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Crumpets and Bollocks: This year I resolve to make better resolutions...

This year I resolve to make better resolutions...

Resolution. Say that enough times and it sounds like a cleaning product. Like "To remove the stain, just dip the shirt in a 40 proof resolution and let it sit for a year." Isn't that what we normally metaphorically do anyway? Like in my experience and observations, New Year's is a time where we get really shitty drunk, dream a wish list of what we'd like to do with our bad selves this year, and really do very little to achieve it. Some people might have a little guilt over it, but most people I don't think feel it, the guilt, for not following through... I don't.

Honestly think about most people's resolutions. Who the fuck wakes up thinking, "God, I really really SUPER BAD more than sex want to pay off my debts?" Most of the time, they just want financial stability and are trying to take the most responsible route thinking it will get them there. Who really wants to diet? "Oh, let me deprive myself of my most favorite foods because..." No wonder diets don't work. Nobody wants to do that. We just want to feel pretty. Or maybe boost confidence. Or maybe improve our health. Most people's resolutions suck. So do mine. Mine suck big hairy donkey balls. I don't get much accomplished with it, and what little I do is very slow moving, like I'm constantly living in the "instant replay" state.

DEFINING IT

I decided to look up resolution's definition (even though I really do know what it means), and I got this on the top of Google.

res·o·lu·tion  

/ˌrezəˈlo͞oSHən/
Noun
  1. A firm decision to do or not to do something.
  2. A formal expression of opinion or intention agreed on by a legislative body, committee, or other formal meeting, typically after taking...

Synonyms
decision - determination - resolve - solution

Basically, it's a DECISION
And here I thought they were more like the objectives at the beginning chapter of a textbook

Another definition of resolution (copied and pasted from about.com) is also "a measurement of the output quality of an image, usually in terms of samples, pixels, dots, or lines per inch.... High resolution would be an image intended for print, generally having 300 samples per inch or more. Low resolution refers to images only intended for screen display, generally having 100 pixels per inch or less." My guess is you go lower resolution for screen display because it's less memory and faster loading.

Basically here it's a MEASUREMENT

HOW WE DO

So back to resolutions, usually I am the type to NOT make any on New Years. I seem to like to make mine every other month. Even worse, I drag the hubs into it most of the time. But I guess that's actually a good thing, talking about family goals as a family and working to achieve them as a family... I think doing them regularly through the year gives you a better chance of getting them done because you are constantly re-approaching the subject.

Yeah some of my resolutions are selfish ones. Personal resolutions. I look in the mirror and think, "I'm getting too skinny, I need to gain 10 pounds," and then another time I'll look in the mirror and think I should lose 10 pounds (like now). Sometimes I say, "I want to read this book." That one I usually don't get to do. Others include, "I'm going to cuss less, clean more, be more positive, try new sexual things on the hubs..."

Then there's the relationship ones. These ones are usually more a Honey Do Resolution List. For some strange reason when I think about the shit that needs to be done to improve my relationship, I can ONLY think of the things the hubs needs to do. Now to be fair, I do sometimes SOMETIMES ask him if there's anything he'd like me to work on. These usually aren't big deals to do, but a big deal to me that they aren't done, things like, "Listen to me when I talk to you, don't spend big purchases behind my back, don't lie to me..." His is usually the same thing for me, which he only had the balls to flat out say it once, "Stop being such a bitch." Okay, I can work on that, IF you give me what I want.

Then there's the family ones. This is the bulk of our regular resolutions in my household. These are things like the children's health (things that aren't life threatening, and we want to make sure it never will be), their education outside of the school, cleaning the house, and the big one. THE BIG ONE. Money. Saving, Spending, WISHING...

THE FLAWS TO MY MADNESS

Okay, so while it's awesome I'm sitting here making resolutions every month to where all I have to be concerned about on the New Years is the drinking part, there are some flaws to this.

My long term goals and the big picture often get overlooked. I know what I should be doing, but do I really ever think about where I want to be in 5 years? I have a hard time with this usually because in 5 years, I don't know what kind of person I'm going to be. It's hard to make decisions for your future self, especially when you are a very unpredictable person with an even more unpredictable life.

Example, 4 years ago from this day, I had 2 kids and not 3. My husband had a good job, and then he got laid off and nothing after that was decent until they were able to hire him back. I was also thinking about leaving him, on a very serious level. In fact, 4 years ago to this time, my New Years Eve was spent as follows...

My husband never cooks. His sister was staying long term with us. She's an evil bitch cunt whore. I was unaware of this at the time. They decide they wanted to attempt dinner. Fine. Please. With 2 kids who don't sleep and the sleep nazi husband (he literally would never let me sleep and actually believed when he was sleeping that I was too so then I must be sleeping too much to want to nap during the day too, even though that nap was my sleep FOR the 24 hour day), I needed a nap. I don't know what they did, but every pot and pan was dirty. They at some point used a blender without the lid, for what I'm not sure. What did they make? Chicken. Baked Chicken and a pasta salad.

Now I had 12 drumsticks in the freezer. They decided to only make 6 of them. Six drumsticks to feed 3 adults and 2 children. I didn't get any chicken because the one piece they left for me, one of the kids wanted it. So I try the pasta salad. I got me a very small serving, like enough to fork out 5 bites. The kind of serving you would serve yourself at a dinner party of important people you really are trying to impress. It was actually delicious. I wanted a regular helping after that, and my husband says to me, "Um, I need that for work tomorrow."

So I left the house pissed. Don't deny me food. I cooked for his ass giving him the big piece of meat for years. The ONE time he cooks, I'm not allowed any? And worse part was, NOTHING was open. I couldn't get a McDonalds cheeseburger or anything because New Year's Eve. So I drove about a half hour north on the interstate to my town, met my friend and got shitty drunk. I wanted to cheat on my husband that night, but I couldn't find a guy I could stomach taking home with me. So instead, I got really drunk and I didn't get home until like 8 or 9 AM because I had to sober up sleeping on my friend's sofa. I tried very hard to make it sound like I could have been cheating. He didn't seem to care. I also emphasized that I got drunk so fast because I was drinking on an EMPTY STOMACH.

So yeah, I was thinking about leaving him. Over a lot of things but the food was the last straw. I actually started saving for it, and that's the money we lived off of when he got laid off. Then I was pregnant with the third kid, who I think God is her father and not my husband, like the Immaculate Conception of the Whore, but either way, that kind of made me stuck with him and he's actually improved since this to where I'm glad I did.
Now 5 years ago, he had just separated from the military with no job (beginning of December 5 years ago). We did that on purpose because I was 9 months pregnant, 4.5 cm dilated, when he separated and we lost Tricare that day. They are not an insurance but a military entitlement, so they didn't have to cover the rest of that pregnancy. The only way we were going to do it was medical card, and being married, any job would have interfered with that. Of course, I had the baby and he was looking for work. It took about 2 months to find a job, and then a month later his unemployment from the military would have finally kicked in had he not had a new job by then. Bastards. Anyway, we were very broke. Plus the moving expenses of everything going wrong that could possibly go wrong and Christmas had us into the negative broke. Our resolutions during that time was simply to find a job and move to a nicer place. Financial Stability. I think that's something every person dreams of having.

Like the difference between 5 years ago and now is a lifetime. How could I fucking possibly plan for 5 years from now? Would we be in a better position now had I thought about it 5 years ago? Probably not. Like what's the point? Well the point is some day I'd really like to own my own house I built on my property, some day, and maybe have some chickens and a horse, and maybe a goat, and I totally want to travel with the kids. That's NEVER going to happen unless I work 5 to 10 years (and then some) on achieving that, and a solid plan, very focused. Otherwise, it's just a dream I mention on a regular basis as something we need to focus on.

My other flaw to my resolutions, I don't plan for the unknown enough. We keep a spare tire because we expect the flat. To an extent, all my plans always expect things to go wrong. BUT things always go wrong and to a level of extreme chaos. Crazy shit that nobody could see coming. Is it this shitty economy? Maybe. Or maybe it's the curse of Angelina from high school. Or my family curse when ancestors pissed off Ireland (I still need to research that) and fled to the states to save their life (according to rumors). Either way, I think a lot of times we resolve to follow through with a plan, a poorly laid out plan, and then we wonder why we didn't follow through, or things didn't work out the way we expected. At least I tend to do that. I need to think deeper about what I really want and to word my shit in a way to focus on what i really want. Then develop more than one plan to achieve it because I need more room for flexibility. A versatile resolution.



A resolution is supposed to be a decision, usually something we resolve to do or not do. A decision to VERB. But, it's also a measurement in computer world. A measurement of output, the RESULTS. I think from now on, I'm going to focus on results. I make decisions daily, including decisions to do shit I don't want to do. I don't need to resolve to do that. I need to focus.

So this year's New Year Resolution for me is simply to make better resolutions. Focus on what I really truly want as opposed to focusing on a plan I think will get me there. Then create not one plan to get me what I want, but like 3 of them, and take the worst plan and make that Plan A because Plan A never works. Then take the best one and make that Plan C because third time is a charm. Of course, don't get attached to the plan. Stay attached to the purpose. 

I think the trick is to be honest with yourself. Are these things really what YOU want or what you think others want?  What exact RESULT do you really want, and are there other ways to get there? Better ways to get there?

1. Lose Weight  Find beauty in my own self and stop giving a fuck what other people think
2. Be a Better Wife  Build self-confidence
3. Clean my House More Change things around so I don't have to clean all the damn time
4. Spend more time with my children Spend more QUALITY time with my children
5. Create a Savings Have a financial back-up plan.
6. Pay off debts Reduce financial worries

7. What am I going to do? What do I really want? Now, what are some different ways to get that?

So instead of saying, "Lose Weight," I would say, "Feel Beautiful." Losing weight would be Plan C to get there, and as I think of other plans, I probably would shift it to Plan A because that's probably the worst plan to get you what you really want, so stick that one in the one you intend to let fail.

January 1, 2013 Resolutions the VERB:
1. Make better resolutions
2. Drink alcohol on New Year's Eve
3. Eat pork and cabbage on New Year's Day
4. Get laid somewhere through all that

As far as my real resolutions, I'm still working on that list. Maybe this time it won't change month to month as life happens because I still will want it every month until it's crossed off the list.

I bid you adieu with this New Year's Tip: Avoid New Year's hangover by not drinking so much New Years Eve; I'm kidding, I could barely type that with a straight face. Just take some Motrin at some point before you pass out (use the bottle's recommended dosage).

Don't Drink and Drive. Now that's a DECISION that can save lives and prevent shit from happening.

Labels: , ,

Crumpets and Bollocks: This year I resolve to make better resolutions...

Monday, December 31, 2012

This year I resolve to make better resolutions...

Resolution. Say that enough times and it sounds like a cleaning product. Like "To remove the stain, just dip the shirt in a 40 proof resolution and let it sit for a year." Isn't that what we normally metaphorically do anyway? Like in my experience and observations, New Year's is a time where we get really shitty drunk, dream a wish list of what we'd like to do with our bad selves this year, and really do very little to achieve it. Some people might have a little guilt over it, but most people I don't think feel it, the guilt, for not following through... I don't.

Honestly think about most people's resolutions. Who the fuck wakes up thinking, "God, I really really SUPER BAD more than sex want to pay off my debts?" Most of the time, they just want financial stability and are trying to take the most responsible route thinking it will get them there. Who really wants to diet? "Oh, let me deprive myself of my most favorite foods because..." No wonder diets don't work. Nobody wants to do that. We just want to feel pretty. Or maybe boost confidence. Or maybe improve our health. Most people's resolutions suck. So do mine. Mine suck big hairy donkey balls. I don't get much accomplished with it, and what little I do is very slow moving, like I'm constantly living in the "instant replay" state.

DEFINING IT

I decided to look up resolution's definition (even though I really do know what it means), and I got this on the top of Google.

res·o·lu·tion  

/ˌrezəˈlo͞oSHən/
Noun
  1. A firm decision to do or not to do something.
  2. A formal expression of opinion or intention agreed on by a legislative body, committee, or other formal meeting, typically after taking...

Synonyms
decision - determination - resolve - solution

Basically, it's a DECISION
And here I thought they were more like the objectives at the beginning chapter of a textbook

Another definition of resolution (copied and pasted from about.com) is also "a measurement of the output quality of an image, usually in terms of samples, pixels, dots, or lines per inch.... High resolution would be an image intended for print, generally having 300 samples per inch or more. Low resolution refers to images only intended for screen display, generally having 100 pixels per inch or less." My guess is you go lower resolution for screen display because it's less memory and faster loading.

Basically here it's a MEASUREMENT

HOW WE DO

So back to resolutions, usually I am the type to NOT make any on New Years. I seem to like to make mine every other month. Even worse, I drag the hubs into it most of the time. But I guess that's actually a good thing, talking about family goals as a family and working to achieve them as a family... I think doing them regularly through the year gives you a better chance of getting them done because you are constantly re-approaching the subject.

Yeah some of my resolutions are selfish ones. Personal resolutions. I look in the mirror and think, "I'm getting too skinny, I need to gain 10 pounds," and then another time I'll look in the mirror and think I should lose 10 pounds (like now). Sometimes I say, "I want to read this book." That one I usually don't get to do. Others include, "I'm going to cuss less, clean more, be more positive, try new sexual things on the hubs..."

Then there's the relationship ones. These ones are usually more a Honey Do Resolution List. For some strange reason when I think about the shit that needs to be done to improve my relationship, I can ONLY think of the things the hubs needs to do. Now to be fair, I do sometimes SOMETIMES ask him if there's anything he'd like me to work on. These usually aren't big deals to do, but a big deal to me that they aren't done, things like, "Listen to me when I talk to you, don't spend big purchases behind my back, don't lie to me..." His is usually the same thing for me, which he only had the balls to flat out say it once, "Stop being such a bitch." Okay, I can work on that, IF you give me what I want.

Then there's the family ones. This is the bulk of our regular resolutions in my household. These are things like the children's health (things that aren't life threatening, and we want to make sure it never will be), their education outside of the school, cleaning the house, and the big one. THE BIG ONE. Money. Saving, Spending, WISHING...

THE FLAWS TO MY MADNESS

Okay, so while it's awesome I'm sitting here making resolutions every month to where all I have to be concerned about on the New Years is the drinking part, there are some flaws to this.

My long term goals and the big picture often get overlooked. I know what I should be doing, but do I really ever think about where I want to be in 5 years? I have a hard time with this usually because in 5 years, I don't know what kind of person I'm going to be. It's hard to make decisions for your future self, especially when you are a very unpredictable person with an even more unpredictable life.

Example, 4 years ago from this day, I had 2 kids and not 3. My husband had a good job, and then he got laid off and nothing after that was decent until they were able to hire him back. I was also thinking about leaving him, on a very serious level. In fact, 4 years ago to this time, my New Years Eve was spent as follows...

My husband never cooks. His sister was staying long term with us. She's an evil bitch cunt whore. I was unaware of this at the time. They decide they wanted to attempt dinner. Fine. Please. With 2 kids who don't sleep and the sleep nazi husband (he literally would never let me sleep and actually believed when he was sleeping that I was too so then I must be sleeping too much to want to nap during the day too, even though that nap was my sleep FOR the 24 hour day), I needed a nap. I don't know what they did, but every pot and pan was dirty. They at some point used a blender without the lid, for what I'm not sure. What did they make? Chicken. Baked Chicken and a pasta salad.

Now I had 12 drumsticks in the freezer. They decided to only make 6 of them. Six drumsticks to feed 3 adults and 2 children. I didn't get any chicken because the one piece they left for me, one of the kids wanted it. So I try the pasta salad. I got me a very small serving, like enough to fork out 5 bites. The kind of serving you would serve yourself at a dinner party of important people you really are trying to impress. It was actually delicious. I wanted a regular helping after that, and my husband says to me, "Um, I need that for work tomorrow."

So I left the house pissed. Don't deny me food. I cooked for his ass giving him the big piece of meat for years. The ONE time he cooks, I'm not allowed any? And worse part was, NOTHING was open. I couldn't get a McDonalds cheeseburger or anything because New Year's Eve. So I drove about a half hour north on the interstate to my town, met my friend and got shitty drunk. I wanted to cheat on my husband that night, but I couldn't find a guy I could stomach taking home with me. So instead, I got really drunk and I didn't get home until like 8 or 9 AM because I had to sober up sleeping on my friend's sofa. I tried very hard to make it sound like I could have been cheating. He didn't seem to care. I also emphasized that I got drunk so fast because I was drinking on an EMPTY STOMACH.

So yeah, I was thinking about leaving him. Over a lot of things but the food was the last straw. I actually started saving for it, and that's the money we lived off of when he got laid off. Then I was pregnant with the third kid, who I think God is her father and not my husband, like the Immaculate Conception of the Whore, but either way, that kind of made me stuck with him and he's actually improved since this to where I'm glad I did.
Now 5 years ago, he had just separated from the military with no job (beginning of December 5 years ago). We did that on purpose because I was 9 months pregnant, 4.5 cm dilated, when he separated and we lost Tricare that day. They are not an insurance but a military entitlement, so they didn't have to cover the rest of that pregnancy. The only way we were going to do it was medical card, and being married, any job would have interfered with that. Of course, I had the baby and he was looking for work. It took about 2 months to find a job, and then a month later his unemployment from the military would have finally kicked in had he not had a new job by then. Bastards. Anyway, we were very broke. Plus the moving expenses of everything going wrong that could possibly go wrong and Christmas had us into the negative broke. Our resolutions during that time was simply to find a job and move to a nicer place. Financial Stability. I think that's something every person dreams of having.

Like the difference between 5 years ago and now is a lifetime. How could I fucking possibly plan for 5 years from now? Would we be in a better position now had I thought about it 5 years ago? Probably not. Like what's the point? Well the point is some day I'd really like to own my own house I built on my property, some day, and maybe have some chickens and a horse, and maybe a goat, and I totally want to travel with the kids. That's NEVER going to happen unless I work 5 to 10 years (and then some) on achieving that, and a solid plan, very focused. Otherwise, it's just a dream I mention on a regular basis as something we need to focus on.

My other flaw to my resolutions, I don't plan for the unknown enough. We keep a spare tire because we expect the flat. To an extent, all my plans always expect things to go wrong. BUT things always go wrong and to a level of extreme chaos. Crazy shit that nobody could see coming. Is it this shitty economy? Maybe. Or maybe it's the curse of Angelina from high school. Or my family curse when ancestors pissed off Ireland (I still need to research that) and fled to the states to save their life (according to rumors). Either way, I think a lot of times we resolve to follow through with a plan, a poorly laid out plan, and then we wonder why we didn't follow through, or things didn't work out the way we expected. At least I tend to do that. I need to think deeper about what I really want and to word my shit in a way to focus on what i really want. Then develop more than one plan to achieve it because I need more room for flexibility. A versatile resolution.



A resolution is supposed to be a decision, usually something we resolve to do or not do. A decision to VERB. But, it's also a measurement in computer world. A measurement of output, the RESULTS. I think from now on, I'm going to focus on results. I make decisions daily, including decisions to do shit I don't want to do. I don't need to resolve to do that. I need to focus.

So this year's New Year Resolution for me is simply to make better resolutions. Focus on what I really truly want as opposed to focusing on a plan I think will get me there. Then create not one plan to get me what I want, but like 3 of them, and take the worst plan and make that Plan A because Plan A never works. Then take the best one and make that Plan C because third time is a charm. Of course, don't get attached to the plan. Stay attached to the purpose. 

I think the trick is to be honest with yourself. Are these things really what YOU want or what you think others want?  What exact RESULT do you really want, and are there other ways to get there? Better ways to get there?

1. Lose Weight  Find beauty in my own self and stop giving a fuck what other people think
2. Be a Better Wife  Build self-confidence
3. Clean my House More Change things around so I don't have to clean all the damn time
4. Spend more time with my children Spend more QUALITY time with my children
5. Create a Savings Have a financial back-up plan.
6. Pay off debts Reduce financial worries

7. What am I going to do? What do I really want? Now, what are some different ways to get that?

So instead of saying, "Lose Weight," I would say, "Feel Beautiful." Losing weight would be Plan C to get there, and as I think of other plans, I probably would shift it to Plan A because that's probably the worst plan to get you what you really want, so stick that one in the one you intend to let fail.

January 1, 2013 Resolutions the VERB:
1. Make better resolutions
2. Drink alcohol on New Year's Eve
3. Eat pork and cabbage on New Year's Day
4. Get laid somewhere through all that

As far as my real resolutions, I'm still working on that list. Maybe this time it won't change month to month as life happens because I still will want it every month until it's crossed off the list.

I bid you adieu with this New Year's Tip: Avoid New Year's hangover by not drinking so much New Years Eve; I'm kidding, I could barely type that with a straight face. Just take some Motrin at some point before you pass out (use the bottle's recommended dosage).

Don't Drink and Drive. Now that's a DECISION that can save lives and prevent shit from happening.

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