the person you are thinking about loves you. If the knot stays, they don’t. Some do “people are thinking of you,” but that’s not true. That’s the nose itching, remember? You are totally allowed to try to pull the knot through again, like a repeat, and it totally counts if it pulls through. You can also sit there and maniacally rip the knot clear, and that totally counts. It means you just have to work at the love thing.