Get your beer or soda cold faster... I don't know why I keep blogging about stupid shit

I don't know why I keep choosing really random, meaningless topics to blog about lately. I think it's because the Zimmerman case and all the opinions (especially the whiny ones on why is Trayvon famous and not this victim? What about racism against white people? what about shut the fuck up with this stupid shit come the fuck on?) has fried my brain to a point where I would rather talk about how to get my fucking soda cold faster, or ways to sneak chocolate bites when the fam isn't looking. I mean, this is the shit we should be talking about for a minute because really, fuck zimmerman.

Royal baby, props to you. Don't name it North West please like our royalty did. Russia, you were totally trying to intimidate China with those exercises like we did Korea, stop frontin. I guess the NSA is reading all our shit. Well if you are reading this, hit the like button, share to your friends, and don't forget to stalk my awesome, like put me on your favorites without incriminating me of something bad or negative. Anonymous, why so quiet? So now that I got rid of the horseshit. Let's get to the meat of the current events...

It's not only summer, it's the end of July heatwave thunderstorm weather's menstrual period. If you are bat shit crazy like me, you probably buy your favorite canned drinks, whether it be beer or soda, and totally forget to put them in the fridge. Or you wait until you are totally out to re-stock. Then you just really REALLY want that ice cold, almost slushie, drink right now, like a baby wants a boob (or a really drunken horny man for that matter, or a horny man for that matter, or a man for that matter).

So I'm going to tell you the fastest way to get that can soda cold, Mythbusters Style. Yes I totally stole this from Mythbusters. If you didn't see this episode, yes I know you are jealous of my nerdness, it's okay. Just don't nerd hate.

Grab a bucket/bowl/dish/some device that holds water, the size you are wanting to go with. Fill with ice, at least half way, but I usually aim for 3/4 of the way. Top with salt. Lots of salt. Don't sprinkle the shit. Dump it like a child adding sugar to Grape Nuts. Then add some cold water, like halfway up the ice or whatever. Mix it with your fingers until your fingers are numb. You should feel it get colder and colder by the second. It should only take like 15 seconds to get it really cold where the container starts to condensate. If it doesn't within 30 seconds, it needs more cowbell.

Then stick your drink in it. Wait about 5 minutes. You probably want to wipe the top to reduce salty flavoring unless you are drinking piss beer like Corona.

How does this work? You know how when there's ice on the road you pour salt on it? That's because salt melts ice. But the weird shit is, while it melts the frozen water, it makes it colder. How the fuck it does that? I don't remember that part of 9th grade science. I just remember this shit. You'll have to find a geek for that. Good luck and may the intellect be with you.

Note, I took these pictures on a mattress protector my daughter stuck on top of the kitchen island like a tablecloth for her party she threw for daddy being awesome. I think she just wanted reason to have cake. She's so me.