Watching Time: Is that looking at time? Or is it time to watch?

This week's Sunday Confession's prompt is Time




Before the invention of light, Time stood still in empty Space. Nobody realized they had feelings, Time and Space, because nobody was there to realize they have feelings. Nobody realized they were in love. Space was scared to be alone, and Time wanted to fill her void, but how can time catch a glimpse when space is too busy escaping from her emptiness? She is trying to fill her void with meaning, and Time is jealous. This is why Time is never on our side. 

Just so you know, giving things like time and space aspects of people, such as emotion, is a literary device called Personification. It was used a lot back in the day when English didn't make sense. Now you can teach your kid something.

What am I trying to say in the language of metaphor? 

We people are like space. We try to fill the void time left us in this life with meaning. We are always seeking that meaning, whether it's spiritual aether or superficial gold, we spend our time looking for it. I honestly think we are spiritual beings trying to find God/Love/Light. Many times we look in the wrong places (like our checking accounts) thinking that something like money can bring security, which will bring peace, which will result in happiness, and then when that doesn't work, we keep looking. On the flip side, many seek it in religion and find that's not working out too well either. The secret is that God is more of a verb than a noun. He is Love, something you will find when you do it. He is Light, something you will find when you shine. He is Kindness, something you will find when you are kind. Whether you sought God in your checking account or in your church, you can find Him in both places. I digressed didn't I?

The fact of the matter is we use time to find meaning. During those moments it feels like time is working against us, it's because we are working against time. We became too preoccupied with filling our space that we neglected Time. So then we invented Time Management for people who do that sort of thing. For people like me. And it never works out well for us because we still take time for granted with too much emphasis on filling up space. 

This is where my issues lie. I want to fill up my space with things I want to do, and most people believe I should fill up my space with things they think are more important. For instance. I'd rather blog this post than clean my house right now. I'm sure my mother in law thinks I should be cleaning because that's how she fills up her space. It's the sacrifice she makes because unlike me, she loves her family. But in my mind, that's why she's a bitter bite to swallow and people avoid her. That's why she ruins a good buzz. Misery loves company. Knowing this, it's easy to decide to blog now and clean later. 

But then what happens is, cleaning is something I never want to do. At some point, I have to decide to clean now if I want a clean house. There are responsibilities I HAVE to do or I will somehow summon the demons who will open Pandora's Box and create a zombie apocalypse. I have to get the kids to school so when they can't read, I can blame the school instead of myself. I have to make my doctor appointments in case I'm dying (spoiler, we all are, from the moment of conception), and I have to make those appointments on time to avoid getting smited by the doctor's office or bookkeeper or someone who has nothing better to do with their TIME. I have to bake these cookies to help the charity, no I'm kidding, to one up the other moms because nothing says "Fuck Cancer" better than obesity, and of course, nothing says "Butthurt" better than making your stuff about me, in this case, cancer about obesity. And only an a-hole would kill the buzz of cookies talking about health stuff that isn't exactly proven to be true because last I checked, people ate more home-baked goods in the 50's because that's what June Cleaver did to express her love for her family almost every other day, and they didn't have an obesity problem. I digressed again. I have to stop doing that.

Point is, the majority of the things I do to fill up my time and space anymore are dictated by culture and society, things that really aren't important when you realize that your time on earth is short. Yes I know I need to clean my house and make it to my shrink on time. These are things I HAVE to do. And thanks to needing to see a shrink, I'm struggling doing it. But the majority of things I catch myself wasting the most time trying to do are things society gave me to do, and that includes time management. 

And I surrender. I've spent most of my life flipping off society's great expectations, and it's gotten me no where. I think it's because, again, I'm preoccupied with space. Neglecting time is bringing me chaos. 

Einstein was right when he said time isn't linear, that it is relative. The only constant is the speed of light. With time being relative, the paradox Dr. Emmett Brown feared is happening. The past, present and future is all happening at the same time. This moment, right here, right now, you have a memory of the moment right before it, you are in this moment, and you anticipate the next. When you read "anticipate the next," that was something that was your present but now it's the past already. Too fast time. Too fast. But the fact of the matter is, the past is relative to the present and the future, and vice versa. If you didn't have a point of comparison, you wouldn't have noticed time. Which is where I am... 

To go another level deeper... The things we do now result from our past, and the things we do tomorrow will be a result of today. The things we do now also affect our past as today is the day you were planning for, and the things we do now are usually attempts to plan for tomorrow. 

As confusing as that sounds, read again if you have to; it does make sense; I triple checked it to make sure it made sense, but the confusion of it is the reason why I think it's time I attempt a Planner. I need something to organize my past, present and future because time is not linear. It's relatively chaotic. I have no idea what today is, or what tomorrow will bring. I have no idea what I did yesterday. And I wonder why I miss appointments and people's birthdays. I don't even know what my goals are. I'm a penny with a hole in it. Hopeless. (that's a reference to a song on the Love Jones Soundtrack). 

To bring it back full circle, I will find Time when I time. "And how does one time?" Alice asked looking mysteriously at the Mad Hatter. It's simple Alice. Time is relative. Relate. Relate to the future by setting goals. Relate to the past by finishing the unfinished. Do something different and epic once in a while to give you a point of reference. It's time I learn how to time. I even got a watch for it. The kids already lost my watch. Watches better watch out in this house. Watch out. Eh. 

If for whatever reason you murdered time and are sentenced to a perpetual tea party and like my blog, you know, you can subscribe to it.

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Blogs who I think sent me traffic to my blog that you should check out if you haven't...  I do read all of these blogs regularly.

The Bloggess

Insane in the Mom Brain

More than Cheese and Beer

Finding Ninee

Ooops I Said Vagina Again

Janine's Confessions of a Mommyaholic