Blog of Myself

If you didn't get it, the title... Walt Whitman wrote a super huge long epic poem-book called Song of Myself. I thought it was punny.

52

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab and my loitering.

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,

I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

The last scud of day holds back for me,

It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadow’d wilds,

It coaxes me to the vapor and the dusk.

I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the runaway sun,

I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jags.

I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,

If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.

You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,

But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,

And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,

Missing me one place search another,

I stop somewhere waiting for you.

So the title does describe the blog post somewhat. I've been tagged. I hate losing at the game of tag, so I have to do this for my competitive ego. Anyway, remember that Get to Know Me craptola on Facebook? I think MySpace had them too if you are that old. Anyway, it's a blog version. No where near as profound as Whitman's poem, but I threw it in there to add profound to this.

Anyway, the blog who tagged me, The Zookeeper's Wife, is a blog you should definitely check out and see if you want to add her to your internet version of television favorite shows to watch. I think animal lovers will like her blog for some strange, not so obvious, reason.

Question 1: Where were you born?

Um yeah I say that, and boom, you guys have the answer to a potential internet account security question. If you are going to steal my internets, you will have to earn it and figure it out from this. I am from West "By God" Virginia. This is a state constantly stuck in the awkward years. We are NOT part of Virginia. We used to be, and then we were like Fuck You, we are not confederates, so now we will just make this part our own state and join the union. But then, we are still considered part of the south. Like what the fuck does it take to be in with the in-crowd? I should teach history. Why do I hear Wayne and Garth screaming, "NOT?"

The important thing about my birth was that I was born a Steeler's fan. I was born close to Pittsburgh PA, and my dad was a die hard Steeler's fan. I say WAS not because he's a traitor to the Steel Curtain, but because he died in 1999. Anyway, this was back in the 70's before they had televisions everywhere in the hospital. I was born during a Steeler's game. My father and the doctor, both being huge fans, kept leaving my mom alone in labor to go watch the game. My mom said, "You could hear my dad in the waiting room screaming, "GO GO GO" and then in her room screaming the same shit when he could see my head. Later that season, Terry Bradshaw led the Steelers to one of the many Superbowl rings they have. So Go Steelers!!!

Question 2: Were you named after someone?

I was named after the song "Michelle" by the Beatles, and my dad used to sing it out of key for me all the time.

Question 3: If you have children, how many do you have?

Three girls. Ages 2, 5 and 6.

Question 4: How many pets do you have?

2.  Fishy. He's a sociopath. You can't go near him without him talking you into feeding him. He also either really really loves or really really despises Aerosmith. I can't tell if he's dancing or fighting, but he will Shake his Tail Fin. Then there's the husband. I feed him and pet him. He's housebroken at least.

Question 5: What was your worst injury?

Not sure which one is worst. Sprained my ankle while pregnant with my oldest trying to answer my cell phone. Sister in law spontaneously punched me in the face, nothing but a black eye and sinus issues for a few weeks (she hits like a girl thank goodness). But none of those scarred. A good injury scars. That would be down to two biggest scars... one on my elbow from wrecking a bicycle as a kid trying to do something cool, and the other I blame ghosts. I woke up with blood all over my knee. There's still a scar.

And since all this, I sprained my ankle running to a crying kid tripping over a pebble and diving into a deep mud puddle. I think I did more than sprain because 6 months later, I still can't wear heels.

Question 6: Do you have a special talent?

Not really. I'm just a mom who fucking blows myself away at the level of talent it takes to get through a day and not be suicidal. I can also lick my own elbows. Not that much fun to do while sober. I also kicked my own ass once (KICKED, not licked, that was the elbows) with my mop, and I wasn't even mopping at the time. Now that's talent. Also, see the last answer about the Pebble.

Question 7: What's your favorite thing to bake?

I hate baking. I used to love it, but then I had children. I bake a lot of those Totino's Party Pizzas and casseroles. Apparently, I also bake in my sleep. There have been several occasions where I wake up discover that I baked cookies or stuck the next evening's dinner in the slow cooker. I just hope I wash my hands after dealing with raw meat.

Question 8: What's your favorite fast food?

Chipotle and Culvers when I lived near one. Since I don't have any of those in my area, Tim Hortons is my favorite here, but I do a lot of McDonalds and Burger King mainly because McDonalds is closer and their iced coffee beats BK's, and BK because I know the owners and their play area is clean.

Question 9: Would you bungee jump?

Probably not. I'd love to, like I really want to, but I would probably never actually jump when faced with it, not unless the flying monkeys push me over the edge.

Question 10: What's the first thing you notice about people?

Extremes... I do notice the most when people do something kind, or something rude. If you are an a-hole, that's probably going to be the first thing I notice before I could tell you what you are wearing or your hair color. If you have really nice hair, I'll notice that. If you have some awesome cleavage, I may not notice your hair. If your outfit clashes horrifically, I'll probably notice that. I don't care, but I'll notice it. And definitely, if there's something off, I'll notice that early on, like if you are a cop in uniform who is drinking a beer, or a kid who has the "I just stole a candy bar" look on his face as he is running off from the gas station.

Question 11: When was the last time you cried?

Tough question. Define cry. If you mean the last time I had actual tears flow down my cheeks, I don't know. Probably Rambo II. If you mean where I'm crying inside like it feels like I'm crying but no tears, hmm, last night my kids had me bawling like a baby on the inside, from the insanity of not listening and destroying the house, fighting.... Last heart felt story that made my eyes water, Mary Tyler Mom's blog.

Question 12: Any current worries?

I'm editing to change this answer. My current worry is usually running out of Diet Coke, vodka, or energy drinks while the hubs is at work. Everything else can kiss my cheeky 100% Grade A Beef because I'm not trying to age over stress. I have a pocket full of eff words, and you ain't gettin one.

Question 13: Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.

Diet Coke is my big one. I am always with one. 90% of my fast food drive thru moments are for a diet coke. You ever heard of the woman who died from drinking 3 gallons of it daily for years? Yeah, that might be me any time now. Try not to mock me when my death hits national news. It's illegal to libel a dead person.

Energy drinks... Great Value Dragon Fruit. If I don't have these, I do the 5 hour energy shots, or some generic equivalent. I also generally drink coffee, and I'm a cream snob. The only thing I can cream a coffee with is Heavy Whipping Cream. I like the Iced Mocha coffees, but not the Frappes. Gotta keep up with the kids somehow.

Booze. I don't get to do this as regular as I'd like, but it's a goal. I like my vodka distilled from grapes (Ciroc) or potatoes, and straight, warm, no chaser. I also really seem to be digging this Zombie rum drink (it's blue). It's a good fruity beverage.

Question 14: What is your favorite book?

Book that changed my attitude about life? Probably the Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff. Favorite book for entertainment? I Just Want to Pee Alone, Moms Who Drink and Swear, Let's Pretend this Never Happened (by the Bloggess) and Jenny's Musings of a 20 something mom (Holdin Holden), though I usually do enjoy reading about numbers (special interest) like the Biography of Zero, but mom bloggers make me laugh. Favorite book to study? The Bible. I don't read it like most Christians. I like studying the history, the culture of the time, the people, the stories, and their influence on the world. Women in the Bibles for Dummies is one of my favorite books.

Question 15:  Would you like to be a pirate?

Yes and no. I get sea sick and I'm really accustomed to a pampered life, so if I'm a pirate, I will have to steal a Carnival Cruise Ship. This is not a bad ambition. I just have to design my flag and save up a bunch of money since I don't want to get blown up by the military (hard to hide a carnival cruise ship). Plus I'm going to need lots of gas and supplies like rum. So, I'm probably going to need a very very big piggy bank.

Question 16: What are your favorite smells?

Aqua Velva. It's what my dad wore when he was alive. I also like, and wear, Victoria Secret's Love Spell. For the house, I do a lot of vanilla related scents, but I prefer Cinnamon.

Question 17: Why do you blog?

I used to do a lot of ghostwriting for money, usually about things like money, taxes, business, fashion... I was getting burned out with it. I kind of wanted a place to write about whatever I wanted to write about without any writer's guidelines I have to follow or deadlines. A place where I can misplace a comma and say the fuck word. Also, I've been meaning to write more about autism. Being on the spectrum, but also learning about normal people, I'm kind of a hybrid. Maybe I can contribute to society with this (as a means to make up for all the jail time I probably should have had).

Question 18: What song do you want played at your funeral?

TAPS, Bette Midler's Wind Beneath my Wings, Ave Maria, Twila Paris The Warrior is a Child, My mom's song Love Shines Through (the most important one), and MC Hammer's Can't Touch This. Okay, add Queen's Another One Bites the Dust.

This is a video of my mom's song. Listen to the lyrics... Yes, that's her singing and playing the keyboard. Yeah, my sister and I taught her how to multi-task, like a boss. You can see why this song is to be played at my funeral, no exceptions, no excuses. I may be dead, but my love carries on.

Question 19: What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

I talk too much, and I'm lazy, and I lack discipline and follow through. Was that me talkin? Or my father?

Question 20: What is your favorite hobby?

Now, blogging. I used to play the piano, paint pictures, sketch, write poetry... but then I had children.

Question 21: What do you look for in a friend?

Don't be fake. Keep it real. Be you. And make some time for me. I struggle here with the kids. My schedule sucks. I'm a shitty inflexible friend at this point, so I need some patience, understanding, and someone who will come visit me without expecting me to drag my kids to their place. Oh, and because I have children, no illegal narcotics, sex offenders, nor anything that will put my children in danger.

Question 22: Name something you've done that you never thought you'd do.

Join the military.. and even crazier, have kids. I forever was the woman who wasn't going to have kids. I was supposed to have cats. I was supposed to be the crazy cat lady who hadn't gotten laid in years living in a house all the neighborhood children dared each other to approach on Halloween. Somehow, I ended up with a husband, kids and a fish. 

Question 23: What are your favorite things to do?

Get away. Travel. Don't get to do that much. And Sleep. Don't get to do that much either. Vodka. Pathetic, I know. 

Question 24: Any pet peeves?

Do not build a pyramid of trash on the top of the trash can and walk away. Seriously, take the bag outside, tie it, and reline the can. It's not that hard unless you are trying to throw away a dirty poopy diaper while doing this like I do.

Question 25: What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Insane in the mombrain's post about rocket science.


TAG YOU'RE IT

Insane in the Mom-Brain
Mary Tyler Mom
Holdin Holden
Counting Caballeros
Bitches in the Burbs
Hot Mess Mom
Honey Badger Press
Kelley's Break Room
Two Too Smart Smartass Mommies
PaRANThood

Rules:

Answer the questions in a blog, and then tag ten bloggers.

To make things easy on you ladies I tagged, so you are more apt to do this because well, I kind of want to read it, but here's the questions so you can just copy and paste without answers. Note: None of you guys on my list need to tell me when you do this because I follow you all, so I'll know LOL.

PS I know typing out the word Question seems redundant, but for whatever reason, my brain did it that way.

Question 1: Where were you born?

Question 2: Were you named after someone?

Question 3: If you have children, how many do you have?

Question 4: How many pets do you have?

Question 5: What was your worst injury?

Question 6: Do you have a special talent?

Question 7: What's your favorite thing to bake?

Question 8: What's your favorite fast food?

Question 9: Would you bungee jump?

Question 10: What's the first thing you notice about people?

Question 11: When was the last time you cried?

Question 12: Any current worries?

Question 13: Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.

Question 14: What is your favorite book?

Question 15:  Would you like to be a pirate?

Question 16: What are your favorite smells?

Question 17: Why do you blog?

Question 18: What song do you want played at your funeral?

Question 19: What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

Question 20: What is your favorite hobby?

Question 21: What do you look for in a friend?

Question 22: Name something you've done that you never thought you'd do.

Question 23: What are your favorite things to do?

Question 24: Any pet peeves?

Question 25: What was the last thing that made you laugh?