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Crumpets and Bollocks: My super crazy violent sex dream about Obama

My super crazy violent sex dream about Obama

This was my post today on my friend's Facebook page. I don't want it to get lost in a newsfeed, like I want to be able to find it again and read it again another day, so I'm blogging it too.

Warning, it's crazy.... It was one of those dreams that eventually morphed where the whole thing changes and I'm not sure how. But the beginning part I was Obama's girlfriend. He and I would sneak off into rooms and it was just assumed naughty things happened though they didn't actually happen. Most of the dream was us two flirting very badly with each other, like think of the cheesiest pick up lines imaginable, and we were using that. 

Then these women, big burly women with incredibly long hair, 3 of them, they looked like the wicked step sister off of Shrek, including man voices, well they started shooting at everyone. No one was injured. I helped this old lady maid on the basement sneak people up a bunch of flights, like the White house had like 37 floors to it in my dream, to a different floor, a safe floor, through some secret maid thing in the public bathroom, like a laundroshoot going down to a public bathroom. 

Then I found Barack and he and I fled the scene for his protection, like I was his secret service body guard. I'm trying to find some weapon to have because secret service bodyguards usually carry weapons right? We were somewhere on a street in a building getting ready for a press conference about the violent women when it dawned on me, there's an Army Guard Armory across the street. 

So we go over there so I can obtain an M16. I tell the dude I'm a vet and with Presidential orders, he hands me an M16 and I request 5 mags and some ammo. He's like "really? 5 mags to shoot 3 targets? And you think you'd qualify with that?" I'm like "Dude, give me a break. It's been years since I've been in and I have to pee." Then I looked at Obama and was like, "Would it by any chance affect our friendship whatsoever if you were aware that I totally peed myself just to hit the bad guys?" He's like, "No it wouldn't in the slightest." Isn't he nice? Then it dawned on me, they had a bathroom in the armory, so I grabbed the 5 mags to fill in the bathroom while I went. They were like, "You still need 5?" I was like, "I'm about to pee like Austin Powers after a deep freeze, I need something to do." 

So then I fill them up, I go on the street and find a great position because I knew the bad crazy manly women were about to turn the corner. I lay down on my tummy because I shoot best from that position. 

Then the dream skips forward where it totally turned around and I'm talking to the media. I did save the day I guess. But the media wasn't interested in that. They were interested in my relationship with Obama. I was swearing we didn't have anything shy of a professional relationship. Then I was like "Think about it people. You are so quick to assume things. Who have I been cooking with? Gardening with? Helping her pick out her clothes for every major function? My romantic relationship was not with Barack, but Michelle the whole time. Duh." 

Then it was a big deal, like is it actually cheating for two married women to be together? Where's the line drawn with "best friends?" 

That was my dream. I hope the secret service finds this message, reads it to the President, and they all laugh and invite me to some major event that's invite only where I can meet these people, just for the awkwardness now. Since that won't happen, I hope you laugh because I woke up LMAO.

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Crumpets and Bollocks: My super crazy violent sex dream about Obama

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

My super crazy violent sex dream about Obama

This was my post today on my friend's Facebook page. I don't want it to get lost in a newsfeed, like I want to be able to find it again and read it again another day, so I'm blogging it too.

Warning, it's crazy.... It was one of those dreams that eventually morphed where the whole thing changes and I'm not sure how. But the beginning part I was Obama's girlfriend. He and I would sneak off into rooms and it was just assumed naughty things happened though they didn't actually happen. Most of the dream was us two flirting very badly with each other, like think of the cheesiest pick up lines imaginable, and we were using that. 

Then these women, big burly women with incredibly long hair, 3 of them, they looked like the wicked step sister off of Shrek, including man voices, well they started shooting at everyone. No one was injured. I helped this old lady maid on the basement sneak people up a bunch of flights, like the White house had like 37 floors to it in my dream, to a different floor, a safe floor, through some secret maid thing in the public bathroom, like a laundroshoot going down to a public bathroom. 

Then I found Barack and he and I fled the scene for his protection, like I was his secret service body guard. I'm trying to find some weapon to have because secret service bodyguards usually carry weapons right? We were somewhere on a street in a building getting ready for a press conference about the violent women when it dawned on me, there's an Army Guard Armory across the street. 

So we go over there so I can obtain an M16. I tell the dude I'm a vet and with Presidential orders, he hands me an M16 and I request 5 mags and some ammo. He's like "really? 5 mags to shoot 3 targets? And you think you'd qualify with that?" I'm like "Dude, give me a break. It's been years since I've been in and I have to pee." Then I looked at Obama and was like, "Would it by any chance affect our friendship whatsoever if you were aware that I totally peed myself just to hit the bad guys?" He's like, "No it wouldn't in the slightest." Isn't he nice? Then it dawned on me, they had a bathroom in the armory, so I grabbed the 5 mags to fill in the bathroom while I went. They were like, "You still need 5?" I was like, "I'm about to pee like Austin Powers after a deep freeze, I need something to do." 

So then I fill them up, I go on the street and find a great position because I knew the bad crazy manly women were about to turn the corner. I lay down on my tummy because I shoot best from that position. 

Then the dream skips forward where it totally turned around and I'm talking to the media. I did save the day I guess. But the media wasn't interested in that. They were interested in my relationship with Obama. I was swearing we didn't have anything shy of a professional relationship. Then I was like "Think about it people. You are so quick to assume things. Who have I been cooking with? Gardening with? Helping her pick out her clothes for every major function? My romantic relationship was not with Barack, but Michelle the whole time. Duh." 

Then it was a big deal, like is it actually cheating for two married women to be together? Where's the line drawn with "best friends?" 

That was my dream. I hope the secret service finds this message, reads it to the President, and they all laugh and invite me to some major event that's invite only where I can meet these people, just for the awkwardness now. Since that won't happen, I hope you laugh because I woke up LMAO.

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